Identifying the Exhibitionist or Somatic Narcissist

Identifying the Exhibitionist or Somatic Narcissist


Are you dealing with an exhibitionist narcissist? Somatic narcissists are synonymous with exhibitionist narcissists – but they aren’t exactly what you think. In this video, I’ll fill you in on how to identify a somatic or exhibitionist narcissist.

An exhibitionist narcissist is similar to other types of narcissists. They usually grow up with poor self-esteem and may lack a nurturing environment at home. They often compensate for this by having an inflated sense of self.

  1. Exhibitionist narcissists also have a sense of entitlement.

2. Center of attention. Exhibitionist narcissists always have to be the center of attention. They want the whole world to revolve around them.

○ They love attention and seek it out. They want everyone to love and praise them. They’re not comfortable sharing the spotlight with friends or other family members. They easily become jealous if they’re not the center of attention.

3. Lack of empathy. Exhibitionist narcissists don’t understand what other people are feeling. They can’t relate to them and often ignore them.

○ Although exhibitionist narcissists are capable of feeling hurt, they don’t realize it when they hurt others. They’re only able to see their own feelings and don’t care about how others feel.

○ Exhibitionist narcissists also tend to be selfish. They expect the world to bend to their needs and desires. They want everything immediately and lack patience. They don’t care that their wishes inconvenience others.

4. Expecting perfection. Most exhibitionist narcissists expect perfection from those around them. They have unrealistic expectations and extremely high standards.

○ They also believe that they’re perfect, and it’s impossible to convince a narcissist that they’ve made a mistake. They push their expectations on others and refuse to live in the real world.

○ Projecting perfection is also important for the exhibitionist narcissist. They will go to great lengths to convince others they’re perfect. They’ll spend hours editing photos, cleaning their homes, or buying new things. They’ll lie if it’s necessary to convince someone they’re perfect.

○ Often, exhibitionist narcissists will post idealized images and stories about their lives online.

5. Using others. Since exhibitionist narcissists don’t care about other people, it’s easy for them to use others. In some cases, they’ll use family members as props.

○ They often tend to think of people as things. They believe they’re easy to replace and exchange.

○ Exhibitionist narcissists can make family or friends feel like they’re accessories. Since the narcissists have to be the center of attention at all times, they’ll push people aside to get what they want.

○ Narcissist have a hard time returning affection because they don’t view others as their equals.

6. No apologies or responsibility. Exhibitionist narcissists are not able to apologize even if they realize they’ve done something wrong. They don’t take responsibility for their actions.

○ They refuse to acknowledge that they’re wrong. You can wait forever to hear an apology from them, and you won’t get one.

○ Admitting a mistake would be a devastating blow to their egos.

○ It’s easier for them to pretend nothing is wrong. It’s easier to ignore issues forever and let others suffer because, once again, they don’t care.

Once you learn the signs, it’s easy to spot an exhibitionist narcissist. You can learn how to see these signs and use the information to avoid narcissists.

19 Quick & Dirty Ways to Unapologetic Self-Love

19 Quick & Dirty Ways to Unapologetic Self-Love

What does it mean to be rock-solid in your self-love and self-image? How can you become the person you truly want and deserve to be, during or after narcissistic relationships? What actionable steps can you take to truly and unapologetically LOVE YOURSELF to the point that literally no one – and especially not a narcissist – can affect your ability to feel good – your ability to feel happy and to have an unbreakable sense of self-esteem?

That’s what we’re talking about today – finding the part of yourself that lets you create and grow an unbreakable, unapologetic sense of self that will release you of the need to be validated from outside yourself.

There’s no shortage of information on how to strengthen your relationship with your family, boss, or coworkers. However, you never hear about how to have a more productive relationship with yourself.

Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you have! Most of the trouble you have with yourself is that you don’t know yourself well.

You may have spent most of your life avoiding yourself. We don’t want to address our shortcomings or deal with uncomfortable thoughts. But you can’t escape yourself, so you might as well make friends.

Try these techniques to develop a stronger relationship with yourself:

Start your day with gratitude and positive thoughts. Instead of reaching over for your cell phone to check the weather or to see if your Clash of Clans village was raided overnight, spend the time on yourself. Mentally list a few things that make you grateful to be alive. Tell yourself something positive.

