When you’re in an abusive relationship, it can be difficult to see the way out. But, you don’t have to be trapped in a relationship with an abusive partner. Here’s some help.
How do you safely leave an abusive partner?
Discover how to separate yourself from them in a safe way by using these strategies:
Be honest with yourself about why you haven’t already left.
Understand why you stay. You can’t gain the courage to leave until you understand why you’re staying. Are these reasons preventing you from leaving,
Maybe you’re staying out of fear.
You may feel stuck in the relationship because it’s the only thing you have right now. Despite the issues, it’s a familiar place. You may even feel secure in the familiarity.
You might even stay because you feel that you deserve to be punished. You’re worried that you won’t be able to find someone else who is better. And, because of the abuse, you may feel responsible for the situation.
In addition, perhaps you believe that you can fix the issues. You may think that if you love your partner enough, then they will stop being abusive.
Focus on getting stronger, mentally and emotionally.
Strengthen your self-esteem.Low self-esteem is at the root of many abusive relationships. Increasing your confidence and self-esteem will help you gain the courage to leave the abuser. You can start by acknowledging that your self-esteem needs work.
Look for causes for your low self-esteem. Were your parents perfectionists who expected too much from you? Did you feel inadequate growing up or at work? Once you have the answers, you can work to resolve your feelings about your past. You can put the past in the past and ensure that these negative feelings don’t affect who you are today.
To raise your self-esteem, do a nice thing for yourself each day. Pay attention to what others say about you that is positive. Journal about it or take notes, so you always have a reminder of your positive aspects.
Set up a proper support system.
Get outside help. It may benefit you to get help from friends, family, or others. You may need to turn to therapy or a doctor. In some cases, outside help is needed to leave an abusive relationship.
Your friends, family, coworkers, or others may be able to assist you so you won’t be alone and can develop the courage to leave. There may also be community resources, nonprofits, and organizations that can help.
Figure out your finances. Are you scared to leave your partner because you depend on them financially? Maybe you’re dealing with financial abuse, too? If you know that you’re financially secure, then it’s easier to leave.
When you have a job, set money aside that your abuser can’t access. You can also ask friends or family to contribute to your savings.
When you don’t have a job, you have to be more creative. You may be able to save money from the stipends you receive. You may be able to sell some items.
Even if you’re not certain about your finances, you can make plans for the future. Prepare for a job that can support you after this relationship ends.
You don’t have to stay with an abusive partner out of fear. Relationships can be difficult to end, but it’s not impossible. Figure out a way to escape and leave them, even if you need someone to help you do it. There are resources and people who can help you get out of your abusive situation and get started in a healthier life.
Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today
Do you think that your spouse is having an affair? Unfortunately, many times, it can be tough to tell if your spouse is cheating on you. Fortunately, many cheating spouses eventually show signs of being unfaithful, most of which are associated with their behavior. Outlined below are some signs that your spouse might be cheating on you.
What Behavior Changes Signal a Cheating Spouse?
They join a gym.
This is a major sign when it is something that they never had any interest in doing so before. If you never had a problem with your spouse’s weight before, why would you now? This could be a sign that they are trying to impress someone besides you.
You never sit down and talk anymore.
Did your spouse and talk about their day? If you never seem to have the intense conversations you once had, there may be a major problem. Cheating spouses often try to distance themselves from their relationships at home. This is a sign that your spouse may be cheating on you.
Sex is different.
Your spouse may act differently during sex and want to try new things out in the bedroom. If your spouse suddenly wants to try new things in the bedroom or if you notice that the sex is different, they may be cheating. In fact, you may be left wondering where they learned that from.
You have less sex.
In keeping with sex, your spouse may want to have it less. A decrease in sex frequency is a sign that your spouse may be cheating on you. As for why sex occurs less when cheating is involved, they feel guilty about what they are doing, or they may be getting enough sex already.
They get angry more often.
They may also get angry easier and more often. Your spouse may also be touchy around you. This may lead to more arguments and disagreements in your relationship. Things you do may annoy your husband or wife. They may actually go as far as to leave the room. Be sure to observe the changes in behavior that your spouse has towards other members of your family as well.
They start dressing differently.
They want to buy a whole new wardrobe, in a way, reinventing themselves. This works in conjunction with joining a gym to lose weight. A huge sign of cheating is when a new wardrobe is purchased, and more skin is shown.
They act weird about their phone.
Unusual behavior on the phone is another sign of cheating. When they talk on the phone near you, do they try to lower their voice or even leave the room? Hanging up a phone quickly is another signal to watch for. Be cautious of increased cell phone use, as many cheaters prefer to use their own personal phones instead of family phones.
Your friends start acting weird.
In addition to examining the behavior of your husband or wife, you should also examine the behavior of your friends. The friends you share may start acting differently towards you. This is often because your shared friends might know more than you do. Even if a friend does not outright tell you that your husband or wife is cheating, they may intentionally or unintentionally show you the signs.
