Researchers say that people who score high on the NPI are more likely to cheat in game-play and romantic relationships. They also put themselves before others by taking more resources for themselves and leave fewer for others, and they value material things above people. They also might be obsessively concerned with their outer appearance – unless, of course, they’re a covert type of narcissist.
Narcissistic Personality Inventory Test With Scoring Guide: 40 Questions
Here’s the test in writing. Read each question and choose A or B. Write down your answers or type them into a document, and then score them using the guide at the end of the test.
1. A. I have a natural talent for influencing people.
B. I am not good at influencing people.2. A. Modesty doesn’t become me.
B. I am essentially a modest person.
3. A. I would do almost anything on a dare.
B. I tend to be a fairly cautious person.
4. A. When people compliment me I sometimes get embarrassed.
B. I know that I am good because everybody keeps telling me so.
5. A. The thought of ruling the world frightens the hell out of me.
B. If I ruled the world it would be a better place.
6. A. I can usually talk my way out of anything.
B. I try to accept the consequences of my behavior.
7. A. I prefer to blend in with the crowd.
B. I like to be the center of attention.
8. A. I will be a success.
B. I am not too concerned about success.
9. A. I am no better or worse than most people.
B. I think I am a special person.
10. A. I am not sure if I would make a good leader.
B. I see myself as a good leader.
11. A. I am assertive.
B. I wish I were more assertive.
12. A. I like to have authority over other people.
B. I don’t mind following orders.
13. A. I find it easy to manipulate people.
B. I don’t like it when I find myself manipulating people.
14. A. I insist upon getting the respect that is due me.
B. I usually get the respect that I deserve.
15. A. I don’t particularly like to show off my body.
B. I like to show off my body.
16. A. I can read people like a book.
B. People are sometimes hard to understand.
17. A. If I feel competent I am willing to take responsibility for making decisions.
B. I like to take responsibility for making decisions.
18. A. I just want to be reasonably happy.
B. I want to amount to something in the eyes of the world.
19. A. My body is nothing special.
B. I like to look at my body.
20. A. I try not to be a show off.
B. I will usually show off if I get the chance.
21. A. I always know what I am doing.
B. Sometimes I am not sure of what I am doing.
22. A. I sometimes depend on people to get things done.
B. I rarely depend on anyone else to get things done.
23. A. Sometimes I tell good stories.
B. Everybody likes to hear my stories.
24. A. I expect a great deal from other people.
B. I like to do things for other people.
25. A. I will never be satisfied until I get all that I deserve.
B. I take my satisfactions as they come.
26. A. Compliments embarrass me.
B. I like to be complimented.
27. A. I have a strong will to power.
B. Power for its own sake doesn’t interest me.
28. A. I don’t care about new fads and fashions.
B. I like to start new fads and fashions.
29. A. I like to look at myself in the mirror.
B. I am not particularly interested in looking at myself in the mirror.
30. A. I really like to be the center of attention.
B. It makes me uncomfortable to be the center of attention.
31. A. I can live my life in any way I want to.
B. People can’t always live their lives in terms of what they want.
32. A. Being an authority doesn’t mean that much to me.
B. People always seem to recognize my authority.
33. A. I would prefer to be a leader.
B. It makes little difference to me whether I am a leader or not.
34. A. I am going to be a great person.
B. I hope I am going to be successful.
35. A. People sometimes believe what I tell them.
B. I can make anybody believe anything I want them to.
36. A. I am a born leader.
B. Leadership is a quality that takes a long time to develop.
37. A. I wish somebody would someday write my biography.
B. I don’t like people to pry into my life for any reason.
38. A. I get upset when people don’t notice how I look when I go out in public.
B. I don’t mind blending into the crowd when I go out in public.
39. A. I am more capable than other people.
B. There is a lot that I can learn from other people.
40. A. I am much like everybody else.
B. I am an extraordinary person.
SCORING KEY:Assign one point for each response that matches the key.
1, 2 and 3:A
11, 12, 13, 14:A
17, 18, 19, 20:B
29, 30, 31:A
36, 37, 38, 39:A
About the Scores:
The average score for the general population is 15.3. The average score for celebrities is 17.8.
