Did someone accuse YOU of being a narcissist? How to tell for sure

Did someone accuse you of being self-centered or thoughtless when it comes to other people’s feelings? Has someone gone so far as to actually call you a narcissist or even just a toxic person?

If so, did you consider the possibility that it might be the truth?

Could you really be a narcissist?

Now before you get your defenses all up and stop reading, let me preface the following bit of advice with a brief disclaimer. I realize that every single one of us is narcissistic on some level and to our own benefit in some ways. It’s a healthy amount, or close to it anyway, in many cases.

This is not the kind of narcissism I’m talking about here. I’m talking about the toxic kind of narcissism, the kind that consumes you and everyone you are directly connected with on different levels.

The people in your personal life, especially your spouse, kids, siblings – anyone you live with is most deeply affected by your narcissistic ways. And those you work most closely with, especially if they’re your subordinates, can also be seriously affected.

Find out how a narcissist affects the people in his/her life.

Are you the victim of a narcissistic person?

It’s possible that you are actually the victim of a narcissist who has been gaslighted into believing that you’re the narcissist. So let me ask you: Do you experience gaslighting and manipulation from someone you’re close to, maybe even love? And you feel like you might be going crazy? I’ve been there and I can help you.

Can you relate to the signs that you’re a victim of narcissistic abuse described in this video?

10 Signs You Might Be a Narcissist

So how do you know if you’re really a narcissist? Start here. Check out these 10 signs you might be a narcissist. If you resonate with most or all of them, you might be a narcissist. If you find out that you are, you’ve already taken the first step toward narcissistic recovery. Admission of a problem is the first requirement to fix it.

You’ll often hear people say in the narcissistic abuse community that if you think you’re a narcissist, you’re probably not one. And on some level, that can be true since narcissists tend to project and deflect their own behaviors onto their victims. But it isn’t exactly that simple. Here are 10 signs that you might be dealing with a touch of narcissistic personality disorder or malignant narcissism.

1. You’ve been accused of making everything all about you.

Perhaps more than once, someone in your life has accused you of failing to care about anyone but yourself. You probably blew it off at the time, but take a moment now and reconsider what the person said. Go ahead. I’ll wait. Could there be any validity to the idea that your primary focus is…well, yourself?

2. You are rarely wrong. At least as far as you’re concerned.

Even though you’re sure that you are right 99 percent of the time, the people around you can’t seem to see it that way. That, or you’ve already got them well-trained and they know better than to cross you. And you’d be hard-pressed to spend any significant amount of time around people who can’t see things your way.

3. You feel the need to be in control of everything. All the time.

It’s not that you need another responsibility on your plate, it’s just that no one else can seem to get it right. You worry that if you can’t keep your finger on everything, it’ll all be screwed up. So you spend a lot of time trying to manage all of the incompetent people in your life.

4. You know a lot of weak-minded people.

You might even have a secret nickname for them, like zombies or sheep. You think that most people aren’t quite as good or smart or organized or whatever as you – and you are often irritated or amused by their inferiority.

5. You’re different at home than you are in public. There is more than one version of yourself.

You don’t show your true self to the world. You’ve got an image to maintain, after all. Your family and closest friends are the only ones who’ve seen your “ugly side” and you wouldn’t have it any other way. In public, you project the perfect image because that is what you need people to see. You’ve got to impress everyone you meet – and when someone isn’t immediately smitten with you, you’re immediately suspicious of them, especially if they’re friendly with anyone you consider “yours.”

6. Your friends don’t like each other.

For some reason, you’re not a big friend-sharer. While you might have two or three friends in the same group, none are especially close. You prefer one on one when it comes to close relationships. And your favorite kind of person is an excellent listener who thinks you’re amazing and perfect and who would do anything to make you happy. Otherwise, you love a big party where you get to be the center of attention.

7. You get bored when people talk about themselves or anything that doesn’t directly concern you.

You can’t understand why everyone is always blathering on about such boring things as their own thoughts and dreams and passions. And forget about hearing anything regarding mind-numbing topics like the mundane jobs they do, their lame love lives, or their silly problems. You can’t take it – you just glaze over.

