The Will & Jada Pinkett Smith Secret Guide to a Successful Marriage

The Will & Jada Pinkett Smith Secret Guide to a Successful Marriage

While many Hollywood couples tend to divorce, there are a few who really stick it out – and among the most famous are Will Smith and his wife, Jada Pinkett Smith

How Will and Jada Smith have been married so long

The rumored divorce of the couple has been an issue, but Mrs. Smith says it doesn’t bother her – she says she knows who she’s married to and has no worries. 

“Marriages go through shifts,” she tells Us Magazine. “And relationships go through shifts because in life, things shift. So people are automatically like, ‘What’s going on? They must be getting a divorce.’ Well, no. But when people feel those shifts and there’s a mystery, they have to fill it with something.”

Read more – You can be a hot wife like Jada Pinkett Smith! Check out How to Be a Hot Wife, right here. 

Sometimes, Marriage=Work

Mrs. Smith points out that marriage is a journey, one that takes real work and strength. And that’s where a lot of couples fail – they don’t realize that it’s not always going to be all hearts and flowers. The truth is that sometimes, marriage feels terrible – but if you can get through those tough times, you can come out stronger and happier together.

And Money Isn’t Everything

Mr. Smith says that a lot of people don’t understand that having money doesn’t mean your marriage is perfect. You’ll always have to work at it if you want to remain happy and in love. 

“I think a lot of people think that when you have money, that everything gets really easy, hell naw,” he said in an interview with Necole Bitchie. “Jada and I have been together for 17 years. If you look at it like a sports record, we are probably like 15 and 2.”

Keep Working to Deserve Each Other

Mr. Smith says that it’s easy to treat one another with love when you’re first getting started, but you’ve got to keep working on both yourself and your relationship, if you ever want to make it last. 

“When we got started, we both truly connected on wanting to be better,” Smith says. “That’s where it all started. There were other people that we were dating and other people that we were attracted to, but there was a commitment to constantly be better that was what we connected on.”

“Our whole world and relationship was that, ‘Hey, I know that I may not be all of that today but what I’m not going to do is lay around and not keep working to be better to deserve you,'” Smith says. 

Trust One Another, Even When the World Doubts You

Mrs. Smith adds that, despite the rumors of an affair, she trusts her husband. 

“Here’s what I trust: The man that Will is… is a man of integrity. He’s got all the freedom in the world,” the Gotham star told Us Magazine. “As long as Will can look himself the mirror and be okay? I’m good.”

She adds that, while some Hollywood couples aren’t on the same page, she knows that her hubby is always on her side. 

“When you can look in your man’s eyes and know that he’s holding you down and that he loves you,” she says. “Here’s what’s real: I’m not the kind of woman that believes a man is not going to be attracted to another woman.”

Commit to Yourself First

“The central idea of love is not even a relationship commitment, the first thing is a personal commitment to be the best version of yourself with or without that person that you’re with. You have to every single day, mind, body, and spirit, wake up with a commitment to be better. Don’t make that same mistake tomorrow that you made today,” says Mr. Smith. 

Commit to Allowing and Encouraging Your Partner’s Individual Growth

Room to grow is important in any marriage, and Will Smith says that’s one of the secrets to his and Jada’s 18-year marriage. 

“The idea is that you are two people together, but in that process, the marriage cannot be a prison,” he said in his Necole Bitchie interview. “There has to be a freedom that allows a person to grow. A person has to be allowed to make mistakes, and a person has to be allowed to become and grow without the threat of punishment.”

Know Your Deal Breakers

In my marriage, we’ve got three deal breakers – no cheating, no physical violence and no hurting our children. 

The Smiths have a different perspective on this, according to Mr. Smith. 

“I think that in the concept of our marriages because of our own insecurities, we lay it out in a way like, ‘Hey, that’s a deal breaker,'” Smith says.  “I hear people talk about the concept of the deal breakers and it’s really in conflict with loving somebody.”

Divorce Cannot Be an Option

One last hint about successful marriage from Will Smith: if you’re in an otherwise healthy (read: non-abusive) marriage, there is one simple way to stay married. 

“What I found is divorce just can’t be an option,” Smith says. “It’s really that simple.” 

