Toxic Relationship Recovery: How to Keep Standing When You Feel Like You Can’t Go On

Toxic Relationship Recovery: How to Keep Standing When You Feel Like You Can’t Go On

“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.” ~Desmond TutuHow to Keep Living When You Think You Can Not Go On

Have you ever found yourself feeling hopeless, helpless and entirely alone? Chances are that if you are or have previously been involved in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, you have. 

And, my guess is, if you’re here, reading this article today, you know exactly that feeling I mean. It’s when your stomach stays in constant knots, you always feel a lump in your throat and your tears are always just below the surface, ready to burst forth at any inappropriate time.

It’s when your heart has been broken, or when you’ve finally felt the final “snap” of a broken bridge from a life you’ve left behind. Sometimes it’s when your children grow up and leave you, and other times it’s when your parents pass away, or when you lose the job you’ve loved for so long.

Whatever the reason for your pain, it’s there and it almost feels like the physical side of it can be as intense as the emotional side. You can’t eat, or you over eat. You can’t do anything – you are lucky if you even shower, much less function on a “normal” level.

You dissociate and you cease to exist, at least on certain levels. It feels awful, and it’s unhealthy. It’s time to change your mind, because if you don’t, you’re sure to continue on your current unhealthy and potentially devastating path.

You’ve got to take back your life, friend.

What do you do when your heart feels broken beyond repair?

How do you deal when your whole world seems to be falling apart before your eyes? What does it take to survive the difficult times? How can you get through the most difficult days of your life when all appears lost? 

How do you find the will to go on and do the regular, everyday things that you need to do in order to maintain a life?

Whether it’s the end of a relationship or the inevitable foreclosure of a home, some circumstances are simply beyond saving. Some situations have to run their course and other plans need to be made. But hopeless events don’t exclude the possibility of better days ahead. If you’re in a hopeless situation, letting go, learning, and moving on can be a great solution.

Try these strategies when it appears all is lost:

  1. Let it go. If the outcome is inevitable, does obsessing over it ever help? This might feel like giving up, but how intelligent is it to continue with something that can’t possibly be won? Make the decision to let go and get on with the rest of your life.
  2. Purge your emotions. Hopefully, you already know several healthy ways to make yourself feel better. Perhaps you feel better after a long exercise session. Others feel relief after a good cry. Maybe having dinner with a friend will boost your spirits. The key is to find a healthy solution. Drinking, drugs, and spending money irresponsibly are a few examples of unhealthy alternatives. Choose wisely.
  1. Try to learn something. In most cases, hopeless situations are at least partially the result of poor decisions. Think about how you contributed to the situation at hand. Did you ignore warning signs when you first started dating your partner? Did you take out a larger mortgage than you could afford? It’s common to repeat our mistakes. What can you learn to avoid a repeat performance in the future? Imagine how great your life would be if you only made each mistake once.
  1. Enjoy yourself. Now might be the perfect time to visit your favorite restaurant, take a walk in the park, or see a movie with a friend. Just because life has thrown a curveball doesn’t mean you can’t have a good time. Have a good laugh and forge ahead.
  2. Keep up with your responsibilities. Your children still need your love and attention. The bills still have to be paid. Avoid letting the other areas of your life suffer.
  3. Create a plan for the future. Looking forward to an interesting and exciting future may be the best way to move forward. If the future seems bleak, it’s hard to be happy. Allow yourself to be open to the possibilities and create a compelling future for yourself. Then take one small step towards making that future a reality.
  4. Make a list of all the things that fill you with gratitude. It’s likely there are many people in the world with far more challenging circumstances. It can be easy to forget this fact. If you think about it, you have lots of things going for you. Make a list and add to it often.
  5. Remember other situations in your life that seemed hopeless. Odds are you survived and ultimately came out on the other side more resilient and knowledgeable.

Hopeless situations happen. Not every situation is salvageable. Letting go and moving forward can be the best solution. Worrying has never changed the actual outcome of any situation. Allow yourself to enjoy life and create a future that keeps your eyes facing forward.

What’s the True Definition of Inner Strength?

When we go actively searching for ways to beef up our inner strength, it’s because we’re in a state of helplessness – almost like we’re hanging on by a thread and feel like if we don’t get a stronger hold on our emotions and confidence, we could lose everything.

Everyone has her own definition of inner strength. You might see it as simply being able to say no when you want to, while another person might consider it living life in a way where every action and emotion you have is geared toward your happiness.