It’s really important that you consider which traits are dominant. So, a final score that reflects more points on vanity, entitlement, exhibitionism, and exploitativeness should raise more concern than a high score in authority, self-sufficiency, and superiority, for example.
This test does not offer the full spectrum of scoring as it does not take into account the seven narcissistic component traits as follows.
When you figure out that you’re dealing with narcissistic abuse in a toxic relationship, you learn quickly that not only is the narcissist unlikely to change, but that your best bet for a safe and happy future means ending the relationship and moving on. This is a scary but often necessary step that survivors of narcissistic abuse need to take to fully recover from the abuse and trauma they’ve suffered.
But no amount of planning will give you the courage you need to finally get the strength to leave the narcissist, will it? What will?
Justified Rage Propels You Forward
Justified rage or anger is sort of like fear with a little courage thrown in, sometimes. And if I’m being honest, ending my relationship with my narcissist was sparked by anger – I had to get angry before I could get away.
There is such a thing as constructive anger, and it is this kind of anger that causes you to stand up and to create positive change in both yourself and your life circumstances.
Sometimes, anger can help neutralize your fear and power up your gumption to get you through the hard transitions – the things you might just be afraid to conquer without that little push of emotion. Leaving a narcissist is one of those things. But why?
There’s the trauma bond factor to consider, but then there’s also the fact that when you’ve been through narcissistic abuse, you often don’t trust yourself, and for a lot of us, it’s only justified anger that will get us out.
A lot of people think that anger is all bad – but that’s not always the case. And while I’m sure someone will disagree with me, I think that, sometimes, for those of us who have been stuck in narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships, we need something big to get us to take real action.
We spend so much time being afraid, sad, alone – and feeling not good enough – that being angry can wake us up and propel us into action.
How do I stop feeling scared and take action to leave my abuser?
Here, I’m responding to a question from a viewer and a member of my online support group for narcissistic abuse survivors.
THE QUESTION – A SPANily Support Group Member Asked: “HOW DO I GO FROM FEELING SCARED, ALONE AND SAD TO FINDING THE ANGER I NEED TO TAKE ACTION AND LEAVE OR GET OVER THE NARCISSIST?”
In this video, I’ll give you the bottom line on anger, and I will explain what I mean by starting with a story from my own life.
Your turn: after you watch the video – tell me what you think.
Have you experienced this need to stop being sad and start getting mad – and take the action you need to get safe and back to your true self? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section below. Let’s discuss it!
“Emotional abuse is the silent monster in our midst, occurring in neighbors’ and loved ones’ homes more than we realize. It is a tragic situation that’s a daily reality for millions. Widespread illegal activity is being ignored when people are victimized in their own homes. What emotional abusers are doing to their victims is criminal and has to be stopped.” ~Gunta Krumins
When You Cut Ties With a Narcissistic Parent
Reader Question: I have cut ties with my narcissistic father, and a lot of people ask why I don’t speak to him because they cannot fathom not speaking to a parent. It would be so helpful to have 1) a simple and standard reply to give to general acquaintances who ask “why don’t you see your father?” and then 2) something more for those who are close friends who really care but have trouble understanding. People who’ve not experienced emotional abuse cannot relate. I’d like to be able to articulate something that curious or interested people can relate to. Any ideas?
How do you explain why you went no contact with your toxic parent?
When you are affected by emotional abuse in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, it can be really tough to explain to some people, especially if you’ve done your best to hide the problem up until the time you try to explain.
Generally, you don’t even tell a lot of people about the abuse you’re suffering – and sometimes, you don’t even realize you’re BEING abused – and that’s because this kind of abuse can really sneak up on you. But usually, when you begin to realize that there’s an issue, you are so deep within the enmeshment of your relationship that you need to reconnect with your support network.
Often, you need to explain why you’re leaving. Or, in some situations, you may need to help mutual friends or family members understand what you were dealing with, whether it’s to get support leaving or to explain why you’ve gone – many times they don’t even realize there’s a big issue, because narcissists are so good at keeping their masks on outside of people who they don’t consider “inner circle.”
