“To all the other dreamers out there, don’t ever stop or let the world’s negativity disenchant you or your spirit. If you surround yourself with love and the right people, anything is possible.” ~Adam Green
Positive living can sometimes seem like a stretch, right? With everything that’s going on in your life, it’s easy to get dejected. But you can actually get beyond that and convert your frustrations into positivity.
Life coaches are great examples for positivity. They seem like godsends when you’re at your lowest. And you probably wonder what special secret they have for joyous living.
Great news! There really is no secret.
Try these steps to develop your own abundance of positivity:
Own responsibility for your life’s outcomes.One of the first things a life coach teaches is that you are in charge of your life. When you accept that, it will be easier for you to move on from negative experiences. On the flip side, you can take all the credit for the positives!
Knowing that you’re in charge helps you to make adjustments. Let’s say you see a situation developing into something negative. Your actions can result in a complete turnaround for the better.
When you take responsibility, it’s easier to move on. You accept what happens, learn the lesson, and apply it to future scenarios.
Trust yourself. It’s important to trust your own instincts, thoughts, and ideas. Nobody knows the solutions to your challenges like you do. By trusting your gut, you’ll be able to confidently make wise choices.
Your decisions and choices are the ones that have the greatest impact. When you’re ready to own that, you’ll be able to look at life more positively.
Trusting yourself may take time. You probably look first at what others may think. But at the end of the day, it’s your life. The only opinion that matters regarding your life is yours!
Eliminate the feeling of defeat. An essential element of positive living is to avoid feeling defeated. Even in the most undesirable circumstances, there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. When you start exercising your ability to rise above challenges, you’ll find it easier to maintain a positive outlook.
Unfavorable outcomes aren’t meant to discourage you. They’re meant to help you rise and make it through obstacles!
A defeated person is usually out of options. However, that’s the furthest thing from the truth with you. As long as you’re alive, you’ll have many more opportunities to make things right.
Empower others. Sometimes setting examples for others can help you train yourself. Seek opportunities to empower others. Help them to remain positive and confident despite life’s trials. You may find yourself taking those lessons and applying them to your own life!
Take some time to think about someone else. Look at their situation and how they’ve handled it. Are they about to give up? Why not try to prevent that from happening?
Making the decision to help others gives you the perfect opportunity to see the benefits of positive thinking.
Life coaches know how to make the most of the life they have. At the end of the day, that’s exactly how you’ll be able to change your mind set. Work with what you have as if it’s the only thing you’ll ever have. You’ll be surprised at how easily you turn things around!
“It took me realizing that a broken heart has never actually killed anyone to find the courage to ask for what I want, in just about every situation. That was part of my own growing up.” ~Ginnifer Goodwin
If you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse in a toxic relationship, you might be feeling like your heart is breaking when the relationship ends – even if you’re the one who ended it. But the journey, as painful it can feel, is a worthy one. And, if you want to leave it behind you and move forward, it’s a necessary one.
Emotional Healing for a Broken Heart
Isn’t it true that your emotions really take a hit when your heart is aching? Sometimes it feels like the day of healing is a million miles away. The difficult time you encountered in the past can take a while to be purged from your system. It’s definitely healthy to experience a range of emotions. However, it’s unwise to have the negative ones consume your existence. You’re better off working towards healing the hurt. That way, you can start to experience joy and happiness again. Emotional healing is possible if you work at repairing the source of the hurt. As you’ll see, that may mean making some tough decisions.
Try these narcissistic abuse recovery meditations.
If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll realize something important. Some of the negative influences may very well be the people closest to you! It’s going to be a challenge separating from them. But your emotional health is more important than maintaining those relationships. This is especially true when you’re dealing with narcissistic abuse – when someone you love is actively abusing you psychologically, emotionally, or even physically. This is when you’re going to want to consider going no contact in order to preserve your own sanity and to begin your healing on solid ground.
Are any of your friends guilty of adding fuel to the fire? Can you identify times when they’ve encouraged you to avoid forgiving someone who offended you? You can very quickly identify people whose advice is riddled with negativity. Avoid allowing the years of friendship to cloud your judgment. You can almost guarantee continued misery if you keep them in your life. Here’s a video on how to handle going no contact with someone who is toxic for you.
Learn to set and uphold your boundaries.
Most codependents and survivors of narcissistic abuse have trouble with setting boundaries. This might be due to the fact that they were never actually taught to do so in the first place, thanks to the fact that so many of us were raised by people who didn’t allow us to have boundaries at all. Or, it could be related to the ongoing abuse we have endured in our toxic relationships. If you’re struggling to set appropriate boundaries, this video will help you learn how to not only set those boundaries but also to uphold them as necessary.
Accept responsibility for your part in the relationship.
