“If you kiss on the first date and it’s not right, then there will be no second date. Sometimes it’s better to hold out and not kiss for a long time. I am a strong believer in kissing being very intimate, and the minute you kiss, the floodgates open for everything else.” ~Jennifer Lopez
So, you’ve recovered from narcissistic abuse and now you’re looking for love. Maybe you’re just looking for something fun for now – or, you’ve been single long enough and you want something more…permanent?
In any case, if you’re not dating online, there are lots of ways to go about finding new people to date – for example, maybe you’re meeting plenty of potential dates in clubs, stores, bars, church – aka “in-person” meetings.
But if not, maybe you’re looking for love elsewhere – at work, in the neighborhood? Or maybe, you’re finally ready to get set up by a friend or a family member.
Should you let your friends or family members ‘fix you up’ with a date?
Looking for Love? This one’s for you.
Like I said, online dating sites exist and they do work. They are capable of helping you find thousands of people you would be unlikely to come across in your daily life – I happen to know a lot of married couples who’ve met that way, and there’s not one thing wrong with it. You just have to be careful, and I mean REALLY careful.
Interesting fact: 1/3 of recently married couples met online. My only other advice on that one is don’t spend too much money on it (but then you know me, I’m a cheap-skate!). But if you’re looking for something a little more traditional, you might want to consider getting set up by your friends or family members – or maybe even a co-worker.
After all, the people closest to you might have some pretty valuable insight into who would be a compatible partner for you. Here are seven strategies to get your friends to set you up on a successful date (that really works!).
Get the Hookup: 7 Surefire Strategies to Get Your Friends to Set You Up on a Successful Date
Advertise your availability.
Taking out a billboard would be extreme, but it’s okay to let your loved ones know you want to meet new suitors. That way, they can be on the lookout for you.
Let go of expectations.
We’re often unclear about how to build a lasting relationship. Relax and enjoy each other’s company on a date. If you’re compatible, the chemistry may emerge gradually.
Talk face to face.
Getting together for a cup of coffee beats texting when it comes to forming a more accurate impression of someone. Focus on real-world interactions.
Etiquette matters. It’s even more important when you have mutual friends. Smile, make eye contact and speak kindly.
Decide on a second date.
The only thing you need to figure out on most first dates is whether you would like to see each other at least one more time. If you find someone appealing, let them know.
Hire a professional.
Get a dating coach who can help you avoid toxic partners. You may also want to try working with a paid matchmaking service. Browse for options online or in your neighborhood. Study contracts carefully before signing.
A happy relationship is worth searching for if that’s what you want. And who better than your friends to help you find the right person. Even if a date does not work out, let your friends know you’re grateful for the connection anyway and that you’re still looking so they’ll keep sharing their contacts. Read about relationships and communication skills so you’ll be ready for love wherever you encounter it.
If You’re Dating After the Narcissist
More Resources for You:
Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy.
She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.