10 Ways to Recovery From Narcissistic Abuse

10 Ways to Recovery From Narcissistic Abuse

Here are 10 Ways I Can Help You Survive and Thrive During and After Narcissistic Abuse

1. YouTube Videos – I know there are plenty of certified life coaches and authors out there who talk about narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse recovery. But I also know that everyone needs to receive the message in a way they can connect, and when you find someone you can understand and relate to, it can change your life. Maybe I’m someone you can connect with – and if so, maybe I can help you get to the next level in your healing. This is why I talk about narcissistic abuse recovery so often.

2. Articles – Since I’ve been writing and researching on this topic since around 2006, I’ve put together hundreds of articles, resources and videos that can help you to find yourself again and to learn how to reset your life to begin creating the reality you really deserve. You can see most of them at QueenBeeing.com.

3. Free Support Group – SPAN – Join my free, confidential online support group for narcissistic abuse survivors – we have 16 actively engaged moderators who are also survivors themselves, plus the QueenBeeing team to make sure you stay safe and get plenty of support.

4. One-on-One Coaching – I do phone, Skype and text message coaching. I believe every person on the planet is capable of creating the lives they truly deserve, but that most of us aren’t taught this as we grow up. My mission is to help you to discover, understand and overcome the narcissistic abuse in your life, and to help you take your life from “just existing” to “really living.” I spend my days working to help people who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves. In short, I want to help you go from being a victim of narcissistic abuse to a survivor and a thriver. Sign up at narcissisticabuserecovery.online.

5. Books, eBooks – I’ve written a LOT of books. About 20 of them can be found on Amazon.com. You can get to my profile there by typing “BooksAngieWrote.com” into your browser. All of my ebooks are priced from 1.99 to less than $8.

6. QueenBeeing Freebies & Email – subscribe to my free email newsletter, packed with information and inspiration to help you get through this difficult time in your life and figure out who you really are. You’ll also get access to all of QueenBeeing’s member freebies and gifts.

7. Online courses at Udemy and free email courses. Check out NarcissismSupportCoach.com.

8. Life Makeover Academy – The Life Makeover Academy is focused on improving every aspect of your life. Take some time and look around! Try out some of our free courses, and get involved in our community. If you’re tired of the life you’re living and you’re ready to create serious personal change, you have found your new online home. There are both free and paid courses available at Life Makeover Academy. Get there by going to LifeMakeover.org and hitting the “go to the academy” button at the top.

9. Group Coaching During Live Streams – Monday through Friday mornings and twice on “Talk to Me Tuesday.” You can subscribe to my YouTube channel and hit the bell notification to be notified when I’m going live – and for backup, you can text ANGIELIVE (without spaces) to 33222. I’ll text you five minutes before I go live each day.

10. Google Play & iTunes App – Audiojoy has produced an app with my content on both Google Play and iTunes. You can grab it free by searching my name – Angie Atkinson – in either store.

I’ve also thought of starting a weekly small group coaching program that would give people more individual attention but still cost less than more traditional one-on-one coaching. What are your thoughts on that? If you like or would be interested in this idea, let me know in the comments below.

 

 

Why do narcissists follow identical relationship patterns?

Why do narcissists follow identical relationship patterns?

Why are narcissists so difficult to deal with? Why are they so mean to the people they claim to love and so nice to everyone else? What causes narcissists to be the way they are? Why are they like that?

We all know that narcissistic abusers follow certain relationship patterns: they first idealize you – put you up on a pedestal and seem like your soulmate (this is also called love bombing).

Next, they put you through the hell of the devalue and then the discard phase – and often these cycles are repeated for years. But how is it that these patterns are used by most narcissists in varying but identifiable iterations?

Is toxic narcissism caused by environmental factors, or is there a genetic component involved – or could there be more than one factor in play?

Narcissistic Relationship Cycle: Caused by Nurture or Nature?

Watch this video to learn more about why narcissists are like that

Why do narcissists follow identical relationship patterns?

YouTuber Mary Cutrone asked:

I’ve learned so much about the narcissist abuse tactics, but still have one question. How do they follow the same pattern? They don’t go to “narcissist school” … but follow the love bombing to the final discard like it’s a formula. What’s up?