  • Give yourself the intention of having a good day.
  • List your positive qualities.
  • Get your day off to a good start with yourself.
  1. Write in a journal. Your thoughts and life are worth recording. Take time each evening to write for a few minutes. You’ll gain a lot of insight and appreciation for your life. Show yourself that your life matters.
  2. Let go of your avoidance behaviors. What do you do when you’re feeling emotionally under the weather? Shop? Eat? Get online? Instead of avoiding yourself, sit with yourself.
    • Just breathe and notice your feelings and body sensations. Avoiding them just prolongs the cycle.
    • In time, your negative emotions will dissipate without your attempts to hide from them.
  3. Think of meditation as spending quality time with yourself. Begin with just a few minutes and extend the time as you feel more comfortable. You’ll learn how your mind works by meditating.
  4. Spend time on your personal development. What do you feel the need to learn?
    • Social skills?
    • Relaxation skills?
    • Networking?
    • Spiritual development?
    • You spend so much time doing things for your boss, home, and family. Take a break and spend some time dealing with your own needs. 
  5. Have some fun. Plan some fun in your life. Get a monthly massage or meet a friend for ballroom dance lessons. It’s your life. Enjoy it.
  6. Forgive yourself. You’ve made a few mistakes and missed out on a few sure-fire opportunities. That’s no reason to beat yourself up for the rest of your life. It’s time to let go of your past and forge ahead.
  7. Groom yourself to a high standard. Take the time to shower each day and pay a regular visit to the barber or salon. Keep your grooming at a higher standard than others in your environment.
    • Take good care of yourself and show the world how much you mean to yourself.
  8. Get help if you need it. No one can handle everything all of the time. Sooner or later, we all need help. That help may come in the form of a trusted friend or professional help. Get the help you need. Remember, you’re worth it.

How well do you know yourself? How well do you manage yourself? Both could always use a little enhancement. It’s not always easy to live with yourself, but remember that you have a lot to offer yourself!

Spend some time each day being good to yourself. Have some fun and spend some time on your personal development. Strengthen the most important relationship of all – the one with yourself.

  1. Understand that you are relevant. You matter to the world. Your opinions matter. Your work matters. Your mere presence matters. You’ve already touched numerous lives in a positive way. 
  2. Understand that your greatest mistakes don’t define you. Your mistakes may have influenced your life, but they’ve only changed who you are if you’ve permitted it. It doesn’t matter how many mistakes you’ve made. Tomorrow is a new day. 
  3. Forgive someone that has wronged you. Forgiving doesn’t mean that you have to let them back into your life or give them another chance. It just means that you’re not going to spend any more time or mental energy holding onto your anger. Be good to yourself and let it go. You’ll impress yourself with your inner strength and enjoy the relief that forgiveness brings.
  1. Think about the best compliments you’ve ever received. Bask in them. The most meaningful compliments are those that ring true in the depth of your soul. It’s exciting when someone else recognizes the best that we have to offer the world. 
  2. Take a stand for something you believe in. Be bold in your opinion of what’s right and wrong. Be willing to share your interests and hobbies with others. When you love yourself, you can do what interests you without the need for approval from others. Be proud of what’s most important to you.
  3. Be kind to yourself. The world will be harsh enough on you. Make an effort to be kind to yourself. Remember your good qualities and your strengths.
  4. Be of service to others. We admire those that give of themselves. You can admire yourself by spending some time each week helping to make someone else’s life a little easier or more pleasant. Find a charity or social organization that addresses a cause that’s near and dear to your heart.
  5. Take care of yourself. See the doctor and dentist. Pay for a good haircut. Avoid dressing like a slob. Avoid being obsessed with your appearance, but give it the attention it deserves. Make an effort to look your best because you’re worth the time and effort.
  6. Do something nice for yourself. Take the trip you’ve been putting off. Buy yourself a book. Take a class on a topic that interests you. Buy those expensive sheets for the bed. Don’t do it as a reward. Do it just because you’re wonderful.
  7. Remember your greatest successes. Remember how amazing you are. You’ve done lots of great things. Remind yourself of them.

 

 

When You Go No Contact with a Narcissist: 109 Things You Can Stop Worrying About

When You Go No Contact with a Narcissist: 109 Things You Can Stop Worrying About

You know what you gain when you leave the narcissist. But what will you lose? Everyone’s always telling you how much better life will be when you leave a narcissist right? They tell you what you’ll gain – your freedom, your peace, etc.

But they never tell you exactly what you’ll lose when you go no contact or when you break up with the narcissist. In this video, I’ll tell you 109 things that you lose when you lose the narcissist. This list was compiled after a survey of more than 100k people in our SPANily narcissistic abuse recovery support groups. 