On Balancing Independence and Marriage

As evidenced by the super-successful and happily married Smiths, it’s clearly possible to strike a blissful balance between your independence and your marriage. You can find a way to make them work together. This will create a stronger relationship that makes both you and your spouse feel fulfilled.

Here are some ideas to get the communication flowing and make the positive changes you need to in your marriage. 

Discuss your need for independence. A relationship suffers if one person feels trapped and isn’t able to share ideas. This leads to resentment and anger building up to a dangerous level. You can avoid these issues by talking about your needs with your partner.

It’s important to have an open dialogue about your desire for more independence. First, reassure your partner that you still love them more than ever and want to spend time with them. However, you need space and time to grow as an individual.

  • You can share that you need to develop your own hobbies or activities outside of the home and relationship.
  • You can still do activities as a couple, but your own interests don’t have to be neglected.

Plan time with your partner. Despite what a lot of people seem to think, marriage doesn’t create the obligation to spend every second with your partner. Plan to spend some time with your partner and other timesfor pursuing your other interests.

This will help you develop your independence and feel freedom without hurting your marriage.

Find time alone. The time you spend alone can help nurture your independence.

Do you crave a few hours with a good book and no distractions? Do you want to take a long hike alone with your thoughts? These types of activities can help you feel free and give you space from your partner.

Find time for friends. Spending time with your friends can be a fun way to find your independence again.

You don’t have to force your partner to attend every chat, meal, or event with your friends. It’s normal to spend some time without your spouse while you visit with your friends.

Give each other room to handle challenges. It may be tempting to act as a savior and try to fix all of the issues in your partner’s life. However, it’s crucial to give each other space to handle difficult situations on your own. Your partner may not want you to interfere. You can still support each other, but you can also give each other room.

Enjoy your own hobbies. You don’t have to share every hobby with your partner. Although you can enjoy hobbies such as skiing or hiking together, you can also find other activities to do on your own.

  • Consider the hobbies you liked before marriage. Did you create your own paintings in a small studio at home? Did you take cooking lessons at a local school or learning center? Do you miss the dance class you participated in before you got married?
  • You can do hobbies on your own without hurting your partner. First, discuss your need for a solo activity and share why it’s important to you. Then, create a separate list of hobbies you can do as a couple, so your partner doesn’t feel neglected.

You can create a balance between marriage and your desire for independence. It requires time and effort from both sides of the relationship, but that time and effort can actually bring you closer together – just ask Will and Jada Smith. 

 

What are your best tips for a long and happy marriage? Share them with the QB community in the comments section. 

Fierce and Fearless: Mr. X Comes Out and He is Fabulous!

Fierce and Fearless: Mr. X Comes Out and He is Fabulous!

“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.” ~Fred Rogers

like a bossSo, here’s the deal. Life? Sometimes it feels not as awesome as you might like. But then again, you have a lot more control over that than you might realize.

For example, we all have SOME situation, person or thing in our lives that we’d rather not discuss. This could be a rocky relationship with a friend or loved one, a physical or mental disability (perceived or otherwise), a financial struggle, a weight struggle or literally anything that you feel ashamed or embarrassed about.

Maybe it’s even a hobby or your career or your family or something that you truly LOVE that makes you feel like you want to hide that part of yourself.

I’ve recently grown a bit of a stronger spine, myself. See, I used to hide who I was pretty consistently (on certain levels), but as I evolve, my true self emerges–and turns out, I’m alright. Some people even think I’m kinda cool. Ha!

😉 But seriously…I digress.

This very common internal struggle with being true to yourself (and being confident enough that you’re worth loving/liking AS YOU ARE for WHO YOU ARE) can often lead to excessive self-esteem and identity issues, which in turn have many associated side-effects, the majority of which are NOT positive.

Ultimately, it’ll lead to a lower quality of life–not accepting yourself and loving yourself for who you are.

Take for a moment the story of an old friend of mine. Though I haven’t spoken to him in years, I think of him often. For the sake of his privacy, I’m going to call him Mr. X.

The Fearless Mr. X Comes Out: Finding and Learning to Love Your True Self

I was introduced to Mr. X as a blind date. After I spoke with him on the phone for the first time (and totally fell in like with him), I called up the friend who had set us up.

“You know Mr. X is gay, right?” I said when she picked up the phone.