8. You wait for your turn to talk in a conversation – at least sometimes.

You’re not known for your great listening skills for some reason. During a conversation, you find yourself nearly bursting at the seams to share your opinion or a story about you that relates to the topic at hand. You really wish people would just give you the floor, already. So rather than pay attention to what’s being said, you just bide your time and wait for a moment where you can interject.

9. You’re either the life of the party or you’re outta there.

Most of the time, you’re the host with the most. People love you and you are generally on fire when it comes to your social life. But on the rare occasions where you have an “off-day” and someone else grabs the center of attention, you’d rather just leave. Why would anyone pay attention to THAT person when they’ve got access to someone like YOU?

10. You’re sort of a hero. Or someone’s idol. Or at least very, very smart.

You sort of hate to admit it, but a lot of people consider you a sort of hero, or at least they would if they knew how amazing you really are. You’re the sort of person who has always had potential. Now if you could just get everyone else to see what you’ve secretly known all along: you’re something special and unique in comparison to most common humans.

Now, these are only 10 of the many, many signs that you’re a narcissist. If any of these things feel familiar to you, I invite you to check out the following articles and resources to further determine your level of narcissism.

How to Know Someone is a Narcissist

28 Warning Signs Someone is a Narcissist (See or hear on YouTube)

Get help with narcissistic abuse recovery, right now.

The QueenBeeing SPANily, Official – We consider this to be the best narcissistic abuse recovery support group on the web. Offers several subgroups and features a vigilant, compassionate admin team full of trained coaches and survivors, supporting more than 12k members. SPAN is an acronym created by Angie Atkinson that stands for Support for People Affected by Narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships.
Other Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups – We also have separate groups for each stage in your narcissistic abuse recovery, as well as some for those who have moved past recovery and are evolving into the next stage of their own life. Survivors have unique and individual needs, even when they’ve moved on – so we’re still here for you.
One-on-One Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching – If you prefer to get more personalized support in your recovery, you might like to schedule a session with one of our coaches to plan and execute your own narcissistic abuse recovery plan.
Find a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapist – If you’re looking for a therapist for narcissistic abuse recovery, either because you cannot afford coaching and want to use your health insurance or because you have additional issues you need to address that do not fall within the realm of coaching, you will want to find the right therapist for you – and as far as we’re concerned, that therapist must understand what you’ve been through. This page offers assistance to help you do exactly that.
Where Are You in Recovery? You might not be sure exactly where you fit in and what level of recovery you’ve achieved. If that’s the case, you’ll want to check out this self-assessment to help you determine exactly where you fall in the stages of recovery from narcissistic abuse. Once you finish and submit the assessment, you will be given resources for your own situation, along with recommendations of which groups to join.
Which Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program is Right for You? If you aren’t sure which program you want to utilize to facilitate your recovery from narcissistic abuse, this self-assessment will help you decide.

Take the Narcissism Test Here

Still not sure? Take this narcissism self-assessment test to gain a clearer insight into your situation.

Narcissism Test: Could you be a narcissist?

Are you concerned that you might be a narcissist? If so, this narcissism test can offer you some insight.

Do you ever feel like you need to make new friends or even find a new partner because those in your life aren't quite up to your standards or they're not on the same 'level' as you? Yes, at least some of the time. No, never or hardly ever.

If someone you live with or spend a lot of time with is hurting or upset, how do you typically react? (Please choose the answer that most resonates with your likely reaction) I will always at least attempt to find out what is wrong and help if possible or if they will allow me to help. I will help if I feel like it, or if it will benefit me in some way to do so. But not always. I feel annoyed, angry or frustrated. They are overly dramatic or making stuff up most of the time, and I don't have time for or prefer not to deal with anyone else's emotions. I might think they are weak or pathetic. But I definitely will not enable them by pretending to care about their little issues. I will mostly ty to help if I can. But it would always depend on the person and what the issue is - if I can't help, maybe I can find someone who can. Or, sometimes, people don't want to talk about their stress or drama. I'm sensitive to that and will give them space if that's what they really need.

