15 Healthy Ways to Comfort Yourself

15 Healthy Ways to Comfort Yourself

Just like a baby sucks her thumb, as an adult you’ll want to comfort yourself when things go wrong – and nothing rings truer for victims of narcissistic abuse.

Unfortunately, some habits like drinking, smoking, overeating, or shopping come with a high price tag. When you use them to escape from difficult issues, you postpone finding real solutions, and you may wind up with additional complications like poor health and less money.

On the other hand, making constructive choices can help you face challenges and build your self-confidence. Follow these steps for dealing with tensions and irritations.

How to Soothe Yourself by Changing Your Thinking

1. Accept your feelings. Embracing uncomfortable emotions is the first step in being able to process them. Instead of denying anger or jealousy, you can acknowledge the situation and decide how to address it.

2. Cultivate gratitude. Being grateful instantly brightens your outlook. Count your blessings and express your appreciation.

3. Slow down. Bring racing thoughts under control. Even a few minutes of meditation can clear away mental clutter.

4. Be mindful. Stay in the present moment. Give your full attention to one task at a time. You’ll accomplish more.

5. Accentuate the positive. When you evaluate opportunities, pay attention to the potential gains as well as the risks. Adjust your self-talk to reinforce your confidence and motivate you to move ahead.

6. Use mental imagery. Picture yourself lying on a sandy beach or sipping tea in a cozy cafe. Engage your other senses by imagining the related sounds and smells.

7. Follow your faith. Find strength in your spiritual beliefs and practices. Adversity can help you develop insights and remember your purpose.

How to Soothe Yourself by Changing Your Routines

1. Develop a hobby. Activities that create a sense of flow are more relaxing and productive than watching TV. Find pleasure in playing the piano or building a log cabin.

2. Exercise regularly. Moving around reduces physical and mental symptoms of stress. Go for a long walk or play tennis with a friend.

3. Check your posture. Scan your body for tight spots. Stretch out your neck and limbs. Squeeze your muscles together, and then open up to release any anxiety that has been building up. Stand tall, lower your shoulders, and open your chest.

4. Eat more probiotics. Eating a balanced diet makes you more resilient, especially if you put yogurt and miso on the menu. Studies show that foods that promote healthy gut bacteria have a positive effect on your mood.

5. Sleep well. Rest is also essential for your composure. Go to bed and wake up on a consistent schedule. Darken your bedroom and block out background noises with a fan or ear plugs.

6. Connect with others. Build a strong support network. Spend time with family and friends. Make time for sharing laughter and heart-to-heart talks. Ask for help when you’re struggling, and take your mind off your own worries by looking for ways to serve others.

7. Listen to music. Music has a powerful effect on how you feel. Cheer yourself up by listening to classical music, show tunes, gospel songs, or your favorite selections. Try Amazon Music Unlimited 30-Day Free Trial

8. Breathe deeply. Using your breath to lower stress is fast and free, and you can do it anywhere. Create a slow, gentle rhythm as you pay attention to the air entering and exiting your nostrils. Gradually extend the time you spend exhaling to carry any disturbing thoughts out of your brain.

Stress is a part of life, but you can protect your health and well-being by the way you respond when things are falling apart. Soothe yourself with calming thoughts and activities that restore your balance and deepen your peace of mind.

Foods You Must Add to Your Grocery List to Get Flatter Abs

Foods You Must Add to Your Grocery List to Get Flatter Abs

The stomach is one of the hardest parts to flatten in the body. Everyone wants perfect abs, but it takes works and commitment to get them. You can spend hours at the gym fighting for flatter abs, but if your diet isn’t focused, then you’ll struggle to achieve the results you desire.

Luckily, there are foods you can eat – and some to avoid – that can help you in your endeavor for flat abs.

Let’s look at some general guidelines for healthy meals that will help tone your body and stomach area, along with those foods you’ll want to add more of.

General Food Guidelines

Some foods to avoid for flatter abs:

  • Avoid sugar and junk food, such as salty chips and pretzels, as much as possible.
  • Alcohol is also high in both calories and sugar, so that’s one to avoid as well.
  • It’s also important to shun trans fats and other fats that aren’t healthy. When looking at your food labels, if you see “hydrogenated” fats or oils, put it back. Many labels will say something like “No Trans Fats” right on the front to help you find the products without them.

