So you think you might be involved with a narcissist? Whether you’re married to a narc, you’re employed by one or you’re otherwise related to one, any sort of involvement with a narcissist or a person with narcissistic personality disorder can become incredibly toxic and overwhelming for the people who are in the position of being a narcissistic supply.
In this video, I’ll spell it all out in detail – I’m sharing 103 red-flag warning signs that you’re involved with a narcissist. Take a look and tell me what you’d add – and tell me which points resonated with you.
Here’s the thing. You’re not alone in your addiction to a narcissist. In fact, the drug-like effect narcissists have on us can feel beyond our control – we crave their approval and love.
This video is meant to help you determine whether you’re involved with a narcissist or not, and may also help you to see your own situation from a new perspective – one that doesn’t make you feel like you’re “not good enough” or “out of control.”
Often when we have the opportunity to hear how similar our toxic relationships are to others, it allows us to see things from a whole new perspective – one in which you realize that you’re NOT the problem and that it’s NOT ALWAYS your fault.
Nobody’s perfect, but that includes the narcissist – despite what he’d have you believe – and it’s normal to feel the way you do. This video might just prove that to you. When you realize what you’re dealing with, you have taken the first step to solving the problem.
Want it in writing? Here’s the list.
1. Love bombing.
2. Quickness: they sweep you off your feet early in the relationship.
3. Too good to be true.
4. Wants to know everything about you.
5. Has bad things to say about the ex. Lots of bad things – and you may even feel sorry for him because of it.
6. Claims to always be the one that has to “do all the work” in every relationship – romantic or otherwise.
7. May change jobs often.
8. Has a lot of amazing stories, though none that you witnessed first-hand.
9. Claims to be incedibly faithful to every woman he’s ever been with, but admits to a single indiscretion or error in judgment. Blames the ex, states she’s “insanely jealous” and says he feels really, really bad about it.
10. Nothing is ever his fault.
11. Makes you feel anxious or on-edge, but you still feel like you want to spend time with him/her.
12. Withholds attention/sex/love when you don’t please him.
13. Undermines your self-esteem.
14. Early in the relationship, blows up your phone and your Facebook timeline with comments, texts and “loves.”
15. Declares soulmate status too soon.
16. May compare you to exes, friends and family members. During the idealization phase, this could sound like “you’re so much better than all of these people.”
17. During the devalue and discard phases, the comparisons will be negative and used against you.
18. Lies, lies and more lies.
19. Always making excuses.
20. You can’t seem to scare them – unless you threaten to expose them.
21. Always seeking thrills or excitement – easily bored.
22. Expects to be entertained.
23. Will require you to stop whatever you’re doing to offer yourself up as supply, whenever necessary.
24. Is overly concerned with your well-being – excessively, even.
25. Controls or attempts to control you through controlling and monitoring your daily activities.
26. Tries to make you depenent on him/her by doing things for you (housework, cooking, etc.)
27. May also try to make you financially dependent.
28. May financially abuse you.
29. May expect/require you to fund his/her lifestyle
30. Wants every second of your time.
31. Constant texts and calls.
32. Can’t stand to be away from you and gets moody or distant if you deny him for LITERALLY ANY REASON.
33. Gets mad when you aren’t available “on demand”
34. Wants to be your “only” everything – meaning, friend, family member, etc.
35. Makes it hard for you to keep committments to others.
36. Eventually causes you to stop making plans or even attempting to contact others.
37. Overly and excessively critical of others in his/her life.
38. Treats his mom like crap – or like a saint.
39. Points out all the things about you that are “better than” his ex.
40. Tells you a big sob story about his life.
41. Claims to have been cheated on or abused by ex.
42. Never takes “the blame”
43. Lots of “special” accomplishments that require praise.
44. Gets testy if you aren’t overly appreciative of even the smallest things.
45. Seems to literally take everything personally.
46. Oddly and easily upset, often rude to waiters.
47. May blatantly flirt with members of the opposite sex in front of you
48. Makes lewd comments about other women/men in your presence.
49. Shows you off like a toy, or hides you away like a castoff.
50. Interrupts often.
51. Never seems to listen – always seems to be waiting until you stop talking so he can say the next thing in his head.
52. Is never on “your side.” Defends other people – even complete strangers he doesn’t even know over you. (Example, you complain about a new guy at work who is a jerk – and rather than being on your side, the narc offers up an excuse for the other guy – and explains why you’re wrong).
53. Expects 100 percent loyalty and confidentiality from you (but obviously believes he’s not required to reciprocate).
54. Always gives with “strings attached.” (Example: you’re broke and your narc dad pays your electric bill. But then he demands that you give him your firstborn’s soul, or whatever.)