How do you see yourself? (Please choose the answer that most closely resonates with you) I am the nicest/kindest/best person I know. I mean, I'm amazing and sometimes people give me trouble about that - but it's the truth. And it's not like I'm bragging about it. It just is what it is. I am okay with myself and I have (at least some) good qualities. I literally wish I was ANYONE else, anyone at all. SO many things wrong with me! I am not too happy with myself, but I have plans and/or dreams to make things better. I barely even pay attention to myself lately...I need to do more of that but I am just so overwhelmed with work/kids/spouse, etc.

Do you feel self-confident, and do you also really care about at least one person in your life to the point that you'd do anything to help them, even if it made you uncomfortable? I am confident in myself, and I care deeply about at least one person outside of myself. I'd do literally ANYTHING for at least ONE other person in my life. I am pretty confident, and I care about people. But I'm not going to put my own life or livelihood on the line for anyone, for any reason at all. I have to take care of me first, because no one else will! I am not very confident, and that means that while I might care about one or more people in my life, I don't really think I can do anything to help them, so why waste my time or theirs? I am not super confident in myself, but I'd do anything to help anyone who I care about - and I care deeply for one or more people who are close to me in my life. I am a little bit confident, and I'm working on getting better, but I'd put everything on hold if someone I care about needs me. Why are you even asking this stupid question? Who cares?

How do you feel when someone compliments you personally? It's nice. I try to graciously accept the compliment and move on. I will not only accept the compliment, but I will tell literally anyone who will listen all about it! I mean, who doesn't want to hear about something like a compliment, right? . Truthfully, I'm not very comfortable with getting compliments because I don't feel very good about myself. I try to either deflect them by pointing out something good about the other person, or - if I weren't so tired or shy, I might even have a bit of a friendly debate with the person to explain why they should not have given me the compliment in the first place. I almost can't handle it. Oh my gosh! I LOVE a good compliment! Anyone who compliments me makes me feel so good! I kind of feel like they're suddenly my new BFF, at least for a few minutes. And I can't tell you how many of my exes started out that way. It makes me feel kind of embarrassed, but I try to accept it and to say thank you. Again, why do you keep asking stupid questions?

How often do you share your amazing stories and experiences with the people in your life? Literally ALL the time. They can't get a word in edgewise. Haha! But they like it! Sometimes, but I also listen to others and I genuinely care about other people. What amazing stories and experiences? My life is shit. All the people in my life are shit and THEY are the reason my life is shit! To be honest, I don't have that many amazing things to share, but I do love to hear about the amazing experiences that people close to me have. I'm like their biggest cheerleader! What's the deal with these off-putting questions, anyway? Seriously. I don't even know why I keep taking this test. You are clearly no expert and you are wasting my time!

How do you feel about being the center of attention sometimes? Sometimes? You must be kidding. I'm ALWAYS the center of attention. I really don't mind if I'm the center of attention, but I literally HATE it when someone else is trying to hog the spotlight. Seems so selfish of them, right? Personally, I avoid the spotlight. Let the losers who really need all that fake validation soak it up. Me? I am WAY above that and do not need anyone's approval - ever, for any reason. I'll make my own choices while all the sheeple do what they're told! I would prefer to avoid the spotlight because it makes me uncomfortable or makes me feel like they're focusing on the wrong person. I'm okay with the spotlight when it's appropriate for me, such as when I have to give a speech at work or when I am being recognized, or even at my birthday party. But I happily pass the torch to others when it's their turn to shine! I love seeing the people in my life be their best selves, and I love to celebrate them! Lady, you really are kind of slow, aren't ya? Why do you keep asking such idiotic questions? I'm only continuing at this point so I can find out how dumb you really are! I honestly don't care about the spotlight because it's not something that is ever really an option for me anyway.

