Rewrite Your Story After Narcissistic Abuse: This is where you begin (and pain ends)

Rewrite Your Story After Narcissistic Abuse: This is where you begin (and pain ends)

Travel deep inside yourself without the baggage of conditioning. Be an explorer, have patience and eventually your true nature will surface. You will return from your journey with fresh skin and you will approach each day with a wonderful sense of wonder and bliss. ~~Marco R. Capristo

Figure out who you are after narcissistic abuseWhether we recognize it or not, most everyone’s habits and behavior are a result of some form of conditioning – and for those who have experienced the painful and all-encompassing abuse that a narcissist is known for, the conditioning hasn’t always been in our best interest. 

Related: Are you in a relationship with a narcissist? Find out. 

It begins when we’re small children–our parents’ opinions of us begin to help us form our own perceptions of ourselves. If we’re cursed with narcissistic parents, our perceptions are skewed, twisted…often, plain wrong. 

That’s because children are sponges – they absorb everything in their environment, including and especially the opinions of their parents and other prominent people in their lives. 

If they tell us we’re beautiful, we believe that we are–but if they tell us we’re horrible and sick, we’ll believe that too.

And it doesn’t end there–add in the opinions of your teachers, siblings and friends…and later those of your spouse, your bosses and coworkers, neighbors and don’t forget that lady at the dry cleaner’s last week.

All of this “conditioning,” left unchecked, can sometimes add up to a very negative self image–especially if you don’t know that you don’t have to accept it.

And, we become what we perceive–we are what we believe we are.

Here’s the thing, friend. I’ve been saying this for years, and I don’t mean to nag. But please, take just a second and really focus on this next sentence. 

You don’t have to accept someone else’s judgment, perception or opinion of you.

You get to write your own story.

 You feel me? But seriously, go back and read it one more time if you need to – it’s that important. And, while you’re at it – tweet it out to your friends. 

Fact is, you can be whomever and whatever you choose. All you have to do is believe that you can–really believe it. I mean, feel it down to your bones. And then, believe that you’re receiving it, that you’ve already received it. Own it–because it’s yours if you want it.

Bliss Mission: Choose Your Own Story

9316349-77549111_23-s1-v1Today, I challenge you to take a look at the people around you–those you love, those you like and even those who present certain struggles. Remember your childhood, and the people you spent time with during that time.

Now, think of all the perceptions they had about you. Your parents? Your friends? Others?

Then, think about you. Have you adopted someone else’s opinion of who you are? Or have you constantly struggled against it? Do you feel guilty for being who you are, because you haven’t become what someone else wanted you to become?

Read also: Gaslighting, Love Bombing and Flying Monkeys

Most of us can identify with this feeling on some level, I suspect, but most especially those who have been negatively affected by a narcissist’s gaslighting and abuse in relationships. 

This next part is the hardest part of all, so I hope you’re sitting down.

It’s time to begin to release the negative self-perceptions you’ve held on to for years.

Related: Do you believe what you think you believe? Rediscover yourself after narcissistic abuse. 

BREATHE! This is going to FEEL very difficult, but once you realize how much better your life is going to be, you’re going to wonder why you’ve waited so long. Are you ready for this? 

It’s finally time to let go of every disapproving look, veiled insult and rude comment.

It’s time to wash away the well-intentioned but misguided attempts to save (read: change to fit someone else’s idea of perfect) your soul, your sense of fashion and your sense of justice.

I know what you’re thinking. Probably something along the lines of “Yeah, sure, and how would you propose I go about THAT?” Well, you know me – I’ve got an answer. 

And, if you know me well, you know that it works – because it’s how I survived my own narcissistic abuse situation. 

Try this.

Today, every time you have a negative thought about yourself, take notice and change your mind. 

Cancel the thought, and intentionally replace it with an affirmation of your true desires. So, if you t9316303-77549111_23-s1-v1hink to yourself, “I am always late,” notice it. Then, mentally cancel the thought and affirm, “I am always on time.”