109 Things You Can Stop Worrying About When You Go No Contact with a Narcissist

  1. No more of not having anyone to share in your accomplishments or appreciate your talents, because the narc doesn’t want to share the limelight.
  2. Being able to express your opinion without being accused of wanting to argue.
  3. Being able to have a collection and not be called a hoarder.
  4. Being able to be tired or sick without someone being pissed off because you’re not taking care of them.
  5. Being able to watch tv!
  6. Being able to play Xbox!
  7. Being allowed to stay up as long as you want to!
  8. Not having to explain why your interests are not weird!
  9. Being able to have an interest!
  10. Being able to have a holiday that’s not ruined – or a birthday!
  11. No more hiding from the neighbors, so they can’t ask you questions!
  12. Being allowed to raise your kids lovingly without paying the consequences!
  13. Being able to say what I like and want matters!
  14. no more tears and confusion!
  15. No more name-calling
  16. No more narcissists saying they are playing when confronted
  17. No more hearing, “If I don’t give you a hard time, who will?”
  18. Not having your immune system damaged, lowered, compromised, and destroyed leading to depression, illnesses and death.  If the narc has financial incentives to see you dead, it all adds up.
  19. No more lies
  20. No emotional blackmail
  21. No more narcissistic rage
  22. No more emotional abuse
  23. No more discouraging you
  24. No more constant fault finding
  25. No more confusion
  26. No more of that feeling of terror just before and during a physical attack.
  27. No more getting abuse for looking the wrong direction
  28. No more catching a disease from the narc and then s/he’s jealous because you are getting medical attention for said disease.
  29. Fearing for my life and the life of my pet.
  30. Fearing his or her calling the police on me for breaking the peace because I’m crying over her/his raging.
  31. Watching him destroy the lives of his/her kids.
  32. Having his ex-wife and another female friend in my bedroom, as I sleep or not.
  33. Not having any of my things welcome in the home s/he wants me to share with him/her.
  34. Not being stopped when I want to visit with family.
  35. Not being stopped from sleeping all night, and not being stopped when I’ve decided I’m tired.
  36. Not being forced to watch filth on tv and video.
  37. No more “Hurry! Go to bed your dad’s home!” and yelling at my children so he didn’t.
  38. No more dealing with a narcissist crushing/making fun of your goals and dreams
  39. No more buying things for yourself and having them get broken
  40. No more defending myself of BS.
  41. No more starting every conversation with “now please don’t get pissed, but…”
  42. No more hearing a narcissist criticize my voice on phone calls and say they knew something was wrong.
  43. No more having my quietness evaluated or being criticized for “a look a narcissist claimed I had”
  44. No more being teased about my eyes.
  45. No more being criticized for my looks.
  46. No more hearing that I was a big girl; or being asked how much I weighed.
  47. No more walking on eggshells
  48. No more narcissist acting like they want to see you out of kindness but they’re broke, need food, need bus money/ a ride, and need clean laundry and play it like they’re doing you a favor by gracing you with their awesome company
  49. No more escalating violence because she knows the law is on a female’s side and guys are guilty until proven innocent.
  50. No more watching the narcissist check out young men/women half my age and then blaming me for paranoia.
  51. No more sheer terror over uncovering complex lies, betrayal and deceit.
  52. No more being fearful for my life over discovering the lies.
  53. No more being lied about to police officers and being falsely thrown into jail for a day.
  54. No more starving literally for love and food.
  55. No more flying monkey shit head dumb ass fucks.
  56. No more trauma.
  57. No more gaslighting.
  58. No more being threatened to be homeless.
  59. No more stupid idiots surrounding me making me stupider emotionally and intellectually.
  60. No more having my shit stolen.
  61. Not having to worry that the narcissist isn’t answering the phone on break time and learning later that they were in the car with someone else of the opposite sex.
  62. No more porn in the DVD, on the computer, under the bed, in the shed, on top of the cupboard, in our caravan, in his truck, bedside drawer, on his phone, on his work computer.
  63. No more paranoia about where the narcissist is at
  64. No more finding Viagra in his car, stripper cards hidden in the kitchen, and the proclamations “dindu nuffin”
  65. No more caring what his/her stupid followers think of me and wondering what I have done now for all the negative judgments.
  66. No more having to be a designated driver because the narc will always get drunk &/or stoned to “have a good time”.
  67. No more being called too sensitive
  68. No more cyberstalking
  69. no longer being told you need to go to church
  70. No more having to get tested for aids
  71. No more being ditched on holidays
  72. No more having to cancel everything I plan
  73. No more contact!
  74. Being glad to be alive now that I know how to identify these beasts.
  75. Not having to deal with the narcissist’s screams at midnight or later, waking up all the neighborhood, just because I told them something they didn’t like or I told them if they didn’t change, I would leave.
  76. Not being abused anymore, treated as an object, with no emotions, no love, no feelings.
  77. Not having to deal anymore with the devastation in my kid’s eyes because the narcissist didn’t keep their promises towards them. or toward me.
  78. No more having to pretend I’m dumb and that I believed the lies.
  79. No more bending over backward trying to please my narcissist ex
  80. No more being ignored after sex even if you did everything just the way the narcissist wanted.
  81. No more feeling so alone and unloved and finally realizing you thought you were sharing your soul, but to the narcissist, the act had no meaning.
  82. No more being just an “appliance” the narcissist used.
  83. No more being repeatedly discarded.
  84. No more being looked at with dead or empty eyes.
  85. No more not ever being apologized to.
  86. No more having to share your life and living space with a complete and total monster.
  87. No more having to “loan” the narcissist money.
  88. No more having to prove myself and being afraid of expressing myself
  89. No more getting in trouble for missed days at work during discards and devalues
  90. No more fearing their mood swings.
  91. No more turning down friends invites for dinner fearing the narcissist would get jealous.
  92. No more head games.
  93. No more being accused of having someone in bed with me when the narcissist would call.
  94. No more feeling nervous when they would drive 100 mph and hearing the narcissist was a good driver and that cars are made to drive fast blah blah blah)
  95. No more thinking I’m crazy.
  96. No more being called horrible names.
  97. No more getting the silent treatment and no more of me being blamed for leaving
  98. No more hearing that “I don’t try hard enough and I should’ve hugged the narcissist”
  99. No more crying and not being able to wear makeup.
  100. No more fearing to shave my legs because that meant I “went out” the night before.
  101. No more being forced to do things when I wasn’t feeling up to it.
  102. No more cringing when he/she would walk out of stores without paying for stuff.
  103. No more babysitting the narcissist’s kid even though they were awful the night before.
  104. No more being told that medicine is bad and that I shouldn’t take Advil or Excedrin meanwhile (when the narc did drugs) ?
  105. No more hearing the narcissist brag about how good they are at their job and without them, they are all probably dying of boredom.
  106. No more lying to my kids as to why I’m crying (that still hurts)
  107. No more of the narcissist’s stupid “I’m so spiritual” speeches yet they didn’t know what the hell they were talking about.
  108. No more broken promises.
  109. No longer being accused of everything that goes wrong in the world.

