No-Contact Insurance: Tell Someone You’re Ending It With a Narcissist

While going no contact with a narcissist is always the ideal solution to healing from narcissistic abuse, it’s not always an option. In some cases, you may need to go low-contact instead.

What is No Contact?

No Contact is a coping technique that is practically required to heal after narcissistic abuse. It involves removing yourself from the narcissist’s life. You stop seeing, speaking to, and interacting with the narcissist. This allows you to clear your life of the negative energy they bring into every room. Learn more about no contact. 

Update: There are many components of using the no contact method that you need to consider as you’re going through your narcissistic abuse recovery. I want to make this difficult process as easy for you as possible, so I put them all together for you in this video.

What If You Can’t Go No Contact?

There are plenty of people who will tell you that no contact is the ONLY way to heal and that there is something wrong with you if you don’t go no contact. Unfortunately, I am pretty sure that most of those people have never actually been in a situation where they experienced narcissistic abuse. That’s because, had they truly been there, they would be far more understanding of the extreme amount of fear, anxiety, and stress that goes along with being involved with (and even considering leaving) the narcissist. I get it, trust me – it’s not easy to leave a narcissist, especially when you’ve got kids, a home, and other shared responsibilities. But even if you don’t, you may struggle simply because you’re dealing with a trauma bond.

I went into depth about this situation in this video.

Struggling to Go No Contact? Do This One Thing to Push Through!

Here is a quick but highly effective tip for those victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse who are struggling to find the catalyst they need to go no contact with their toxic abusers. Listen – you’re NOT alone in your pain, as much as it feels like you are.

Here is the thing. When you share your plans to go no contact with someone else – someone you trust and someone who knows and understands your situation, you can give yourself a sort of “no contact insurance policy.”

Whether you work with a friend, family member, or a narcissistic abuse recovery coach, you’ll want a “no contact accountability” partner. Sometimes we all need a little support. And that’s exactly what I’ll explain how to get, right here.

Want more information about narcissism and narcissistic abuse recovery?

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Want to be like your friends? You’d better.

Want to be like your friends? You’d better.

You know how they say that you are the sum total of the five people you spend the most time with? What do you think about when you hear that? Are you happy with your choices in friends, or could your circle use some polishing?rohn quote

Are you aware that your friends directly affect who you are? If you have goals you want to meet and you find yourself constantly struggling, it might be time to take a quick look at the people you’re spending time with.

So why should you bother? Aren’t you an independent person? Of course. But the fact is that your friends really do affect everything in your life. How do they do that? Let’s break it down.

How Your Friends Are Affecting Your Life Every Day

Having friends is one of the most rewarding aspects of a good life. You share meals together. You probably enjoy similar hobbies and activities. So it should come as no surprise that you can even adapt the same work ethic and career values as your pals.

Like it or not, your friends influence you in plenty of ways. Let’s examine how and to what extent you’re influenced by the company you keep.

Time is an Investment!

How much time are you spending with your friends? And how does that time compare with the hours you spend with your partner, kids and extended family? Obviously, the more time you spend with your friends, the more opportunity there is to pick up their habits, positive or otherwise.

Try this:  Examine now how you’ve changed over the past few years. Can you connect those changes with how any of your friends behave?

Minding your meals.

How often do you share a meal with your friends? What are your eating habits like when you’re at home? How do they change when you’re with your friends? Are you a health nut until you go to lunch with your pals?

When you’re eating with friends, your habits can sort of change – so take a look and ask yourself a question. How do your eating habits when you’re with your friends influence your weight and potentially your health?

Now ask yourself again, what is the impact of sharing meals with friends? Do your choices at those times support the life you want to live?

Do work ethics rub off?

What kind of ideas about work do your friends have? Whether they’re crazy workaholics or they work just enough to get by and receive their paychecks, they affect your own ability and desire to get stuff done.

And whether they’re perfectionists when it comes to their work or they just don’t have any real career aspirations, the people you spend time with can definitely affect your attitudes about work.

Ask yourself if you find yourself gravitating toward your friends’ thoughts, feelings or habits around work. And even more importantly, how do those elements help or hurt your efforts to achieve in your career? Take some time and really think about the impact your friends’ attitudes about their work have on your own perspectives about your job.

The friends who play together…

Whether we like it or not, our friends and their habits will directly affect who we become. So ask yourself what you like to do in your free time in comparison to your friends. What are your favorite ways to pass the time as compared with your friends’ hobbies? Maybe you prefer more solitary hobbies like drawing or fishing but your friend loves to play golf and tennis – and that’s okay – but how does it affect who you are?

If you find yourself gravitating towards the chosen pastimes of your friends, are you pleased with that change in yourself? Or do you actually prefer other activities? Really think about this one and decide if it’s time to start adding people to your circle.

Drink, drank, drunk?

