Have you figured out you’ve been dealing with a narcissist in your life, but you don’t know where to begin your recovery? If so, you’re not alone. In fact, it reminds me of an old story about a child trying to move a heavy stone while his father looks on. The child works and works, but is just not strong enough. Finally, he tells his father, “I can’t do it. It’s impossible.”
His father responds, “Of course you can. You haven’t used all the strength you have available to you yet.” The little boy answers that he has tried his hardest, and still can’t do it, to which the father responds, “You haven’t asked me to help you yet.”
If you need help in your own healing and you don’t know who to ask, look no further – here’s some support and help that’s available to you right now.
Here’s the Help You Need in Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
Sometimes, when you’re trying to recover from narcissistic abuse, it can feel like you’re moving that heavy rock. You struggle and fight, but it’s so hard to stick to the plan that you give up. There comes a time to recognize that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Enlisting the aid of friends, family, and a good support group can bolster your efforts and help you overcome setbacks that threaten to derail your narcissistic abuse recovery efforts. Instead of trying to go it alone, try a few of these suggestions to help you stay on track with the help of friends and family. If you prefer a guided experience, you can start your narcissistic abuse recovery for free, right here.
Gather up trusted friends and family members and make them part of your inner circle – your support system. Don’t have people you feel comfortable sharing your situation with? How about a whole group of people who have been there, done that? Join my SPAN group, right here. It’s totally free and confidential. We also have several other groups that are specific to your situation and your level in recovery – check them out here.
Get your family on the right page.
When they’re not narcissistic, husbands, wives, children, and siblings can offer support in unexpected ways. Something as simple as a sincere compliment at the right time can be all you need to nudge you onward. By the same token, refuse to let them sabotage your recovery efforts. Sometimes even people who are acting as the flying monkeys of a toxic narcissist don’t know what they’re doing. Give yourself the freedom and space you need to clarify the situation – and don’t be afraid to take a step back from people who are toxic for you, especially during recovery.
There’s a lot to be said for seeking out the support of others who are fighting the same battle you are. Whatever it is that motivates you, you can find it in our small group coaching sessions led by the amazing Lise Colucci – and you’ll get one-on-one help as well as being able to connect with and learn from your fellow group members during our sessions. Healthy sharing, companionship, encouragement, applause, and practical, common-sense advice from others who are also fighting to take back your life can all make this whole narcissistic abuse recovery stuff a whole lot easier.
“Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.” ~Anthony J. D’Angelo
Ever notice how spending time with negative people can be absolutely exhausting? And yet, when you spend time with happy, loving people, you come away feeling refreshed.
Which one do you wanna be? I’ll take happy and loving, any day. How about you?
The Negative Co-Worker: How I Accidentally Lost a Friend In my early 20s, I went through some stuff. Ultimately, I got divorced and ended up being a single mom (though four years later, I remarried and had two more kids – we’ve been together 15 years now).
Anyway, back then, I got an office job and quickly met a co-worker fellow single mom.
We instantly clicked and became fast friends and lunch buddies. At first, I did what I do: as an empath, I tend to be able to talk to anyone by bringing myself to their energy levels and finding things we share in common.
But after awhile, I realized that my new friend was kinda…well, negative. Every day at lunch and on breaks, all she would do is complain about all the things that were wrong with her life.
Oh, and if it wasn’t what was wrong with HER, it was what she didn’t like about everyone else in the office.
At first, I tried to influence her in a positive way without actually mentioning to her that the negativity bothered me. And when that didn’t work, I verbally explained that it made me uncomfortable when she gossiped or indulged in a lot of unnecessary negative stuff.
She ignored it. And yeah.
It made me pretty crazy, I’m not going to lie to you. But soon, I got a clue and started joining a larger group for lunch. My friend didn’t like that – she wanted to be one-on-one, and even though I invited her to join me, she never did, instead preferring to eat alone or with one of the temps, now and then.
This co-worker may have even been a narcissist – and an introverted one at that. But not every negative person is a narcissist.
How to deal with negative people (without becoming one)
Is someone’s negativity bringing you down? Every day, you’re most likely exposed to a variety of situations.
Some, you’ll perceive as positive, others neutral, and others negative. If the unpleasant ones seem to be the majority in your life, just know that it’s all up to you – which means YOU can change that.
Is it really possible to stay positive around negative people?
The short answer is yes, it is possible. Keep reading – I”ll explain how.
Can we completely eliminate negative people from our lives?
Up to a point, you can. Unfortunately, a certain number negative experiences can be a natural part of life.
Maybe your boss got up on the wrong side of the bed today and is a bit cranky. Or maybe your spouse had a rough day at work and is being really vocal about it – or the kids are fighting (again) over something that seems pointless.