Perception is everything, people. And you can change yours at will. 🙂 Good stuff, yes? I think so. I’ll leave you with a final thought to get your wheels turning as you begin to release any negative perceptions you’ve held about yourself.

“The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.”~ Carlos Castaneda

Do not allow the simplicity of this tip make you doubt its power – this is one of those things that WORKS – changing your perception intentionally, and with a little practice, not only will you see results fast, but you’ll soon realize how much control you really DO have over your own life. 

Are you ready to rewrite your story? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section, below! Let’s talk about this. 

 

Hack Your House: Top 10 Ways to Make Your Home Your Happy Place

Hack Your House: Top 10 Ways to Make Your Home Your Happy Place

I think it’s important to get your surroundings as well as yourself into a positive state – meaning surround yourself with positive people, not the kind who are negative and jealous of everything you do.” ~Heidi Klum

gretchen rubin quote about home

Did you know your home can have a serious impact on your frame of mind, and in fact, on your mental and physical health in general? It’s true.

For example, dark and ugly rooms can make you feel sad and discouraged. Bright, cheery rooms rejuvenate you. Clutter makes you feel crazy and scattered.

Do you feel good about your environment?

Whether it’s at home or work, it matters – a lot more than you know! Not to worry if you don’t love it – there are plenty of ways to brighten your home and lighten your mood – and I’ve rounded up ten of the most effective for you.

But first, let’s discuss the psychology behind it, shall we? Because, of course, it all starts in your head.

The Psychological Effects of a Messy House

Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way, says that “When we clear the physical clutter from our lives, we literally make way for inspiration and ‘good, orderly direction’ to enter.”

It’s more than just that, though – the way you keep and decorate your home can definitely affect you to the very core.

“The environment with which we surround ourselves is very often a direct expression of where we are emotionally and psycho-spiritually – our global state of mind,” said life coach and personal development expert Michael Formica in a 2008 Psychology Today report.  “If we are distracted, we tend to lose things. If we are disorganized, the piles begin to collect. If we are feeling disconnected, the emails pile up, and the voicemails remain unreturned.”

10 Home Hacks to Boost Your Mood Instantly

1. Lighten up! Add more light. Light is one of the easiest ways to boost your mood. Increase the amount of light in a room by opening blinds and curtains. White blinds and curtains reflect the light.

2. Brighten up! Choose bright and cheerful paint colors. You may be creating drama with dark brown or black paint, but it won’t help your mood.

  • Dark colors aren’t the only issue because neutrals can also be dreary.
  • Brighter colors like yellow, pink, blue, and green can freshen up a room and give it an instant lift.
  • Your mood will also benefit from the change.

3. Happy art, happy you! Add happy artwork. Edvard Munch’s “The Scream” isn’t the type of artwork that lifts moods. Select art that makes you feel happy. Images of beautiful landscapes, animals, and abstract designs are popular choices. You can also frame your children’s artwork as a reminder of the joy they bring into your life.

4. Add flowers to brighten any room! Fresh flowers are preferred and will also add a nice fragrance to a room. However, they’re not the only option. Silk flowers come in a variety of realistic choices and can instantly brighten a room.

5. Be a switcher-upper! Rearrange or replace decorations. Does the vase from your aunt make you want to cry? Do you wish your decorations could get an upgrade?

  • Switch it up! Changing the decorations in your home can help you lift your mood. Replace old and hated objects or rearrange other items. Even a simple pillow swap for new pillows can make you feel better.  

6. Get rid of clutter! Clutter can weigh you down emotionally and negatively influence your mood, even if you think you don’t notice it. If you clean your house and eliminate clutter, you’ll notice a big emotional change. Consider new storage ideas, such as bins under your bed, to prevent clutter from reappearing.

De-Cluttering Tips from Dr. Regina Lark, chairs the Education Committee of the National Association of Professional Organizer, and WiseBread.com.

