Setting Boundaries with Toxic People

Setting Boundaries with Toxic People

Setting boundaries is the first step toward taking back your power after narcissistic abuse in a toxic relationship. I can’t think of a quicker way to regain personal power and your own sense of self in a situation than knowing what your boundaries might be and being able to set them with others. Toxic people notoriously will try to destroy your boundaries. They will use many forms of manipulation to make sure their will is asserted over yours and push your boundaries farther and farther back until you cease setting them.

What are boundaries?

Setting boundaries can be confusing when you may have never had healthy examples of them in your life. Boundaries can be many things including physical, material, mental, emotional, sexual or spiritual.  Boundaries create a separation between yourself and others including your needs, will, wishes and actions. They are your personal choice in saying no, in setting limits, in maintaining personal belongings, in having your own thoughts and opinion, in what you will do or won’t do with your body or in your feelings about personal beliefs or faith. You can see how a narcissist with their need to control and create a delusional reality based on THEIR own wants and need for supply would not want others to have boundaries plus do all they can to break down any boundaries a person may have.

Know your boundaries: what do you need?

Do you ever struggle with knowing what it is that you want or need? Do you then feel ok about creating the boundaries necessary to make sure those needs are met? Boundaries can be difficult enough without dealing with a toxic person as well. When you place a boundary in a healthy situation it can be difficult because of the fear of the reaction of others and your perceived beliefs about how others feel about you. WIth a toxic person, this is made worse because of the abuse. Not only that but have you noticed that the longer you are around toxic people the less you even know how you feel about things or what your needs even are? Having your thoughts and actions devalued and criticized really can lead to so much self-doubt that it can be hard to even know if what you are thinking is reasonable and right. One thing that can help to ask yourself, “what do I need?” or “ what do I think about this?” before replying to things. Knowing or even just asking that “includes you” –  it shows you that you matter and allows you to begin understanding where your boundaries are.

Learn to grey rock, say no and stick to it!

A narcissist will see any boundary you place as an invitation to argue, manipulate, or criticize you.  They may also see it as an ultimatum placed by you and give you anything from heated arguing to silent treatment because of it. As with all dealing with narcissistic abuse, it is not going to get better. One key characteristic trait of narcissistic abuse is the pushing and disregard of boundaries. Grey rock when your boundaries are not being respected, do not engage, argue, defend, plead or any other reaction besides calm indifference.

Here are a few tips for setting boundaries with a narcissist:

  • Know what you will not tolerate, understand where you personally draw the line. For example,  like name-calling, devaluing, silent treatment all will be met by grey rock and disengagement. You will not argue, plead, debate, defend or give much attention to such treatment
  • Set your own time/agenda. You choose how long you will wait, do things, sleep, eat, visit friends or family, or any other time/action related thing and all abusive manipulation will not be argued with or defended. Again, grey rock!
  • Do not have expectations that this will resolve anything within the relationship with a narcissist. Generally, this boundary-setting is a one-time event. Nothing will fix the relationship with a narcissist and living a life of grey rock is not a solution, it is a technique meant to help you diffuse a situation until you can get away.
  • Focus on your worth. You are a thinking, feeling and loving person whose needs are as valuable and important as anyone else’s. You deserve a say in your own life and that should be respected. Respect yourself while you place boundaries. Focus on yourself and your needs.
  • Exit plan! Create an exit plan and get away. Ideally, you will see you have worth and value far beyond the way you are treated by this toxic person and get away from them as far as you can. Going no contact is the ultimate boundary.

 

Get personal support in your narcissistic abuse recovery.

 

10 Ways To Be Less Vulnerable To Another Narcissist

10 Ways To Be Less Vulnerable To Another Narcissist

Take back your power!!

10 ways that are within your power to use for keeping yourself safe from toxic people. In this video i talk about many ways which all work together to help create life where you can  not only spot a narcissist but steer clear of them in your future. Let me know what you think and if you have any tips to add which might help someone else.