We’re All Born With Inner Strength

When we’re first born, we are void of excuses – of negative thought patterns about ourselves or life in general. There’s nothing we can’t do. You’ve seen babies and toddlers move about – they do it with no fear. They attempt things without thinking of consequences.

Of course that kind of carelessness can have a negative impact on you as well, so there’s definitely a health balance between not caring and caring so much that outside factors cripple or paralyze you.

We Allow Events and People to Chip Away at Our Inner Strength

It doesn’t just dissipate like steam rising from a boiling pot. Inner strength is envied by others, and ignored by tragedies that we go through. In order for this to occur we have to hand over a certain amount of permission allowing it to happen.

As children, we’re taught that other people have power over us to some degree – teachers, parents – any and all authority figures. We’re taught to play nice and cave in to some activities and elements of life we may not enjoy just to be polite.

It’s hard to grow out of that mindset, but kids usually take a path when they reach the teen years – and it continues on throughout adulthood. As a teen, you either were labeled headstrong (which translates into inner strength), or not labeled at all – because people without inner strength are barely noticeable. They go along with whatever expectations people have of them.

Sometimes even if someone starts out on the right path – of having ample inner strength – they can lose it as they let their defenses down and allow other people to deeply influence them. Or, they go through a series of situations that bring them to their knees and with every encounter, they’re a little less strong.

Inner Strength Can Always Be Replenished

No matter how often you feel like you’ve been knocked down or that you’re unable to face a situation, you will always have a spark of inner strength ignited in your soul. Sometimes it will be a large flame and sometimes you’ll wonder if it’s gone for good.

But it’s in there. You simply have to fan the flames and focus on it to get it back. Like a muscle that’s atrophied, your inner strength has to be flexed for it to work again. It has to be used on a regular basis – tested so that it becomes a force that’s able to protect you from harm and lift you to heights you never knew were possible.

A final bit of advice, from me to you: if you are feeling guilty or nervous about moving forward, ask yourself how much control you really have over the causes of those feelings. 

If you are able to control the situation, then make the necessary changes and move forward – guilt and anxiety are doing you no good. If you cannot control the situation, you must let it go and focus on what you CAN control. Otherwise, you’re just wasting your energy and doing yourself and your loved ones a huge disservice.

You feel me?

Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section. Let’s discuss it. 

Bliss Mission: Change Your Mind, Have a Great Day

Bliss Mission: Change Your Mind, Have a Great Day

Mr Happy Adventure Team with Bohari Adventures...“The future is not some place we are going, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made. And the activity of making them changes both the maker and their destination.” – John Schaar

Life is full of surprises. In an average day, we all encounter a seemingly endless number of unexpected events can occur that might create stress, worry, and frustration.

But instead of letting these negative emotions take over, what if you were to make a conscious decision to have a great day?

Try these techniques to bring joy to each day:

  1. Use self-suggestion. First thing in the morning, make a conscious decision to have a great day. As you’re brushing your teeth, look yourself in the eye. Tell yourself, “I’m going to have a great day,” and mean it. This is your chance to set yourself up for a fantastic day, whether you’ll be with your family, at work, or hanging out with friends.
  2. Empower yourself. You’re taking control of what might have turned into a negative situation when you decide to allow events to just roll on by and not affect you adversely. Take the bull by the horns and state to yourself what you will and won’t do in a challenging situation.

Own your mood. Refuse to allow someone or something other than yourself to ruin your day.When you do this, you’re saying “no” to negativity. You’re taking a stand. When you’re resolved in this way, your healthy stubbornness will ensure you have a great day.

  1. Recognize what really matters. When you encounter a challenging situation, prompt yourself to see the bigger picture. If one part of a project isn’t going well, identify that you’ve been in similar circumstances before and will most likely be in them again someday. Know, however, that such situations don’t last, and easy times will come again, too.
  2. Remind yourself of the positive. Remember that you still have other things to do today and the trying situation isn’t the only event you’ll encounter. Before the day is out, you might win the lottery or get that promotion you’ve wanted. Or maybe all the traffic lights will be green on your way home. Whether big or small, positive things are likely to happen today.
  3. Consider a challenging event as an adventure. When you look back, you’ll find that many prior situations that you were initially disappointed in turned out to be great opportunities for you. Shift your paradigm from “Oh, this is bad” to “This could be interesting.”
  4. Discover the silver lining. What are the positives about a trying situation? You may feel challenged at first to find something positive about a difficult occurrence. However, with some practice, this will become easier. You’ll eventually be able to identify what the real beauty of the tough event is.

