When Narcissists Show Their Limitations via Manipulation
When narcissists say “I’m just kidding” or “you’re too sensitive” after insulting or humiliating you – what’s that all about?
Narcissists manipulate us in so many different ways and most of them involve a certain amount of invalidation. One of those is when they hurl insults your way and then pretend to have been joking – then accusing you of being “too sensitive” – when in reality, they are hurting your feelings and your self-esteem. In this video, I’ll fill you in on why they do that and what you can do to deal.
Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today
As humans, we’re sometimes very hard on ourselves – and this is especially true when narcissistic abuse is or has been an issue in your life. Whether we’re conscious of it or not, our beliefs can sometimes be very damaging to our self-esteem. Unfortunately, these negative talking points in our head sometimes keep us stuck in a rut.
A great psychologist, Albert Ellis, had many tokens of wisdom to pass around. One of his ideas centralized around these negative thoughts, which he often referred to as irrational beliefs.
Discover how you can stop this vicious circle and turn your self-talk into words that support and encourage you, instead.
The first step to stopping negative self-talk is figuring out what is triggering these negative beliefs in the first place.
Albert Ellis called these so-called triggers “activating events.” These can be everyday occurrences that happen to us or around us. Anything from having your boss or supervisor yell at you and take away your project to experiencing a run-in collision with a deer on a country road can be an activating event.
Are you in conflict with another? Did something not go your way?
Further, triggers can also be incredibly personal to you and unique to your life. These are sometimes referred to as “red flags.” Red flags are issues that pertain to you alone, such as your weight, family and close relationships, integrity, and anything else that you deem sacred.
When these issues get raised, they immediately set off an alarm within you.
Identify Irrational Beliefs
These irrational beliefs are the real culprits behind why we get upset or angry at the triggers we’ve just experienced, according to Albert Ellis. It’s not the trigger itself, but the beliefs that cause the negative self-talk.
Ellis claimed that these irrational beliefs are responsible for our emotional states, also known as the consequences of our beliefs. In this way, by identifying and then changing these beliefs, we can experience fewer emotional consequences.
For example, let’s look at this process:
You just learned that you got turned down for a promotion at work.
Getting turned down for the promotion is the activating event or trigger.
The underlying thoughts or irrational beliefs you might be having include, “I’m never going to advance my career,” “My boss hates me,” or even “My boss is never fair to me.”
These beliefs or thoughts can lead to emotional consequences of sadness and depression.
Dispute Irrational Beliefs
The idea behind identifying these negative, irrational beliefs is so you can do something to change them.
You can change them by challenging these beliefs. This is a process of examining the truth and reality and seeing that it is different from your belief.
In the prior example of getting turned down for a promotion, a series of questions can be asked to help you sort through reality from these irrational beliefs. You want to challenge yourself by asking questions that are almost the opposite of your identified beliefs.
Some of these challenge questions may be:
What is the truth in this situation?
Do I have evidence to support that my current beliefs are true?
In the example above: Are there times when my boss has been fair?
Is it true that I’ll never advance in my career, or is this just a minor setback?
These questions can help you identify the truth from what you may erroneously believe or negatively think about a situation.
If you can identify the truth, this can lead you to think differently and avoid suffering the emotional consequences of the trigger in the first place.
Follow this process whenever you notice thoughts that are unkind to you. Change your beliefs and you’ll find your self-talk becoming words of encouragement, instead.
When you experience a spiritual awakening, it can change your life for the better. You’ll find that you’re making moves that will automatically manifest into positive steps that improve your well-being both physically and emotionally.
You might notice that you begin to withdraw from some of the old crowd of friends and acquaintances that you know. Once you start on a journey of spiritual awakening, it can open your eyes to the truth about your relationships.
You might discover that while you’re growing and evolving into a better person, it creates too much space between you and the old crowd. You don’t feel the same, so the relationships don’t feel the same.
Once you’re more aware, you may sense that what was okay before is not okay now and you feel awkward around those people. What was once acceptable might feel like you’re surrounded by people who deplete your joy and positivity – especially if those people have a cynical or hateful way of looking at the world and other people.