This one can be serious depending on your personal makeup. There are many people who are directly affected in very significant ways by the level of “partying” that they’re exposed to through their friends.

Ask yourself: What is your level of alcohol use compared with your friends? Maybe you try to limit your alcohol use but then your buddies invite you to go out for a few drinks after work and before you know it, you’ve had too much. Is this experience what you choose for the life you want to live?

The people you invest your time and energy with have the capacity to change your life in a number of ways. If you make yourself aware how your friends are affecting your life, you can then choose which habits you want and which of your buddies are contributing to the life you want to lead. Nothing wrong with being a little choosy, especially when you consider the serious effects they can have on your life.

 

Home Hacks: 9 cheap and free DIY ways to get your kitchen in order

Home Hacks: 9 cheap and free DIY ways to get your kitchen in order

Y’all know I’m lazy. But I also love to live the beautiful life! That’s what the Lazy Girl’s Guide column is all about. Let’s start here. 

So, if you’re connected to me in any major social media network, you probably already know this–but for those who don’t already know me, I moved into (what I consider) my dream home back in May of last year, and I’ve been all about decorating and organizing and all of the fun that goes along with (finally!) having enough space for your stuff.

Since moving is also a costly endeavor, as is decorating and furnishing a new home, and since I’m a huge cheapskate anyway–I started looking for ways to make my life easier and more organized. 

And since I’m the type who loves to share information, I’ve rounded up some of the best cheap and free DIY ways to get your kitchen in order, right here. 

  1. Tissue boxes for plastic bags–add pretty duct tape to sturdy up the box and tack or stick inside of cabinet.
  2. Soda boxes for canned goods–again, duct tape to sturdy it up and cans are dispensed like soda cans. Would work best with multiple ones that contain the same kind of canned goods in each. Best for larger families.
  3. Wire racks inside cabinets to add storage–these can be small ones to sit over a stack of plates (to hold saucers, or bowls maybe), or they can be larger and used for holding cookie sheets, pots, pans or lids.
  4. Magazine racks to hold cookie sheets and foil or plastic wrap boxes–old mail racks or metal file holders from the office work just as well.
  5. Magnetic strips all over the place–I can’t believe I don’t have these already, honestly. But magnetic strips inside of your cabinets or even on the wall can hold all sorts of things. A few examples: knives, cooking utensils, spice jars and tins–anything metallic, really. If you don’t have a ton of cabinet or wall space, you could even stick these right on your fridge or dishwasher.
  6. Lazy susans–you can put them on the countertop to hold coffee or tea supplies (cream, sugar, etc.) or inside the cabinets to hold spices. The possibilities are endless. I’ve even seen people use lazy susans to hold canned goods.
  7. Stick on hooks–again, these are so cheap and so useful. I have them on the wall next to my stove to hold pot holders. There’s also one next to my sink which holds a passionately written list of “dishwasher rules,” penned on construction paper after a particularly frustrating attempt to put away the “clean” dishes one evening. If you’re low on cupboard space, you can use these to hold teacups or coffee mugs too. These are my favorites–here’s a coupon I found that can save you a bit of cash.
  8. Baskets on the wall–I found this awesome blog post about how to mount baskets on your wall for added storage space–and I’m all over it. I am thinking of doing this in my bathroom, really, but it could also work really well in the kitchen. I already have a ton of baskets and bins that’d work–so this could be a cheap (or maybe even free) way to go.
  9. Cereal box drawer dividers–Another online find, this is a tutorial on how to DIY drawer organizers from simple cereal boxes. I can’t resist a money-saver that also makes your life prettier.

How about you? What are the best cheap or free ways you know of to get your kitchen organized? Share your thoughts in the comments section, below, or join in the discussion on our Facebook page

Hey life hacker! If you enjoyed this post, you might also enjoy my book, 127 Powerfully Simple Life Hacks Anyone Can Use. Check it out at Amazon.com.

Get the QueenBeeing newsletter sent to your inbox for free! Sign up, right here. 

 

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The Secrets to Happiness, According to the Experts

The Secrets to Happiness, According to the Experts

“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” ~Dale Carnegie

In my experience as an individual as well as in my practice as a life coach, perception is what it’s all about. Just like Dale Carnegie said, it’s not what you have, who you are or what you’re doing that makes you happy or not – it’s all about what you think about. 

With that in mind, I am well-aware that everyone needs to look at things differently in order to truly “get” it, so I’m offering up this roundup of what the experts say are the secrets to happiness.

Each link will take you to a more detailed article that offers that particular author’s (or study’s) take on what it takes to be happy. Check them out, below.

And hey, don’t forget to let me know what you think by leaving a comment below or joining the discussion on our Facebook page.  

Ultimate You Mindfest: Last Chance for Your Free Pass

Ultimate You Mindfest: Last Chance for Your Free Pass

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