She’s been employing the gray rock method and he’s been really hating it. He is always trying to figure out ways to keep her feeling insecure and uncomfortable in their relationship.
For example, he knows it bothers her when he makes it clear he’s attracted to other women, so one night after he particularly fails to make her feel crazy all day, Tom takes his manipulation up a notch.
He tells a story about a hot girl he met at the gas station on his way home. He tells Ava how the girl practically got naked in front of him (all lies, of course) and goes into what he would’ve done had he been single.
Ava realizes what he’s trying to do, and she remains quiet to avoid his inevitable claims that she’s always finding something to complain about, and that she should just blindly trust that he’d never do anything to hurt her (despite the fact that he verbally abuses her daily).
This is where it gets scary.
When Tom notices that Ava isn’t giving him the narcissistic supply that he seeks, he takes it up a notch, claiming that he can sense that Ava is upset, even though she showed no signs of it.
Eventually, he manages to draw her into the argument and she is left reeling. She can’t believe that he’s done it again.
But this is how a narcissist works. He consistently and systematically tears down his victims, forcing them into these predefined roles (he defines them, of course) that place him in a position of power while she struggles to prove herself to him in some way.
Looking for tools, tips, resources and help with a narcissist in your life? Then you’ve come to the right place. I’ve collected more than 35 of them for you, right here.
I have written several books on narcissism, but I know that not everyone can have books delivered and/or doesn’t have the cash for the Kindle editions. Or maybe they’re afraid of being found out by their very controlling narc.
Listen, I’m not here to judge. I feel you. TRUST ME.
At any rate, that’s why I’ve put together a few links for you here. If you bookmark this post and/or this site, you can refer back to it as needed to get the virtual support and/ir validation that you need.
Consider this site your very own sort of “online ebook” of sorts – no charge, no strings attached. Just because I know how important it is to know that you’re not crazy when you’re in the thick of a relationship with a narcissist.
Is there a narcissist in your life?
Your narcissist could be anyone – your spouse, your child, your mother, your father, your boss – even your best friend or your neighbor. Here are some tips for identifying the one(s) in your life.
It’s confusing for a lot of people because people think being narcissistic means you take a bunch of selfies and care about how you look. But that’s not necessarily a toxic narcissist – the fact is that every human alive has a certain amount of narcissism in their makeup – it’s self-interest. It’s what makes us get up and get ourselves dressed, feed ourselves, get jobs, get married, have kids – it’s the part of us that prevents us from just giving up entirely.
Can you take control of the situation and/or overpower the narcissist?
Indeed you can, my friend, if you’re willing to stand up for yourself – at least temporarily. Once you’ve recognized the situation, you’re already one step closer. Now you need to know how to get through it. Try these posts for help and ideas.
Can you show me an example of real-life gaslighting?
I don’t usually share many personal stories about the gaslighting I have experienced in my life but recently, a well-known narcissist actually gave me a little bit of an unrealized opportunity by actually gaslighting me online.
It’s not always, and you and I both know this. Unless you’re being physically abused, sometimes it feels like the wolf you know is better than the one that you don’t. But here are some posts to help you get your head in the right place and tools to help you be happier.
But one population is being nearly ignored by so many in society that it’s shocking – and I’m talking about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people who are in toxic relationships with abusive narcissists – and apparently, this happens more often than we know.
I’ve learned a lot so far, and I’m planning to learn more – so today, I’m announcing a new campaign for QueenBeeing.com – an LGBT Outreach and Awareness program.
Where this started, who I’m working with and how it all came to be:
A member of SPAN, Sue B., reached out to me and asked if I’d be interested in covering toxic narcissistic abuse in gay and lesbian relationships – and when she offered to help, I jumped at the opportunity to work with her on this.
It’s time to tear the masks off our eyes, people. It is absolutely unacceptable that so many people in the LGBT community are being ignored and under-served when they are in narcissistic abuse situations and toxic relationships that are destroying them, bit by bit.
Every human on the planet, regardless of race, culture, creed, sex, income, weight or zip code deserves to come home to a place where they are treated with respect – and where they’re not subjected to constant mental and emotional torture.
In this video, I’ll share Sue’s thoughts with you on how being in a lesbian relationship is different than a straight relationship and what that looks like. Plus , I’ll share her thoughts on career lesbians who “you could spot “based on their ambitions,” and lesbians like Sue, who she says, wanted kids – and due to her own narcissistic abuse survivor issues – married men. We’ll also touch on lesbians who Sue says probably never wanted kids because it was never presented as an option or it would interfere with their lesbian identity.
“I have met a lot of women who are similar who could not come out till they felt safe,” Sue says. “Being a lesbian or queer means you always have a vulnerability. And in some cases a secret because you are not the ‘norm’ but also because you never know when someone is going to misquote the Bible to you while they discriminate against you.”