Surviving the Narcissist’s Discard (Podcast)

Surviving the Narcissist’s Discard (Podcast)

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Discard and Divorce – Ending a relationship with a narcissist is never easy. If you are going through a divorce or a breakup after a narcissist discarded you, you need to know that you’re not alone, you’re not crazy and it isn’t your fault. Learn the difference between a narcissistic breakup and a “regular” one, find out what narcissists do after the discard and find out what you can do to start taking back your life in this podcast with certified life coach and author Angie Atkinson from QueenBeeing.com.

8 Signs You’re a Highly Sensitive Person

8 Signs You’re a Highly Sensitive Person

What it Means to be Highly Sensitive

High sensitivity is a normal trait found in roughly 20% of the population, so it’s quite common. The proper term for this trait is Sensory-Processing Sensitivity or SPS. The brains of those with SPS function a little differently than those without the trait. Nearly all animals have demonstrated this trait, including dogs, cats, fish, and horses. Even insects can have the SPS trait.

If you or someone you know is a highly sensitive person, understanding this trait can be helpful. There’s no known “cure,” and there’s no need for one. One out of five people have the SPS trait. It doesn’t require treatment, but learning how to manage it can be useful in certain situations.

Highly sensitive people often share a set of traits:

  1. Cry easily. You know the type. They cry at commercials. They cry when overstressed or uncertain. While crying is nothing to be ashamed of, highly sensitive people are often embarrassed by how easily they can be brought to tears.

  2. React more strongly. It’s common to “overreact” when you’re highly sensitive. Things that upset the average person upset a highly sensitive person a lot. All emotional reactions are stronger and can seem excessive.
  3. Make decisions more slowly. Highly sensitive people are committed to making the best possible decisions. They painstakingly go over every detail and consider all the possibilities. It can take a significant amount of time to get it right. Be patient when they’re making a decision.

  4. Are more self-critical. Highly sensitive people are highly self-critical. They know how to beat themselves up. Anything less than perfection can be a source of anxiety and embarrassment.

  5. Care about the details. The highly-sensitive notice everything. No detail is too small to make note of.

  6. Are more annoyed by stray stimuli. Whether it’s a squeaking noise in the car or a stray pebble in their shoe, highly sensitive people are less able to ignore annoying stimuli. Highly sensitive people are easily overstimulated and overwhelmed by things that barely register in the awareness of the average person.
  7. Take criticism poorly. Even mild criticism can elicit a strong emotional reaction in those that are highly sensitive. Make an effort not to over-react if you’re highly sensitive. Give yourself time for your emotions to return to normal before responding.
  8. They are easily overwhelmed by time pressure. When there’s a lot to get done in a short amount of time, they can become bogged down by their anxiety very easily.

Does any of this sound familiar? If so, do you feel relieved to have a better understanding of yourself or someone else in your life?

There are many things you can do to mitigate the potential negative effects of the SPS trait:

Get enough sleep.

  • Avoid excessive amounts of caffeine. You don’t need additional stimulation.
  • Spend time in relaxing environments each day. Create your own space.
  • Avoid spending too much time in noisy, highly-stimulating environments.
  • Give yourself enough time to complete tasks.
  • Take the time you need before reacting to any emotional upset.

Be understanding of any highly sensitive people in your life. Remember that the condition is genetic. Asking someone with the SPS trait to be less sensitive is like asking a 25-year old to be taller.

A highly sensitive person might not be the person to take to a weekend rock music festival, but you’ll never find a more attentive listener.

There are advantages to being highly sensitive. Being observant and detail-oriented can be a valuable trait in the right setting. Make the most of what you have to work with and you’ll find life to be more fulfilling.

Narcissists and Blame Shifting: Are you a built-in scapegoat?

Narcissists and Blame Shifting: Are you a built-in scapegoat?

“You take all their emotional abuse. You take it and take it and then you finally explode verbally. You call him a piece of shit, low-life, asshole, and more. He just ignores it, smirking the whole time because he got me upset. Now he uses this against me. Now, he says I’m verbally abusive! I was just fighting back for my sanity. Could you address this in a video?” 

What is deflection in narcissistic abuse?

Unfortunately, this is a very common manipulation tactic that gaslighters use. It’s when you’re being abused but your abuser tries to convince you that you’re the abusive one. Or maybe, if you’re female, they blame it on “that time of the month,” or accuse you of having horrible PMS.

They may label you unreasonable, crazy, an over-reactor – even say you’re making it all up. They assign all blame (literally for every issue or concern) in the relationship to you, and they become offended and angry if they don’t think you seem like you want to accept it.

If you dare to question them or god forbid, get upset and yell back at them, the narcissist will quickly turn the tables and accuse YOU of being the abuser. He or she will do everything possible to run a good smear campaign on you, too, telling everyone around you how crazy or difficult you are – and making you look and feel like someone you’re really just not.

The Narcissistic Flip

One of the most effective kinds of gaslighting is when a narcissist sort of “flips the script” on you during an argument.