Because narcissists seem to helpful/happy/easygoing/awesome to these people, they can’t imagine a world in which that “poor guy” could ever be what you claim he is – and that leads to a lot of painful questioning and pressure, and/or “flying monkey” behaviors. In either case, your life will get really difficult.
You’ll need two answers – the extended version, for people who really care, and a short and sweet version, for those who don’t need all the details.
Note: If you haven’t already told everyone who really needs to know, you might consider sending out a few letters to explain in advance – use the following FAQ as a guidelines for deciding which objections you might get from people, and then head them off in the letter.
(If that’s not an option, just use these answers on the fly.)
The Short Answer: What to Say When Someone Asks Why You’ve Gone No-Contact
Generally, you don’t owe most people an explanation, and if they ask, you can just say that “it’s a long story” and that it’s better this way.
If the person is someone who deserves an answer, such as members of the family, you can simply explain that the relationship has always been difficult and you are no longer able to try to fix it and preserve your mental and emotional health at the same time. Don’t say anything directly bad about your dad – just let them know that it isn’t a healthy relationship for you at the time.
Coach Tip: If you have other family members who support your decision to go no-contact, ask them ahead of time if they’d be okay with helping to field the questions if they become overwhelming for you.
The Extended Version: Answers to Specific Questions Related to Going No Contact With Parents
How to Answer Questions from Family Members and Interested Friends When You Have to Explain Why You Went No-Contact with a Narcissistic Parent
Q. Why don’t you talk to your narcissistic father (or mother) anymore?
A. I decided to stop all contact between my father and me because we’ve always (or for a very long time) had a very difficult relationship. I have decided that in order to preserve my own mental and physical health/wellbeing, I need to stop making these futile efforts.
Note: I always tell people that trying to communicate with a narcissist and hoping you’ll actually getting throguh to him can be compared to banging your head against a brick wall and hoping it will make your headache go away. It’s the opposite of what’s going to happen.
Q. Would it help if I talked to him for you? You don’t want to stay no-contact forEVER, do you?
A. Thank you so much for offering – your support means the world to me, and I’ll let you know if I need help. For now, I’d really appreciate it if you’d please respect my carefully considered decision. That means please don’t try to help me reconcile – I don’t want you to be a go-between and I don’t want you to help to get us back together.
Q. I can’t imagine not wanting to see your own father! How can you be so cold?
A. Please understand that I did not and do not take this decision lightly. It has taken a lot of soul-searching and consideration to get here. I have very substantial reasons, but for the sake of integrity, I’d rather not talk about them. (NOTE: You can explain as much as you’re comfortable with to those who you believe will be able to understand. But you are NOT required to do that.)
Q. But I’ve known you since you were a kid, and you always seemed happy. You never said you were being abused!
A. You’re right. But you didn’t see what happened behind closed doors, and I’ve learned that emotionally abused kids tend to be hard to detect because they are so desperate for love and approval that they are often on their best behavior at all times in an effort to win their parents’ love and attention.
Q. I don’t understand you! Your parents did EVERYTHING for you – you never went without anything. What was so bad?
A. It’s really common for narcissistic parents to provide their kids with all of the physical necessities and often even material possessions, but they don’t do this out of love; they do it in order to be better than other people. And while they’re piling on the “goodies,” they are often starving their children of the basic kindness, gentleness, and understanding that kids need. They never experience the sense of “unconditional love” that some kids feel from their parents – and the sense of pride/approval that we all seek.
Q. But why didn’t you TELL ME sooner?
A. To be honest, it’s really common for children who are emotionally abused to not realize it until they’re older. According to my research, it’s because in order to get through the difficulties faced by children of narcissists, you have to create a certain sort of false reality in order to survive it. It might be in part due to the fact that most children aren’t able to understand what’s happening to them, and in some cases, they don’t realize that their home-lives aren’t normal. And kids become unwilling conspirators for emotionally abusive parents in helping them hide their behavior.
Q. But your parents always said such great things about you!
A. That’s partially because narcissists want everyone to believe that every part of their lives are perfect and because as the child of a narcissist, he sees you as a simple extension of himself. So, if he said something bad about YOU, then he’d be saying something bad about HIM to that person (in his mind, anyway), if that makes any sense.
