Surviving Toxic Relationships: Say Goodbye to Guilt Trips

Written by Angela Atkinson

Narcissistic abusers really do a number on your head, don’t they? One of their favorite weapons of choice is a good old guilt trip – and who among us hasn’t been on one of those? Only sociopaths are able to NEVER feel guilt – and for those of us who do feel it, guilt is distressing and draining. There doesn’t seem to be a cure. You’ve done or said something you regret – or you’ve been made to feel guilty when you didn’t deserve it – thanks to narcissistic manipulation. In any case, you’re uncomfortable without an obvious solution. What can be done about it now?


Get over your guilt with these strategies:

1. Determine if you should feel guilty. Whose standards are you using? Your parents’? Your own? Your church’s? Can you be sure the source is correct? Ensure that you’re judging yourself by a set of standards you deem to be worthy. It’s your choice.

2. Learn from it. Why do you feel guilty? Obviously, you did or said something that you consider to be wrong. Once you know why you feel guilty, you’re in a position to benefit from it. Ensure that you don’t repeat the behavior in the future. Visualize yourself behaving in a new and improved manner. DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!

3. Sometimes guilt is unproductive. Imagine that you feel guilty about missing your child’s play because you were required to work. If you did everything within your power, there’s no benefit to feeling guilt. Does your behavior require modification? If not, there’s no reason to feel guilty.

4. Apologize. It can be as simple as saying you’re sorry. You’ll feel better afterward, even if your apology is rejected.

5. Accept that you feel guilty. Acknowledge your feelings and the pain that goes with them. Accept that you made a mistake. Realize that it will pass.

6. Forgive yourself. Even if the other person won’t forgive you, you can forgive yourself. Be kind and gentle with yourself. No one is perfect.

7. Let it go. Once the event is over, you’ve apologized, and modified your behavior, let it go. At that point, what purpose does your guilt serve? Take a deep breath, let it out, and move on. Keep your mind occupied with more productive thoughts.

8. Have gratitude. Rather than saying to yourself, “I should have told Mary the truth”, tell yourself, “I’m grateful I’ve learned the importance of honesty.” Negative experiences can still be worthy of gratitude.

How to avoid guilt in the future:

1. Think instead of react. Guilt is often the result of acting without thinking. When you become emotional, take a moment to collect yourself. It’s easy to do or say something that you’ll later regret.

2. Be less critical of yourself. Guilt and the need to be perfect go hand in hand. Avoid expecting perfection. It’s unrealistic and leads to feelings of guilt. Everyone makes mistakes on a daily basis.

3. Create realistic beliefs. Maybe you believe that a good parent should do certain things, but you don’t or can’t do them. Are you sure your opinion on the matter is reasonable? Maybe you believe that a good parent would never get frustrated, which is unrealistic.

You’re not alone in feeling guilty. Some people spend a lifetime wallowing in guilt. How long you feel guilty is up to you. Learn from your mistakes and go forward with a new perspective and strategy. Apologize and forgive yourself. The real shame is repeating behavior that results in guilt. Avoid repeating your mistakes and be gentle with yourself. Practice making the choice that doesn’t result in guilt. The more you practice, the more healthy choices you’ll make, and the less guilt you’ll have to deal with.

(Visited 2,577 times, 1 visits today)

Get Guided Help with Your Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

Subscribe and get a special email series from Angie – packed with free gifts to help you heal and evolve!

Where are you in your recovery?

 

Subscribe

We won’t send you spam. Unsubscribe at any time.

Powered By ConvertKit

Award for Angie’s YouTube Channel

Disclosure – Click to Read

advertisement

You're not alone.

We have been there and we can help you heal.

Related Articles

Why Do Narcissists Make You Feel Like You’re Not Enough?

Why Do Narcissists Make You Feel Like You’re Not Enough?

If you've ever been in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, you might already know how adept they can be at making you feel completely worthless. If that rings true for you, you're definitely not alone. In fact, one of the most underrated ways a narcissist can...

What is internalized gaslighting?

What is internalized gaslighting?

(See video on YouTube) A longtime member of my narcissistic abuse recovery community used to tell me that he was really good at gaslighting himself. It amused me at first, but when I really started to think about it, I realized that he wasn't off-base in his...

Why does a narcissist move on so quickly after the discard?

Why does a narcissist move on so quickly after the discard?

Have you been discarded by a narcissist, only to learn that they've already moved on to another partner days, weeks, or even hours after your relationship ended? Or, have you learned the hard way that your ex (or soon-to-be-ex) is already involved with someone else...

Get Guided Help with Your Recovery & Stay Up to Date With The Latest News & Updates

Join the SPANily! Start with our free newsletter.

Subscribe and get a special email series from Angie - packed with free gifts to help you heal and evolve!

    Where are you in your recovery?
    We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at any time.
    Powered By ConvertKit

    Pin It on Pinterest

    Share This

    Share this post with your friends!