Are you worried that the narcissist in your life is about to discard you? What are the signs that a narcissist is about to dump you?
How do you know you’re about to be discarded by a narcissist?
While there is still a lot that you can learn about narcissists, certain signs of the final discard are common among narcissists and people with narcissistic personality disorder (as well as other abusers with narcissistic traits who haven’t been diagnosed). And while there does seem to be sort of a playbook for narcissistic abuse, narcissists each still have their own patterns and behaviors separate from their personality disorder.
Still, certain signs of the final discard are common among narcissists and people with narcissistic personality disorder (as well as other abusers with narcissistic traits who haven’t been diagnosed) – and they are likely to stand out if you’re looking for them. Even so, if you’re paying attention to the signs of the final discard, you will probably spot them in most cases.
What is the discard in narcissistic abuse?
The discard is part of the cycle of abuse, and it follows the devaluation period. The narcissist will start picking you apart, and if this is the first time it happens, it can feel devastating and confusing. On the other hand, if you’ve been in the relationship long enough to know the cycle, you might be prepared to hunker down and get through it as you wait for the next “good” part.
What are signs the narcissist is about to discard you?
The Narcissist’s Intermittent Reinforcement Patterns Will Change
Narcissistic abuse involves trauma bonding, which is maintained through intermittent reinforcement. That means that the narcissist is kind and cruel to you in alternating patterns. As a result, you essentially become addicted to them, much like you would any other addictive substance or behavior. This is why it’s so difficult for most survivors to walk away and leave a narcissist.
When the discard is on the way, these abusive patterns will change. The intermittent periods of devaluation will be longer and more intense than usual. In addition, the narcissist may reach new levels of disrespect, or stop being kind to you altogether before the discard. In other words, the narcissist will be making you miserable, and you’ll never or seldom have a moment of feeling loved or accepted as the discard approaches.
The Narcissist Will Go Dark
You might get the silent treatment. Or, the narcissist might get super quiet, only replying to you when it benefits them to do so. Whether the narcissist cuts off communication completely or cuts way back, you might hear from them far less often, if at all, before the discard. This might be because they are working on securing a new source of narcissistic supply or for literally any other reason. It just means they are beginning to reduce their dependence on you and could be placing it on someone else.
The Narcissist Will Betray You in New and More Painful Ways
The narcissist might cross a line they never have before. For example, they might become physically aggressive when they haven’t before. As always, they will blame you for their behavior – but please note: no matter how “terrible” they claim you’ve been, there is never an excuse for physical abuse or aggression in any relationship.
The Narcissist Will Discard You When You Stop Giving Them Narcissistic Supply
When the narcissist realizes and accepts that they cannot own you, that they can no longer dominate you, and that you will not allow them to drain you any longer, they will walk away and stay away. But truthfully, that kind of awareness is quite rare for someone who has NPD.
Remember that narcissists need your time, attention, acts of service, and several other kinds of energy from you – this is what we call narcissistic supply. So, if you stop doing things for the narcissist and stop being useful to them, the discard is sure to follow before long. That’s because the most obvious sign that you’re about to be discarded is when the narcissist starts to show you that they no longer need you.
Get help with narcissistic abuse recovery right now.
- The QueenBeeing SPANily, Official – We consider this the best narcissistic abuse recovery support group on the web. It offers several subgroups and features a vigilant, compassionate admin team full of trained coaches and survivors, supporting more than 12k members. SPAN is an acronym created by Angie Atkinson that stands for Support for People Affected by Narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships.
- Other Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups – We also have separate groups for each stage in your narcissistic abuse recovery and some for those who have moved past recovery and are evolving into the next stage of their own life. Survivors have unique and individual needs, even when they’ve moved on – so we’re still here for you.
- One-on-One Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching – If you prefer to get more personalized support in your recovery, you might like to schedule a session with one of our coaches to plan and execute your own narcissistic abuse recovery plan.
- Find a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapist – If you’re looking for a therapist for narcissistic abuse recovery, either because you cannot afford coaching and want to use your health insurance or because you have additional issues you need to address that do not fall within the realm of coaching, you will want to find the right therapist for you – and as far as we’re concerned, that therapist must understand what you’ve been through. This page offers assistance to help you do exactly that.
- Where Are You in Recovery? You might not be sure exactly where you fit in and what level of recovery you’ve achieved. If that’s the case, you’ll want to check out this self-assessment to help you determine exactly where you fall in the stages of recovery from narcissistic abuse. Once you finish and submit the assessment, you will be given resources for your own situation, along with recommendations of which groups to join.
- Which Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program is Right for You? If you aren’t sure which program you want to utilize to facilitate your recovery from narcissistic abuse, this self-assessment will help you decide.
Helpful Reading for Recognizing and Dealing With Narcissistic Discard
- How do you know if it’s the narcissist’s final discard? It’s complex, but there are a few situations that might warrant this.
- Here’s some information on hoovering and how you can avoid and deal with it.
- Idealize, Devalue and Discard Cycle of Abuse: Insider Info
Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy.
She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.