Food groups to include in your diet for flatter abs:

Focus on fiber. Eating plenty of fruits and vegetables, especially in raw form, will give you the fiber you need to support your goal.

  • Stick to natural foods, rather than processed items. Most grocery stores keep the natural foods, such as fruits, veggies, eggs, meat, and dairy, along the edges of the store. You might want to venture into the middle for some minimally processed items, like rice, beans, healthy oils, and spices.

Foods to Add to Your Grocery List

Make these foods a standing order for every week:

  1. Chili peppers. Chili peppers should be at the top of your grocery list. They’re spicy, can kick up any recipe, and can boost metabolism. The capsaicin in chili peppers may also help you burn fat as you reach for flatter abs.
  2. The protein in yogurt can keep you full for long periods, so you’re not tempted to eat junk food. Yogurt also has other nutrients that can help you get a flatter stomach: Yogurt contains probiotics that may help your digestive system and reduce belly fat. The calcium in yogurt is also important because it has been linked to flatter abs.
  3. This white vegetable has sulforaphane, a nutrient that has been linked to lower belly fat because it can reduce fat cells. Cauliflower also has high fiber, so you’ll feel full and have a stronger digestive system.
  4. Green tea. Green tea is mostly known for its powerful antioxidants, but it also has fat fighting power. Green tea has been shown in studies to promote a higher metabolism. It can also give you more energy, so you can finish your workouts to get flatter abs.

Consider Your Entire Diet

Although adding these specific foods will help you get a flatter stomach, it’s important to look at your overall diet for best results.

Simply adding more yogurt or green tea isn’t enough if your meal plans aren’t healthy. Your body needs nutritional support to fight fat. Include protein, carbs, and healthy fats at each meal. Ensure you’re getting enough vitamins and minerals from your food and drinks.

For best results, plan your meals ahead of time. This will help you avoid grabbing items from vending machines or fast food that doesn’t support your goal.

Give yourself a fighting chance! Follow these tips for getting flatter abs and making your workouts more meaningful.


Introducing the DUO Method of Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

Introducing the DUO Method of Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

I’m so excited to announce the official release of my brand-new, three-step, deceptively simple method of healing from narcissistic abuse – it’s called THE DUO Method – and it’s how smart people change their lives. 

DUO: Self-help for smart people.
Discover the problem.
Understand the problem.
Overcome the problem.

In my lifetime, I have managed to fix a lot of broken stuff, from the after-effects of narcissistic abuse and PTSD to losing more than 100 pounds and keeping it off for more than five years so far.

And those are just the big things. I’ve also managed to leave the corporate world of working for other people to pursue my dreams and do what I love for a living. Plus, I’ve managed to build a pretty amazing family and generally feel pretty good about my life these days.

In general, while life is far from perfect, I’ve learned how to change my mind when times are tough, and I’ve learned how to deal with the emotions that go along with the tough times.

For me, it all started with first the discovery of each problem I had, and then with the understanding of that problem or issue. Once I understood it, I could learn how to overcome it in a logical, practical way.

As someone who identifies as an empath, I tend to be an emotionally driven person, but learning to handle and manage my emotions was one of the biggest changes I made in my life that allowed me to grow and become capable of the various evolutions I’ve experienced over the years.

These evolutions happened because of my study and understanding of both myself and human nature.

Somehow for me, the discovery and recognition of a problem lead me to naturally want to research and understand it.

And then the natural flow leads me to find a solution to that problem.

Sometimes these are big issues, like those I mentioned earlier, but other times they are small ones – like this morning. I discovered soap scum on my bathtub after my kids used it over the weekend.

Since I know that soap scum is part soap, part human dirt/oil and part skin cells, I knew that using a touch of shampoo on a wash cloth might do the trick. And it did – faster than even a toxic bleach-filled powder could.

This is how smart people everywhere can solve literally every problem in their lives.

Discover the problem.

Understand the problem.

Overcome the problem.

