Looking for tools, tips, resources and help with a narcissist in your life? Then you’ve come to the right place. I’ve collected more than 35 of them for you, right here.
I have written several books on narcissism, but I know that not everyone can have books delivered and/or doesn’t have the cash for the Kindle editions. Or maybe they’re afraid of being found out by their very controlling narc.
Listen, I’m not here to judge. I feel you. TRUST ME.
At any rate, that’s why I’ve put together a few links for you here. If you bookmark this post and/or this site, you can refer back to it as needed to get the virtual support and/ir validation that you need.
Consider this site your very own sort of “online ebook” of sorts – no charge, no strings attached. Just because I know how important it is to know that you’re not crazy when you’re in the thick of a relationship with a narcissist.
Is there a narcissist in your life?
Your narcissist could be anyone – your spouse, your child, your mother, your father, your boss – even your best friend or your neighbor. Here are some tips for identifying the one(s) in your life.
It’s confusing for a lot of people because people think being narcissistic means you take a bunch of selfies and care about how you look. But that’s not necessarily a toxic narcissist – the fact is that every human alive has a certain amount of narcissism in their makeup – it’s self-interest. It’s what makes us get up and get ourselves dressed, feed ourselves, get jobs, get married, have kids – it’s the part of us that prevents us from just giving up entirely.
Can you take control of the situation and/or overpower the narcissist?
Indeed you can, my friend, if you’re willing to stand up for yourself – at least temporarily. Once you’ve recognized the situation, you’re already one step closer. Now you need to know how to get through it. Try these posts for help and ideas.
Can you show me an example of real-life gaslighting?
I don’t usually share many personal stories about the gaslighting I have experienced in my life but recently, a well-known narcissist actually gave me a little bit of an unrealized opportunity by actually gaslighting me online.
It’s not always, and you and I both know this. Unless you’re being physically abused, sometimes it feels like the wolf you know is better than the one that you don’t. But here are some posts to help you get your head in the right place and tools to help you be happier.
“The best way to pay for a lovely moment is to enjoy it.” ~Richard Bach
Just in case you weren’t clear on what it takes to be really, really happy, scientists have come up with an actual formula, thanks to recently published research.
I was kind of surprised when my husband shared a link to the study yesterday – I mean, I thought we’d already figured this one out. But no!
This study says otherwise. These guys? They’ve CRACKED THE CODE. Check out what they found. Be sure to click through at the bottom to read the full story.
Case in point: Minnesota’s Mayo Clinic is one of the world’s most prestigious health institutions. With much fanfare, researchers there announced last week that they have “cracked the code to being happy.” “Imagine scientists coming up with an actual formula for happiness—a specific recipe for lifelong contentment and joy,” they tease.
Well, my forlorn little friends, imagine no more. These scientists boast of having “created just such a formula based on neuroscience and psychology.” For a mere $15.95—less than your daily dose of Zoloft and vodka—they’ll rush off to you “The Mayo Clinic Handbook for Happiness,” a “four-step self-help process” to finding “a lifetime of joy and contentment.”
“Happiness is a habit,” says the study’s chief researcher Dr. Amit Sood in the Daily Mail. “Some of us are born with it; others have to choose it.”
“Previous research has shown that our minds are hard-wired to focus on negative experiences. For our ancestors,” continues the report, being perpetually PO’ed, “helped them stay alive, providing an evolutionary advantage in the face of danger.” (Some of us attribute this to mankind’s fallen, selfish, sinful nature, but we can go with that whole evolution thingy if it makes them feel better.)
Concludes the Daily Mail: “The book makes readers focus on a different positive emotion each day, such as gratitude, forgiveness and kindness.”
Wait. Hold the Mayo. This is dj vu all over again. What “book” are we talking about here? Where have we heard all this before—talk of gratitude, forgiveness, kindness and whatnot, leading to joy, contentment, happiness and so forth?
“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.” ~Oscar Wilde
When was the last time someone really pissed you off, hurt your feelings or shocked you (in a negative way) with their behavior?
People can be cruel–let’s face it, some of them are downright assholes who bring a serious element of toxicity into your life. They say and do the meanest, most damaging things. I have been personally shocked on more than one occasion at the blatant rudeness of some people.
(This is especially the case when we’re talking about narcissists!)
When it happens to you…
Having been a victim of unkind treatment, you’re probably reeling with anger. You feel like forgiveness is the least suitable response you can give.
Surprisingly, however, forgiveness is the quickest and most lasting way to get over the anger and hurt! But how can you just forgive someone who has hurt you so?
Achieve true forgiveness and gain peace with these approaches:
Confront the issue. It’s very easy to want to block negative situations out of your consciousness, but that approach may be causing more anger than you know!
Take a hard look at the issue. Say aloud, “This happened to me.” Doing that may cause some of the feelings to resurface. But when you’re done crying, you’ll likely be free from tears going forward.
What happened was a thing of the past. It happened, and you’re still here to tell the tale. Is it really worth affecting your peace of mind? It’s probably time to move on with your life!