I have dubbed this practice the “narcissistic flip,” and have found that it’s a regularly employed manipulation technique for many narcs.

The “flip” happens most often when you make a valid point or have the nerve to question the narc about anything.

That’s about the time everything turns around and suddenly, you’re the one who’s sorry (mostly that you bothered engaging in yet another pointless argument).

What is denial in narcissistic abuse?

Real quick – let’s define denial for our purposes. In this case, we’re talking about the psychological term, which means that someone literally claims that something that DID happen didn’t occur.

So, in the case of narcissists, they use denial of their own behavior when it’s convenient for them – and almost always in situations where they can be considered “at fault” for anything negative.

How do narcissists use denial to manipulate you?

Denial can be used as part of the whole “brainwashing” process that a lot of narcissists use to control their victims. Think about it – while they may have originally employed denial in order to avoid taking responsibility for their own behavior, a lot of narcissists have discovered that denial can be a very effective part of gaslighting.

Narcissists will intentionally say things they know will provoke you into reacting. They’ll bait you and then wait for a response. If you don’t react quickly or dramatically enough, they may poke you further and aggressively antagonize you until you explode.

Then, they tell you that you’re crazy, that you need help – that something is just plain wrong with you.

How do you deal with this kind of manipulation?

Obviously, and almost always, going “no contact” is the ideal solution to dealing with a toxic narcissist. But in the real world, there are other circumstances and things to consider.

Sometimes, you get stuck dealing with a narcissist for whatever reason – you’re co-parenting, you haven’t yet managed to escape – or maybe, it’s a relative or in-law that you can’t practically just “disconnect” from…so you’re forced to deal.

So, the way to deal is to first recognize that the narcissist is trying to get you to react – and that if you do, he or she will absolutely use it against you.

Narcissists and the Blame Game

You have heard of it, right? The so-called blame game is just what I described before – when a narcissist constantly deflects responsibility for his bad behavior and projects it right onto the nearest unwitting victim – often, his or her primary source of supply.

This puts you (as the primary source of narcissistic supply) on constant alert, and you feel the mental and physical effects of always being in a state of stress. It affects your blood pressure, your neurological function, and even your ability to eat and sleep. Other physical effects such as changes in weight and even generally falling ill more often have also been reported by victims.

Examples of the Blame Game in Action

  • A narcissistic wife is caught lying to her husband about spending an evening alone with a male colleague. She claims, when found out, that she only lied because he always overreacts to everything. In reality, he lives in fear of her erratic and seemingly unprovoked emotional attacks and general invalidation of his character.
  • A narcissistic husband is found to be cheating on his wife with her best friend. When confronted, he claims that he was treated poorly by his wife, neglected, and overly criticized by her. He claims that he tried to fix the relationship and in reality, he is the one who was mentally abusing HER, and he has engaged her friend as a very toxic flying monkey.
  • A narcissistic woman has a lunch meeting with a new colleague by whom she is secretly a little threatened. She shows up an hour late, and when the colleague tries to get back to the office on time, she cuts her down for being so uptight and neglecting the opportunity to get to know her.

Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today

Did you know? Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.

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Answered: Your Questions on Emphatic Validation in Narcissistic Abuse

Answered: Your Questions on Emphatic Validation in Narcissistic Abuse

Today, I’m answering a question from YouTuber iwish itwassnowing, who said:

“Hi Angie, thanks for your work.

However, l couldn’t help noticing the following things that seem contradictory to what you have been saying in your videos so far, at least among those l’ve watched.

1.The suggestion to use emphatic validation ( it shows on the slide at 15:57). From my experience, it doesn’t work. “Putting it nicely” doesn’t work. Even if we were to speak solely from a theoretical point of view, since they’re out to get supply, anything you say is going to be used against you, no matter how you phrase it.

2. Isn’t “healthy narcissist” (it shows on the slide at 16:35) an oxymoron?”

In the Go Ask Angie series, I respond “off the cuff” to questions, comments and concerns sent to me by my YouTube viewers, readers from my QueenBeeing.com site and those who reach out in other ways, such as by email.

Learn more at https://queenbeeing.com. Get my books at http://booksangiewrote.com and pick up your free 5-day fear-busting email course (especially designed for narcissistic abuse survivors) at http://narcissismsupportcoach.com.

This answer is in response to this video:

Narcissistic Abuse Drains You: Restore Your Personal Power (Video)

Narcissistic Abuse Drains You: Restore Your Personal Power (Video)

When you’re feeling drained from the toxic abuse you get from narcissists in relationships, meditation is one way to help eliminate and even reduce the effects.

Today , I shared 15 tips to help narcissistic abuse survivors meditate away their troubles in three minutes or less.

This video is a lesson from my Udemy course called Rewrite Your Life After Narcissistic Abuse. 

 

Want a discount? Leave me a comment and I’ll give you 50% off the rest of the course.

Get my books at http://booksangiewrote.com and pick up your free 5-day fear-busting email course (especially designed for narcissistic abuse survivors) at http://narcissismsupportcoach.com.

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