When you’re in an abusive relationship, it can be difficult to see the way out. But, you don’t have to be trapped in a relationship with an abusive partner. Here’s some help.
How do you safely leave an abusive partner?
Discover how to separate yourself from them in a safe way by using these strategies:
Be honest with yourself about why you haven’t already left.
Understand why you stay. You can’t gain the courage to leave until you understand why you’re staying. Are these reasons preventing you from leaving,
Maybe you’re staying out of fear.
You may feel stuck in the relationship because it’s the only thing you have right now. Despite the issues, it’s a familiar place. You may even feel secure in the familiarity.
You might even stay because you feel that you deserve to be punished. You’re worried that you won’t be able to find someone else who is better. And, because of the abuse, you may feel responsible for the situation.
In addition, perhaps you believe that you can fix the issues. You may think that if you love your partner enough, then they will stop being abusive.
Focus on getting stronger, mentally and emotionally.
Strengthen your self-esteem.Low self-esteem is at the root of many abusive relationships. Increasing your confidence and self-esteem will help you gain the courage to leave the abuser. You can start by acknowledging that your self-esteem needs work.
Look for causes for your low self-esteem. Were your parents perfectionists who expected too much from you? Did you feel inadequate growing up or at work? Once you have the answers, you can work to resolve your feelings about your past. You can put the past in the past and ensure that these negative feelings don’t affect who you are today.
To raise your self-esteem, do a nice thing for yourself each day. Pay attention to what others say about you that is positive. Journal about it or take notes, so you always have a reminder of your positive aspects.
Set up a proper support system.
Get outside help. It may benefit you to get help from friends, family, or others. You may need to turn to therapy or a doctor. In some cases, outside help is needed to leave an abusive relationship.
Your friends, family, coworkers, or others may be able to assist you so you won’t be alone and can develop the courage to leave. There may also be community resources, nonprofits, and organizations that can help.
Figure out your finances. Are you scared to leave your partner because you depend on them financially? Maybe you’re dealing with financial abuse, too? If you know that you’re financially secure, then it’s easier to leave.
When you have a job, set money aside that your abuser can’t access. You can also ask friends or family to contribute to your savings.
When you don’t have a job, you have to be more creative. You may be able to save money from the stipends you receive. You may be able to sell some items.
Even if you’re not certain about your finances, you can make plans for the future. Prepare for a job that can support you after this relationship ends.
You don’t have to stay with an abusive partner out of fear. Relationships can be difficult to end, but it’s not impossible. Figure out a way to escape and leave them, even if you need someone to help you do it. There are resources and people who can help you get out of your abusive situation and get started in a healthier life.
Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today
Are you self-aware? After you’ve been through narcissistic abuse, you might not be as self-aware as you think.
The definition of self-awareness is having a high degree of knowledge about yourself. It’s awareness of your habits, emotional tendencies, needs, desires, strengths, and weaknesses.
Having a high level of self-awareness is a powerful tool. It allows you to change your life more effectively, since you know how you tick.
People who lack self-awareness find life to be frustrating, quite often – so right now, that might include you – and it most definitely includes a lot of narcissists, believe it or not. I know that sounds confusing, but stick with me.
1. Notice your thoughts. Unless you’ve been meditating for years, your mind is constantly churning through ideas and endlessly providing commentary. You can’t just look at a tree and admire it, your mind has to comment, “That’s a beautiful tree.”
Notice your thinking patterns.
What are you thinking when you’re feeling nervous?
Walking down the street?
Notice that similar situations result in similar thought patterns.
Do you judge people and situations?
Do you spend a lot of time thinking about the past or the future?
Do you expect the worst to happen or the best? Or do you adopt an attitude of, “Let’s just see what happens” instead?
2. Notice your feelings.
What are you feeling throughout the day?
What do you feel while you’re eating?
Driving to work?
Lying in bed?
Waiting in line?
Once you’ve notice your emotion, question it.
What am I feeling? Why?
What do I need right now?
How do I normally react in this situation?
Is that smart?
3. Understand how you deal with frustration or emotional discomfort. A huge chunk of your time is spent trying to make yourself feel better. If you feel slightly frustrated or uncomfortable, then you may spend a tremendous amount of time and energy trying to change the situation or the others around you to resolve those negative feelings.
Do you try to control others?
Do you attempt to distract yourself?
Is your first instinct to leave the situation?
Do you surf the internet or eat a big bowl of ice cream?
4. Examine your friendships.
Where do you find your friends?
Are most of your friendships long-term or short?
When your friendships end, what is the common cause?
What types of people do you prefer to be friends with?
What types of people do you avoid?
5. Examine your intimate relationships.
Do you see a pattern in the type of people that you’ve been involved with?
What are the negative characteristics they all share?
Why do you think those people appealed to you?
What were your shortcomings in your relationships?
Are you clingy? Jealous? Too focused on work?
Failed to communicate your needs?
Think about how you contributed to the failure of your relationships. Have you changed your approach from relationship to relationship, or do you continue to repeat your mistakes?
6. Keep a journal. There’s no better way to learn about yourself than to record your thoughts, feelings, and experiences each day. Studies have shown that we don’t remember our past very accurately, so record it while it’s still fresh in your mind. Be sure to include your high and low points for the day. Note how well you ate and slept, too. You might find some useful information. * Create a habit of writing in your journal for at least 15 minutes each day. You’ll start to notice patterns and learn a lot about yourself. Understanding yourself might be the most important piece of your self-development puzzle. If you don’t understand yourself, it’s difficult to apply all the great information available today. Maintain an awareness of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Examine and question them. You’ll be surprised by what you find.
