“If you kiss on the first date and it’s not right, then there will be no second date. Sometimes it’s better to hold out and not kiss for a long time. I am a strong believer in kissing being very intimate, and the minute you kiss, the floodgates open for everything else.” ~Jennifer Lopez
So, you’ve recovered from narcissistic abuse and now you’re looking for love. Maybe you’re just looking for something fun for now – or, you’ve been single long enough and you want something more…permanent?
In any case, if you’re not dating online, there are lots of ways to go about finding new people to date – for example, maybe you’re meeting plenty of potential dates in clubs, stores, bars, church – aka “in-person” meetings.
But if not, maybe you’re looking for love elsewhere – at work, in the neighborhood? Or maybe, you’re finally ready to get set up by a friend or a family member.
Should you let your friends or family members ‘fix you up’ with a date?
Even though we’re deluged with dating ads from companies like PlentyOfFish, Harmony, and Match.com, there are advantages to meeting people through family and friends.
Looking for Love? This one’s for you.
Like I said, online dating sites exist and they do work. They are capable of helping you find thousands of people you would be unlikely to come across in your daily life – I happen to know a lot of married couples who’ve met that way, and there’s not one thing wrong with it. You just have to be careful, and I mean REALLY careful.
Interesting fact: 1/3 of recently married couples met online. My only other advice on that one is don’t spend too much money on it (but then you know me, I’m a cheap-skate!). But if you’re looking for something a little more traditional, you might want to consider getting set up by your friends or family members – or maybe even a co-worker.
After all, the people closest to you might have some pretty valuable insight into who would be a compatible partner for you. Here are seven strategies to get your friends to set you up on a successful date (that really works!).
Get the Hookup: 7 Surefire Strategies to Get Your Friends to Set You Up on a Successful Date
Advertise your availability.
Taking out a billboard would be extreme, but it’s okay to let your loved ones know you want to meet new suitors. That way, they can be on the lookout for you.
Let go of expectations.
We’re often unclear about how to build a lasting relationship. Relax and enjoy each other’s company on a date. If you’re compatible, the chemistry may emerge gradually.
Talk face to face.
Getting together for a cup of coffee beats texting when it comes to forming a more accurate impression of someone. Focus on real-world interactions.
Etiquette matters. It’s even more important when you have mutual friends. Smile, make eye contact and speak kindly.
Decide on a second date.
The only thing you need to figure out on most first dates is whether you would like to see each other at least one more time. If you find someone appealing, let them know.
A happy relationship is worth searching for if that’s what you want. And who better than your friends to help you find the right person. Even if a date does not work out, let your friends know you’re grateful for the connection anyway and that you’re still looking so they’ll keep sharing their contacts. Read about relationships and communication skills so you’ll be ready for love wherever you encounter it.
“I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.” ~Audrey Hepburn
I love that quote. I really do–it’s one of my favorites. But look, I’m going to be super honest here–and I hope you take this for what it’s worth, some days, I just don’t quite feel it.
If you’ve been reading my work long, you know I’m responsible for a variety of niche websites. As the creator of QueenBeeing and all of its current sub-sites (How to Be a Hot Wife, Project Blissful, #StyleBuzz Project Blissful Style, for example), I’m really pretty familiar with ME and how to be the best possible me I can be.
See, all of these sites have one thing in common: they’re focused on becoming BETTER—a better version of myself.
In fact, all of those sites led to this one; that’s why QueenBeeing exists—it is the whole enchilada—everything that, for me, represents being the best possible version of myself and of creating and living the life I desire, all collected in one beautiful, ever-evolving place.
Each site was representative of a certain part of myself that I was working to improve or otherwise more fully embrace in my life—my marriage, my physical and mental health, my fashion sense—just to name a few.
And as you may or may not know, I’ve had some pretty tremendous results thanks to this commitment—but it doesn’t mean I’m perfect.
I am my brand and I try to always follow my own advice.
I actively and diligently practice what I preach here, too—no joke. Everything I personally write about, unless otherwise noted and/or quoted, is something that I have personally experienced, attempted or personally discovered/realized through my studies and research of people and sociology. And, just like my readers, I’m ever-evolving, always trying to be and do better, for myself, my family and the world around me.
With all of that being said, I would love to sit here and tell you that because I am actively attempting to live my own message and to truly BE my personal brand, I have no issues and am always totally 100 percent on point with my whole inner peace/happiness/personal fulfillment deal. I really would.
But I’ve vowed to be myself, to be brutally honest with my readers, so here’s my real truth: I’m totally human. So. Not. Perfect.
And sometimes? The world pisses me off a little bit.
For example, last week, my husband turned on some discussion on Fox News channel (which I do not normally watch).
(I’m so not going to comment on the political crap there, because that’s not why I’m mentioning it. Please understand that the following is not in any way a political commentary, it’s just a personal one that is referencing a random comment made about a random person in the world!)
Anyway, in that moment, when I happened to be feeling a little bit surly about the world, I got it.
Sometimes, to be honest, the world disappoints me, too.
So for a minute, I let myself stew on that feeling. About two seconds later, I noticed that particular feeling sucked. I didn’t want to feel like that one second longer—it felt awful. Who wants to be disappointed by the world?
And here, my friends, is where I tell you the good news: I’m not completely full of shit, after all.
I truly do live my message.
Here’s what I did to stop feeling all that negativity and get my head back in the right place.
I just changed my mind.
Yeah, I know, that sounds WAY too simple—and it kinda is—but hear me out. What I mean by change my mind is to change the way I saw the situation–to change my perception.
The very first thing I did was to allow myself to refocus – to literally become distracted from the negative thoughts, but in a super-productive way. I use an internal distraction/redirection technique that involves a simple memorized affirmation phrase. Mine is:
“I now cancel that thought and replace it with this affirmation of my true divine desire: (insert your own better, more positive thought here).”
I do this because making myself think OR say those exact words takes exactly the amount of time that seems to be required to distract myself from the negative thoughts.
That offers me enough time to recognize what I’m doing to myself: the more negatively I allow myself to react, the more of that kind of stuff I’ll be drawing into my life. But if I can stay mostly positive, life will reflect the same kind of mostly awesome. I know this to be true, because I’ve experienced it personally, again and again. I’m constantly amazed by it and always, always grateful. <3
How do you get over it when the world disappoints you? Share your thoughts in the comments section, below.