What Happens When The Narcissist Finally Snaps And Loses Control?

What Happens When The Narcissist Finally Snaps And Loses Control?


What happens when the narcissist finally snaps and loses control? (Prefer to watch or listen rather than read? See video on YouTube).

Narcissists have this way of making us feel responsible for their happiness. After dealing with one of these toxic people for years, you might even allow yourself to feel responsible for keeping them emotionally safe – or at least for making sure they have whatever they want and need at any given moment. And, if you’re anything like I was, you might even have gone to extremes to do so.

For me, this was true even when I had to do something that I didn’t want to do, like pay my bills late in order to make sure my ex had the money he needed to pay for his hobbies or whatever he wanted. Or sometimes, it would mean doing something that is even further outside of your personal ethical standards – and I won’t elaborate here, but I can’t tell you how many people have shared stories like this with me. And I have a few of my own that would knock your socks off, if I’m being honest.

The same thing happened with my narcissistic parent, but in a bit of a different way. In this case, I knew what was and was not acceptable and I’d do whatever I could to try to fit in the mold that she had created for me. Often, this was to my detriment. For example, she would cook food that she knew I did not like, and she would act upset if I refused to eat it – to put it mildly. By the time I was 8 or 9, I had taken to pretending to like food that literally made me sick to my stomach in order to please her. Worse, I would later go sneak into the fridge and eat stuff that I DID like, which would also get me in trouble. And this would lead me to a lifelong struggle with my weight.*

*Side note, I am not blaming anyone but myself for my struggles – and I’m working on getting that under control. But the truth is that my weight issues could cause serious health problems (and have, in the past), and at least the psychological part of them are partially related to the situation I described.

Does any of that ring true for you? Whether you had a narcissistic ex, or a narcissistic friend, or a parent, did you find yourself feeling the need to keep them happy? And if so, have you ever wondered exactly why? What exactly caused you to try to keep them satisfied even if that meant going above and beyond at your own expense?

Logically, if you think about it, it makes sense that you (or anyone who found themselves at the mercy of an abusive narcissist) would, right? Because you knew that if you did not give the narcissist what they wanted and needed, you would face whatever consequences they might enact. You would be the focal point of their narcissistic rage and the narcissist would even devalue you even more. That is a terrifying thought that haunts anyone who has ever been in a toxic relationship with a narcissist.

But starting the moment you realize what you have been dealing with, you’ll start to change. It will seem slow, but before you know it, you will get to the point where you begin to understand that you have been abused. You’ll realize that your boundaries have been violated over and over again by the narcissist.

That will be right around the time when you reach a point where you know that something in your life needs to change – and fast!

That’s When the Narcissist Will Snap.

The narcissist snaps because they lose control – of YOU. See, your understanding of this person and their personality issues will get clearer and more comprehensive as you study them and their typical narcissistic behaviors, checking them against videos and podcasts like this one. As this happens, you’ll find yourself thinking a little differently, and you might even stop trying to coddle and protect them from the disappointment or anger that will inevitably come when they notice you’re no longer tolerating their childish behavior.

When you realize that you’ve been actually enabling the narcissist by giving them narcissistic supply, you might even get a little angry. Your anger might propel you forward and you might cut their source of supply off, whether you do this in a “cold-turkey” fashion or you use a more subtle “fade-away” kind of method.

What to Expect When the Narcissist Finally Snaps and Loses Control

In any case, when you do finally have enough of the mind games and manipulation, you’ve got to know it won’t sit well with the narcissist. They feel like they cannot function without you at this point, and even though you have given of yourself to the point that it has caused you a lifetime of mental and emotional exhaustion, not to mention the possibility of physical health problems, all the narcissist knows is that they aren’t getting what they need. The fact is that there is literally nothing you could possibly do to actually be “enough” for the narcissist anyway.

But they’ll be happy to keep draining you forever if you allow it. And if you don’t – well, that’s when the narcissist will often snap and lose control. If you’ve been there, you already know how scary that can be. And what should you expect when this happens? Well, let’s talk about it.

