Fear is a part of life, and some fear is helpful. You’re afraid to stick your hand into a fire or to jump off a cliff. If you weren’t afraid of anything, you wouldn’t live long. But most fears are crippling and influence your decisions in negative ways.
Imagine you’re walking through the woods and get a thorn in your arm. You would likely remove it and go about your life with little thought of that mild injury. But imagine if you didn’t deal with it.
Eventually, that thorn would affect many of your decisions:
* It would become infected and sore.
* You would be careful not to bump anything.
* You’d avoid most sports.
* You would protect yourself anytime someone walked to close.
* Eventually, you might even develop a special cover to tape over it.
* Then you must worry about finding clothes that fit over it.
* You couldn’t swim because the tape might come off.
* It would affect your sleeping position, and so on.
Fears are the same way. A fear of talking to strangers affects the decisions you make in your social life and career. We avoid all types of things to ensure we don’t stir up the negative emotions caused by our fears.
The more fears you have, the less freedom you enjoy.
Try these techniques to transcend your fears and claim the level of freedom you deserve:
1. Become more aware. There’s a big world out there with a variety of perspectives. Yours might not be the best perspective. You might believe that a fear of public speaking is totally normal and justified. But is it, What is the worst that could happen if you make a mistake, No one is going to stone you.
* Look at all your fears and make a list of them.
* Decide which are causing your life the most grief. Which fears do you spend the most time working around, Which are the most limiting,
3. Deal with your fears a little at a time. For example, if you’re afraid of public speaking, try giving a speech to your child, nephew, or niece. Then trying giving it to three of them. Build up your tolerance until you can speak to thousands.
* You can also use a psychologist if you’re not making a lot of progress on your own.
5. Use a journal. Writing can often be more helpful than thinking. We take the things we write more seriously than our self-talk. You talk to yourself constantly throughout the day. What will one more thought accomplish, Use a journal to record your thoughts, fears, and your progress.
Imagine a life without any irrational fears. What would you do if you weren’t afraid of failing, You can measure your personal freedom by number of fears you possess. Everyone develops fears as a natural consequence of living. You have a choice. You don’t have to keep your fears. Spend some time each day dealing with your fears and reclaim your life.
“In the ancient world, dancing Bees were special – the Queen Bee in particular, for she was the Mother Goddess – leader and ruler of the hive, and was often portrayed in the presence of adoring Bee Goddesses and Bee Priestesses.” ~Deborah DeLong, RomancingtheBee.com
Are you ready for an interestingly sad/funny/odd story about yet another narcissist? Here we go.
For example, I got this message from a reader through the private messaging system on my Facebook page.
Hi Angela, did you know Sam reposted your article on his Facebook page titled “LESSON: Never tell a dumb person they are dumb.” I follow him on Facebook and read your article. I noticed all the comments were supporting Sam, which seemed weird. I wrote “I agree with her. Sam, way too harsh on someone who sincerely admired you and wanted an interview.” Ten minutes later, he removed my comment then blocked me. What the hell? Even though his insights on narcissism were helpful, he doesn’t get to decide what I say! LESSON: call out a narcissist on their Facebook page and get blocked! #noregrets. Plus, think of the free exposure he is giving you!
Each time someone reached out to me, I felt vindicated and supported at the same time. But, you had to know it: not everyone was so supportive.
The Attack of Vaknin’s Followers
Some of Vaknin’s followers are fellow narcissists. And narcissists? They can’t help themselves.
Despite the fact that they see nothing wrong with their less than human behavior, narcissists can’t help but take an opportunity to proverbially (or literally) “kick” someone while she’s down.
It’s like when a comedian’s on stage before a distracted crowd and some jerkoff starts heckling them from the back row. It’s enough to make anyone feel a little crazy.
But sometimes, the hecklers are so wrapped up in their own special kind of obliviousness that they fail to notice that they are, in fact, entirely predictable.
Your Standard Narcissist: This One is No Different.
Every now and then, one of them strikes out at me in a huff, probably as a direct result of some type of narcissistic injury, real or imagined, as a result of something I wrote.
See, I have written extensively on narcissism, including several books as well as a whole host of articles and blog posts.
My Theory on Narcissists and Insecurity
I have a theory about these folks, and it’s pretty much the same one I have about every narcissist: they are so insecure with themselves that they need to attempt to pull others down to their levels.
In the convoluted mind of a narcissist, this evens the playing field, allowing him to climb up on your proverbial back to reach the level just above yours – but in reality, this behavior simply exposes him for what he truly is – an insecure, sad and lonely little person.
Why We Shouldn’t Feel Angry at Narcissists
It’s really a handicap if you think about it – the crippling insecurity and lack of personal development that leads to narcissism. When it comes to the haters, the naysayers, the bullies, and the narcissists in general, there are things you’ve got to remember if you want to avoid going completely insane.
Do you know what it feels like to be underestimated? It really used to bug me. A lot. But now, I recognize that people are actually not hurting me when they make stupid assumptions about me. They’re simply showing their true ASSumptive selves.
Narcissist See, Narcissist Do: Vaknin’s Fan Fires a Shot
My favorite (absolute favorite) kind of heckler is the unprovoked one. For example, I got a comment on my Facebook wall from a “woman” who promptly blocked me after posting the comment, without even giving me an opportunity to reply.
Since she’s clearly a very insecure person, I thought I’d offer her the pleasure of being the subject of this article.
So, dear “Yuriko Unicorn” (AKA Yuriko Naradi Beniwal, if that’s your real name), this one’s for you.
Sam Vaknin’s Facebook Follower Offers Up Yet Another Display of Narcissism
Apparently, this “fan” of Dr. Sam Vaknin, who recently gaslighted me on Facebook, felt compelled to follow up on Vaknin’s original insults with a few of “her” own.