Narcissist Relationship Patterns (You MUST Know!) Identifying Narcissism and Codependency in a Toxic Relationship 

Helpful videos for identifying narcissism and codependency in a toxic relationship:

Useful Articles for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse

How to Be a Hot Guy: Go From Zero to Hero After a Toxic Relationship

How to Be a Hot Guy: Go From Zero to Hero After a Toxic Relationship

Men Can Be Abused Too:  Introducing Toxic Relationship Recovery for Guys

Dear Men,

You make up more than a quarter of my readers and YouTube subscribers, and I appreciate you. I want you to know that I am not “anti-man” or even a feminist (except in its true definition: someone who believes women and men are equal) – I have two sons and many other men in my life who I care about. 

With that being said, I know there a lot of you (probably more than even I realize) and I know that you are under-served in the narcissistic abuse recovery information and support that you need to get through this and to overcome it – partially because not a lot of people even realize that you can be abused by a woman. 

That’s why, in addition to making my videos mostly not just for women, I’ve started a special series on narcissistic abuse recovery that’s just for you. You matter, and I want you to know it. Here’s the first installment – take a moment and let me know what you think! Would you like to see more? Share your thoughts below, or email me at [email protected]

How to Be a Super Hot Guy: This is How You Can Attract HEALTHY Women (After a Toxic Relationship)

I hope you don’t hate yourself for not being a bad boy. Nice guys have one major advantage over bad boys – nice guys pay attention and care about a woman’s needs.

This is actually an advantage for a couple of reasons. First, you have a natural ability to be tuned in and caring – that’s valuable, and women love it! Second, because you have a bit of awareness, you’re also more able to discern if any given woman is going to be a good fit for you.

Because of your attentive nature and the fact that you do pay attention, you’re in a better position to determine whether a girl is right for you, and whether she’s a good girl or a bad girl.

Here’s something absolutely essential to keep in mind: Your hormones may try to misguide you! Sometimes, even if you’re a really good guy, your hormones will bog down your ability to think and even care if she’s a nice girl or not.

This is when you have to demonstrate some self-control and sound thinking. Before you find yourself in a situation that you may regret, you need to know how to tell a good girl from a bad girl.

A good girl dresses appropriately. That doesn’t mean she can’t look sexy, but she’s not letting herself spill out of her dress just for attention. She also has self control when it comes to drinking and even spending money.

Good girls pay attention to your needs, not just their own. She won’t rush into bed with you just because she thinks that’s the only way to get you to commit to her. She’s confident in her choices and decisions and doesn’t defer to you for everything.

Bad girls, on the other hand, try to win your affection by being overly promiscuous. She’ll dress too sexy, to the point you’re embarrassed for her, knowing every guy is assuming what kind of girl she is. She might also be flirting with every man in the room.

A bad girl also might need to get drunk or incapacitated in another way in order to relax and have fun (and we already know narcissists might also be addicts or alcoholics). She doesn’t control herself with money, either, spending too much and complaining that she’s in debt up to her ears.

You might meet a bad girl who pressures you into going to bed together on the first date. If she’s like this with you, she might be like this with any man! Some women think the only way a guy will commit is through sex, so put her mind at ease and take the pressure off from the very beginning.

If she’s needy, she might be a bad girl in another way – as in high maintenance. What starts out as cute possessiveness turns into a raging jealousy that gets out of control and ruins your life. Find a woman who exudes confidence and interest in you (not one that seeks the attention of every man in the room).

Because, my friend, you know which girl needs the attention of everyone in the room, right?

Yeah. It’s the female narcissist. Female narcissists will use their bodies to get what they want, in many cases, and this includes their sexuality.

  • Female narcissists are more likely to have an eating disorder than male narcisssists.
  • Female narcs are more likely to have issues with getting older, especially when they use their bodies or sexuality to get what they want.
  • Female narcissists are more likely to secure their supply sources at home by controlling her family directly and using guilt to help secure her control.
  • Female narcissists tend to be less openly over-confident than male narcs, who get much of their over-inflated confidence from inside their own heads – but females are more likely to take secret pleasure in their own perceived superiority over others.
  • Female narcissists are more likely to spend money frivolously while males are more likely to believe that money gives them power, control, status and related conditions. (Neither concerns himself/herself with shame or remorse, of course).
  • While both female and male narcs are known to cheat, males are more likely to be serial adulterers. Females are more likely to idealize a guy and then emasculate him when they get him under their “spell.” In both cases, the more their partners give, the more they want and take from them – it’s an insatiable need for supply.