It’s pretty hard to look in the mirror, right? Deep down, you worry that everything is all your fault – and that’s understandable, given that the narcissist in your life made sure you believed it. But it’s difficult to accept that idea – and even more difficult to imagine that you might have been reacting to the narcissistic abuse. And at times, we feel angry at ourselves rather than the abuser, partially because we feel like we should’ve seen who they were much sooner, or because we think we are weak for tolerating it. In any case, if you’re struggling to see what really happened or what your part in the relationship really was, it can be a good idea to dig in and figure out exactly what your responsibility should be. Confront yourself – what could you have done better or differently, if anything? Maybe you just needed to be less accepting of the abuse. Maybe you struggled with depression and anxiety as a result of it. Either way, recognize what happened and work through it. Be courageous enough to accept responsibility for your part in the relationship so that you can move forward and heal – and avoid these toxic types of people in the future.
There is also something we call “reactive abuse,” which means that victims of narcissistic abuse will sometimes react to this ongoing torture and manipulation in verbally aggressive and in some cases, physically aggressive behavior. It isn’t okay, but it is understandable given the level to which narcissists will pressure and psychologically manipulate you.
You likely have a set of morals to live by. And while you know they exist, you may sometimes avoid them when making decisions. Abandoning morals is the easiest way to make missteps in life. Go back to your roots. Take a hard look at what really matters to you. Start to embrace those morals one by one. Start to repair how you approach situations. If making a decision means abandoning your moral compass, take another route.
Just like any other compass, your moral compass keeps you on track. It’s the best way to avoid getting lost in the sea of emotional decision-making.
Commit to daily renewal.
The road to emotional healing is long and winding. It’s something that usually takes quite a bit of time to achieve. But it can be done! All you need to do is recommit to the cause every morning when you wake up.
Daily renewal is the best way to turn your healing into a habit. When you go for days without that renewal, it’s easy to slip back into the heartache. Be fair to yourself. Remember you deserve the healing. At the end of each positive day, celebrate your progress. Congratulate yourself for completing one more day of healing and positive living. You’ll find that you rest more soundly at night.
Achieving emotional healing isn’t an automatic process, especially when you consider the pervasive and consuming nature of narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships. It takes time, patience with yourself, and a lot of attention to your own needs. This can feel really hard when you’ve been focused on someone else for so long, but now is the time to really take care of yourself. Focus on what you need and block out the noise around you. But don’t self-isolate and stay stuck forever. Here’s one more quick healing tip for you.
I distinctly remember what I felt like prior to getting help for some food issues and previous to working out regularly. For a while, as I mentioned in this post, I avoided being with people, even people I liked. It was a dark, dreary, terrible way to feel every single day.
Now post-workout I also try to avoid people but for a whole other reason.
My name is Sarah and I am an endorphin-aholic.
Let me preface this by letting you know I work out at my office. I am fortunate enough to have a gorgeous, fully equipped gym, complete with enthusiastic trainers and classes, in the lower level of my building. This has its perks. My fortune continues in having a boss that lets me workout during actual “on the clock” hours so I can avoid the gym’s busy periods. Did I mention I love my job and my boss?
I knew exercise was supposed to make you feel better, “they” said. But we all know how “they” can be. “They” have a lot of fickle opinions that change with the wind and the wind seems to whip in a new direction every two weeks.
They were right about endorphins though and I am here to be a witness!
If you’ve never been on an endorphin high let me tell you what you’re missing out on. Imagine taking the tingle of a first kiss and gently mixing it with the excitement of that big drop on a roller coaster and then add a twist – a generous twist – of that adrenaline rush that comes along with your ultimate song being played in a club and you know you’re about to cut a rug. Mix all of that up, add a shot of espresso and voila, that’s how good my post workout endorphins make me feel.
Oh, and they make me chatty (okay, chattier). How unfortunate for the poor souls who innocently step into the elevator with me post exercise- all ‘dorphined up.
Sarah and Carolyn enjoying their well deserved endorphins
In the elevator heading back to our desks, my workout buddy, Carolyn, and I have been known to high five one another for pushing so hard stating, “man you killed it today, you ran!”… and then we just continuing to high five every other passenger in the elevator, celebrating our victories. They had no choice. They must high five.
This is endorphins.
Wide eyed and unsure of what just happened, the innocents would step out on their floors and continue with their day. We smiled widely and waved farewell to them (only to later resolve to stop doing that to people, lest we lose our jobs).
Even on days when I didn’t feel like working out but made myself go, I would be awarded with my endorphins. When I can’t be my own cheerleader, it’s like they’re telling me “way to go Sarah, you did it and we’re proud of you.” They rush over me and they simply just make me feel good. They make me feel proud. They make me feel happy. They make me feel alive and strong.
If you’re on the verge of starting an exercise routine or are just entertaining the thought for somewhere down the road please, please just do it. If you can’t because you just aren’t there, mentally, trust in the endorphins to take care of some of your mental health. Take that one little step and get your endorphins running. You will be so glad you did.
For as many people as there are on the planet, there are probably twice the amount of ways to show somebody that you love them.
Traditional people can love you with cards or with flowers.
Kids love one another with a tug of the hair or punch in the arm.
Friends send you funny memes that only you will really “get”.
Parents leave hidden messages in lunchboxes.
Some love via text.
Some love through a song.
Some promise everlasting love with a ring.
How do I love?
I love with food. Sure, I love other ways too but food has been a constant sign of fondness for the larger part of my life.