These types of situations can set you up for potential negative experiences.
So how do you respond when you’re dealing with someone who is negative?
6 Good-Mood Hacks for Dealing with Negative People
Try the following strategies to help you get centered and try to stay positive around negative people.
1. Step back. Acknowledge that getting involved in negativity is not good for you. The first thing to do is recognize the results of jumping into the stream of negativity. If you truly connect with the idea that you wish to bring only positivity into your life, you’ll be more focused on making efforts to do so.
Commit to yourself that you’ll do whatever is necessary to avoid engaging with negativity. Having the awareness that negativity runs counter to your life goals will motivate you to abstain from participating in it.
2. Listen well; then withhold comment. Others’ negative remarks can feel quite seductive. Many of us allow ourselves to be pulled in to the emotional experience of the situation being discussed. However, if you listen actively, but refrain from commenting, you can avoid making the experience your own.
Plus, those who are bringing negativity your way will avoid doing so in the future since you didn’t sign on with their emotional reactions and did nothing to reinforce them.
3. Change the subject. When you’ve just heard some unsavory words, why not bring up something that’s less stressful and more positive? For example, if your co-worker says she’s annoyed with your supervisor, you could ask her how another project she’s pleased to be working on is progressing.
4. If you’re in a group, simply ignore the negativity. Most likely, if there are two or three others present when an nonconstructive discussion starts up, you can get by with ignoring the negativity or excusing yourself from the room. Sometimes, you can express the most by saying nothing at all.
5. Make an effort to be involved in something else. Involving yourself in something that matters to you is a great method of subliminally refusing to participate in others’ negativity. Look through your handbag for that receipt you couldn’t find last night. Search your briefcase for your schedule book or that file with the information you wanted earlier.
6. Psychologically reinforce your efforts. Say to yourself, “You handled that really well.” or “It was a great idea to leave the table when they all started criticizing how the boss handled something.”
Allow yourself to feel proud of yourself about not joining in with the negativity around you. Avoid letting others’ negativity bring you down.
Instead, recognize that you’d rather not be exposed to such situations and people. When negativity blooms around you, listen and say nothing, change the subject, or ignore it. Reinforce your efforts to avoid habitual negativity every single day, and you can say good-bye to nonconstructive thoughts.
What would you add? What do you consider the best ways to stay positive around negative people? Share your thoughts in the comments, below.
The collection of outstanding child support after a lengthy court process with financial restructuring and the downsizing of the household economy can lead to confusion and stress.
An independent child support collection agency can offer a positive solution to child support enforcement agency mandate.
Parents struggling to respond to child support orders often find enforcement agency processes difficult. Families that have survived divorce proceedings acknowledge that the child support process can add even more pressure.
With the help of a child support collection agency, single parents can get the help they need to avoid child support payment evasion.
Setting up child support payments with an independent agency assists parents in financial planning.
Depending upon the state, obligations may involve a number of mandated priorities in evaluation of payment: bankruptcy and child support, calculation of support, child support, custody, delinquent claims, disability, disputes, Earned Income Tax Credits (EITC), health insurance, IV-D and TANF financial assistance, non-cash support, education funds, retroactive support and wage garnishments.
Issues related to incarcerated parents and restitution, due process of arrears cases and real property liens may delay immediate signatory on contract for investigative review.
If initiated prior to delinquent claims and retroactive support, independent support collection agencies can stop property liens from taking place. Installment agreements that honor child support orders are an important factor in ceasing judgment liens from the court order.
Child support agreements substantiate that ‘good faith’ and adequate payment on support orders have been made. Support collection agencies provide documentation that can be referred to during legal review of delinquent obligors.
Parents seeking guidance on child support enforcement will find that collections arrangements assure that the future is clear of any outstanding liens or other obligations. Failure to comply with support collection agreements in measure of court mandate with installment judgments on arrearage debt can result in seizure of property. Support collections protect family possessions that a child may benefit from.
Child support is an important step in putting a child first. Court-ordered child support mandates are vital legal instruments in measure of financial obligation to children who have undergone custody proceedings. Support collection agencies offering private agreements provide a safe and secure process for meeting those responsibilities.
For more information about support collections services, child support enforcement rules in regard to collections services processing and avoidance of property liens, inquire about third-party payee agreements. Support collection agreements are subject to terms and conditions, but most offer scaled installment payment plans that accommodate the child support order within an actual budget. Review support collection agreements for competitive fees and services. Child support payments place families, not finance, first.
At times, you may go through challenging experiences in life. You may find yourself wondering how you ended up in a certain place, physically or emotionally.