Narcissistic Injury, Followed by Narcissistic Rage

The very thing that causes the narcissist to snap is when they endure narcissistic injury – which is a painful reminder that they are not as good as they believe. Then they become desperate for more supply. See, in any case where a narcissist gets upset, hurt, or offended – or when they don’t get special treatment or favors – or literally, anytime they don’t get what they want, they will demonstrate narcissistic injury to guilt you into doing what they want.

And once you’ve realized who they are and you’ve stopped trying to please someone who will never, ever really be satisfied…well, that’s when the narcissistic rage will set in.

Narcissistic rage is a tactic the narcissist uses when they know they’re wrong but won’t admit it, or when they don’t get what they want, or when people don’t treat them different or more special than others, or when their sense of entitlement is threatened. Basically, anytime things don’t go their way, they will get inconsolably angry in an attempt to bully or coerce you into giving them what they want.

So, once they see you won’t budge and you won’t do whatever they’re demanding in any given moment, they snap and fly into that narcissistic rage, which is also a sign of them losing control of their emotions. You can compare it to a toddler having a violent tantrum – and while they may be relatively intelligent in other ways, narcissists are about as emotionally mature as that toddler. When they are feeling unhappy, upset or angry, or put-upon in any way, they will spin out of control and stomp their feet and hold their breath, proverbially speaking. Even literally in some cases.

Devalue and Discard

When the narcissist is losing control, you can expect to deal with them tearing you down in any way they can. The devalue phase will be in full effect. This is they will beat you down emotionally, insult you (outright or covertly), and make you doubt yourself and your self-worth.

This is a typical part of the narcissist’s cycle of abuse and when they do it effectively, it can cause you to believe you don’t have a chance of finding someone better, or that you’re not worthy of love or consideration.  Don’t fall for it, my friend. The narcissist chose you for a reason – probably because you really are the amazing person they thought you were in the beginning when they were idealizing you.

In fact, it is common for narcissists to use devaluation to keep you from leaving. See, by implanting such ideas in your head, they hope you’ll feel like they’re your last resort. Again, do not fall for it! (And let’s be honest – if you’re anything like me, you realize that being alone would be far less difficult than continuing to be with someone who makes you FEEL alone.)

Loss of Narcissistic Supply Leads to Next-Level Narcissistic Abuse

Now, don’t misunderstand me here. The fact is that the narcissist will devalue you even when they are receiving ample supply from you. But if you cut it off, or even if you simply express that you also need to care for your own needs, that is enough to make the narcissist snap. And that’s when you can expect them to get REALLY mean, while they attempt to further devalue you.

When the narcissist is losing control, expect them to throw a list of insults, mistakes you’ve made, and anything else they can think of to hurt you, at you as they dig deep into your insecurities, saying anything they can think of to hurt you. Remember: there is no level to which they won’t stoop.

Inevitably this will lead to you being discarded, whether they actually leave you or not. Either literally or figuratively, the narcissist will sort of “throw you away,” as in push you out of their life. This can happen as part of a rotating cycle of abuse that can go on for decades if you let it – or it can be a final “break-up” – a sort of “showdown” of sorts which will hopefully represent the ultimate end of a toxic relationship. And despite the fact that you might think otherwise right now, trust me when I tell you that this would be the best possible outcome. Other things that might happen are far more ominous – and yes, that includes that you might actually end up staying with them or getting back together.

And, if you’re still in the relationship or you’re freshly out of it and still hurting, believe me – I know it might not feel that way now. It will feel like your life would be over if you really lost this person completely. But, listen…I promise you that one day, when you finally do get away and you start to heal, you will remember this very moment and you’ll see what I mean. You’ll know I was telling the truth.

If you’re already out and beginning to heal, then you already know! (This video goes into more detail on this topic.)

Question of the Day:  Have you ever experienced a narcissist who snapped and lost control? What was your experience like? Share your thoughts, share your ideas, and share your experiences in the comments section below this video, and let’s talk about it.

Do you need help and support in your narcissistic abuse recovery process?