Related Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Articles and Videos to Help You

Narcissists and Future Faking

Narcissists and Future Faking

What is future faking, exactly, and how does a narcissist use it against you? Have you ever dealt with a future faking narcissist?

What is future faking?

If you think back to the beginning of your relationship with your narcissist, do you recall all the big promises (actual or implied) that were made to you – and how many of them didn’t seem to pan out the way the narcissist promised? Future faking is a manipulation tactic in which the narcissist makes promises to you about an amazing future you’re going to have, but never delivers. Often employed during love bombing and hoovering, future faking is one way that narcissists get and keep us hooked.

It’s just one more way the NPD person engages in manipulation against their victim. Add it to gaslighting and direct psychological abuse, and you can’t blame us for ending up with CPTSD.

Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today

Did you know? Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.

Related articles

 

When the Narcissist Wants to Be Your Friend After the Discard

When the Narcissist Wants to Be Your Friend After the Discard

Why does the narcissist want to stay friends after he or she blatantly discards you in a relationship? What could be the benefit – and it is a good idea to remain friends with your ex? That’s what today’s video covers.

Today, I’m answering the question: Should you stay friends with your narcissist after the discard?

When you break up with a narcissist, is it even possible to stay friends? Plus: I’ll give you 10 important facts you need to consider before you say “yes” to a narcissist who wants to stay friends after your breakup or divorce. Dealing with a narcissist or someone with NPD in a toxic relationship is hell – considering the gaslighting, the manipulation and the ups and downs of it all, you’ve got to consider whether the trauma bonding you’ve experienced is really worth going back to.

Study mentioned: http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/…

 

Pin It on Pinterest