Men: How to Get What You Want From Your Wife Without Pissing Her Off

Men: How to Get What You Want From Your Wife Without Pissing Her Off

Please note: this only works if you’re in a healthy relationship. If you’re not, you might want to start changing things – you can do that here.
If you had the chance, would you marry your wife all over again?
That’s one of the best compliments you can give her. Having a HOT marriage might seem like an insurmountable task, especially if you have regular tension in your relationship, but I’ve got great news for you.Bitch by Meredith Brooks quote
It’s all about communication.

As a woman, I can call myself a bitch (occasionally), a lover, a (former) child, a mother,  a sinner, and a saint. And you know what?

I really do not feel ashamed.

I know, you probably think I’m home of those bra-burning feminist types, but no–I consider myself more of a humanist.

As the mother of two amazing and polar opposite but equally awesome, intelligent boys and one crazy-smart, strong and creative little girl (all three beautiful and healthy, I’m grateful to report), I can’t ever be anti-male. I’m all about equality among races, sexes and various other identifying factors.

I figure if what you’re doing doesn’t harm or unnecessarily (or unknowingly) increase or cause the risk of injury, then hey–do your thang, kid.When people are different from us in some way, we are inclined to note the differences and especially when we aren’t intimately familiar with them (and in some cases, their race in general).

The thing is, men, that you’re blowing it, this whole communication thing. I’m here to offer you a little insight into the female psyche that could really help you to strengthen the bond in your marriage.

Now go get your big boy shorts on and get ready to catch a whiff of the truth.

Please note: we are not always as complicated/impossible or otherwise unreasonably bitchy as you might think. Lucky for you, I’m taking pity on you and offering you the inside dirt on how women think and what women really want from you.

How to Get Your Point Across Without Pissing Off Your Wife

married couple holding handsI’m going to make this easy for you, men. I know how you think. You’re logical. You’re a problem solver.

And probably, you think this is a bunch of crap, but you’re here because deep down, you really do love your wife and you really do want to do better–you want to make her happy.

So, let’s start with what not to do, shall we? Some men could drastically improve their relationships with one or more of these simple tips. (And listen, you will be shocked when you find out how very simple the changes  are and how exponentially these tiny life tweaks can add value and positivity to your life.)

 Don’t blow sunshine up our asses

When you misrepresent yourself in any way in order to gain ground with your girl, you’re not only wasting your time (not to mention ours); you’re also going to set us up for shock and disappointment somewhere down the line (or if we take longer to catch on, we might try to convince ourselves that you’ve changed). So tell us the truth, even if you think it means you’ll blow it. Do us both a favor and get your truth out up front-or risk losing us when it really hurts. (And hey, if we dump you over your truth? We probably did you a favor, because Miss Right could be right around the corner).

It hurts less if you just tear it off fast: the band-aid theory

Listen, if you meet a mew woman online, there are certain things you really need to be honest about before you ever meet in person, because these things can be deal breakers.

  •  Your appearance. Not your edited profile pics, either, but the real you, warts and all. I promise you that when we meet you, we’ll notice that photo is really your younger brother or the selfie you took the day you graduated high school twenty years ago.
  • Your relationship status-and I do mean actual status, not some gloss over about how you’re in transition or how your babymamas are all fighting over you but you only want me (of course you’ll need to spend a few nights a week out, like, seeing your kids and stuff, or whatever.).  Just tell me up front if you’re married, in a committed relationship or if you’re playing 3 other women. This way, you’ll have no guilt and we are empowered to choose to tolerate it–or not. (And don’t think it’ll always be ‘not’–women today aren’t always opposed to unconventional arrangements and commitment-free intimacy. But we aren’t all that way, so if you want that in a woman, you can choose to wait for a woman who is into it, or you can take alternative routes while you continue to find the one who will float your boat just the way you like it.
  • Your real “stuff.” Listen, I am here to tell you that while every girl would love to meet a guy who never disagrees with her, most of us are well-aware that he doesn’t exist in real life. That’s why it’s so important to just get your weirdness out there up front. So, if you’re going to freak out if I eat tacos in front of you, tell me that before we go to the Mexican restaurant, aight? And if you hate kids, don’t pretend you’re a different person when I tell you I’ve got three of my own. Put it out there and let me make an educated choice on whether or not I want to waste your time (and mine) trying to develop a relationship that may or may not be a real option for me.

The same goes for your day-to-day married life, by the way–just put your “stuff” out there and be real with your wife. That way, you never have to remember that you lied or covered something up–you just tell the truth. And in case you didn’t know, most intelligent women have built-in BS meters.

A little sugar helps the medicine go down.

Listen, I totally want you to be honest with me on every level. But I don’t like it when I think you don’t think I’m amazingly beautiful, sexy and intelligent. In fact, if I think that you in any way find me distasteful, unattractive or otherwise unsavory, I’m probably going to shut down and stop trying to please you. (Although there are women who will work harder to make you happy, they’re generally secretly very unhappy/unfulfilled and that trickle-down effect could potentially blow up in your face!)