Lise Colucci is one of the narcissistic abuse recovery life coaches at QueenBeeing.com. For info or to schedule a coaching appointment with Lise go to https://queenbeeing.com/lise-colucci-certified-life-coach/

Join The QueenBeeing SPANily (Support for People Affected by Narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships) – AKA “The SPANily” – at http://queenbeeing.com/span.

Inner Transformation and Evolving Group coaching

Inner Transformation and Evolving Group coaching

Join Lise Colucci, certified life coach

Inner Transformation and Evolving group coaching 

Are you ready to thrive and would like some support as you continue to heal after a toxic relationship? Inner Transformation and Evolution group coaching can offer you that support to go beyond overcoming abuse. This coaching group is led by QueenBeeing life coach, Lise Colucci. The group meets weekly for 1 hour in video chat plus there is a messenger chat that Lise checks in with several times per day to help you get the extra support you may need as you go through your week. Topics we cover include boundaries, inner child, restating negative or limiting self-talk, reframing problems and areas that you might feel stuck in your healing, finding your life’s passion, setting goals, dating again, trust, love,triggers, finding your voice and so much more.

This is the third group in the Regaining Self series of group coaching packages. All three are repeated each month and may be joined as many times as you need.

Times and cost:

  • 4 weeks begin 11/7 or 11/9
  • Wednesdays at 6 pm or Fridays at 11 am Pacific
  • 60.00 for all 4 weeks  plus the messenger chat

Here is the link to sign up. Once signed up, you will be contacted by Lise about your choice in time.

If you have any questions you can contact Lise at [email protected] or for information on individual coaching click here.

 

Setting Boundaries with Toxic People

Personal Power Group Coaching Series-BOUNDARIES

Personal Power Series Group Coaching

with Lise Colucci, Certified Life Coach

Join Lise for a weekly coaching group over the next 4 weeks to understand and start making changes in your life as you begin to place boundaries.

Boundaries Group Coaching

Do you struggle with setting boundaries or even not know what your boundaries are? Maybe you feel guilty if you say no or like someone may not like you if you place a boundary. Has a narcissist altered the way you feel about boundaries or made it so you now feel like you are somehow wrong for having them? If so, you are like so many survivors of narcissistic abuse who struggle to find ways to place boundaries in their lives but also know they might need to learn to do so in order to heal and thrive. This group coaching series is to help you create and live in your own Personal Power and we begin the series with BOUNDARIES. Having the support of a group as you work with setting and maintaining boundaries in your life can help to make this topic go from feeling impossible to totally within reach. As you listen to  others and get the coaching help to go along with the growth you are trying to achieve, the feeling of personal power may increase as well as feeling validated and supported.

Details:
One hour weekly video meetings on Monday or Friday 6pm Pacific
Sessions begin October 22 or 26
Cost: $60 (non refundable at this reduced group rate) for all 4 weeks

This also includes a private messenger chat group to help keep connection and continuity through the week as well as get daily coaching check-ins from Lise.

You will be contacted by Lise once you sign-up about the time you choose to meet as well as to be added to the messenger chat.

For information about Lise or to sign up for personal one on one coaching  you can follow the link here.

 

 

 

When the Narcissist Alienates You From Your Kids, plus Tips on Divorce with a Narcissist

When the Narcissist Alienates You From Your Kids, plus Tips on Divorce with a Narcissist

 

What happens when narcissists alienate a survivor from their children? Helpful tips on how to help kids after a divorce with a narcissist. More tips on divorcing a narcissist so stay tuned til the end! Questions or comments??

For information about Lise Colucci and to schedule coaching, group coaching or to call in as a survivor on a future you can find Lise here http://queenbeeing.com/lise/

Let’s connect:
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/lise.colucci…
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lisecolucci…
Twitter:

For group support, join SPAN (Support for People Affected by Narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships) – AKA “The SPANily” – at http://queenbeeing.com/span

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