Embrace Your Power in Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Flow, Don’t Fight Your Way to Healing – Use the law of attraction to your advantage in your healing process. Getting through a relationship with someone with NPD is challenging enough – if you want real personal development, you’ve got to stop fighting and start flowing into your personal truth and your personal power. Manifest the life you want using the law of attraction (the secret) manifestation technique that begins with FLOWING!
How can I believe in the law of attraction when I’ve been through narcissistic abuse? Better yet: Why do bad things happen to good people if the law of attraction is real?
“No one can tell you all that love is, but I can tell you what it isn’t. One thing that I’ve found to be true is that REAL LOVE doesn’t hurt – at all. And when you are hurting, it’s not from a place of love! Don’t confuse the two.” ~Tony Gaskins, Jr. on Toxic Love, The Daily Love
Understanding Narcissistic Rage
This kind of rage manifests when a narcissist vents his frustration when their ego takes a hit. Since narcissists have an inflated level of self-importance, they often find it hard to deal with criticism, real or perceived. So, if you or someone else happens to insult the narcissist’s fragile ego, you can expect a serious backlash – and it’s not going to be pretty.
If you’re currently in a toxic relationship involving a narcissist, it’s important that you understand these narcissistic rages and why they happen – and even if you’ve already left your narcissist, it might help you to understand WHY you were treated the way you were – because truly, it wasn’t (and ISN’T) your fault.
What is narcissistic rage?
Often coupled with narcissistic injury, narcissistic rage is used by a narcissist when they know they’re wrong but won’t admit it, or when they don’t get what they want, or when people don’t treat them different or more special than others, or when their sense of entitlement is threatened – anytime things don’t go their way. This is when narcissists get inconsolably angry in an attempt to bully or coerce you into giving them what they want.
Why causes a narcissist to rage?
Psychologists have identified several typical causes for narcissistic behavior and personalities, including a general obsession with self, often gained through certain experiences during childhood. They often have an addiction to anger, and as they rage, it’s often because of a blow to their inflated sense of self-esteem.
They may often make self-deprecating statements, no doubt silently begging you to disagree with them and tell them how amazing, beautiful, wonderful, and perfect they REALLY are…and when you don’t, the rage could begin.
As I said, a narcissistic rage often launches when narcs become defensive because they think you’re insulting them (or if you attempted to communicate a problem or concern about your relationship with one). They may also be caused when a narcissist finds himself feeling unfulfilled and blames the victim/target for that feeling. The narcissist feels powerful when they rage at you, and they’re not likely to stop until their requirements are met – or until they get bored or tired of it.
What if the narcissist doesn’t get what they want when they rage?
As we’ve previously discussed, narcissists believe that by appearing perfect, they can get the love, admiration, attention, and/or respect they feel they deserve. But when they think that someone feels they’re “not perfect” or “not good enough,” they often find themselves feeling shameful or anxious. Sometimes this can manifest as guilt or anger.
In any case, when a narcissist’s self-esteem takes a hit, they might react in a number of ways on a broad spectrum—anywhere from just being mildly irritated all the way to having seriously explosive tantrums that can even become violent in some cases.
This kind of “narcissistic injury” causes the narcissist to need to destroy the perceived threat to his self-esteem, and by raging against the offender/victim, the narcissist is able to feel safe and powerful again—and like he or she has total control over the environment.
What is narcissistic injury?
Narcissistic injury is displayed when a narcissist gets upset, hurt, or offended about being treated like a normal person, or when they don’t get special treatment or favors, or literally anytime they don’t get what they want. In most cases, this is a manipulation tactic often used in combination with narcissistic rage to get what they want from a target. It can also be a clear indication of the narcissist’s struggling self-esteem, but most often, it’s simply a type of “victim act” used to get what they want.
Are there different types of narcissistic rage?
There are three primary types of narcissistic rage, including explosive rage, passive-aggressive rage, and rage that causes self-harm.
Explosive Narcissistic Rage
An explosive rage happens when a narcissist has a violent outburst, whether it’s physical or verbal. This is the most obvious kind of narcissistic rage, but since the narcissist usually uses this type of rage behind closed doors, only those closest to the narcissist actually see it. However, in rare cases, the narcissist may explode in public (think: your average “Karen,” for example).
Passive-Aggressive Narcissistic Rage
Narcissists express passive-aggressive rage as a way to passively punish you. They might do this by ignoring you, by being blatantly rude, or even by doing nice things for another person and flaunting them in your face. In any case, you’ll know it’s happening, and the narcissist will feel perfectly fine with telling you you’re crazy and pretending they’re not doing anything at all. In some cases, they might even be so bold as to inform you of your infraction and require you to submit to the punishment willingly in order to make your way back into their good graces.
