At your request, I have interviewed Richard Grannon! In this video, I’ll share the first part of the interview – find out why he does what he does – and what he’s got planned for the future. Plus: a fun lightning round!
About: Richard Grannon, NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) Master Practitioner, is passionate about helping people defend themselves, get back on their feet, and finally free themselves from narcissistic abuse. Richard attended Aston University, where he studied Psychology and trained under Richard Bandler, the co-developer of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Much of Grannon’s specific interest in narcissistic abuse originally stemmed from personal relationships — he’d witnessed it firsthand before and could tell something that something was wrong or “off,” yet he couldn’t quite identify it. It was only through his psychological training that he began to recognize patterns of narcissistic abuse.
Richard realized that this was likely the case for victims worldwide: they were either unaware of how they were being treated, or unaware of any possible solutions to their problems. Richard graduated with a BSc in Psychology and a renewed sense of purpose. He could offer direct, practical solutions for narcissistic abuse victims and help them reclaim their self-worth.
As a NLP Master Practitioner Richard Grannon cherishes his ability to reach a wide range of people. He’s worked with people from all kinds of different backgrounds and guided them toward the way out, all while helping them take back their power and sharpen their sense of reality. He draws on elements of numerous forms of psychotherapy, such as NLP, cognitive behavioral therapy, zen meditation, psychodynamics and more, to create the most effective and personalized solutions possible for each individual client.
One of Richard’s most effective ways of promoting healing and growth is by running a course for overcoming narcissistic abuse. The sad truth behind the concept is that there is little recognition of it as a major problem for victims, and Richard decided to create his own resource that people could turn to: the Spartan Life Coach course. The course directly addresses the mental health needs of victims of emotional and psychological abuse, and provides life-changing video tutorials, hypnosis visualization tracks, and written exercises.
Although Richard started his career doing one-on-one sessions, he now focuses more on courses like this as well as seminars so that he can reach more people than ever and inspire hope around the globe.
No matter what his professional role is, Richard Grannon believes in empowering people and helping them rediscover their own worth.
Do you always seem to fall short of success? You might be unconsciously keeping yourself from reaching your goals, even when you think you really want to achieve them!
Learning about self-sabotage – and your reasons for it – can help you to stop this unconscious cycle so you can go on to create a life you desire.
Reflect on these reasons to determine if they might be keeping you from success:
1. Fear of failure. One of the reasons you may not reach for success is because you’re afraid to fail. Failure is hard to manage, ignore, or handle. It can eat away at your self-esteem and make you doubt your abilities, so it’s not surprising you’ll do anything to avoid it.
2. Low self-esteem. If you lack confidence and suffer from low self-esteem, self-sabotage may feel natural for you.You might think you don’t deserve success, so you unconsciously destroy any chance you have of getting it.
3. Fear of change. Success is often tied to change, such as a new job, better home, or other things. You may be sabotaging your efforts because you don’t want anything to change. You’re used to your current lifestyle and don’t want to modify it. For example, you may claim that you want a mansion or a private jet, but you don’t actually want to pay for these things or be responsible for them. So, you ensure you never have them in the first place.
4. Control issues. You might self-sabotage in order to remain in control. Are you allowing your control issues to prevent you from reaching success, Control and perfectionism are often tied together. If you want everything to be perfect all the time, then you may be losing out on big and important opportunities.
5. Habits. Sometimes your habits can sabotage you without you even realizing it. For example, if you have a habit of always being late to meetings, then you may miss your chance to impress a client and get a raise. You self-sabotage your own success because of an old habit. Habits such as drinking and doing drugs are also extremely sabotaging.
6. Negativity and criticism. The criticism may come from your own internal negative voice, or it may be coming from outside sources such as your family members or friends. Negativity and criticism can be internalized and cause you to sabotage success. If you constantly hear that you’re not good enough, smart enough, or talented enough, then you begin to believe this. You feel that you don’t deserve to be successful. You may not want to try things that could help you because you don’t think you’re worthy of them. Family, friends, coworkers, bosses, and others may have you believing that you’re useless, dumb, or worthless.
In addition, research shows that your parents can affect you as an adult. If your parents exhibited self-sabotaging behavior, then you may copy it throughout your life. You grew up seeing this pattern and have a hard time breaking out of it. Their insecurities can carry over to your life.
If you’re sabotaging your own life and future, you can change. It will require effort and time, but it’s possible to reshape your thoughts.
Whenever a thought appears that doesn’t support your efforts to achieve your goals, immediately replace it with a positive thought, instead. You’ll get better and better at both recognizing unsupportive thoughts and changing them the more you practice it.
Whether you’re still working on a way to get out or you’ve already left, you’ve got a long road ahead of you when it comes to recovery. One of the biggest hurdles is sort of “reprogramming your brain” in order to let go of the poisonous thoughts and beliefs that the narc’s emotional and mental torture have almost certainly left behind.
When you were actively engaging with the narcissist, you probably eventually stopped trying to make choices of your own. That’s because by doing so, you may have found yourself the victim of added gaslighting and other kinds of covert abuse – maybe even less than covert.
But now that you’ve left, or are planning to leave, you’ve got to learn to choose your own path – and that can begin by simply deciding what you want and then taking the steps you want to get there – simple as that.
Still, when things don’t go your way, do you know how to deal? Can you cope with the hard times on your own?
Ask yourself this: When life isn’t going your way, do you empower yourself to make improvements?