She laughed and assured me that he was not–in fact, she said, he was the gayest straight man she’d ever met. The two worked together at a nursing home and she said he was always very girl-crazy but super fun and easy to be with. So I agreed to go out with him–just for fun. What could it hurt?

That night, my friend and I met up with Mr. X and a friend of his at a local bar, where we had drinks, played pool and danced. It was so much fun, and Mr. X was a great date. He could dance, he could sing and he was just incredibly entertaining. He was also incredibly aggressive sexually, but mostly only superficially. Shakespeare began to echo in my head.

The lady did protest too much, methunk.

I didn’t care though. I felt like I’d known him forever–but I wasn’t sexually attracted to him. I got more of a really great friend sort of feeling, and that’s what our relationship evolved into.

One night he called me, very upset, telling me that he’d done something that made him sick, something he couldn’t even tell me. He didn’t know if he could live with himself–he could not handle the fact that it even happened. It was all he could do to not kill himself, he said.

I immediately went into” let’s get you back on track” mode, starting with reminding him of what a good person he was, how good he was at his job, how everyone loved him. (Side note here: He happened to be a fabulous nurse practioner who could not do any wrong in his patients’ eyes–and that’s because he was genuinely good at what he did and because he genuinely CARED about his patients and his work.)

Finally he calmed down enough to be more reasonable, but he never spilled the beans on what he’d done, exactly. But it didn’t matter to me.

Of course I had an idea of what he was talking about. Having been raised in the Bible Belt and in an area that was particularly populated with intolerant ideology and religiously-oriented folks, he could not admit to himself that he was different. It would mean admitting to himself that he was defective, wrong, not a good Christian.

Sure, he’d been born that way, but he couldn’t accept the idea because he had been taught (read: brainwashed to truly believe) that what he was could be clearly defined as an abomination.

Given my hunch, I assured him that he could talk to me, that it couldn’t be that bad–that everything would be OK. He wasn’t ready yet, but he did ask to come spend some time with me and heal. So that weekend, we started a new monthly or bi-monthly tradition: spending totally platonic weekends together.

We’d sit on the couch and watch girly movies while we ate ice cream out of the same pint.I loved those weekends so much! It was like having a really cool big brother who totally acted like a really cool big sister. Not being funny–seriously!

After one of these weekends, Mr. X called me and said he had something to tell me. He said he hoped I was sitting down, and that I’d never believe what he had to say.

I pretended to brace myself, but I suspected that he was finally about to tell me his big secret, the one I’d suspected from the first time we ever spoke. Could this be it?

He said, “I know you won’t believe this…but I’m gay!”

I said, “I know. I still love you.”

He missed a beat, then cleared his throat.

“You know?”

“Of course,” I said. “You thought I thought you were straight?”

“But, what–why…why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, and he was totally serious.

I laughed and told him that it didn’t matter to me who he was into, then joked that at least we wouldn’t be going after the same guys. We continued our platonic relationship and even went out dancing a couple of times after that (he was a great dancer!).

A year or so later, I met my now-husband who didn’t fully understand the platonic nature of this relationship. He asked me to stop having Mr. X visit on the weekends, telling me that it made him a little uncomfortable that a man was sleeping in my bed with me. (Another side note, I just laughed out loud when I typed that–I can’t believe I even expected him to feel any other way! Haha!)

But even at that time, I totally got that–and I totally respected it. (After all, how would I feel if the situation were reversed and his BFF was a female who spent the night at his house? Platonic  or not, I’d not be thrilled!) So I explained it to Mr. X, who totally understood and was already busy with his new relationship.

Unfortunately we lost touch years ago, but every so often, I remember him and how once he finally embraced his true nature, he blossomed and became this light-filled, amazingly beautiful person. He was always that person, but had enclosed his true nature under a blanket of other people’s prejudices and feelings. Once he learned to separate himself from those feelings, he saw that his own feelings weren’t weird or perverted–they were just part of who he was. And who he was happened to be a pretty amazing guy.

Once he realized it and TRULY EMBRACED HIMSELF, he was free to be happy, find the love of his life and get healthier than he’d ever been. What else could one ask for?

Now, it’s your turn!

What do you think? Have you fully embraced your true nature, or do you hide who you are from some people in your life? If you’re still hiding, is it because you are ashamed of your behavior because YOU BELIEVE your behavior is wrong, or is it because you don’t want to deal with the judgments of people who wouldn’t understand? What would it take for you to reveal your true self to the whole world?