It’s normal to begin to feel pulled toward people who are more in sync with your newly heightened self. When you’re around those people, you don’t feel mentally and emotionally wiped.
Instead, you feel positive about yourself and the world. You’ll notice that you have a deeper one-ness with people who are also spiritually awakened. There’s an emotional and a spiritual link.
Once you experience a spiritual awakening, you’ll feel a deep desire and motivation to take action when you see suffering. You’ll feel driven to get involved in your community as well as around the globe.
Your desire will be to make a difference – to leave an impact on the lives of other people. When you do see someone suffering, you might feel grief and be inspired to see how you can help.
You’ll find that you’re pouring your life into other people and you’ll feel as if you’re living out your purpose. Going through a spiritual awakening is like walking through a door into freedom as you lay aside the things that keep you from being fully who you are.
You’ll discover that not only do you feel more energized and happier, but that you also have room to take part in what inspires you. You’ll discover a stronger motivation to go after what it is that you want to accomplish as your soul becomes freer to manifest who you are creatively.
It will seem like it’s all one connection and that you’re taking part in what it was that you were born to do all along. The craving for a spiritual awakening sets you free to throw off the constraints that have kept you burdened by how the world or other people say or think you must live.
You’ll be free to toss aside the pretense of living a life that’s not truly you as you learn who you are and what it is that matters to you. The way you see the world and the people in it will change and you won’t be willing to live in any way that defies what your purpose on earth is.
This knowledge will lead to an incredible lightness within you because you will be in touch with who you are. You’ll understand that it’s you, not others, who knows what you’re meant to do as you reach a point of consciousness you didn’t previously have.
Your life will improve physically as well because once you become aware, you’ll feel a desire to nurture yourself and to take care of who you are. This often leads to a better way of eating so that you desire foods that build your energy and your health rather than those that take away from it.
Food isn’t the only physical manifestation of an awakening. You’ll go through changes that improve emotional areas of your life. One of these areas is in how you view emotions.
You’ll come to understand the power of negative and positive emotions. This will help you to understand what kind of reality it is that you’re creating for yourself. When you fret and you become anxious, it leads to a state of constant alertness, fear and worry.
This makes it harder for emotions such as love and happiness to be fully realized and manifested in your life. But through a spiritual awakening, you’ll discover that the negative emotions lose their power and you’ll act out of compassion and courage in your own life and in the lives of other people.
Another improvement that you’ll notice is that you’re no longer invested in emotional drama. You will no longer want to be in the middle of arguing and negativity.
Situations where someone is verbally hurting others or where there’s a situation that stirs up negativity will be distasteful to you and you’ll discover that it’s easier to leave it alone and walk away and not engage in drama.
This strength in you will ensure that you have peace. After a spiritual awakening, you won’t want to engage in situations where you’re sitting in judgment and you won’t put up with that negative track playing inside your own head, either.
You’ll learn that it’s easier to love others and yourself in a way that you never have before. You’ll be able to view yourself with tenderness, love and grace and you’ll extend that to others as well.
The change that you’ll go through will help you see that you can serve others without getting recognition. It won’t matter to you if someone else gets the glory. You won’t need your ego pumped up.
Instead, you’ll just be happy that you can make a difference in the lives of other people. With all that you do and all that you give back, you’ll find that it’s done from a deep well of joy.
You’ll appreciate your life and the lives of others. You’ll find that you have a spunk and a vitality for life and for giving. The well of happiness you have inside will overflow within you and you’ll see that you can find contentment in any situation with any circumstances.
The Types of Spiritual Awakening
When you crave a spiritual awakening, that can mean different things to each person. For some, it’s religious based. For others, it’s simply a different kind of awareness, so let’s look at how these options compare.
Some people begin with a desire to have a deeper connection to God or a higher power of a religious nature. Many people start to seek a higher power as they become aware that they’re not completely fulfilled.
They may start to feel empty and feel a strong need for spiritual accompaniment on life’s journey. Some people think of this as an awareness that they were created by a being and when they go through it, they feel stronger and more peaceful once they feel a connection to God.