It’s the DUO method. Read more here, or learn which phase of healing you’re in now, right here. You might also want to try our Stages of Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Quiz, right here, to find out which stage best fits you at this exact moment.

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Pokemon Go: Drug-Free Way to Combat Narcissistic Abuse-Related PTSD?

Pokemon Go: Drug-Free Way to Combat Narcissistic Abuse-Related PTSD?

Can a game help to make your narcissistic abuse recovery less difficult? Maybe so, and I’m about to tell you all about it. 

July 6, 2016, something kind of unexpected happened to me – I accidentally found a connection with a whole bunch of other people across the world, who, luckily, included my kids.

In fact, I was far from alone – and within 24 hours of the game hitting the US app stores, the game had more active users than freaking Tinder!

Yeah, I’m talking about Pokemon Go, the app that has taken over your Facebook news feed and has already changed the lives of millions. But this one’s different than Candy Crush and all kinds of other games I never managed to get addicted to – it’s a whole other thing.

See, the way the game is played, it almost forces you to go out and move your butt a little, and to do so in places in the community around you.

You’re a Poke trainer and you are tasked with a few different things – including collecting/catching/hunting these little Pokemon creatures (monsters?) who you can then train and use to battle other players at the Pokemon gym.

But here is the reason I’m talking about this today – I believe that this app could literally change our society.

I’ve met neighbors I didn’t know before. I’ve run into all kinds of people that I couldn’t have or wouldn’t have ever run into – and I’ve got a whole new way to connect with my kids.

And what’s better is the latest news: apparently, people are reporting lots of benefits – in addition to the obvious benefits (moving your ass and getting into the community more often), there’s the whole mental health factor.

(Not to mention that local landmarks and businesses are seeing more traffic than ever – our St. Louis Zoo seeems to find itself busier than ever since that date).

And, while I’m brimming with ideas on how this app could change the whole world, I’m even more excited about the mental health part.

Okay, so what do the experts say about the effects of Pokemon Go on your mental health?

“In terms of the phenomena of people expressing the benefits of playing the game to their real-world mental health status, I think that’s very unique and it’s the first time I’ve ever seen anything like that,” Dr. John Grohol, the founder of Psych Central, told Engadget. 

“The research is really, really clear on this, that the more you exercise, the more it would help decrease feelings of depression,” he told the tech news site. “It actually works as an anti-depressant and it has a really, pretty strong effect. It’s probably one of the most beneficial things a person with depression can do, especially if they’re not accessing other types of treatments, such as psychotherapy or medication.”

Dr. Greg Wadley, a computer science lecturer from the University of Melbourne told ABC Australia that there are definite mental health benefits to playing the game.

“That way of taking a break and letting the mind think about something different is better than smoking cigarettes or drinking alcohol, which is what a lot of people do to de-stress,” he said.

And, he added, in addition to making people less isolated, an augmented reality game like Pokemon Go does force people to go outside and exercise.

Maybe even better, if you’re hanging out at a Poke-stop and there are 10 or 20 other people there all catching Pokemon, guess what? You’ve got something to talk about.

Of course, it’s a well-documented fact that physical exercise is one of the best ways to combat depression, and almost every other mental health issue. And in addition, the social aspect and the whole changing your scene deal are also standard practice when it comes to getting through the tough times.

Some users say that the game has actually become a better treatment than anything their doctors could prescribe and anything their therapists recommended.

So that’s what I’ve got for today – how about you – are you playing? What do you think about this phenomenon? What other unique ways have you found to get through the hard times? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section and let’s discuss it.

Exposed! 10 Shocking Facts Your Narcissist Doesn’t Want You to Know

Exposed! 10 Shocking Facts Your Narcissist Doesn’t Want You to Know

“Narcissism falls along the axis of what psychologists call personality disorders, one of a group that includes antisocial, dependent, histrionic, avoidant and borderline personalities. But by most measures, narcissism is one of the worst, if only because the narcissists themselves are so clueless.” ~Jeffrey Kluger

A report in Cosmopolitan Magazine offers ten very insightful points into the psyche of your everyday, average narcissist – and if you keep these in mind when you’re dealing with one, you’ll find yourself feeling much more in control of the situation.