Share your thoughts in the comments section, below.

 

How to Get the Hottest Sedu Hairstyles

How to Get the Hottest Sedu Hairstyles

Afro-ed dancer at the Tribeca Film Festival

Many of the most famous celebrities in both television and movies are sporting Sedu Hairstyles.

Celebrity Sedu hairstyles are one of the many latest fashion trends to come out of Hollywood. What makes the celebrity Sedu hairstyles unique though? Why are the Sedu hairstyles so popular?

The celebrity Sedu hairstyles are very popular for a lot of women who have naturally curly hair, or thicker and more course hair.

Many celebrities like Jennifer Lopez, Halle Barry, Angelina Jolie and many others do not have natural long smooth and flowing hair like you constantly see them sporting on television and in movies.

The secret of many movie stars is their celebrity Sedu Hairstyles. Why would they choose Sedu hairstyles though?

The celebrity Sedu hairstyles are very popular for a reason. The Sedu hairstyles are created using the Sedu Hair Iron. The Sedu hair iron is uniquely designed and patented using ceramic plates that are actually made of tourmaline crystals.

These are combined with a negative ionic charge in order to remove static from the hair. This alleviates the problems of cling in their celebrity Sedu Hairstyles. The end result is a Sedu Hairstyle that will last longer and look better than any other.

How do the celebrity Sedu hairstyles last longer and why? The patented ionic technology of the Sedu hair iron increases the hold in the hair. While this may not seem plausible at first, let us see why. Between the patented tourmaline ceramic plates and infrared heating technology the Sedu flat iron actually molds the hair.

The celebrity Sedu hairstyles last longer because there is no need (On most Sedu Hairstyles) for hairspray or other chemicals, which often fail when exposed to heat or light.

What about dyed hair? Actors and actresses frequently have to dye their hair and change their celebrity hairstyles in order to fit better in certain roles.

The Sedu flattener Iron is designed so that there is no conflict with dyes or tints normally used in hair coloring. The celebrity Sedu hairstyles you see can be done with any color or variety of hair.

Many ethnic actresses are big fans of the celebrity Sedu hairstyle. Often the desired result is simply to straighten curly, unruly or kinky hair.

Beautifully You: How to Love Yourself, Inside and Out

Beautifully You: How to Love Yourself, Inside and Out

English: Drew Barrymore at the premiere for He...

“I personally battled with my own body image for years. I used to tell myself, You can’t wear anything sleeveless or strapless. And all of a sudden I was like, What if I just didn’t send such negative messages to my brain and said, wear it and enjoy it? And now I’m more comfortable in clothes than ever.” ~Drew Barrymore

Do you struggle with your body image? If you do, you’re far from alone. In fact, about 91 percent of women are unhappy with their bodies, according to a study published at DoSomething.org, a non-profit that describes itself as “the country’s largest not-for-profit for young people and social change.”

Listen, I can relate. I have been there–and being human, I’m kinda still there sometimes. And according to researchers, only 5 percent of women naturally possess the body type often portrayed by Americans in the media. So what’s a girl to do? How can you learn how to improve your body image?
The fact is that how you feel about your body affects your confidence, overall self-concept and personal value. It is, whether we admit it out loud or not, a HUGE part of how we define ourselves, right?

It can be hard to feel okay about what you look like when you’re constantly bombarded by insanely perfect images on TV, the internet, and magazines that depict people who are too thin or even (gasp!) digitally enhanced to mask flaws. It’s just unrealistic!

But here’s the deal. While we can’t make that pressure go away, we can certainly decide how to respond to it. Stand up and recognize that you will be your most beautiful when you are your true self–not some random copy of the average Hollywood starlet/streetwalker/whateveritisthatmakesyouhateyourbody.

It’s not just you–I know exactly how it feels. My body type has never been and never will be the Hollywood ideal. I am too short and my boobs are too small. Don’t laugh! It’s true. OH! And now, I’m too old (38). But I’m ok with it because I understand that no matter how much I worry and stress over the fact that I don’t look awesome in most skinny jeans or that I have to buy a lot of my clothes in the juniors section (including sometimes bras!)–well then I wouldn’t have noticed all these awesome things about me.