“Feeling confident – or pretending that you feel confident – is necessary to reach for opportunities. It’s a cliché, but opportunities are rarely offered; they’re seized.” ~Sheryl Sandberg
It could happen to anyone. We have a dream – maybe we even plan our whole lives. And then stuff happens. Life happens, and sometimes we find ourselves stuck in some dead-end job we don’t love, wishing we could be doing whatever it is that we REALLY want to do.
I know, because it happened to me.
Regardless of your life decisions, deciding on a career can sometimes be difficult. After spending a few years studying in a particular field, one would think that your career choice is obvious. Sometimes, though, uncertainty looms because you aren’t fully connected to the field.
Have you chosen a certain career direction because your parents want you to do it? Keep in mind that your ideal career should be something that still gives you joy ten years down the line.
Unsure About Your Career Choice?3 Ways to Know You’re on the Right Track
Use this guide to figure out if you’re on the right career path:
You have an innate skill set.Some individuals are just more naturally aligned with certain careers than others. Is that the case with you and your career choice?
Think back to your childhood. Is your work related to something that you had a knack for growing up? Did related activities interest you? If yes, you’re probably on the right track.
How easy is it for you to understand the field’s complex concepts? If you find yourself breezing through things that others find difficult, you likely have the natural ability for it.
Do you feel “at home” finding solutions to challenges in your field? If so, it likely means that you’re doing what you’re meant to be doing.
Your eyes light up when working.On the flip side of having natural abilities is the concept of being passionate. You’re probably good at many things, but which ones are you passionate about?
If your eyes light up, it represents excitement about doing something that aligns with your soul. You can put it right up there with sharing special moments with beloved family members.
Are there times when hours pass by without you even realizing it? Being so engrossed in your work that very little else matters usually means that you love what you’re doing!
Once you find yourself talking about your career to family, friends, and even strangers, you’re likely in the career of your dreams! Is your career constantly on the forefront of your mind?
Your earning power is irrelevant.Careers that cater to the passionate side are usually fulfilling all on their own.There’s a pride you get from producing something good, regardless of what your paycheck looks like.
When you’re doing something you love, you spend your time ensuring you do it well. The financial benefit that comes along with work is important, but it’s definitely secondary to doing something you love!
Have you ever found that bonuses on the job feel less exciting to you than to your co-workers? It’s probably because the income plays second fiddle in your life.
Strangely enough, working in a fulfilling career negates the desire to seek material fulfillment elsewhere. You may even find that your earnings pile up because you really don’t have the desire to spend it!
The formula for assessing career suitability is really easy. For the most part, it just requires a little introspection. Give thought to what matters most to you. If, after defining those things, your career comes out on top, you’re on the right track.
Take the time to listen to your heart as you choose your life’s work.Be thoughtful when it comes to determining your ideal career path.
Need a little more help getting on track? I’ve got a free gift for you this weekend only! Check it out below.
If you feel so inclined, I’d love it if you’d consider leaving me a review on Amazon.com, but that’s not a requirement. You can just download the book and read it and move on with your (definitely better after reading it) life! 😉
“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” ~Dale Carnegie
In my experience as an individual as well as in my practice as a life coach, perception is what it’s all about. Just like Dale Carnegie said, it’s not what you have, who you are or what you’re doing that makes you happy or not – it’s all about what you think about.
With that in mind, I am well-aware that everyone needs to look at things differently in order to truly “get” it, so I’m offering up this roundup of what the experts say are the secrets to happiness.
Each link will take you to a more detailed article that offers that particular author’s (or study’s) take on what it takes to be happy. Check them out, below.
Why Danish People Are Happier Than Everyone Else – Apparently, it’s all in their DNA! Genetics could be the key to explaining nation’s levels of happiness, according to research from the University of Warwick, where researchers say they have looked at why certain countries top the world happiness rankings. In particular, they have found the closer a nation is to the genetic makeup of Denmark, the happier that country is. The research could help to solve the puzzle of why a country like Denmark so regularly tops the world happiness rankings.Warwick
The Secret to Happiness, According to Kids – In the search for happiness, adults are turning to Eckhart Tolle and Joel Osteen and Xanax and Valium and diets and surgery. But we may only have to look to the schoolyard for the remedy. Our survey discovered five reasons kids are grinning ear to ear, and adults would be wise to put down the self-help books and take a lesson on happiness from their children. Check out the link to find out how kids take control of their own happiness and how you can too. Huffington Post
Five Life Lessons for a Happier and More Meaningful Life, According to Harvard Researchers – A group of Harvard researchers recently produced “a comprehensive, flesh-and-blood picture of some of life’s fundamental questions: how we grow and change, what we value as time goes on, and what is likely to make us happy and fulfilled.” The Harvard Grant Study provides an unrivaled glimpse into a subset of humanity, following 268 male Harvard undergraduates from the classes of 1938-1940 (now well into their 90s) for 75 years, collecting data on various aspects of their lives at regular intervals. And the conclusions are universal. The Huffington Post did a fab roundup of the five lessons from the Grant Study to apply to your own pursuit of a happier and more meaningful life. Check them out inside this link.
The Secrets of Happiness, According to Psychological Research – It’s not about how rich you are, and it’s not about how young you are. In fact, happiness is a whole other thing, according to researchers at the National Institute on Aging, who say they’ve found that well-being is “strongly influenced by enduring characteristics of the individual. In a 10-year study, they found that, regardless of whether their marital status, job, or residence had changed, people with a happy disposition in 1973 were still happy in 1983.” This is good news, scientists say. “Given the right disposition, in the face of difficulty, people can still find renewed happiness.” What makes for a happy disposition? Who are these people who stay basically up despite life’s downs? Visit this link to find out the four traits that happy people share. Psychology Today