“The authentic self is soul made visible.” – Sarah Ban Breathnach
Do you accept yourself for who you are, or are you the type of person who doesn’t feel comfortable in their own skin? In other words, are you always trying to be someone else? Something other than what comes naturally to you, even?
Let me ask you a question. How’s that working for you? Do you really enjoy suppressing your true nature?
If you ask me, feeling comfortable and accepting yourself is important if you want to lead a fulfilling and happy life. And even more importantly, allowing yourself to become the best possible version of the true you is the key to your success in literally every single area in your life.
Yes, it’s that serious. So let’s take a look at how you can achieve these feelings, shall we?
Work Through It: Who Do YOU Want to Be?
Your first step is to ask yourself a couple of questions:
- Who is the person that you want to become? Describe this person in detail.
- What are the things that you really care about?
- Is there anything or anyone who you may lose if you start to live the life you truly want?
Write your answers out in detail. This way you have a full description of the person you want to become and why.
During this journey you also need to understand and accept that nobody is perfect. Every person has faults, and you have to learn to live with them. You are now ready to begin living your life the way you want to, and the way you deserve to live. Ready?
Loving Yourself: Quirks and All
You’re probably going to laugh when I tell you this, but you really need to learn to fall in love with yourself a little bit. Yes, literally.
Learning how to love yourself is something that you must learn to accomplish. You may have parts of you that you are extremely happy with, and then those that you hate.
See, here’s the trick: You have to stop hating any part of yourself and work on changing your perspective.
If there’s something about you that you can change through basic habit changes or other tangible changes, you might choose to work on that as a personal goal. But be careful not to mistake a little “quirk” for something to hate about yourself. The truth is that everyone has something about them that is a little different. So if you just have quirks, it’s just part of what people love you for – and part of personality. They identify what is unique about you, as a person. See?
You need to accept and love your quirks!
Okay, so how can you become amazingly, authentically, actually YOU?
Focus on What You CAN Do, What you DO Have, Say What You Mean.
Every day you want to focus on how you can do things that showcase the person you really are. If you want to speak out about something, then do so. Don’t stay quiet just because your friends or family may not approve. Always try to stay true to yourself as much as possible.
Before going to bed each night ask yourself if you were the best person that you could possibly be. Did you make the right choices or did you let fear keep you hiding in the shadows?
This entire journey of accepting yourself will take time, and yes, it may not always be easy. Just remember that you are doing this for yourself and for your family. By becoming the person you really want to be, you will be happier and this will reflect on your entire family.
10 Keys to Truly Being the Best Possible Version of Yourself
Try these tips to stay true to yourself and to give yourself permission to follow your heart’s desires.
1. Give yourself permission to have dreams and goals in your life, regardless of what your family and friends may say or think. If you want to learn how to climb a mountain, go skydiving one day, or spend hours painting just go for it.
2. Remember that you own your life and that you have only one life. Life is too short to keep putting things off until next week or next year. Start making plans that will help you fulfill your dreams.
3. Write out your dreams and desires on paper. This will help them feel more real to you. Then go through your list and place them in order. Have the one you want to do first on top.
4. Don’t wait. Make it a current thing. Start planning out how you will achieve your dream. Do you need to learn a new skill? Take certain lessons? Or you may have to save up the cash for it.
5. Create a plan of action of things that you can do immediately that will help you reach your dream. It can often help to break down larger goals into much smaller ones. This way they become more manageable and easier to attain. Even if you just start researching ways to make your dreams come true, that’s a step. Just do something.
6. You wouldn’t believe what people will do and say to sidetrack you. Stay motivated and on track with reaching your goal. Don’t let others throw you off track from your dream.
7. Some people would tell you not to aim too high, but I’m going to tell you to just be prepared to do whatever is necessary to make it happen. For example, let’s say your goal would be reaching the top of a mountain – whether a literal or proverbial one. There is no point in dreaming of climbing a mountain if you are terrified of heights! So if you’re going to ensure that your end goal is something that you can actually achieve, you’ll first need to aim for getting over your fear of heights. See what I mean?
8. Be authentic to those who try to stop you in your tracks. Listen to their objections and then counter them with an action plan. If you map out your steps to reach your goal and can clearly show this to others, objections will become fewer as time goes on.
9. While reaching your dreams will help fulfill your life, you don’t want to lose your friends and family over it. Take time to discuss your plans with anyone who is concerned. After all they do have your best interests at heart.
10. Ensure that your goal is something you really want. Don’t do anything out of spite just to prove a point to someone. Open up your heart and your feelings and let those tugs pull you in the right direction.
Take a few minutes and write down your answers and thoughts about the above, and then put them away for awhile. Let your answers “simmer” overnight and then go back and review them tomorrow to cement them in your mind and begin forming your plan of action.
What are you working on right now? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.
Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy.
She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.