At these times, confronting your own choices can feel challenging. You may find it easier to see where others were wrong.
Blaming others for the way your life is going is a common reaction to life’s curve balls. After all, when you point the finger at others, you’re initially soothed by the idea that you haven’t made any mistakes in the situation. But eventually, you’re left with just yourself, and blaming others takes away your sense of your own power.
You can’t change other peoples’ actions – only your own. So you must figure out how to pick up and go on with life. The best way to do this is to cease blaming others and resolve the situation within yourself.
Consider these ideas to stop blaming others and regain your own power.
Take complete responsibility for your own life. Whether you’re married, single, have kids or are childless, acknowledge that only you decide how your life is going to manifest. It’s all about you.
* Although it may once have been someone else’s fault (your mother, father, boss, or partner), now that you know what the issues are, it’s your responsibility to fix them. Your life is the way it is because of you. Take ownership.
* From here on, consider it a cop-out when you blame someone else for the choices you make.
*Admittedly, this is bad news and good news at the same time. After all, if you want your life to change and you believe you’re responsible for it, this means that you hold all the power you need to make your life just the way you want. This also means you have no one else to blame but yourself.
Learn from the past. Consider a couple of specific incidents when you blamed another person for your choices. How did those situations turn out in the end? Did you lose a friend? Is a family member estranged from you?
Rarely does anything positive come from blaming another person for your own situation.
Say you’re sorry. If you tell another person that something that happened in your life is their fault, apologize for the comments as soon as you’re aware that you made them. This step is important because one of the major ways to cease blaming others is to acknowledge and say you’re sorry when you point the finger at them.
* In order to change what you’re doing, you must recognize your mistakes.
Think before you blame. If you catch yourself blaming someone else for a situation in your life, ponder that situation thoroughly before saying anything aloud. Ask yourself what really happened. Who did what? What was your own part in this? How did you react? What were your options? How could you respond in the future to change the outcome?
* Give yourself plenty of time to process a situation. This way, you won’t be compelled to say something rash out of frustration.
Seek professional guidance. There’s no shame in asking for help if you can’t seem to shake the blame game. If you find yourself caught in a vicious, unproductive cycle of pointing the finger at others for your own life situation, obtain counseling to help you find your way out. When you leave the blame game behind, your life becomes totally your own.
All the power you need is in your own hands. The sky’s the limit when you stop blaming others and empower yourself to take your life back!
By Tammy Mahan, a technical writer at TechnicalWriters.us
Children require confidence to get them through life. The most important thing that you can do for your child is to begin developing their self- confidence as early as you can. The confidence that your child has will affect their self-esteem in later years, a lack of self-esteem can prevent them from doing things that they would love to do. There are some things that you can do to ensure that your children have enough self-confidence to last a lifetime.
Allowing children to begin making their own decisions at an early age is the best thing that you can do for them. However, giving children freedom has to have a limit.
Start with small things such as giving options that allow them to choose between two items, or activities. Letting your child know that they have a say in something as simple as what they were or what you are making for dinner will let them feel as if they have some level of control over their life.
The most important part when your children begin making decisions is that you guide them by offering appropriate options. Little by little, they will become more independent which will help them develop self-confidence. You should make sure that you acknowledge the positive choices that your child makes. When you child makes a mess you notice and react negatively, but you also need to tell them how well they did when they make their beds or put their toys away voluntarily.
Take the time to notice the good things that your child does and praise them for doing them. Play games with your children, and be sure to positively reinforce their creativity. Let them guide you, so that they feel more in control of the situation. Do not attach labels to what your child has done; instead help them to learn appropriate behaviors. Show them how they should behave so they have confidence.
Age appropriate tasks can be assigned to your child that will help to increase not only self-confidence but help them to work toward being self- sufficient adults. Leave things that your child will need to complete the task low enough that your child can reach them. The things that you have your child do should be appropriate to their age level. The guidelines that you give your child should be clear so that they know what you expect from them. The steps should be broken down for them, if your child is old enough to read writing the steps down in order can make the task easier to accomplish.
When speaking to your child address them by name, and teach them how to address others by name. Always keep the lines of communication open with your child, this allows them to discuss things with you. Children will be more open to asking for help when they need it without fear that they will be put down when you allow them to speak openly and honestly with you. Children will be able to get suggestions from you, and then determine which choice is right for them.
It is not difficult to build your child’s self-confidence and ensure that it lasts them a lifetime. Start early with praising the good things they do, helping them correct the things that are wrong without making a big deal out of it and give them choices. Make sure that the lines of communication are open, tell them that they are smart, beautiful/handsome, and give them freedom. Guide them in the right direction, and let them take pleasure in the choices that they make by not over ruling them.