When someone is in your 'inner circle,' are you more or less likely to get upset at them when they make little mistakes? I might get upset at them, but we talk it out and get through it. That's how life goes sometimes! I am CONSTANTLY very irritated or upset by the incompentent person or people in my life. And TRUST ME, you would be too. They are the absolute worst! I have learned that my feelings are far more important than people realize. If I'm being honest, I have some really legitimate reasons to feel upset and angry, and I will push the people in my life to help me resolve my feelings immediately I don't care if it means we have to drop everything else for a bit - why should I keep feeling like crap if I can feel better? The person or people in my life have nothing more important to do anyway. At least one (or more) of them, anyway. It seems to me that everyone is WAY too focused on their feelings. Why bother to waste my time feeling angry or upset that anyone's "little problems," right? I have bigger and more important things to worry about. The truth is that I'm really good at letting people know how I feel - but rather than yelling and screaming, I'm more of a silent type. Silent treatment. It works like a charm to get them to focus on what I want and/or need. And I'll use any tool at my disposal to get what I want! We are all human, so of course I get upset at times. But I don't hold a grudge (not for too long, anyway!) because I totally get it - we all have bad days. So I try to remember when I have felt similarly so I can have a little compassion. I think the world needs more of that!

Do you feel like you're different or more unique than most people you meet? Obviously. I feel like everyone has their own area of genius, and I love to discover which areas those are! So yes, I'm different and unique, but so is everyone else - and that is a beautiful thing. Most people appear to have happier families and relationships than I do, so nope, I don't really consider myself better than anyone. TECHNICALLY, I recognize that we are all equal in God's eyes. But you and I both know that I AM better or at least a little more stand-out than the average majority,. I kind of think I'm an outsider who doesn't belong. I feel kind of silly even choosing this answer, but for some odd reason, something about me makes me feel like I am not like others here. Not necessarily that I'm any better - I just kind of feel like I don't fit in. I had the same problem growing up, and couldn't quite put my finger on it. But every now and then, I might run across a person or two who I really click with, and then, I might feel less alone. I am pretty sure everyone's got something special to offer, me included. But I guess we're all a little different in our own ways. I am literally the only person I know who knows certain facts or understands certain complex ideas. It is exhausting being the only person who actually gets it! These questions and these answers are getting increasingly stupid. Can you even feed yourself??

Do you completely avoid "certain" types of people? I try to avoid people who are toxic and who make my life really difficult. I avoid scumbags, idiots, losers and anyone who doesn't believe what I believe. I believe the truth, while others believe made-up crap. So while I might on occasion try to get these people to see the truth out of the kindness of my heart, I'm not going to try and spend a bunch of time with them either. I will spend time with literally anyone who is willing to treat me the way I deserve, or who is willing to do with me what I like to do. But I won't waste my time with someone who refuses to see things my way - why should I? I steer clear of the obvious dangerous types - criminals, abusers, people who are constantly trying to drag me into their drama. I am healing or healed, and I'd prefer not to be retriggered. At least this is where I am at since I realized that I am not, in fact, a doormat! So freeing. I just want people to like me or to at least tolerate me, so I am pretty dang flexible in my friendships! I hate to admit it, but I've been called a people-pleaser at least once by someone who wanted to help me. So I'm working on it. These questions are making me wonder if you're even a real person. Clearly you are not quite right in the head. Or you're just really as stupid as you seem right now.

What are your plans for the next five years? I am going to take the world by storm! And then I'll get rich and find the perfect partner(s) and live a life that is almost worthy of my amazing self. I have no clue, but I do hope things change so that my life feels less painful than it does now. I have a five year plan that will not be interrupted by anyone, at least not if they're smart enough to understand that they better not cross me! I have a plan, but it is pretty flexible. Life happens, you know? You have to be willing to roll with the punches. I'm not a huge planner, but I do hope I'll find a way to be happy and have a few good people close to me! I have no idea. Why do you keep asking questions that don't matter? Can't you just get to the point already? You are a little slow, huh?

Do you believe you've ever been emotionally or psychologically abused by another person? I'm not really sure, but I have read or been told that it's a possibility based on my own assessment of my experiences. I do think so, sadly. I would never allow anyone to hurt me like that, and if they did, I'd make sure they only did it once. Hell hath no fury, and all that. Are you implying I might be weak or incompetent by asking me this question? Because I am not those things, and this question sort of offends me for some reason. Well, no, but... my ex (or another person in my life) has accused ME of being a narcissist or toxic person, but clearly THEY are the one who has the nerve to make up these crazy stories. Clearly, they lack intelligence and are just trying to get attention for some reason. I absolutely have been abused and I am doing my best to heal so I can avoid getting hurt like this in the future. No one in my life knows this (or very few people do, anyway), but I think this is happening in my life RIGHT NOW. Someone I care about is actively treating me badly, and I don't have anyone to talk to about it because I don't want anyone to think badly of this person, or because they would not believe me anyway.