For a woman conquering a weight issue, this can be a challenge.
I love to love people via culinary gifts. I adore watching the full bodied reaction of somebody enjoying a cupcake I’ve created with my own two hands. The relaxation of their body. The smile on their face. The lick of a finger. The deep sigh. For that moment, you made their life smile.
I’m no one way street though. I don’t just love people with food, I let them love me right back in the very same way. Just this week a colleague went to London and brought me back Cadbury Crème Eggs because she knows I have an unnatural affection for them. All lined up in a pretty little row at my keyboard, sat four magical foil-wrapped eggs, with that realistic, slightly creepy, egg white center and yellow yolk. A gift of friendship was well received with a yelp and a “squeeee!”
What do you do when gifts of friendship and love threaten to hamper your weight loss goals? What happens when your Mom makes your favorite dessert because she knows how you love it but it doesn’t fit in with your day? What do you do when love leaves you a five pound box of chocolate? You can’t just throw out perfectly good food! What about all those starving children… yes, we all know where that sentence leads us. The children are still hungry but your thighs aren’t exactly thanking you either.
I read the most brilliant analogy on a website once and it has stuck to me like glue. The key to battling food love is to accept it.
Some people will always love you with food. They will always send you home with leftovers because they know it’s your favorite. It’s how they love. Accept the gift, graciously. You do deserve that gift of thoughtfulness.
But what about those goals of yours? Therein lies the secret key that you’ve been searching for.
Receive the gift, but realize what the real gift actually is. They’ve given you the gift of love, thoughtfulness, caring, kindness and consideration. They’ve wrapped those deep seeded emotions, specific to you, in gorgeous packaging – love wrapped in brownies. Fondness tied up with a noodle bake bow. Friendship disguised as crumbly cake… whatever food it is you love… they’ve wrapped their emotional bond to you in that food. Now you’ve graciously received that gift of love and accepted it.
It feels really nice, doesn’t it?
With a clear conscious, because you graciously accepted the gift, you can now throw that wrapper away, just like you do with other gifts. Throw that brownie/noodle/cupcake “wrapper” away. Throw it away knowing that the gift of love was received loud and clear.
The empty wrappers will join my foil covered Cadburys in that great waste disposal in the sky but man, I can still feel the love!
And, as usual, I got all research-geek-ninja on this subject’s ass. Here’s a quick summary of what I found out.
Take into account the following benefits of HGH, as reported by BodyBuilder.com.
Promotes, increases the creation of new protein tissues, such as in muscle recovery or repair. This is how new muscle is built.
Recent research suggests its involvement in the metabolism of body-fat and its conversion to energy sources. Tests were conducted in obese people and medical use in treating obesity was proven beyond a doubt. Pros have reportedly used HGH as a way of maintaining and increasing lean mass while dieting for years.
It improves the sleeping pattern, makes for less unintended awakenings and betters REM-stage sleep.
HGH produces more energy
May improve sexual performance
Improves the quality and duration of heart and kidneys
Ok, well that’s all well and good, right? But many medical experts fear that taking synthetic HGH hormones can be hazardous to your health. But do HGH pills work?
Still, there are approved uses for HGH (and presumably, these are positive ways in which increased HGH can affect your body), according to WebMD. They are as follows.
Short bowel syndrome, a condition in which nutrients are not properly absorbed due to severe intestinal disease or the surgical removal of a large portion of the small intestine.
HGH deficiency due to rare pituitary tumors or their treatment.
Muscle-wasting disease associated with HIV/AIDS.
So, when you look at the ways that a reasonably well-respected health resource says the increased presence of HGH can affect your body, you have to see that it is potentially able to increase your sex drive, muscle tone, improve your ability to digest food and absorb nutrients, fight infection and so much more.
With all of that being said, what good would it do you to know this information if there were no solution to the problem?
Well, these aren’t technically HGH pills, but they are supposed to help increase the level of HGH in your body. But do they work?
Drum roll please: I’m working on figuring that out.
So, I’m trying a new supplement from It Works! called New You. Basically, as I understand it, the supplement causes your body to release additional HGH (human growth hormone), and for anyone over 30, this means looking and feeling younger.
Stimulate your body’s natural human growth hormone production to improve lean muscle mass, enhance your exercise endurance, and turn back the hands of time from the inside out with New You! Through natural polyphenols, New You also supports your muscles with improved blood supply and fights the effects of free radicals.
Stimulates natural production and release of HGH (human growth hormone)
Boosts lean muscle mass
Enhances exercise endurance
Helps improve sleep quality and memory
Fights the harmful effects of free radicals
So, does it work?
I can’t tell you for sure yet, personally. I can tell you that all the testimonials I’ve read and heard personally have been very positive. I can tell you that everything else I’ve tried from It Works! has, in fact, worked.
And I can tell you that I started taking these today, and I’m not sure if it’s my imagination or not, but I felt pretty awesome all day. So who knows? I’ll report back in a month or so and let you know how it’s going.
In the meantime, if you’ve tried New You from It Works! or any similar product, I’d be really interested in hearing how you liked it! Please share your thoughts, comments, experiences and/or questions in the comments section, below.