See how I lost 100 pounds, including before and after weight loss pics, right here.

Yeah, I know it sounds vain. But it’s true–there are plenty of awesome things about me. But don’t worry–I’m not going to list them. This post isn’t really about me–it’s about you!

So let’s go there and talk about you. I’d lay money on the fact that there are probably lots of awesome things about YOU too.

So step outside of your head with me for a moment, won’t you? Take a look at yourself from a whole new perspective. What are the beautiful things about you–inside and out?

How to Improve Your Body Image: Start With Perspective

 

You ARE Beautiful: Let Us Count the Ways

“I think beauty can’t simply be described as physical, but it’s your entire package. In the long run, physical beauty fades, and then what will you be left with? Your true beauty is what shines from within: your confidence, attitude, outlook, intellect, and love. These are the qualities you should nurture; they are what make you unique, and will ultimately enhance your own personal outlook, which is the most important. ” ~Cindy Busby

You already know that it’s important to love yourself for the person that you are. Everyone is made differently, but beautifully, in their own way. Sure, your beauty may be different than that of a fashion model, but you’re still beautiful! Once you accept yourself, you’ll be a happier person.

Focus On Yourself First

When you’re learning to love who you are inside and out, you first need to start with the inside. This simply means that you need to work on changing the way you think about beauty.

No one’s absolutely perfect–and yet each of us is perfectly ourselves–we are the living embodiment of the perfect version of ourselves, right now in this very moment.

There may always be something that you don’t particularly like about yourself, but it doesn’t negate your beauty, and it’s certainly no reason to have an unhappy life over it. Shift your focus onto the things that you do like about yourself–seriously.

Try having a little faith in humanity. If you people watch in a public place, are you constantly pointing out everyone’s flaws? Chances are that you’re not. You probably don’t judge your friends about their imperfections, so why should you be so hard on yourself?

Beautifully You: How to Love Yourself, Inside and Out

Once you’ve worked on your inner feelings, you can then move on to loving yourself on the outside. Unfortunately, in today’s society, people feel ashamed of what they look like to the point of having all sorts of procedures and surgeries. Don’t be fooled! You don’t need this in order to feel good about yourself–in fact, it might make you feel worse.

Read more: Beauty Comes in All Shapes and Sizes

You can attempt to make changes if you have a problem like acne or weight gain, but there are also things that you can’t change, like having wide hips or freckles. The best thing you can do is embrace yourself for the unique individual that you are. After all, there’s no one else on this planet quite like you–not a single person. Not even a twin, if you’ve got one–you’re still 100 percent yourself, and no one else can claim that.

Beautifully Healthy: Making Changes in a Healthy Way

If you wish to make changes in your appearance, you can certainly do so. You just need to be doing it for the right reasons. You might need to lose weight in order to get back into a healthy weight range. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to change your hair color every now and then either. Variety is the spice of life.

But some people are tempted to go too far and do things like losing too much weight. They convince themselves that even a healthy weight is “fat” and they strive to be underweight. And listen, ladies.

While our skinny sisters definitely have their fans out there, so do those of us who have a few more curves–trust me!

Even though I’ve lost more than 100 pounds, I still have some (pretty bangin’) curves–and while it sometimes frustrates me (especially when it comes to fashion!), I have learned to love it. Like I said–we’ve all got our fans.

It’s important for your health to avoid these types of problems. If you’re stuck in a situation like this, you need to explore the reasons why you feel this way. You also might want to discuss your concerns with a professional.

Pay it Forward: Pass On a Healthy Body Image

One thing you can do for the world is to help pass on a healthy body image to others. The way the media portrays beauty truly is outrageous, and everyone should be doing their part to promote health and beauty in an undistorted form.

If you have children, teach them that they’re beautiful just the way they are. Since children learn by example, ensure that you never put yourself down in front of them. Avoid complaining about your own body because they might overhear and you might inadvertently teach them something you never intended to teach.

A healthy body image is something we can all strive toward. You’ll make yourself and others feel better by complimenting your friends and family. Everyone likes to get a compliment every now and then (and remember that you get back what you put out there!). You just might make someone’s day, and your own in the process.

So what do you think? How do you feel about the way you look today? What can you do to feel better? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section, below!

 

 

Pin It on Pinterest