Are you worried your spouse is cheating on you?
While these signs may indicate that your spouse is cheating on you, there may also be reasonable causes for these behavior changes. For example, your spouse might want to look great for you and you alone, or they also may want to improve their health.
Even with the above-mentioned signs present, you should take additional steps. These steps can and should include monitoring cell phone calls, viewing the cell phone bill, or hiring a private investigator. Never confront your husband or wife without the proper proof. Be sure to get solid evidence of cheating. Otherwise, you could be creating a whole new problem in your relationship.
“The aim of argument, or of discussion, should not be victory, but progress.” ~Joseph Joubert
Have you ever been in a relationship with a narcissist? Have you noticed how they use triangulation to manipulate you and people you know? Pathological narcissism (or narcissistic personality disorder) makes a narcissist feel superior to everyone around them (of course, that’s just one of many toxic narcissist traits). They want everyone’s admiration including yours.
If you’re dealing with a narcissist in a toxic relationship, you’ll already know that it’s nearly impossible to tell them anything they don’t want to hear, because when you attempt it, their go-to move is manipulation. One of their most effective forms of manipulation is triangulation, which narcissists use as a way to keep control, manipulate, and do whatever they please.
What is triangulation in a narcissistic relationship?
Triangulation is a common manipulation tactic often employed by narcissists. In a narcissistic relationship, triangulation is one of the names for a co-dependent behavior in which a third person is brought into a romantic relationship as a mediator, a peacemaker, a confidante, or a messenger. During triangulation, the narcissist communicates as a third party between two people but prevents the two from communicating directly through either manipulating or controlling at least one of them. Triangulating creates a “blame game” that can help one or both of the people involved avoid taking responsibility for their own actions. It can help them avoid feeling shamed, guilty, or otherwise uncomfortable. The narcissist will often manipulate the third person into supporting them in their effort to hurt you.
Why is triangulation so effective in narcissistic abuse?
Basically, since triangulation is a tactic for gaining power between two people, narcissists take control by getting a third person involved in their conflict. For example, there are lots of different kinds of narcissistic abusers out there, but just about all of them triangulate their targets for one reason or another. That is because the narcissist finds themselves in need of controlling someone else, and just can’t seem to get that under control on their own. So, they use anything (and in this case, anyone) that can help them get what they want. Narcissists are able to do this because they use triangulation as a way to create drama and chaos in relationships with other people. They pull people in and make them feel like they’re the only person who can make them happy and then they discard those people once they’ve served their purpose.
Why do narcissists use triangulation against you in romantic relationships?
Narcissists prefer to have a lot of options in romantic relationships because it gives them a sense of power and control, but also because they don’t want to find themselves alone – they always need backup sources of narcissistic supply, so they like to keep a so-called narcissistic harem in place when possible. Plus, they do not want to be limited in their choices by a relationship that is exclusive or committed.
Narcissists are self-centered, and they want the freedom to pursue their own interests and desires without being tied down or limited by a monogamous relationship. Rather than having one primary partner, narcissists will often have multiple partners, partners who know about each other, and partners who are competing with each other for the narcissist’s attention and approval. This type of relationship arrangement is called “triangulation.”
Triangulation is a common tactic used by narcissists in intimate relationships. It involves bringing another person into the dynamic of a relationship in an effort to keep their partner from getting too close or leaving them. When narcissists feel threatened or anxious about losing their partner, they will often try to triangulate them by getting them interested in someone new whom the narcissist can then use as leverage against their partner.
Why do narcissistic parents triangulate their children?
Narcissistic parents will often triangulate their children, either against each other or against other children – or, in some cases, against the other parent. Triangulation is a way to control and manipulate the environment, and in general, they will create a triangle by creating a love triangle with two people who are close to the narcissist. The narcissist will pit these two people against each other in order to create a situation where he or she can be the hero that saves the day. In this way, the narcissist gets to feel as though he or she has power and control over two people as well as the environment.
So, the narcissist may triangulate their spouse and their child into a relationship with one another, pitting them against each other, attempting to control their relationship and even their thoughts about each other by doing so. This type of triangulation is very difficult for children to understand because it is so complex and somewhat subconscious on the part of the narcissist.
How Do Narcissists Triangulate You?
Ever been stuck in the middle of an argument between two people? If so, you know exactly how gut-wrenching it can be for all involved.
There are times when a well-placed nugget of wisdom can literally fix a problem someone’s having with another person.
That’s when it helps to offer insight and advice when you see what could help (as is often the case when you’re connected but not directly involved, a third-party perspective can often be useful).
Examples of Narcissistic Triangulation
The following are some examples of how narcissists use triangulation:
The narcissist cajoles two people to argue over him/her.
The narcissist acts as a go-between between two people who are angry with each other.
The narcissist uses this to play one against the other (“You don’t really care about her…you’re just mad because I slept with her!”).