How often do you feel jealous of other people? Why would I feel jealous? I'm obviously far above and beyond them anyway. I sometimes feel jealous, especially when my spouse or partner (or other close relationship) seems to compare me to another person or actively focuses on getting their attention or giving them attention. I try really hard to let stuff go and I might even keep it to myself - but it hurts me down to my soul. Jealousy is something I feel nearly all the time, but I act like I'm above everyone else or I just ignore them to focus on my own needs, wants and areas of interest. Gotta put yourself first, amirite? I think everyone has a bout of jealousy from time to time. What matters is putting things in to perspective and doing your best to figure out how much (or how little) of what I'm feeling is accurate and how much is my old insecurity issues raring their ugly head. I am working on being more confident. You are a real piece of work, lady. These questions are seriously making me doubt I should listen to anything you or anyone else says. I have been a jealous person in the past, but have worked through it and now feel far more empowered than I used to - so I don't let it bother me even if I feel jealous from time to time.

What would you do if your friend or coworker got credit for something you did? I'd be totally fine with that. It doesn't matter who gets the credit, so long as the thing gets done and done right. Honestly, it would bother me - maybe a lot. But I'd do my best to communicate my part in the project or accomplishment to the people who need to hear it. I would of course stay respectful and if at all possible, I'd avoid attempting to incriminate the other person involved. I don't want to hurt anyone if I can avoid it! I am more of a 'take no prisoners' type of person. They better watch their back if they try to take credit for anything I've put my blood, sweat and tears into! Wait, who took credit for my stuff? Send me their location and I'll handle this poop myself! I definitely would hate that - I am human after all. But I'd take whatever legal and socially acceptable measures I could to right the situation if I felt it was important enough. Boundaries are important and I've been working on learning how to be better at enforcing mine.

How do you feel when an event or gathering is specifically focused on someone else? I love that! I am always excited to celebrate the people in my life. Truthfully, it might not always be super fun, but I'll be there to support my people when they need me, if at all possible. Events and gatherings can be about people other than me?? Yeah, right. I wouldn't know because I'm definitely not going to show up to hide in the corner while someone else gets all the attention and praise. What am I, chopped liver? I will totally go, and I will totally steal the show, baby. That is just what happens when I show up - it's the risk they take when they invite me, you know? I'm going to be there, for sure. But only because I am obligated or feel otherwise coerced to do it. Some people are very controlling. It isn't really about me, but that's totally cool. I'll be there with bells on. I literally cringe when someone invites me anywhere, because I know someone in my life will make it difficult or uncomfortable if I even try to go I hate getting invited to anything that is boring or lame. So I get really angry and occasionally yell at the people who have the nerve to do this to me. I mean, obviously I'm going. Because the event isn't really an event without ME!

Why are you taking this test? Someone I care about suggested I might be a narcissist, so I thought I'd double check. I got to reading and/or watching videos, and I started thinking that maybe I really am the one causing all the issues. I told someone in my life I think they might be struggling with NPD or narcissistic tendencies and they turned it around on me. I am not perfect, so maybe they are right. I am the one who tends to cause the most conflict in a relationship. At least that's what the other person involved tells me. Honestly, I'm kind of confused so I hope this test offers me some clarity. Because someone close to me told me I am a narcissist and they are clearly not smart enough to even spot the difference between their own butt and a hole in the ground. This test will be my proof that they are completely and totally wrong - as USUAL. Lady, I swear, if you ask me ONE MORE QUESTION like this, I'm totally going to lose it. Why won't you just give it up and tell me I'm not a dang narcissist already so I can prove my point to someone or at least to myself? Not that you know what you're talking about anyway. Dummy. I'd have called you something WAY worse than that if I were the one writing this lame quiz, you know.