It helps them be able to handle stress better and they believe that there is a higher power that they can turn to with life’s frustrations and problems. Another type of awakening is to experience an awareness of intellectual growth.
This awareness can be sudden or gradual. It’s an experience where a person grows in wisdom as if their eyes are opened when they weren’t before. When you have this type of spiritual awakening, it makes you more aware of growing and transforming your life into something that makes you feel as if you’re living out your purpose.
When you experience the awakening, it feels like you have a different type of energy vibrating through you and filling your body. You feel connected between your body, mind and soul.
This allows you to obtain a higher degree of consciousness. When you experience a mind awakening – which is basically the same as an intellectual growth type of awakening – you see things differently, more clearly than you have before.
It’s as if you suddenly gained wisdom that you didn’t have previously. When this occurs, you’ll not only look at yourself through new eyes, but also the people and the world around you as well.
A mind awakening stretches the boundaries of your mental state and enlarges your ability to understand your existence. It’s like you were seeing and understanding through a cloud before and now all of a sudden, that cloud is gone and everything is sharp.
You’ll be able to view your life in a way that’s objective so you can see deeper into it. You understand what’s real and lasting and has purpose and what doesn’t.
You’ll find it easier to disengage from things that don’t have any permanent value in the world. This type of spiritual awakening allows you to be more mindful than ever before.
You’ll be able to be fully present in your life and live in each moment. Your life becomes richer and deeper and more meaningful. One type of spiritual awakening that a person can go through is known as an internal self awakening.
Most people believe this has to do with who you are at your core. This type of awakening can change you as a person. It makes you behave differently and it’s almost as if you’ve become a completely new person.
You desire a wholeness within yourself and you seek complete authenticity in every area of your life – from yourself, from your relationships and in your career. This type of awakening makes you reject anything that doesn’t ring true and doesn’t help you grow as an individual.
When you experience it, you become more tolerant and more loving toward yourself and others. You may also go through a spiritual awakening that has to do with your soul.
This isn’t to be confused with an awakening as in acknowledging a higher power. This is a sudden craving for spiritual connections. Instead of seeing yourself as just a person, you begin to see yourself as someone who has spirituality.
This awakening makes what you experience in life change your consciousness. Your sense of energy and your awareness of who you are will grow. You’ll be able to feel a stronger link between yourself and what’s true to you spiritually.
Your mind and soul will be more in tune with nature and you’ll begin a path of purpose that will lead you toward a deeper evolvement of who you are. Finally, there is an awakening that’s linked with different beliefs in the consciousness.
You’ll find this within certain yoga practices, in Buddhism and in Zen practices. This type of awakening also gives you a deeper level of consciousness – which is often referred to as enlightenment.
Plus, you’ll develop a new connection that allows you to feel completely true to yourself. Not only will you feel one with yourself, but with the world as well. You’ll feel a new freedom from constraints within yourself and a true awareness that will allow you to feel the light within yourself.
When you experience this kind of spiritual awakening, it makes you have harmony as well as be able to walk in it.
You were in a toxic relationship with a narcissist and maybe you thought it would last the rest of your life, but now you’re not. You might be sad, angry, or even relieved that it’s over. Now, you have the rest of your life to look forward to.
There are plenty of things you can do when you’re single that are harder, or even impossible, to do when you’re in a relationship.
Take advantage of your new, single status:
1. This is a great time to spend some time with yourself. You can’t know yourself until you spend a fair amount of time alone with yourself. Relationships require a lot time and take up a lot of mental space.
2. Appreciate the new-found freedom. Relationships restrict your freedom in many ways, and not just socially. You don’t always get to choose what you’re going to watch on TV or what you’re having for dinner. Weekend and holiday plans also have to include the wishes of your partner.
○ You can have everything your way for a change. Take advantage of your single status by making all of the decisions without having to consult with anyone else.
○ Make a list of everything you want to do now that you’re single. Create a list that will get you excited, then vow to start doing a few of them. See if you can do everything on your list.
3. Pick up a hobby you’ve always wanted to try. You have more free time now. Find an enjoyable way to spend it. Now is the perfect time to try something you’ve been thinking about for years. Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn how to prune bonsai trees or to play the violin. Now is your time.