Next Time, Ask Yourself: Does This Woman Deserve Your Heart?

You’ve met the woman of your dreams – you think. You’ve been dating for some time and things are getting pretty serious. You’re at the point where you’re becoming exclusive (or maybe you’re thinking about making things even a bit more permanent).

Before you ask her to move in with you, or marry you, you have to ask yourself, “Does this woman deserve my heart?” Answer it completely honestly.

Remember, it isn’t only her judging whether you are worthy, but you deciding whether she is worthy of you. When the idea of permanence enters into your head, it’s time to take a few deep breaths and really think things through – even if it means that you’ll be putting off having the exclusive dating talk, or the moving in together talk, or the marriage proposal.

These things are a big deal and because of that, you absolutely need to take your time and know in your heart that she’s the kind of person you want to spend an eternity.

Here are some questions that you need to ask yourself:

  1. Are we truly compatible? If your intention is to make this relationship more permanent, this is a good question to ask. Not just if you both like dogs and macaroni and cheese and hockey, but are you compatible on a deeper level.
  2. Are you on the same page when it comes to the really important things like kids, spirituality, finances and other things that will eventually play a very important part in your life together?
  3. If you don’t see eye-to-eye, have the two of you figured out how you’re going to compromise or where your common ground will be?
  4. Is she good to you? This is something that some people forget to ask when they’re just plain head over heels in love or your family and friends like her a lot and are pressuring you.
  5. Is she kind to you?
  6. Does she respect your dreams, goals and ideas?
  7. How does she treat you when you’re out with friends?
  8. How does she treat you when you’re alone?
  9. Does she apologize if she’s made a mistake?
  10. Is she controlling?
  11. Is she loyal to you?
  12. Is she someone that you really, truly like? You have to be able to like this person, not just love her. Do you enjoy her company most of the time?
  13. Do you respect her and what she stands for?
  14. Are you comfortable with the way she treats your family and friends?
  15. Can you picture spending your life with her?
  16. Do you have visions of sitting on the front porch in his and her rocking chairs while your grandchildren play at your feet?
  17. Do you feel comfortable committing yourself to this person?

As you consider these questions, make sure you’re honest with yourself. Small differences can probably be worked out, and nobody is perfect. But if you’re uncomfortable with committing to something more serious, then wait until you’re sure you’re ready. The worst thing that can happen is that you’ll have to get back into the dating scene. Just make sure you’re getting someone who you’re happy and comfortable with. Never settle for less than you deserve. Feel me? 

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Losing Your Ability to Be Creative

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Losing Your Ability to Be Creative

So, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it to you yet, but I recently added a new feature to my YouTube channel – a daily personal vlog. Anyway, on “VlogShow #2,” one of my amazing subscribers left me a question that I felt needed its own video. 

Carlos said:
“You’re very creative. Were you always that way, or did it develop or grow after you got toxic people out of your life? I’m just finding out my creativity was stunted by toxic people as a kid and feeling pretty devastated.”

I’m answering his question in this video, where I also share a bit of my own story and give him encouragement for his own personal growth.

Dysfunctional families, especially those with narcissists involved, are well-known for their talent-and-creativity-destroying ways – and I’ll fill you in on the whys, right here. 

After you watch the video, take a moment and tell me what you think – have you experienced a stifling of creativity in response or as a direct result of narcissistic abuse? Share your thoughts and experiences with me in the comments below. Let’s discuss it. 

4,000+ Reasons I Make Videos About Narcissistic Abuse

4,000+ Reasons I Make Videos About Narcissistic Abuse

Q. Why is narcissistic abuse recovery one of your primary topics?

A. A lot of people ask me why I so often write and produce videos about narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder and toxic relationships. That’s why today, I’m going to give you a little insight into that – I’m going to share my story.

First, you always hear me say “I’m a certified life coach, an author and a survivor.” What I mean is that I have survived toxic relationships in my life, and two of the most significant included narcissists who gaslighted, manipulated and abused me in different ways – and unfortunately, these included both a parental narcissist and one in a marriage.

Even so, my experiences and my personal research, study and healing have given me a pretty unique perspective – one that not a lot of people have. As someone who has been involved in narcissistic relationships in my life and survived, I feel compelled to share my experiences, at least to the extent that they are valuable to my readers.