55. Throws a fit or causes a scene if she’s not the center of attention at all times.
56. May be jealous of his/her own children, especially those of the same sex.
57. Will almost definitely be jealous of any step-kids and the attention their mother gives them.
58. Has an excessive need for admiration.
59. Is two-faced.
60. Can’t ever admit having done something wrong.
61. Considers himself “the punisher.” If someone agrees with a point of view opposite of his and tells him so, a narcissist will punish the messenger.
62. Treats spouse and/or children as staff or posessions.
63. Is offended by your attempt to get a little “me time.”
64. Will ask you to stop doing whatever you’re doing, regardless of its level of importance, to get your attention.
65. Will go ballistic if you’re unable to stop what you’re doing when he wants your attention.
66. May threaten to divore you or leave you if you won’t comply with his requirements.
67. Will find and poke your most sensitive areas. For example, if you are a person who feels insecure about the way you look, a narc finds subtle ways to let you know that he finds OTHERS attractive.
68. Will call you jealous and crazy every time you bring up anything at all about members of the opposite sex and uses this conditioning to make you doubt yourself when he actually does do something unacceptable.
69. Loves a good roller-coaster ride and his relationships are modeled after one. Expect a lot of highs and lows with a narcissist.
70. Might have weird sex issues or fetishes.
71. May ask you to go way outside of your comfort zome sexually and then emotionally abuse you if you refuse or become uncomfortable.
72. Acts like your thoughts and feelings aren’t real and don’t matter.
73. Makes you feel like you’re “not a real person” – especially in the case of parental narcissists.
74. Controls your money. May require you to “go without” stuff you need such as clothing and medicine in order to pay for his habits or toys.
75. May complain or act hurt when you give him or her gifts.
76. Ruins almost every weekend.
77. Ruins almost every hoiday and birthday.
78. May steal money from your family bank account in order to indulge his habits.
79. Likes to put you in a state of limbo when it comes to events you are invited to attend. Will refuse to commit either way and often won’t let you commit without his consent. (You end up looking rude and losing friends – all part of his plan.)
80. Isolates you and pushes you away from your friends.
81. Compares you to people you aren’t fond of – for example, if your mother-in-law is a hoarder and your husband is neat freak who doesn’t actually do any cleaning, he may accuse you of being a hoarder if you don’t do the laundry fast enough.
84. Yells or gets angry at you for the way you look at him/her sometimes.
85. Considers himself the supreme leader of your life. Gives you “consequences” for your “infractions” of his rules.
86. Tells you that “you need help.”
87. Holds you responsible for things you can’t control. For example, your kid didn’t make the cheerleading team and your narc blames your genetics and spends the next month treating you like crap over it.
88. Expects to be babied and coddled when he wants it.
89. Requires that you “ask no questions” and blindly trust him, often despite repeated incidents that prove that you have a reason to doubt him.
90. Will force you to be rude to (or flat-out lie to) friends and even family members at times in order to avoid having to deal with conflict due to his behaviors.
91. Always seems to be undermining literally everything you are working for.
92. Always offering up “constructive” criticism.
93. A few words or looking the wrong way for a second can cause a long and drawn out argument.
94. Admits on occasion to “fighting dirty” when he/she is “hurt” – this is an excuse for bad behavior and often thrown in with a bullshit apology during the hoovering phase.
95. Might publicly call you out for things he thinks you’re doing wrong. (Example: a Facebook post that says something rude about wives who “won’t have sex” with their husbands in which he tags you and publicy states that you’re not giving it up. Two purposes – to humiliate you and to make other women see that he’s not getting any at home so maybe they’ll feel sorry for him and secretly do him behind your back. Or whatever.)
96. May secretly or blatantly cheat on you and expect you to be okay with it. May get mad at you if you refuse and tear you apart.
97. May have inhuman-like standards for your appearance which you can never meet. May use this as an excuse to treat you like shit. (Hint: it won’t matter – if you became perfect, he’d treat you like crap because other people were too interested in you and that would take attention from HIM.)
98. Exploits people, even including his own children at times, without even considering the consequences.
99. May behave as though he’s embarrassed or ashamed of you when others are around.
100. May be insanely jealous of any and all attention you get from people of the opposite sex.
101. NEEDS you to be super-crazy-jealous and insecure in your relationship and constantly reminds you how much better he could have done.
102. Lies to you about stuff you actually witness and then calls you crazy if you call him on it.
103. Even faced with scientific proof that he/she is wrong, will continue to hang on to his POV, often accusing you of being the problem.
So that’s my list for today. What would you add? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section. Let’s discuss it!
Get more on narcissism and narcissistic abuse recovery:
Rewrite Your Story Udemy Course (this link has a 50% discount attached): https://www.udemy.com/rewrite-your-story-after-narcissistic-abuse-in-relationships/?couponCode=qb
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.