As we pursue our individual personal goals and fulfillment, we are often faced with stresses and anxieties. Remaining positive can certainly be a challenge at times, but we can develop techniques and tricks that can help us to “accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative…”
How many times have you started out your day in a most positive and happy mood, only to have it crushed by some negative Ned or Nellie pooping on your parade? I know that it’s happened to me far too many times. And in the past, I would definitely let it affect me. Some days, an unhappy morning or a close call in traffic would cause the rest of the day to go downhill.
Now, I ask you, do you think this means that I was cursed on those days, or that the day itself was just “bad”? I used to wonder, but now I’ve come to understand something new. We get what we expect, and our thoughts become things. Not just material things, but also events and occurrences. Therefore, if I stub my toe as I get out of bed and think to myself, “Oh great, I can tell this is going to be a terrible day,” most likely, the day will be terrible. However, if I decide that it’s going to be a great day, and maybe even throw in a little thanks for the piece of furniture on which I stubbed said toe, you can bet that things will go my way.
How can I be so sure, you ask? Can I provide proof? Yep, you betcha. But I’ll need to ask you to do a little experiment for me in order to do so. Try this tomorrow. When you wake up, before your feet even hit the floor, tell yourself that only good things are coming your way. Tell yourself that you CAN and that you WILL live your dream. Tell yourself that health, wealth, and happiness are attracted to you.
When you get up, continue your positive thoughts. Anytime you feel a negative thought coming on, “cancel” that thought in your head and replace it with a positive one–one that affirms your true desires. You can do this in the form of prayer or just as an “affirmation”, whichever is more comfortable for you.
Continue this thought monitoring process throughout the day, and as you lay down to sleep, honestly assess your day. I believe that you’ll have the proof you need.
Now, on to the topic at hand. Dealing with anxieties and stresses can sometimes make it difficult to keep our heads going in a positive direction. Here’s a technique you can try to help you stay on the right track.
The next time you find yourself struggling to stay positive, think of a place you love. This place should be peaceful and calm, and one that makes you feel happy. For some, this might be at the beach or in the forest, while others might find they’d prefer their front porch or Grandma’s kitchen table. Wherever your safe place is, take a little soul vacation there, even for just a few seconds, each time you find yourself feeling the pressure of your day. This is a great way to distract yourself and get a sense of peace before moving on with your day, hopefully in a more positive direction.
Or, if you find that you can’t get past that overwhelmed, I-gotta-have-a-break-or-I’ll-go-crazy feeling, consider taking a weekend vacation. Maybe even alone, if you can manage it. Something that works for one friend of mine is to book herself a hotel room for a night. She will leave the kids with her husband or parents and just relax for the evening. She’ll sleep in the next morning, have breakfast in bed, and then arrive home before noon, refreshed and ready to go.
My husband and I like to visit bed and breakfast places. We don’t get to do this very often at the moment, but it is certainly a fun and romantic escape when we can. This might be an option you’d enjoy too–and spending quality time with your best friend is almost as important as spending time with yourself. Be sure to leave your kids with someone you can trust so that you don’t worry. If you don’t have family in the area, just double check references and get to know your sitter beforehand so that you feel safe.
Sure, these options could cost a few bucks, but it can be totally worth it. If these ideas don’t work in your world, ask your spouse to take the kids out for a few hours, or use my old trick: stay up later than everyone else to get a few minutes of quiet. Spending time understanding ourselves is important in our pursuit of fulfillment, because it helps us to understand who we are at the core–other than mom, wife, daughter, sister…dad, husband, son, brother…you get the idea.
So bottom line, let me wrap it up for you folks. It’s all about taking care of yourself, your soul, your mind, your body. It’s not selfish to nurture yourself, it’s wrong NOT to do so. You are not only cheating yourself out of the best life possible by not caring for yourself, you’re also cheating your loved ones out of the best you that you can be. Do yourself and your family and friends a huge favor today and take care of YOU!
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.