  • Make it all about YOU! “You can make your space what you want to be,” Lark says. “But decluttering your space can’t be successful if you don’t have clarity of what your space will look like when you are done.”
  • Visualize it – on a board! “Create a vision board of your perfect space by either by cutting photos out of magazines or on Pinterest,” Lark says. “My vision has great art. My vision does not have two crock pots.”
  • Don’t go it alone! “Once you’ve created your vision for your space, enlist some help in the decision making process and to declutter. If this were pleasurable, you would do it in one second. Ask a friend whose taste you admire, to help you pare down your closet to only the clothes that make you look and feel great about yourself.”
  • Party on! There’s NO WRONG WAY! Just do it (with friends)! “Ironically, many people avoid decluttering because they are afraid that they are decluttering incorrectly,” Lark says. “To make the experience go faster have a declutter party with wine and snacks. Explain that you can accept criticism from friends at the party if it’s made with kindness. Take turns clearing each person’s home.”

7. Select your favorite SMELLS! Work with fragrance. If you don’t have allergies, then you can use fragrance for a positive change.  Essential oils are one way to brighten your mood and modify the ambiance in a room.

  • Citrus oils like grapefruit and orange are linked to happier moods. Mint oils, such as peppermint, also have a similar effect. You can spray a small amount of the essential oils in the air to create a lasting impact. You can also add oils to a burner for another way to add fragrance..
  • Candles are also an awesome addition to any home environment. They can seriously enhance the ambiance. If you’ve got small kids, be sure to keep them up high – or just use the ones that have electronic flames. Some even come with a scent-emitting feature.

8. Photos add love energy! Add more pictures of your family and friends. If seeing an image of your loved ones instantly makes you smile, then consider adding more of their pictures to your home.

  • The refrigerator and fireplace mantel aren’t the only locations you can display pictures of your friends and family. You can add their photos to the walls, coffee tables, and side tables.

9. Bust down those walls! No, seriously! Remove a wall. If a wall is preventing one of the rooms from getting enough light, then removing it can help you feel better. When you don’t get enough exposure to light, it can literally disrupt your body’s natural functions and cause depression and insomnia, among other things – and that can lead to health problems.

  • If you aren’t comfortable doing it yourself, hire a professional to come in and do it for you. 

10.  Warm up your tootsies! Go big and add radiant heat to your floors. My Aunt Jan has a room in her house she calls the Florida room and it’s got radiant heat in the floor – it feels like heaven, especially when it’s cold outside.

  • Since I don’t personally have this one, I did a bit of research on it at one of my favorite sites as a homeowner – HealthyBuiltHomes.org. According to their experts, radiant heating is also called “underfloor heating,” and it “allows you to have warm floors throughout your home and reduces the amount of time your furnace or heating appliances must operate.”
  • Plus, “radiant floor heating will not only reduce your energy consumption within your home, it will also cut down on the wear and tear on your HVAC equipment.”
  • Like I said, while I’m in love with this idea, I haven’t implemented it at my own home just yet, so I’m not totally sure of the pricing – but you can get a custom quote from a local, trusted contractor in your area through HealthyBuildHomes.org – and it’s so easy – just visit their Radiant Floor Heating page to set it up.

Uplift your mood by making simple changes around your home. You’ll notice a difference in how you feel almost immediately – I promise! 

How do you feel about where you live? What can you do to feel better about it? Tell me your thoughts in the comments, below. 

Estate Planning: You MUST Do These Things Before Getting Old

Estate Planning: You MUST Do These Things Before Getting Old

Estate Planning – You MUST Do These Things Before Getting Old!!!

Before you get too old. Do your kids a big big big favor and tell them elderly-couple-holding-handsa few simple things that will make life easier for them and yourself.  Don’t wait until it is too late to take care of your finances.  Start now!  

After spending the last few weeks trying to help my husband sort through his elderly parent’s finances I have come to realize that we must take care of this stuff before we get old and not after.  Countless calls to a lawyer and many grey hairs later I am ready to share with you my list of things that you should do before getting old.    