Need more help dealing with your narcissist? Check out my most recent book,Take Back Your Life: 103 Highly-Effective Strategies to Snuff Out a Narcissist’s Gaslighting and Enjoy the Happy Life You Really Deserve (Detoxifying Your Life Series) at Amazon.com. 

Cosmo’s insights were, in brief, as follows – but be sure to click the link at the end of this post and see the full explanation on the Cosmopolitan.com website.

1. You can’t shame a narcissist – they’ll make your life much harder if you do.

2. The reason they’re so fragile and insecure on the inside and mean and hateful on the outside goes all the way back to childhood. Though researchers believe there might be a genetic component, the truth is that the way a child is raised has a great deal to do with how they turn out.

Also of note:

  • There are two ways to “create” a narcissist – by denying a child unconditional love so they never feel comfortable in the emotional love, or to totally go the opposite direction and overindulging, overpraising and underdisciplining the child – making them believe they’re overly special.
  • This would indicate that the term “happy medium” could apply to good parenting (My note)

3. Kids who got big responsibilities at early ages are more often narcissists than those who didn’t, whether it was direct responsibility such as for a sibling or indirect such as for the emotional health of a parent. This leads to their adult selves always seeking approval and trying too hard, never allowing themselves to just “be,” rather requiring to be the center of attention.

4. A narcissist desperately needs to feel superior to everyone around him, because inside they don’t feel like they’re good enough. And they react with contempt to anyone who seems to have something they lack.

5. Narcissists think big – that is, they are grandiose thinkers because they feel like it fills some hole inside themselves.

6. They have a huge sense of entitlement – they think they DESERVE to have what they want without regard for the needs and desires of those around them.

7. They haven’t met a boundary they haven’t crossed, and if you don’t put a stop to it when it begins, they’ll keep crossing until they’ve crossed every boundary you’ve got.

8. If you must confront a narcissist, do it carefully – they respond best to “empathic validation,” Cosmo says. So you should always “affirm the relationship first before you share anything that doesn’t feel right,” said a psychologist interviewed by the mag. “For example, if it’s someone you’re dating, say to them: ‘I care about you a lot, so when you don’t listen to what I’m saying, I feel like I’m nothing in your eyes,’ instead of ‘Why don’t you ever listen to me?'”


take back your powerNeed help with feeling powerful when you’re dealing with an extremely toxic narcissist?

Check out my book – Take Back Your Power: How to End People People Pleasing, Stop Letting Life Happen to You and Start Getting What You Want

About the book: Do you find yourself giving all you’ve got and people still want more? Do you sometimes do without what you want or need in order to keep the people around you happy? Are you afraid to deal with confrontation and do you often find it easier to just go with the flow in order to keep the peace?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might be a people pleaser. Many people pleasers are also very empathic people, who are especially attractive to toxic types who love to take advantage every chance they get.

In this book, you’ll learn how to stop feeling the need to make everyone else happy and start figuring out what makes you happy, personally, and really – not someone else’s idea of what’s supposed to make you happy,

Listen up: you deserve to be happy just as much as anyone else. Stop beating yourself up and start embracing your personal power. Take your life back starting today!

9. The only thing that might motivate a narcissist to change is having a meaningful consequence for their bad behavior. For example, a healthy narcissist might avoid cheating on a spouse in order to preserve the relationship, because “if the consequences are high enough, they might start to reevaluate their actions.”

10. No matter how intelligent and together a narcissist is in other ways, they are emotional toddlers. Cosmo’s experts both noted that the best way to deal with a narcissist who is raging is to consider them like you would a two-year-old who is throwing a tantrum, and that most of that is just their way of “putting on a show.” Both agreed that as long as you’re not in physical danger, you have to pick your battles and decide what you will and will not tolerate, and then make your choices accordingly.

Like I said, I find all of this stuff very insightful and totally on-target. What do you think?

BTW, I’ve also got a couple of other books on the topic – including Your Love is My Drug: How to Shut Down a Narcissist, Detoxify Your Relationships & Live the Awesome Life You Really Deserve, Starting Right Now.

See Story on Cosmo’s website: click here

Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today

Did you know? Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.

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