Financial Abuse in Toxic Relationships Quiz: Find Out If It’s Happening to You

Are you being financially abused by a toxic narcissist? Take the test now!

Are you in a relationship with a malignant narcissist who controls your money or who won’t give you access to your family money? Do you feel like you can’t get away because you don’t have the ability to pull together the funds? You might be dealing with financial abuse.

What is a malignant narcissist?

A malignant Narcissist is someone who has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) along with antisocial features, paranoid traits, and ego-driven aggression. One of the primary similarities betweeen all malignant narcissists is the marked lack of compassionate and emotional empathy, along with the fact that they actively behave from that perspective, making them incredibly cruel to those closest to them. They may also exhibit an absence of conscience, a psychological need for power and an inflated sense of self-importance and entitlement.

What is financial abuse?

Financial abuse is a manipulation and control tactic that malignant narcissists are known to use to control and manipulate you through money. They may do this by refusing to give you access to your own money or to the family money, or by preventing you from getting a job or bank account of your own. They may also cause you to lose a job you already have or actively work to get you fired. In some cases, they might actually go the other direction, where they refuse to get a job of their own, and they will still control all of your money and refuse to give you access. Financial abuse often looks like genuine concern for your financial wellbeing and/or for your “own good” at first, and in some cases, survivors say they felt “taken care of” in the beginning, but later realized they were trapped as a result of giving up the control over their own finances.

Are you being financially abused?

Financial Abuse is a common tactic used by a narcissist in which they use money to control and or manipulate you. This can be done by restricting you from accessing family money or by forcing you to provide all of the money and may involve blatant lying about, theft of, and/or hiding of family money, among other forms of manipulation and control. Toxic narcissists are known to use financial abuse to maintain dominance over their victims. Could you be affected by financial abuse? Take this self-assessment and find out right now.

Has your partner ever refused to give you the money you need to buy necessities such as food or clothing? Yes, often. On rare occasion, but it wasn't their fault. We just couldn't afford it. Never. Only when they wanted or needed something more than we needed to buy food or clothing in the moment.

Do you and your partner both have jobs? I'm the only one who works, but my partner takes care of the house and family. I'm the only one who works and my partner just spends my money. We both work, and we both decide how we spend our money. One or both of us works, and my partner decides how we spend our money. One or both of us works, and I am the only one who decides how we spend our money. One or both of us works, and we can't pay our bills because my partner spends too much. One or both of us works, and we are still broke. We just don't make enough to survive.

Does your partner ever buy expensive things for themselves while requiring you to get the cheapest or even used items for yourself? That's the story of my life. Nope. We have plenty of money or we are equally spoiled. Never. My needs are just as important as theirs. Sometimes, but not always. It depends on the situation. Yes, but I prefer to get used or cheap things for myself anyway. I think.

Does your partner require you to account for every penny you spend? Always. Never! We both account for every penny we spend because we both agree it's important. No, but I make THEM account for every penny because I need to know where we are financially.

What would or did your partner say if you wanted to go back to school so you could get a better job? They would or did say yes and they would or did pay for my educational upgrade. They would or did say yes, but they later backed out when I told them it was time to pay tuition. They would or did laugh in my face and tell me I was not smart enough or did not deserve it, or some version of that. We can't or could not afford it, so it is not or was not an option.

Who makes the big decision about money in your relationship? I do. My partner does. We both do together, and we both have equal input. We both do together, supposedly. But really, it's whatever my partner decides. We don't have any money so...

Has your partner ever made a big purchase such as a home or a car without consulting you? Yes. More than once. Yes, only once. And never again. Heck no! They know better. I'm not sure, but it's highly likely.

Does your partner limit your access to your family's money? Yes, always. No, never. Yes, but only when we are financially struggling.

Does your partner spend money only on things they want, but never on things you want? All the time. Sometimes, but not all the time. Nope. We both get what we want. Nope, neither of us gets what we want.

Have you ever had to go to a food pantry or ask family members/friends to help buy groceries when your partner was still able to purchase luxuries or non-essential items? Yes. No. Once or twice, but it was a rare and specific situation that made sense to me at the time.

Are you only staying with your partner because you worry you can't make it on your own financially and you know they won't help you? Yes, as much as I hate to admit it. Yes, but I'm working on a way out. No. I have other reasons or I'm not planning to leave. No, I would never stay with someone over money, or I have my own money.

Who handles your family finances? My partner does everything without any input from me. I handle the finances, but my partner micromanages me. I handle the finances, but my partner requires that I give them as much money as they want, even if it means I can't pay the bills or buy groceries. I often end up "pulling money out of the air" to figure it out. Sometimes I end up with ton of overdraft fees or credit card fees as a result. We both handle the finances with equal input. We are so broke that there are no finances to handle.

Narcissists Control You With Money: Financial Abuse in Toxic Relationships

In this video, I’m sharing the truth about narcissists and how they try to control you with money.

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Resources

The QueenBeeing SPANily, Official – We consider this to be the best narcissistic abuse recovery support group on the web. Offers several subgroups and features a vigilant, compassionate admin team full of trained coaches and survivors, supporting more than 12k members. SPAN is an acronym created by Angie Atkinson that stands for Support for People Affected by Narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships.
Other Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups – We also have separate groups for each stage in your narcissistic abuse recovery, as well as some for those who have moved past recovery and are evolving into the next stage of their own life. Survivors have unique and individual needs, even when they’ve moved on – so we’re still here for you.
One-on-One Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching – If you prefer to get more personalized support in your recovery, you might like to schedule a session with one of our coaches to plan and execute your own narcissistic abuse recovery plan.
Find a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapist – If you’re looking for a therapist for narcissistic abuse recovery, either because you cannot afford coaching and want to use your health insurance or because you have additional issues you need to address that do not fall within the realm of coaching, you will want to find the right therapist for you – and as far as we’re concerned, that therapist must understand what you’ve been through. This page offers assistance to help you do exactly that.
Where Are You in Recovery? You might not be sure exactly where you fit in and what level of recovery you’ve achieved. If that’s the case, you’ll want to check out this self-assessment to help you determine exactly where you fall in the stages of recovery from narcissistic abuse. Once you finish and submit the assessment, you will be given resources for your own situation, along with recommendations of which groups to join.
Which Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program is Right for You? If you aren’t sure which program you want to utilize to facilitate your recovery from narcissistic abuse, this self-assessment will help you decide.