Now it’s your turn. Have you survived going no-contact before, and if so, what did you say to people who asked? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section. You never know who you might help.
Get Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Here
Is your parent a narcissist? If so, these resources will be helpful for you.
If you put a frog in a pot of boiling water, he’s going to try and jump out immediately – because that water HURTS and he instinctively recognizes the danger. Right?
But if you took that same frog and you stuck him in a pot of tepid water, he’d think it was all good at first. He’d probably get comfortable and start doing some fun little froggy kicks in the new “pool.”
Now, if you slowly heated the temperature up and it gradually reached a boiling point, he’s probably relax even more, thinking how lucky he was to land in this awesome little frog spa situation.
But as just as that poor frog got used to the heat – he’d find himself chopped up on a plate before he knew what hit him.
It’s the same deal with toxic relationships.
When you first meet a narcissist, you find yourself feeling very comfortable – oddly so, and fast – and that’s because the narcissist knows exactly how to draw in an unsuspecting victim.
He love-bombs you, puts you up on that seemingly un-tippable pedestal, but the truth is that it’s all an illusion – and by now, you’ve already found yourself being scalded by the proverbial boiling water.
Like the frog who is slowly cooked to death, a narcissist will slowly rob you of your personal truth. Before you know it, you’ll find yourself feeling empty, alone and sort of “dead inside.”
Expecting to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
Exaggerating your achievements and talents
Being preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
Believing that you are superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people
Requiring constant admiration
Having a sense of entitlement
Expecting special favors and unquestioning compliance with your expectations
Taking advantage of others to get what you want
Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
Being envious of others and believing others envy you
Behaving in an arrogant or haughty manner
Today, let’s dive a little deeper and discuss symptoms and risk factors of NPD.
Identifying Narcissistic Personality Disorder
How do you know it’s NPD?
As you can guess from the official list of symptoms above, a diagnosis of NPD would typically be made when five or more of the characteristics are identified – but generally, the condition goes undiagnosed because narcissists see nothing wrong with their behavior.
People who are involved with narcissists and those who have NPD typically report the following kinds of behaviors and characteristics – do we see a pattern?
The belief that he or she is “special” and the desire to only associate with people he or she perceives are on their wavelength or who will “appreciate” them.
The need for excessive admiration from those around him or her.
The expectation of especially favorable treatment and automatic agreement by people around him or her.
The exploitation of others around them for their own benefit or advancement.
Inability to empathize with others.
Feels envious of others, but also feels that others are envious of him or her.
Acts arrogant, and may try to disguise arrogance with ethics.
Displays an exaggerated sense of self-importance and is typically extremely judgmental.
People with NPD are good at making those around them, especially people who don’t know them intimately, believe that they are something special. Family members of people dealing with NPD will typically find themselves trying to please him or her, and feeling guilty if they fail. They may even be afraid of how the person with NPD will react if their desires can’t be met or if they are defied in some way.
Risk Factors for NPD: Why People Become Narcissists
People always ask how narcissistic personality disorder develops in a person. They want to know: how are narcissists created? How do narcissists become narcissists? Does narcissism develop as a result of nurture or nature?
According to some researchers, NPD may be developed when a parent fails to act empathetically toward the sufferer during his or her infancy. This is common among those born to very young parents or those born to mothers who suffer from postpartum depression or psychosis.
Those who live in unpredictable situations and who feel they cannot rely on their parents are also at risk, as are those who are learning manipulative behavior from their parents.
When this happens, the child gets sort of emotionally “stuck” at an early stage of development and while they may later understand logically that others exist and have real feelings and needs, they may not ever fully embrace it emotionally. While a “normal” child will usually develop feelings of empathy for others around them by the time they hit kindergarten, those suffering from NPD never do–leaving them to become adults with the empathic capacity of an infant.
Are you dealing with narcissistic abuse in a toxic relationship?
Need support in your recovery from narcissistic abuse? If you’re dealing with a malignant narcissist or someone with narcissistic personality disorder, you’ll definitely heal faster with the right kind of support. Which one is right for you? Here are a few options.