When life gets you down, you always have a choice. You can either let yourself be completely overtaken with the weight of your challenge or decide to have a great day.

Turn negative situations into adventures and seek the silver lining in every challenging event. You have all the power you need within you to make your life as enjoyable as you want it to be!

 

Bliss Mission: Change Your Mind, Have a Great Day

Bliss Mission: Analyzing Past Experiences

Experience Music Project and Science Fiction M...

Today’s Affirmations

Analyzing past experiences provides me with valuable life lessons.

I acknowledge that my past is a wide open window to my future.

Past events hold the key to the outcome of situations I may be faced with later down the road.

When I experience something, I avoid taking the experience for granted, regardless of how trivial it may seem. I understand that there is a lesson in each situation, and I endeavor to determine what that lesson is.

I stop and take note of each experience, reflecting on what I can learn from it. Perhaps the lesson can help me solve a challenge I am facing now. Otherwise, it might prove to be valuable in overcoming, or even preventing, a challenge down the road.

I view every experience as an opportunity to understand how to live. I take a look at the impact of the situation and allow myself to be inspired by what has happened. Even if the situation is negative, I extract the positive out of it.

I am able to teach my peers and family how to live positively with others by analyzing my own feelings from past experiences. I use those memories – both negative and positive – to help those around me to create good memories.

Today, I commit to looking forward by looking back: using past experiences to help shape my steps towards the future. I know that at the very least, I can learn what actions to avoid by analyzing the outcome of past experiences.

Ask Yourself These Questions:

  1. Do I ever make the same mistake more than once?
  2. Do I analyze even those experiences that I want to forget?
  3. Do I encourage my peers live in the present with an eye on the past?

 

Bliss Mission: Change Your Mind, Have a Great Day

Mini-Mission: Living in this moment, here with you

The Secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, nor to anticipate troubles, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.- Buddha

How often do you find yourself living in the past? Wondering what might have been, or even regretting the choices that brought you to this point?

Every single person in the world has felt this way at one time or another at some point in their lives, but it’s how you choose to deal with these feelings that makes or breaks you.
I know, it sounds very dramatic. And, truth be told, it is.

The fact is that when we focus on the past and dwell on things we can’t change, we are cheating ourselves. And, when we worry about the future, we cheat ourselves. When we’re so concerned with what was or what might be, life passes us by.

It all sounds so simple: just live in the moment. And it should be easy…but as it happens, life can occasionally throw you a curve ball. How can one live in the moment when so many difficulties present themselves? How can one avoid worry and stress?

Maybe you can’t avoid everything, but remember this: life is all about perception. So, for example, when you get out of bed and trip over the cat, you might think, “Oh great, the whole day’s going to be bad.” And, you can bet that it will.

But if you laugh it off and think happy thoughts instead, you’re more likely to have positive experiences.

Even if you don’t believe in the law of attraction, I think we can agree that it FEELS better to be happy and to have a positive outlook. That alone should be enough to give today’s challenge a shot. 🙂

So, bottom line: live for the moment. Feel good. Think happy thoughts!

Mini-Bliss Mission

Need some tips on how to live in the moment? Here’s what Certified Life Coach Helaine Iris advises in her article Live in the moment? How do you do that?:

1. When you find yourself imagining fearful scenarios ask yourself, “Is this the only possibility?” Search for what else could be true, rather than what you fear.

2. Remind yourself that worrying about the future or regretting the past isn’t going to change what has or is going to happen.

3. Do you have a fundamental trust that whatever happens you’re going to be ok? Can you find times from your past that serve as evidence that this is true? If so, draw on that experience.

4. Are your basic needs met, does your life work? Often we move into the future because we think it will be better there. Consider addressing what ever is not in balance so it will become desirable to be more in the now.

5. Practice the power of the present. Focus on something positive or beautiful right here and now and breathe it in. Let yourself fully feel it.

6. Then, be willing to let go of that too and move on to the next moment.

Today, I challenge you to live for the moment. Just for today, look around you and find the beauty and wonder that is in your every day environment.

Breathe…appreciate life…and think happy thoughts.

Want what you’ve got, and you’ll always have what you want. It’s all about this moment, right here, right now.

Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? What’s it all about for you? Be it, do it, have it.

I leave you with a final thought, a quote from Henry Drummond.

“You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.”

What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments section, below.

 

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