So, while a lot of people claim that they don’t want you to sugar-coat it for them, most women are lying when they say that. The truth is that we do want you to sugar-coat it for us, and if you have a problem with something we’re doing, you better add a little extra sugar before you start talking.

My point is that if you’re planning to tell your wife or girlfriend that you need her to change something about herself, her behavior or her habits, you need to do it carefully.

For example, if you wish she’d stop waking you up at 5 a.m. to have sex (ha! as IF you’d have a problem with that one!), you might remind her that she’s incredibly sexy and that you LOOOOVE being with her–but that you want to be your best for her all the time and that requires a couple more hours of shut-eye.

And don’t forget to remind her that you can’t resist her, and since you’d much rather have sex than sleep, you NEED HER HELP to get this thing done.

Men: what are your best tips for communicating with women? And women: what tips would you offer to the men in your lives, if you could? 
Sky’s the Limit: How to Be Who You Want to Be

Sky’s the Limit: How to Be Who You Want to Be

stronger“Don’t limit yourself. Many people limit themselves to what they think they can do. You can go as far as your mind lets you. What you believe, remember, you can achieve.” ~Mary Kay Ash

Take a moment for yourself. Sit back, relax and allow yourself to dream for a bit about whom you’d like to be and what you’d really like to do with your life.

If you could simply paint an image of who you want to be, what would that look like? Free-association like this can be incredibly helpful in realizing your goals.

Spend some highly productive time meditating on your dreams with these strategies:

Find a quiet time and place.

This will be somewhere where you can reflect without interruption. You might take a walk in the park or a bike ride for an hour. Maybe you’ll choose to lay out on a blanket under that big shade tree in your back yard.

Encourage your mind to pursue any positive thoughts.

Think about what you wanted to be when you were 10, 15, and 20. Was it the same occupation or way of life at each stage of your development? Or were you always coming up with something new you wanted to do?

Green Thought BubblesGreen Thought Bubbles (Photo credit: iNkMan_)

Think about your deepest desires.

Do you want to have a lot of money and travel the world? Or just settle down and have a family?  Perhaps you picture yourself surrounded by many close friends with whom you spend a lot of your spare time. Maybe your preferred way to live is an independent, quiet lifestyle alone with your books, paints, and hobbies.

Visualize your living space. Where you live largely determines the kind of life you have.

Living in a warm southern climate means you can be more physically active in warm weather year round. If you live in an apartment in the middle of the big city, you might live a life filled with wall to wall people, ethnic foods, and cultural experiences of all kinds. There’s rarely any quiet and you’re incredibly active, partaking of all that city life has to offer.

A rural setting, on the other hand, provides its own sense of stability. You enjoy nature frequently. The sights, sounds, and smells of plants, animals, and the four seasons surround you as you walk or work outdoors. Stress levels are lower.

Make a wish.

You might think that making a wish is just for kids. But for the sake of this exercise, if you could have just one wish for your life, what would it be? To be a husband someday? To be a mother? To travel to a few exotic countries you’ve wanted to see? To be an accountant or small business owner?

Your wish will reveal a lot about you and what you desire.

Dream about your career.

Continuing to paint the picture of who you would choose to be, where would you be working? What kind of job credentials would you hold? What would you be like in that situation?

Because work is almost one-third of your life, consider your career choice as profoundly integral to your happiness.

Engage in a little planning.

Now that you’ve reflected on your life and who you’d like to be, how close is your actual life to your desires? What can you do to help yourself become who and what you want to be?

You deserve to live the life you choose. Reflect on who and what you want to be. Let your mind go for a bit. Then, ask yourself what you want for yourself. Think about where you’d prefer to live. Think about the career you’d have if you could do it all over again.

Finally, ask yourself what you will need to do to get to the place of your dreams, physically, emotionally, and career-wise. You can be anything you want to be. Make some effort now to find out who that really is.

So tell me–do you know who you are? And what are you going to do about it? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section, below

Bliss Mission: Affirm Your Gratitude and Improve Your Life

Bliss Mission: Affirm Your Gratitude and Improve Your Life

motivation

 

The following is a list of affirmations and reflection questions to help you stay focused on our 30 Days of Gratitude Challenge.