Most people are great at getting themselves worked up into a state that’s anything but empowering, and when you’ve been abused by a narcissist, the effects of PTSD can become overwhelming. When things get challenging, we need all of our resources if we’re really going to turn things around.
1. Be assertive. Because we’ve been abused by these toxic people, many of us have become too passive to ever accomplish anything significant. I’ve learned the hard way that sometimes you have to declare what you want. Sometimes you have to say ‘no’ to others. You don’t have to be selfish, but there’s nothing wrong with making a decision and then making it happen.
4. Stop making excuses.Excuses limit you and prevent you from taking charge of the situation. If you can take responsibility, you can change the situation. Excuses give you a justification for being passive. If you believe that something is outside of your control, you also believe that you can’t do anything to change it.
5. Get more sleep. Most people simply don’t sleep enough to be at their best. Studies have shown that most people experience improved mood, clarity of thought, and increased energy if they increase their sleep by one hour per night. Turn off the TV and go to bed an hour earlier.
8. Forget about expectations. The whole world seems to tell us what we should be doing. What would you do if you were free of all of those expectations? Choose for yourself for a change.
9. Figure out what’s holding you back.Why aren’t you already living your life the way you choose? What’s preventing you? What are you afraid of? What can you do to work around these challenges? Develop a plan to get past this resistance.
Few things are as fulfilling as having full control over your life – and for survivors of narcissistic abuse, it can mean the difference between being happy and fulfilled and being completely destroyed.
Take back control of your life NOW! You’ll feel like there’s nothing you can’t do. The world is just sitting there, patiently waiting for you to take control of your life. Get started today by taking the first steps. A few steps each day become quite significant very quickly.
So, you need or want a woman to do something for you, but you’re not sure how to make it happen.
Lucky for you, I’m one of those people who does not believe in secrets – and as a woman, I totally understand how us girls work.
Whether you’re a man or a woman, there has probably been some time in your life when you needed or wanted a woman to do something for you. Or maybe you just wanted her to do something for her own good.
Whatever the case, you may have failed to get what you wanted for a number of reasons. But I’ve got great news for you: if you make a few small tweaks to your own behavior, you can get almost any woman to do almost anything you want (within reason).
Check yo’self before you wreck yo’self
Women rarely respond well to demands, ultimatums or faith-based manipulation. Those who do may have been trained to do so, but it doesn’t do their souls any good when they bend against their will.
It’s better to help a woman understand what you need or want and why. Then she can understand your goal or intention, and that means she can understand a big, important thing for every woman: how she can help you reach that goal. Which brings me to my next point.
Ask her to help you
Few women can resist someone she likes or loves who needs her help. This is even true with strangers in many cases. We can’t help it – we are wired to take care of people.
Don’t go all feminist on me now. This is not about that. The fact is that as humans, men and women are wired to survive and to carry on the species.
Obviously that means different things for men and women, so the caretaker urge we women have is simply an instinct we can choose to nurture or not. Most of us tend to just go with it because it still works for us today.
Treat her like someone who matters to you
Here’s the bottom line on talking to women and getting anywhere, ever.
Do NOT, I repeat, do not treat her like anything less than your equal. I don’t care if she’s your wife, your sister, mom, boss…ever your daughter…whatever. Treat her as if she is as important as you. At the very least.
Give her a little pedestal to stand on and she might really shine.
If nothing else, just remember this: No woman will respond positively to someone who treats her disrespectfully. At least none who have self-respect (a super-important part of what makes any woman particularly hot, on an unrelated note).
Tell her she’s pretty/smart/amazing
Look, not gonna lie to you. Us women? We love a good compliment, especially when it’s genuine. Don’t try blowing sunshine up our asses now. Understand that we know when you’re lying.
But find stuff to compliment us on and watch how we light up. When you’ve got us all warm and fuzzy? We are always willing to be more generous with our favors.
Tell others how awesome she is
Because honestly, next to being complimented directly, hearing that someone thinks we are awesome enough to be bragged about to others is the best feeling in the world.
That makes us like or love you that much more. The more we feel connected to you by positive feelings and experiences, the more we want to make your life easier too.
Do her a favor once in awhile too.
You know how we (women) never forget when you hurt our feelings? Well we don’t forget favors either. And a lot of us like to pay it forward. The rest, conscious or otherwise, will automatically be a little friendlier and more generous with someone who has offered us the same kindness.
It doesn’t have to be big, either. Open the door for her. Help her carry on the groceries or the stuff for the big presentation she’s giving.
Watch her kids for a few hours and give her some freetime. Cook her dinner one night and save her the trouble. Take out her trash, do her dishes or mop her floor. Clean her closet or walk her dog. You know what she needs done. Do it and make her feel appreciated.
Of course, bigger favors are always appreciated as well. Don’t get me wrong.
Bottom line: never be a jerk
Jerks come in all flavors and they can be men or women. In this case, if you ever want a woman to be available to help you when you need or want it, treat her with respect all of the time.
Don’t talk badly about her to other people and don’t talk to her like she’s anything less than important.
Don’t take out your anger on her, don’t be rude or short with her. And if it happens, be a grown-up and apologize. Women are often happy to forgive when a genuine apology is accompanied by a positive change in behavior.
One more thing: JUST ASK!
Communication is so important to everyone – but women are especially wired for it. So if you need something, all you have to do, so long as you are generally a decent human being who treats her with respect, is just ask.
Don’t try to give her hints or clues or talk around the subject. Just say what you want. That’s probably where you should start, actually.