Estate Planning

~ Where your money is – What bank? Do you have more than one bank? Put their name on your accounts. (Yes, all of them!)
~ Who to contact for life insurance – Also, how much is the policy worth? Does it have a cash value in case you have medical expenses and your kids can draw against it?
~If you have long term care and who it is through – How much does the policy pay per day? Who do you contact in order to get it started? How long is the grace period?
~ Where your annuities are located – Put your kids name on the annunities and your IRA.
~ If you have CDs at the bank – How much are they worth and what bank.
~ Where your investments are and who to call to access them – Do you have more than one investment? Maybe stocks and bonds?
~ Where the car titles are and where the deed to the house is kept – Put your kid’s names on the title to the home as well as the car, boat, motorcycle, and that piece of land you bought and never got around to building on.
~ Write up your will and decide on a power of attorney and give a copy to the bank, your doctor, and lawyer.
~ Give your kids copies of your insurance cards along with doctor information.
~ Have a living will? You should!

estate-planning

Don’t leave your family to spend night after night trying to decipher what’s what in your life and where to go next for answers. You might not realize how much of a hassle all this can be but save your family the trouble. They are already going through you being sick or dead don’t let them do all this stuff too!!!!

DIY: 9 easy ways to organize your garage

DIY: 9 easy ways to organize your garage

Easy ways to organize your garage

Looking for some organization out in the garage? Too many nails, screws, and hammers just laying around without a home? Pinterest is full of great ideas for organizing. Try these simple tricks to help remove the clutter from your life.

Tools – Store and organize your tools on the wall using this handy method. Each tool has it’s own spot. Simple to put together using pegboard. Those tools will never be lost again.

Image From Pinterest

 

Workbench – Using a fold away work area frees up so much room when not in use. This will also force whoever is working out there to put all tools away before lowering the work bench.

Image From Pinterest

Hoses and Cords – Is your garden hose rolled up and thrown into the corner of your garage? How about that long orange electrical cord? Try this to fix the problem. A simple coat hook and plastic chain is all you need.

Image From Pinterest

Drill Bits and Small Tools – Place a small magnetic strip on a piece of wood and put your smaller tools and/or drill bits on it for safe keeping. These are always getting lost in big tool boxes. Now they are within easy reach and we don’t have to go searching for them.

Image From Pinterest

Recycling – Look out trash because you are about to be organized. Recycling can be a big sticky mess when stored in a garage. Using some stack-able shelves along with a couple labels and your recycling just got a lot more organized. Easy to clean too.

Image From Pinterest

Check out my DIY YouTube videos.

 

www.QueenBeeing.com/DIY
Spring Cleaning: 6 amazing ways to organize your bedroom closet with Pinterest

Spring Cleaning: 6 amazing ways to organize your bedroom closet with Pinterest

Spring Cleaning: Organize your bedroom closet with Pinterest

www.QueenBeeing.com/DIY

At the first signs of spring I am ready to start cleaning.

Everything from outside to inside, no room goes untouched during spring cleaning.

My kids help, my husband helps, and I enjoy watching the holiday and winter clutter disappear.

My bedroom closet is always in need of a huge overhauling. All them winter clothes and summer clothes all thrown on the floor in a pile where I’m not sure if it clean or dirty.

This year I am spring cleaning and organizing my life.

Here are some Pinterest ideas that will help us all.

1. Use dividers in your closet drawers for bras, undies, pantyhose, and anything else you have thrown into your underwear drawer.

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2. Don’t have drawers in your closet try using coat hangers to hang your bras on the door or wall.

alittlecraftinyourday

3. Flip flops do not stay on shoe racks very easily. Try cutting and using a coat hanger and hanging them up.

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4. Instead of throwing your dirties on the floor, try making a rolling laundry station to keep in the closet.

hoosierhomemade

5. Don’t hang those tank tops anymore. Use 1 hanger and some shower rings to save tons of space. (and hangers for more clothes)

bitzngiggles

6. I am forever looking for a place to store my jewelry and sunglasses. Try hanging picture frames without the backing or glass and add a few hooks. I love this idea!

placeofmytaste

Want to see a Pinterest pin in action? Not sure if that “pin” actually works? Message me your pins and we will find out together.

Please also watch my DIY Pinterest videos on YouTube.
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