 

  1. I give thanks daily for my focus in life.
  2. I am confident in my ability to achieve my goals. Each day, I live with presence and conviction and, therefore, make good on my dreams. For this, I am intensely grateful.
  3. I know that I can have what I want! All I need to do is focus. I put forth my intention and my dreams and desires are made manifest.
  4. Focus is the biggest secret to my success. I pay close attention to what I want and then devote my energy to accomplishing my dreams.
  5. Sometimes, achieving my goals requires greater effort than at other times. When this is the case, I am particularly thankful for my focus. Sustained effort requires motivation and motivation requires remembering why I am willing to put in some hard work. But when I focus on my goals, motivation comes easily.
  6. If I feel distracted or scattered, I take a few moments to close my eyes and just breathe. I notice the sensations of my feet on the floor and my hands resting on my lap.
  7. This simple exercise renews my focus by bringing me into the present moment. And when I am fully present, I feel gratitude for where I am and how far I have come.
  8. Today, I make time to contemplate my many accomplishments. I am thankful for my focus in life, which enables me to have all that I want.
  9. I seek out opportunities to cultivate this gratitude by paying attention to my deepest desires and pursuing them devotedly.

 

Self-Reflection Questions:
1. What are some of the things I have accomplished in the last year?
2. To what do I attribute these successes?
3. Are there aspects of my life that could benefit from greater focus?

 

 

 

Bliss Mission: Affirm Your Gratitude and Improve Your Life

Bliss Mission: 7 Ways to Save Money at the Grocery Store

Healthy groceries don't have to break the bank!Have you noticed lately that your grocery bill is going up? While the cost of food may be rising, some of your growing grocery store costs might be increasing because you’re making impulsive purchases.

If you shop when you’re lacking energy, hungry, or in a hurry, chances are good you sometimes make hasty decisions about food.

So, how many times have you come home from the store and wondered what you were thinking when you bought this or that?

We’ve all done it, and we’ve all found ourselves throwing out food and products we never use as a result of it. That means we waste our money.

But if you think ahead and try the following ways to save money at the grocery store, you’ll never go over-budget again. Give it a shot.

7 Ways to Save Money at the Grocery Store

Write it down!

  • Keep a pad of paper and pen in the kitchen. When you notice you’re getting low on something you use regularly, write it on the list.
  • If you’re tech-oriented, enter those items into your smart phones so you’ll have them with you the next time you go to the store.
  • Think about food products you don’t use much or that your family doesn’t want to eat anymore. Consider excluding them from your store list.
  • Before you leave home to go grocery shopping, double-check for any items you may need but haven’t yet listed. Add those to your list.

Don’t rush it!

  • Allow a reasonable amount of time to grocery-shop. Having ample time to shop means you’re more likely to cut down on hurrying through the store and grabbing whatever food product strikes your fancy at the moment.
  • Consider shopping during off-peak hours to avoid additional stress that can cause impulse buys.

Eat real food!

  • Make a real effort to avoid processed food. Food items in boxes, bags, or cans usually have additives and other unhealthy ingredients.
  • If you “think healthy” at the store, you’ll most likely save yourself from picking up all those processed, packaged foods.

Get what you came for, nothing more!

  • Stick to the store list. Now that you’ve made a list of everything you need, purchase only items you’ve listed.
  • If sticking 100% to the list is difficult, consider allowing yourself just one or two foods not included on your store list.
  • Think about those items carefully to ensure they’re worth the price and that you can use them in preparing healthy meals or snacks for your family.

Don’t go hungry!

  • Eat a meal before you go grocery shopping. Like your mom used to tell you, “Never go grocery shopping when you’re hungry.”
  • It’s no secret that people tend to spend more when they’re feeling starved while shopping. A bag of chips here, a candy bar there, and you just bumped your grocery bill a few dollars.

Spend what you intend!

  • Establish a budgeted amount of money you plan to spend at the grocery store and only spend that much, no more.
  • Some financial experts recommend that you only shop with cash. It seems that handing over your hard-earned money in cash is more difficult for most people than punching in a pin number. (It works, trust me, I’ve done this and saved a ton  of money in the process!)

Bonus tip: What to do if you go over budget

  • Dilemma: Let’s say you don’t want to exceed $75 per week on food. While you’re at the checkout counter, the store staff tells you your bill is $79. What can you do?
  • How to solve it: Quickly look over your food items. Ask yourself what you can do without. See if there are snack items you don’t really need. Make a concerted effort to reduce the total to $75.00, as you planned.
  • Follow up: Then, when you get home, consider whether you need to raise your budgeted amount to spend on your next trip to the store. You might conclude you didn’t really need the items you put back. Or you may realize that $75 just isn’t enough to meet your needs and you should raise your budget a little.

Stay the course!

Pat yourself on the back for the planning you did to avoid impulsive purchases at the grocery store. You made a real effort and it shows.

Recognize that with just a few small changes you can nearly end impulsive purchases at the grocery store, if you really want it. Cutting down on your impulsive purchases at the grocery store is entirely possible.

With some advance planning and use of these tips, you’ll reduce your overall grocery store spending and decrease your impulsive purchases. You’ll be successful in reaching your shopping goals, and have more money to show for it!

What do you think? Share your thoughts and money-saving tips in the comments section, below.

 

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