Good news: you’re not (anywhere NEAR) alone–and there’s hope for you yet!
We all do things that can be annoying or that others find troublesome. Sometimes, we even have a habit that’s irritating to ourselves (even though we’re the ones doing it), but we can’t stop doing it over and over anyway.
Stand up with me, hot wives of the world! Isn’t it time to take action to become the best possible versions of ourselves?
Let’s do this. Try these steps to make a big impact on your life and your marriage.
Identify the issue.
In order to get rid of a weed, first you have to notice it. Negative habits are the same. If you take a moment to recognize these undesirable ways, you’ve taken the first step toward doing something about them.
Now that you’ve identified the weed, notice how it’s choking out the cucumbers and tomatoes you’re trying to grow. Negative habits result in negative consequences.
- For example, when you interrupt your partner (the bad habit), their feelings get hurt or they get angry (the negative consequence).
- When you eat donuts for breakfast (the bad habit), you’ll gain weight or end up with high cholesterol (the negative consequence).
Make a conscious decision.
If you want to expel a negative habit, make the choice to stop. Rather than saying, “I’ll try to stop interrupting my partner,” say, “I won’t interrupt my partner.”
Build in a safety net.
Come up with a plan to use when you slip back into your bad habit. This plan should help you get back on track. For example, say to yourself, “If I accidently interrupt my partner, I’ll stop talking and apologize for it immediately.”
- Since most of us find apologizing less than enjoyable, you’ll learn that your safety net is meant to help you curb the habit.
Use diversion. Some habits can be combatted by diverting our attention.
- For example, when your co-worker arrives with a box of donuts, you could go to your office, close the door, and begin checking your email. Or you could go to talk to your supervisor about a project you’re working on.
- Find a positive action to distract you while you’re avoiding the donuts. Not only will you avoid the donuts, but you’ll accomplish something positive as well!
Replace old habits with new ones.
Plan in advance to do a specific action each time you find yourself doing the old habit. Replacement gives you the opportunity to implement a positive habit rather than the negative one you’re trying to avoid.
- For example, rather than interrupting your spouse, you could gaze into their eyes and listen to every word. Instead of eating a donut, you could eat a delicious yogurt with fresh fruit.
Expect relapses, but cease the old behavior swiftly.
Especially at the beginning, you’ll tend to backslide into your negative habit. Stop the behavior the moment you notice it and you’ll be surprised at how quickly you can rid yourself of that habit.
Weed out those negative habits and live in a “garden” that’s positive, healthy, and happy. Your life is filled with plenty of positive actions. Avoid letting those few negative ones take your life in an unfavorable direction and watch how HOT you become! <3
How do you weed out the negativity in your life? Share your thoughts, ideas and experiences in the comments section, below!
Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy.
She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.