I don’t always share my darkest moments or specific details because they’re not always relevant for my audience, but as a journalist and a seasoned researcher, it’s in my nature to learn about things that concern me. And as someone who is always working toward becoming a better version of herself, it’s also in my nature to use the information I learn to both understand and overcome the issue in my own life.

I also lost 100 pounds and found myself growing more successful in my career and in other relationships in my life. Yep.

As a result of both the shame a narcissist’s victim can feel for not standing up for herself as well as fear of the narcissist’s reaction if she does, the victim often feels like she has no one to turn to for help–she’s too embarrassed to ask and the narcissist is too concerned with appearances. And since narcissists tend to isolate their primary victims, the victims are especially unlikely to reach out for support.

Plus, as so many of my viewers, readers and coaching clients tell me – many people in their lives just don’t get it – and they are relieved to find someone who does. Those who work with me one-on-one even tell me their own stories and are visibly and audibly affected when I can relate. They have had so many people tell them they’re “just too picky,” or that they’re just being dramatic, or that they might need to go get some help – and that’s because narcissists are so good at fooling people into believing they are honest, kind and generally victimized by their “crazy” source of supply – aka wife, child, parent, partner, etc.

It’s because of you. YOU, my viewers, SPAN members, readers and clients, are the reason I do what I do. And since I recently reached the 4000 subscriber point, I want to say thank you, honestly.

I write about narcissism because it is my intention to help other people go from being victims of narcissists to being survivors.

And finally, I’d like to say thanks to those viewers who have offered their opinions, tips and advice for improving my videos and making them much more watchable for you –

I’d say my top viewer advice has included:

1. Show your face! My original videos were straight up slideshows – not so much of “me.” I initially didn’t really see the point in showing my face – because these videos generally aren’t about me, save for sharing my personal (related) experiences. But since so many people asked, I started including this little window in my videos – and it seems to do the trick.
2. SLOW DOWN! Yep. I talk really fast, and this is especially problematic for those who have different accents or who don’t speak English as a first language. So, I’m working on that one. 🙂
3. Get rid of the background noise! Put batteries in your damn smoke detector! I have hard-wired smoke detectors and one of them was malfunctioning for a long time. So long that I stopped hearing the “beeP” that rang out every ten minutes or so. This became quite annoying for my viewers and I had to fix that. I guess the point here is really that I needed to clean up my background noise. Done, for the most part, and a very effective change.
4. Dump the music. I used to play background music in my videos, thinking it made them sound more professional. This might be the case for some genres on YouTube, but it wasn’t the case for mine. I dumped the music, except the intro an outro, and it seems to have been a positive change.
5. Stop referring to the narcissists as “he” – a LOT of male viewers (and a few females) asked me to stop saying “he” when referring to narcissists. Initially, I didn’t take this suggestion because I figured I was talking to mostly women. But as my subscribers increased and my video views grew, I noticed something interesting – a full 25 percent of my viewers are male. And from my calculations, nearly a third of my viewers were dealing with female narcs in some area. So, I made the change in videos that followed.

Oh – and one more – people asked me to get to the point at the beginning of my videos, so now I wait until the end to share info about my websites and stuff.

And then, there are the trolls and haters. They exist, and all YouTubers have to deal with them. Initially, they really bothered me, but at this point, I recognize that haters are unavoidable…in my case, they are often narcs themselves, or they are just trolls who are looking for a reaction. I do my best to acknowledge those who have good intentions (there are a few who simply disagree with my methods and state so a bit rudely) – and to ignore those who don’t (those who are just being rude for the sake of it). No point in stressing over something I can’t control.

But, to end this video on a positive note, I just want to say thank you to everyone who has subscribed to my channel, and to those who are watching my videos. My goal is to get to 10k subscribers so that I can have access to a YouTube adviser who will help me to better serve you by teaching me more about creating better videos and delivering my information in the most effective way possible!

My plans for the future include coming up with an expanded and more specific lineup of weekly content and possibly adding personal vlogs to the lineup. I’d love to know if you think that would be a positive or negative change, so please share your thoughts on that in the comments below.

Now, I have one more quick question before I go – if you have found value in my videos, or if you have suggestions, tips or thoughts on how I can do better, I’d really appreciate a quick comment sharing your thoughts. Please leave it below – I’d love to know how I can better help you with my videos.

This is me, signing off for today in gratitude and love. Thank you for watching. Thank you for your support. And thanks for being your amazing self. Hugs and love to you all!

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