Self-Harm and Narcissistic Rage
When a narcissist manifests his rage through self-harm, you might not understand what’s happening. It doesn’t seem consistent with the narcissist’s personality– but it DOES get them plenty of attention. Some narcissists have been known to cut, burn or even stab themselves, among other extreme self-injuries, during a narcissistic rage.
Have you been the victim of a narcissistic rage? How did you handle it? What would you tell a friend or loved one who was dealing with a narcissist on a regular basis?
Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today
The good news is that you’re not alone here. Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.
- Sign up for our free email newsletter service that includes a free guided recovery experience via your inbox.
- Start your narcissistic abuse recovery here with our free narcissistic abuse recovery support system and program.
- Think you might have C-PTSD but you’re not sure? Take our free C-PTSD Self-Assessment.
- Join one of our free online narcissistic abuse recovery support groups!
- Join one of our private small coaching groups!
- Get private, one-on-one narcissistic abuse recovery coaching or counseling.
- You might enjoy my book, Your Love is My Drug: How to Shut Down a Narcissist, Detoxify Your Relationships & Live the Awesome Life You Really Deserve, Starting Right Now.
- Get a therapist who will work with you online. Check out our guide to finding a therapist or psychologist who understands narcissism and narcissistic abuse.
- Narcissistic Rage and Narcissistic Injury: What You Need to Know
- Narcissism in Relationships: How to Deal When a Toxic Relationship Damages Your Self-Esteem
- Toxic Relationship Red Flags: 7 Side-Effects of Low Self-Esteem That Can Kill You
- Narcissists in Relationships: The Shocking Truth on Who’s the Drug and Who’s the Addict
“There’s a difference between beauty and charm. A beautiful woman is one I notice. A charming woman is one who notices me.” ~John Erskine
Ladies, I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news. The good news? I was right all along. The bad news? Well…that I was right all along.
I’d like to say that it’s big. shocking news – but I think it’s safe to say that not a single one of us is surprised.
This news isn’t just something I’ve discovered or dreamed up myself (though, to be fair, I’ve been painfully aware of it for the majority of my life, whether consciously or not).
See, after I lost 100 pounds and sort of “took back my life,” I found myself being treated a lot differently by literally everyone in my life, but most especially by men.
After conducting my own research and based on my own experiences, I’ve become so convinced of the reason that I’ve actually written several books on the subject.
So yeah, I’ve known it for awhile, and I suspect you would have too, if you ever took a minute to notice it. But this time, it’s backed by science and to me, that kind of thing deserves our notice – and if we’re smart, we can use it to our advantage.
So what’s the big discovery?
Men are more likely to be nice to attractive women. This goes for everyone from strangers to their spouses.
I know, you’re shocked. I’d be surprised if you hadn’t just fallen out of your chair. (Yeah, that’s a touch of sarcasm – hard to detect tone in text sometimes!).
The Science of Attraction
The study, entitled “The undermining effect of facial attractiveness on brain responses to fairness in the Ultimatum Game,” had some rather interesting (if not surprising) findings.
Published in the Frontiers in Neuroscience journal, it found that men are far more likely to accept “unfair offers” from women they consider to be attractive.
So what does that mean, exactly?
Politically correct or not, it means one thing specifically: that men definitely do treat hot women better.
According to the study’s authors, “the male subjects played responders who decided whether to accept offers from female proposers, whose facial images (grouped as ‘attractive’ and ‘unattractive’) were presented prior to the offer presentation.”
“The behavioral data demonstrated that the acceptance ratio increased with the fairness level of the offers and, more importantly, the subjects were more likely to accept unfair offers when presented with the attractive-face condition compared with the unattractive-face condition,” researchers added.
While they found that it took longer on average for the men to respond to the women they considered attractive, one rsearcher remarked that it was likely due to the fact that they spent more time enjoying the more attractive faces. In the end, they determined the simple fact that men are more likely to do nice things and accept less fair compensation from beautiful women than from those they found unattractive.
In summary, the authors offfered the following.
“…the “beauty premium” influenced responder fairness during the Ultimate Game . Unfair offers from attractive female allocators were more acceptable to the male subjects, and the males presented with fluctuating reaction times to the five offers in comparison with a stable reaction pattern in the unattractive-face condition. The event-related potentials data supported the behavioral findings. ”
Psst…good news – you don’t have to be born sexy to become sexy! Want to be the sexiest possible version of yourself? Check out How to Be a Hot Wife – that’s where I reveal all of my sexy secrets and teach you how to use them for yourself. <3
So what do you think about all of this? Does it make you angry, or do you get it? Have you personally experienced a difference? Let’s discuss it – leave me a comment below to share your thoughts!