4. Reconnect with your friends. We often lose track of friends and family while we’re in a relationship. Pick up the phone and let everyone know you’re available to socialize. Take the initiative by inviting a friend out to lunch and catch up. They’ll be glad to hear from you, and you’ll enjoy the company.
5. Let go of the past. It takes time to get over a failed relationship, but there’s no reason to drag it out longer than necessary. Look forward to the future and leave the past in the past.
6. Take your time before dating again. There’s no rush. Enjoy the benefits of being single before jumping into another relationship. You’re the only one that will know when the time is right.
7. Spend time doing things your partner hated. This might mean going to the local high school football game or watching a foreign film at the little theater on the other side of town. You can do all of the things you avoided doing because your partner couldn’t stand them.
8. Volunteer. It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself after a breakup. One way to help yourself move on is to work with those less fortunate than you. Look around for a cause that stirs your heart and get involved.
Remember that you’re a complete person, even if you don’t have a partner at the moment. Being single doesn’t have to be a bad thing. There’s so much you can do now that you couldn’t before. You can spend more time with your friends and family without feeling guilty. You have more free time and more control over how you spend it.
Take advantage of being single. Have fun and find yourself again. Another relationship will come along when you’re ready.
Are you dealing with an exhibitionist narcissist? Somatic narcissists are synonymous with exhibitionist narcissists – but they aren’t exactly what you think. In this video, I’ll fill you in on how to identify a somatic or exhibitionist narcissist.
An exhibitionist narcissist is similar to other types of narcissists. They usually grow up with poor self-esteem and may lack a nurturing environment at home. They often compensate for this by having an inflated sense of self.
2. Center of attention. Exhibitionist narcissists always have to be the center of attention. They want the whole world to revolve around them.
○ They love attention and seek it out. They want everyone to love and praise them. They’re not comfortable sharing the spotlight with friends or other family members. They easily become jealous if they’re not the center of attention.
3. Lack of empathy. Exhibitionist narcissists don’t understand what other people are feeling. They can’t relate to them and often ignore them.
○ Although exhibitionist narcissists are capable of feeling hurt, they don’t realize it when they hurt others. They’re only able to see their own feelings and don’t care about how others feel.
○ Exhibitionist narcissists also tend to be selfish. They expect the world to bend to their needs and desires. They want everything immediately and lack patience. They don’t care that their wishes inconvenience others.
4. Expecting perfection. Most exhibitionist narcissists expect perfection from those around them. They have unrealistic expectations and extremely high standards.
○ They also believe that they’re perfect, and it’s impossible to convince a narcissist that they’ve made a mistake. They push their expectations on others and refuse to live in the real world.
○ Projecting perfection is also important for the exhibitionist narcissist. They will go to great lengths to convince others they’re perfect. They’ll spend hours editing photos, cleaning their homes, or buying new things. They’ll lie if it’s necessary to convince someone they’re perfect.
○ Often, exhibitionist narcissists will post idealized images and stories about their lives online.
5. Using others. Since exhibitionist narcissists don’t care about other people, it’s easy for them to use others. In some cases, they’ll use family members as props.
○ They often tend to think of people as things. They believe they’re easy to replace and exchange.
○ Exhibitionist narcissists can make family or friends feel like they’re accessories. Since the narcissists have to be the center of attention at all times, they’ll push people aside to get what they want.
○ Narcissist have a hard time returning affection because they don’t view others as their equals.
6. No apologies or responsibility. Exhibitionist narcissists are not able to apologize even if they realize they’ve done something wrong. They don’t take responsibility for their actions.
○ They refuse to acknowledge that they’re wrong. You can wait forever to hear an apology from them, and you won’t get one.
○ Admitting a mistake would be a devastating blow to their egos.
○ It’s easier for them to pretend nothing is wrong. It’s easier to ignore issues forever and let others suffer because, once again, they don’t care.
Once you learn the signs, it’s easy to spot an exhibitionist narcissist. You can learn how to see these signs and use the information to avoid narcissists.