“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” ~ Helen Keller
Security is one of the most basic human needs, after all, and most people value security because feeling secure feels good.
But is it possible that your need for security is actually inhibiting your ability to have the life you truly want?
For inspiration, take a look at most of the successful self-made people in the world. You’ll notice that many of them had to endure a whole bunch of insecurity along the the way. Yep, even your everyday, average self-made millionaire probably went broke more than a few times on the way to success.
Most of us crave financial security, but how many of us would be willing to put ourselves in situations where we might end up broke, just to achieve that security? Do these successful people have less need to feel safe? Perhaps they simply see security differently.
Take me for example. I left the corporate world in 2005 to begin a freelance writing career–which, since then, has led me to a place where I’m doing what I love for a living and bringing in more income than I ever did in my corporate jobs.
I’m not a millionaire (yet!), but I’m comfortable, I have most of the things I want and I don’t struggle to pay the bills. And most of all, I’m really, really happy to be getting paid to do what I love.
Here’s the secret.
Most very successful people feel secure the majority of the time. They’re secure in themselves and in their abilities. They always have those two things available to them, regardless of their external events. Not having enough money is just a temporary nuisance. While not ideal, it’s nothing to get bent out of shape about–try focusing on abundance instead.
Risk vs. Reward
Many people would feel more secure with $250,000 in the bank, a house that’s paid off, a stable job, and health insurance–but only a small percentage of people actually have this kind of security at this moment in time.
And to achieve the things that make us feel secure, the fastest path is usually to take action that might create a feeling of insecurity in the short-term. Taking some risk may be necessary to create a life that’s full of security.
As with many things, security frequently comes down to risk vs. reward.
Starting your own business might be “risky.” You might go broke. You might have to sleep on your friend’s couch. But is that really the end of the world? Did you know that Sylvester Stallone was completely broke and his wife was pregnant when he was trying to sell his script for Rocky?
He even turned down $200,000 for the script because that particular film company wouldn’t let him star in the movie. He ultimately took less for the script, just to be able to be in the movie because he knew it was worth the risk. Stallone is now worth over $275 million.
Would you have taken the same chance? If your sense of security came from within you, then yes!
Inner vs. External Security
So, how can you change so that your feeling of security comes from inside you rather than from the outside? First, you need to simply decide that you’re going to perceive things differently. You also need to believe that you have the capacity to handle any bumps that occur along the way. That’s it! Just those two things are all you need.
Avoid letting your need for security undermine the achievement of your dreams.
If you feel the need to wait until all of your needs for security are met before you chase your dreams, you’re likely to run out of time first. Ask yourself if you really need all of those external things to feel secure. Then go get some real security.
Do you feel secure in yourself and your life? Tell me what you think.
Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy.
She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.