Now, to be fair, the thought has crossed my mind that this might actually be a Sam Vaknin alternate account, but for now, let’s assume that “Yuriko” is a real person.
I find your use of the metaphor of being a queen bee fascinating…… here’s a biology lesson… there is only 1 queen per hive….. the drones ( the male bees) are born simply to impregnate a new queen when the hive either kills the old queen because she can no longer lay eggs (her only function), or because the hive is too large and it’s time to establish a new hive. The drones never eat… they are never fed by their sisters (the other bees) nor do they eat on their own… after one impregnates the queen, they are driven out of the hive to starve to death or outright killed if the won’t leave by their sister bees. The bees that kill the queen are all her own daughters. Dr. Sam Vaknin says that it is pointless to argue with the stupid…. let’s find out:) BTW, did u know that there are insects called wasps? Like bees, but they are mostly solitary, non hive living… they can sting repeatedly, unlike bees, who die when they sting you:) Buzz buzz buzz….
I honestly could not help but laugh when I read this again just now. I mean, really?
To be fair, I DO like the whole Queen Doing thing, so you can expect me to do something with that in the future. So to my new little block-happy friend, thanks for the thoughts – and thanks for the blog post material. Keep it coming. 🙂
Other than that, I don’t even want to justify this ridiculousness with a response. But I’ll tell you this: I use the Queen Bee in its symbolic form, not its literal one. It is, after all, a symbol.
So tell me: what do you think of this person’s attack? Am I wrong to call it rather narcissistic? Do you believe the person is as insecure as I do? Tell me your thoughts below. I can’t wait to hear your two cents.
Get help with narcissistic abuse recovery, right now.
The QueenBeeing SPANily, Official – We consider this to be the best narcissistic abuse recovery support group on the web. Offers several subgroups and features a vigilant, compassionate admin team full of trained coaches and survivors, supporting more than 12k members. SPAN is an acronym created by Angie Atkinson that stands for Support for People Affected by Narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships.
Other Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups– We also have separate groups for each stage in your narcissistic abuse recovery, as well as some for those who have moved past recovery and are evolving into the next stage of their own life. Survivors have unique and individual needs, even when they’ve moved on – so we’re still here for you.
One-on-One Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching – If you prefer to get more personalized support in your recovery, you might like to schedule a session with one of our coaches to plan and execute your own narcissistic abuse recovery plan.
Find a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapist – If you’re looking for a therapist for narcissistic abuse recovery, either because you cannot afford coaching and want to use your health insurance or because you have additional issues you need to address that do not fall within the realm of coaching, you will want to find the right therapist for you – and as far as we’re concerned, that therapist must understand what you’ve been through. This page offers assistance to help you do exactly that.
“The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.” ~Terry Pratchett
Regardless of your age, you probably want to preserve your mental acuity for the rest of your life.
Thanks to research, scientists are getting an increasingly clear picture of the things people can do to ensure their brains keep working in top form.
Consider these strategies to ensure your mind is working as efficiently as possible. Incorporate as many of these methods as you can into your everyday life to keep your thinking razor-sharp.
Don’t Sit Around All the Time: Move Your Body Often
Engage in consistent exercise. Scientists continue to assert that performing regular aerobic activity, at least 30 minutes a day, is one of the best ways to keep your mind in good shape. You’re never too young or too old to get started on this one and keep up with it. When you exercise, you propagate healthy cells throughout your body.
Don’t Take Shortcuts on Getting Your Nutrients: Eat REAL Healthy Food!
Eat right. When you eat small amounts spread out over the day, your system can better handle the food, resulting in healthier organs, including your brain. Recommended foods are those that are moderate in protein and fat and high in fiber. Build your day around practical eating habits that will ensure you’ll have a mind that’s sharp as a tack.
Don’t Take Supplements: Eat Real Food Instead
Researchers are discovering every day that the use of supplements does not provide everything your body needs. Get your vitamins the old-fashioned way by eating healthy foods.
Choose whole foods. Obtain as many of your vitamins and minerals from food products, rather than supplements and vitamins, as you can. The mind and body respond better to the real thing.
Don’t Get Sick: At Least Avoid It When You Can!
Avoid preventable diseases. If you can steer clear of diabetes, hypertension, and weight gain, your mind will thank you later. Researchers now believe that these illnesses that attack your body are also detrimental to your mental acuity.
Don’t Stay Up All Night: At Least Not Very Often!
Get good sleep. Did you know that chronic sleep issues are related somehow (scientists aren’t sure how) to cognitive decline? Therefore, if you want to stay sharp, get a consistent 7 to 8 hours per night.
Because you can’t really catch up on lost sleep in ways that matter to your brain, make it a goal each evening to get in bed, turn out the light, and go to sleep in plenty of time to get those golden hours of snooze.
Don’t Let Stress Beat You Down: Never Give Into Negative Emotions
Successfully manage your stress. Feeling more relaxed and stress-free is believed to help your memory and keep your brain functioning better. Take whatever steps necessary to banish your stress.
Practicing regular exercise, engaging in fulfilling activities during your time off, and enjoying love in your life keep your stress level down.
Don’t Think You Know It All: Never Stop Learning
Keep learning new things. Although the jury is still out on whether working crosswords, word games, and math challenges keep your mind fit, one clear fact is that education ensures a strong, healthy mind. Learn something new each day.
This year, take that small business class. Next year, join the local birding group to learn all about the local birds. If you want to have a quick mind, never stop learning.
All of these ideas are pragmatic things you can do to keep your brain in great shape. And most of them can be implemented today! Follow these suggestions and you’ll be rewarded with a razor-sharp mind.
Wanna know how I did this? Click the photo to be taken to the book on Amazon.com!
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