How can you get support in your healing from narcissistic abuse? Start with your friends and/or family members who may understand and be willing to support you. If you don’t have supportive or understanding people around you, which is often the case for survivors of narcissistic abuse due to the fact that narcissists have a tendency to isolate you, you may need to look at some other options. Here are a few to consider.

You might also find these videos helpful:

 

Why Is The Narcissist Still Obsessed With You?

Why Is The Narcissist Still Obsessed With You?


(Prefer to listen or watch instead of reading? Here’s the video on YouTube)

We recently talked about how to deal with feeling obsessed with the narcissist, even after the relationship ends. But what do you do when you’re dealing with a narcissist who is obsessed with you? And why would that even be the case? Why would a narcissist remain obsessed with you even if they’ve discarded you? Certainly, it would make more sense if you were the one who ended the relationship, but even then, how long does it go on and why does the narcissist stay so obsessed with you? Well, let’s talk about it.

After you have been discarded by the narcissist or you did that to them and went no contact, you will very often notice that they are still quite obsessed with you. As I said, it would be more understandable that they would not be able to stop thinking about you after you go no contact with them.

Why is the Narcissist Obsessed With You?

So, first, let’s talk about the why of it all. If we were to assume that narcissists are regular humans, it might look like this.

Let’s say you had a friend who ghosted you and blocked your number and contact information out of the blue. You had no idea what happened, and there was no trace of them to be seen again. Most likely, you would not be able to stop thinking about what they did. You would be quite hurt and confused. That is why it would be understandable for the narcissist to still be obsessed after you go no contact if the narcissist could be considered a regular human.

But let’s say that same friend who randomly discarded you were to also become obsessed with you at the same time. Why would they be obsessed with you if they were the ones to discard you? It was their choice to cut all ties. Why would they still care about you at all?

Well, narcissists don’t care about anyone else the same way that you or any regular person would because they lack emotional empathy and compassion. But there is one reason that narcissists are still obsessed with you, even they are the ones to discard you.

It All Boils Down To The Narcissistic Supply You Provide

The narcissist is still obsessed with you because as they see it, you are still a source of narcissistic supply,. despite what it may seem in the moment. They will take any type of supply they can get, so long as it feeds their ego –  whether it is positive or negative. The positive would be them getting praise or getting what they want, and the negative would you be getting angry and emotional with them. The supply could even be neutral such as you being there in their life alone. They need it and you have proven to be an ideal source.

The sad truth is that this is exactly why the narcissist is obsessed with you.

One thing to remember is that everyone wants to be noticed, loved, and heard, and validated. Whenever anyone dismisses your pain and suffering or amazing accomplishments, that hurts and you would understandably be upset. But narcissists crave all of that all of the time – 24/7. You as a non-narcissist only want those things when there is a good reason for it but don’t demand it because you might be secure enough to know that you are noticed and cared for under normal circumstances. The narcissist is not.

So, when you are in a relationship with a narcissist, there are three phases that you go through with them. The first phase is the love-bombing phase where you are showered with “fake” love, which makes you believe the narcissist is someone from heaven. The next phase is when they devalue you where you begin to see their true colors, and they are cruel and condescending to you. The last phase is when they discard you. And all of these phases can happen at the same time throughout the relationship. All of these phases that you go through with the narcissist provides them with the supply they need.

If they don’t get their fill pf narcissistic supply, it is like you not going with food or water for days. It is very threatening to them You are just that perfect source of supply. Even if they discard you and just leave you out of the blue to go for another source of narcissistic supply, you are still an option for them when they need you again – at least as far as they’re concerned.

And, of course, beware: there may come a time when the narcissist attempts to hoover you back into the relationship.

Bottom line? The narcissist isn’t obsessed with you in a way where they would truly miss you the same way you would miss someone else. They are obsessed with the narcissistic supply you provide. And you going no contact is the biggest threat to their ability to hold on to the potential supply you could offer in the future. In other words – it’s all about what you can do for the narcissist, not who you are or what you’re about.

Question of the Day: Have you dealt with a narcissist who was obsessed with you – or who just wouldn’t leave you alone? Share your thoughts, share your ideas, and share your experiences in the comments section below this video, and let’s talk about it!

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