The narcissist will play one person off another by getting them to compete for his/her affection or approval. This creates instability and insecurity within that relationship and causes rifts between friends, family members, etc.
The narcissist will give attention and approval to one person and throw it in the face of the other. This leads the “other” person to feel jealous, inadequate, and upset about the one getting approval. This pushes the two apart and puts the narcissist in control.
How do you deal with triangulation?
Sometimes, especially with smart, stubborn people like narcissists, you have to stay out of a situation and let people deal with it on their own. See, in general, most narcissists just aren’t receptive to advice unless they choose to be. You might say they work on pure energy and emotion, so when the energy and emotion aren’t entirely positive, they cannot focus on what’s really happening and everything becomes clouded, distorting their thoughts and sense of being present.
Their every interaction becomes tinged by the negativity and they begin to see it spill into other parts of their lives – most notably, their relationships. So if you push them to fix their issues, you’ll simply become part of that negative energy they feel and they’ll direct it to you as well.
And you know what happens then? Triangulation – the narcissist begins to play you and the other person off each other and then it gets even worse: you become a source of narcissistic supply.
But rather than just allowing the narcissist to triangulate you, you can try this: take a different road and literally refuse to get involved with the game. If you’re NOT the current source of narcissistic supply, you actually do the narcissist and their current victim a favor.
If the issue is resolvable and if resolving it matters to the narcissist, they’ll get through it, one way or another. This is even more probable if the relationship is important for him or her.
It might be painful to watch but you’ve got to just look away while they work through it – even if you are certain that your advice could really change things. By choosing to let go of stuff and work through it on their own, their relationship becomes stronger and better than it was before, and your own nose stays clean.
If you ARE the current source of narcissistic supply, consider speaking with the third person in the triangle to find out what has actually happened and how they actually feel. This might be enough to relieve you. But in any case, consider planning your escape from the toxic relationship as soon as you’re able to do so safely.
Get help with triangulation and narcissistic abuse recovery, right now.
The QueenBeeing SPANily, Official – We consider this to be the best narcissistic abuse recovery support group on the web. Offers several subgroups and features a vigilant, compassionate admin team full of trained coaches and survivors, supporting more than 12k members. SPAN is an acronym created by Angie Atkinson that stands for Support for People Affected by Narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships.
Other Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups– We also have separate groups for each stage in your narcissistic abuse recovery, as well as some for those who have moved past recovery and are evolving into the next stage of their own life. Survivors have unique and individual needs, even when they’ve moved on – so we’re still here for you.
One-on-One Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching – If you prefer to get more personalized support in your recovery, you might like to schedule a session with one of our coaches to plan and execute your own narcissistic abuse recovery plan.
Find a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapist – If you’re looking for a therapist for narcissistic abuse recovery, either because you cannot afford coaching and want to use your health insurance or because you have additional issues you need to address that do not fall within the realm of coaching, you will want to find the right therapist for you – and as far as we’re concerned, that therapist must understand what you’ve been through. This page offers assistance to help you do exactly that.
Looking for tools, tips, resources and help with a narcissist in your life? Then you’ve come to the right place. I’ve collected more than 35 of them for you, right here.
I have written several books on narcissism, but I know that not everyone can have books delivered and/or doesn’t have the cash for the Kindle editions. Or maybe they’re afraid of being found out by their very controlling narc.
Listen, I’m not here to judge. I feel you. TRUST ME.
At any rate, that’s why I’ve put together a few links for you here. If you bookmark this post and/or this site, you can refer back to it as needed to get the virtual support and/ir validation that you need.
Consider this site your very own sort of “online ebook” of sorts – no charge, no strings attached. Just because I know how important it is to know that you’re not crazy when you’re in the thick of a relationship with a narcissist.
Is there a narcissist in your life?
Your narcissist could be anyone – your spouse, your child, your mother, your father, your boss – even your best friend or your neighbor. Here are some tips for identifying the one(s) in your life.
It’s confusing for a lot of people because people think being narcissistic means you take a bunch of selfies and care about how you look. But that’s not necessarily a toxic narcissist – the fact is that every human alive has a certain amount of narcissism in their makeup – it’s self-interest. It’s what makes us get up and get ourselves dressed, feed ourselves, get jobs, get married, have kids – it’s the part of us that prevents us from just giving up entirely.
Can you take control of the situation and/or overpower the narcissist?
Indeed you can, my friend, if you’re willing to stand up for yourself – at least temporarily. Once you’ve recognized the situation, you’re already one step closer. Now you need to know how to get through it. Try these posts for help and ideas.
Can you show me an example of real-life gaslighting?
I don’t usually share many personal stories about the gaslighting I have experienced in my life but recently, a well-known narcissist actually gave me a little bit of an unrealized opportunity by actually gaslighting me online.
It’s not always, and you and I both know this. Unless you’re being physically abused, sometimes it feels like the wolf you know is better than the one that you don’t. But here are some posts to help you get your head in the right place and tools to help you be happier.