Consider your involvement. Perhaps you didn’t consciously trigger a reaction from the other person. But there could very well be something that affected them. They just chose to address it in an unhealthy and unhelpful way!
It’s really not about playing the blame game. One human being has no right to offend or hurt another. If you were offended, take a look in the mirror before deciding how to deal with it. You’ll likely recall scenarios where you may have wronged someone as well!
Wear the offender’s shoes. Consider how it must feel for the person who now realizes that they hurt you considerably. After the initial emotion passes, they start to feel regret for their actions.
It’s always a good idea to try and switch roles. See it from their viewpoint. If you’re yearning for someone’s forgiveness, you’ll likely rejoice when you finally get it.
Consider the impact of anger on your life. When you hold on to the anger and resentment, it starts to eat away at you. Whether or not you know it, your happiness ends up being a fraction of what it could be. Anger negatively affects your quality of life!
Do you find yourself being short-tempered with loved ones and friends? You may feel your reaction is justified. But if you think about it, you might see that you overreacted.
Take some time to consider why you’re so angry or maybe sad. Grudges almost always bring and sustain negative emotions that can affect you long-term.
Once you try these approaches, you’ll experience the benefits of forgiving those who offended you. You’ll see how useless it is to allow the negative emotions of holding on to your hurts to drag down your quality of life. In fact, you’ll likely want to go back and forgive everyone who has ever hurt you!
Learn to freely forgive others and give your mind the rest it deserves for a peaceful, truly happy life.
“I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.” ~Audrey Hepburn
I love that quote. I really do–it’s one of my favorites. But look, I’m going to be super honest here–and I hope you take this for what it’s worth, some days, I just don’t quite feel it.
If you’ve been reading my work long, you know I’m responsible for a variety of niche websites. As the creator of QueenBeeing and all of its current sub-sites (How to Be a Hot Wife, Project Blissful, #StyleBuzz Project Blissful Style, for example), I’m really pretty familiar with ME and how to be the best possible me I can be.
See, all of these sites have one thing in common: they’re focused on becoming BETTER—a better version of myself.
In fact, all of those sites led to this one; that’s why QueenBeeing exists—it is the whole enchilada—everything that, for me, represents being the best possible version of myself and of creating and living the life I desire, all collected in one beautiful, ever-evolving place.
Each site was representative of a certain part of myself that I was working to improve or otherwise more fully embrace in my life—my marriage, my physical and mental health, my fashion sense—just to name a few.
And as you may or may not know, I’ve had some pretty tremendous results thanks to this commitment—but it doesn’t mean I’m perfect.
I am my brand and I try to always follow my own advice.
I actively and diligently practice what I preach here, too—no joke. Everything I personally write about, unless otherwise noted and/or quoted, is something that I have personally experienced, attempted or personally discovered/realized through my studies and research of people and sociology. And, just like my readers, I’m ever-evolving, always trying to be and do better, for myself, my family and the world around me.
With all of that being said, I would love to sit here and tell you that because I am actively attempting to live my own message and to truly BE my personal brand, I have no issues and am always totally 100 percent on point with my whole inner peace/happiness/personal fulfillment deal. I really would.
But I’ve vowed to be myself, to be brutally honest with my readers, so here’s my real truth: I’m totally human. So. Not. Perfect.
And sometimes? The world pisses me off a little bit.
For example, last week, my husband turned on some discussion on Fox News channel (which I do not normally watch).
(I’m so not going to comment on the political crap there, because that’s not why I’m mentioning it. Please understand that the following is not in any way a political commentary, it’s just a personal one that is referencing a random comment made about a random person in the world!)
Anyway, in that moment, when I happened to be feeling a little bit surly about the world, I got it.
Sometimes, to be honest, the world disappoints me, too.
So for a minute, I let myself stew on that feeling. About two seconds later, I noticed that particular feeling sucked. I didn’t want to feel like that one second longer—it felt awful. Who wants to be disappointed by the world?
And here, my friends, is where I tell you the good news: I’m not completely full of shit, after all.
I truly do live my message.
Here’s what I did to stop feeling all that negativity and get my head back in the right place.
I just changed my mind.
Yeah, I know, that sounds WAY too simple—and it kinda is—but hear me out. What I mean by change my mind is to change the way I saw the situation–to change my perception.
The very first thing I did was to allow myself to refocus – to literally become distracted from the negative thoughts, but in a super-productive way. I use an internal distraction/redirection technique that involves a simple memorized affirmation phrase. Mine is:
“I now cancel that thought and replace it with this affirmation of my true divine desire: (insert your own better, more positive thought here).”
I do this because making myself think OR say those exact words takes exactly the amount of time that seems to be required to distract myself from the negative thoughts.
That offers me enough time to recognize what I’m doing to myself: the more negatively I allow myself to react, the more of that kind of stuff I’ll be drawing into my life. But if I can stay mostly positive, life will reflect the same kind of mostly awesome. I know this to be true, because I’ve experienced it personally, again and again. I’m constantly amazed by it and always, always grateful. <3
How do you get over it when the world disappoints you? Share your thoughts in the comments section, below.