How to Stop Feeling Like You’re Not Good Enough

How to Stop Feeling Like You’re Not Good Enough

Do you ever feel like you’re just not good enough? If you do, you aren’t alone. When you’re involved in physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive relationships with narcissists, you will begin to lose your self-worth very quickly, if you had any to begin with. And while you try to maintain a good front, and though you might be you’re keeping up the facade of a really healthy relationship to most people in your life – you secretly feel like there’s something not right about you. Or at least something that isn’t quite good enough.

But why? How’d you get to the point where you began to feel not good enough? It’s often related to being raised by toxic, abusive parents.

When You Feel Like You’re Not Worth Loving

Do you ever ask yourself questions like, “Am I unlovable?” If you’re feeling like you’re unlovable after you’ve been gaslighted, discarded, and devalued by a toxic, abusive narcissist. Or, if you feel that you’re not good enough, please take a minute and watch this video. I made it for you.

It is so confusing for their friends and extended family who can sometimes see that something is wrong in the relationship. They don’t understand why you stay when, as far as they see it, you clearly deserve better. But for some reason, you aren’t on the same page. You aren’t sure you deserve better at all.

For the record, I want you to know that I am absolutely positive that you do not deserve to be abused. I am positive that you deserve to be respected just like every other human on the planet does. The abuser in your life wants you to think otherwise because it keeps you more firmly in their control. It keeps you feeling stuck – and it keeps you from leaving them. Even if friends and family beg you to leave, you stay because at least some part of you truly believes that you really don’t deserve better at all.

And, if you’re being honest, even if you can SAY that you don’t deserve to be treated that way, and even if you recognize it logically, you continue to tolerate it because you genuinely don’t think you’re worth more, or maybe you are worried because you think you’ve done something – or that you ARE something – that somehow justifies the abuser’s behavior. The truth is more likely that you are actually not the problem in your relationship at all. Normal people don’t behave the way that narcissists do with the people they claim to love.

There is No Legitimate Justification (and Absolutely NO Excuse) for Abuse.

I want you to read this next part really, really carefully. There is absolutely no excuse whatsoever for physical, psychological, emotional, financial, or relationship abuse of any kind. No amount of personal flaws could possibly offer any justification for disrespect, rudeness, yelling, screaming, belittling, projection, gaslighting.

You must accept absolutely no form of abuse for any reason. Because of this, before anything else, you need to start planning your way out of this toxic and abusive relationship. Now if you have kids or other issues that will make leaving more complicated, you might be tempted to wait until the kids are gone or the credit cards are paid off, or whatever it is that’s holding you back. 

You Do Not Have to Accept Narcissistic Abuse.

Now listen, my friend. I want you to take a deep breath, and as long as physical abuse isn’t part of the equation, I want you to recognize that you don’t have to be out tomorrow or next week or even next month. It might even take a year or two. It doesn’t feel like an option at all, maybe. But don’t stress yourself out – know this: some action toward getting free can be almost as good as actually getting free.

Knowing you are planning to leave can make you feel more powerful day-to-day, and it can be a good thing to think about during the times you might otherwise dissociate or space out. What I mean is: knowing you have a plan to leave can help you feel less overpowered when you are tolerating narcissistic abuse in order to keep the peace.

Above all, remember that it’s important to be kind and compassionate to yourself now. If you’ve just discovered that you’ve been dealing with narcissistic abuse, you might get angry at yourself for not seeing it sooner. Don’t do that. Give yourself a break – none of us realized we were dealing with this until we realized it!

I don’t want you to feel pressured and rushed. I just want you to recognize that, if you really want to be able to be happy or at least to live a peaceful and even fulfilling life that doesn’t suck, you’re going to have to find a way out of this relationship eventually. And in my experience, that can begin with taking just one small step toward the life you want and deserve. Maybe that just means you start thinking about the possibility of it today.

PLANning (Planning to Leave a Narcissist) Toolkit

Even if it is going to take you a while to figure out how to get out, where to go, and what to do next, you can start putting your desires out to the universe. And you can take your first practical step by downloading my free, printable workbook and worksheets that come with the PLANning to Leave a Narcissist (With or Without Kids) Toolkit. 

Steps to Writing Your Own Story

So, now you know you don’t want a toxic relationship, right? This means that, as you’re moving forward in your narcissistic abuse recovery, you have to start figuring out what you actually do want in your life. This is the key. When you feel like you’re not good enough for the things you want and need in your life, you project that to the universe – and that’s what you get back – more feelings of being (and reasons to feel) “not good enough.”

First, Change your Mind: Realize You’re Already Good Enough.

As like attracts like, when we KNOW that we ARE good enough, that we’re “worth it,” we attract the things and situations we desire. Contrary to the teachings of many societal groups, suffering is not necessary in this life. You don’t have to wait until you’re dead to enjoy your life.

Whatever your reason for feeling that you’re not good enough – your past mistakes, negativity from others in your life – whatever it is – I’m here to tell you that you can change your mind. The power is within you. It’s not up to your mom, your boss, your spouse – it’s up to you. You are the sole individual who has the right to decide who you are, and who has the right to decide whether you’re good enough.

The first step to recognizing that you’re good enough is to identify and release negative self-perceptions. So, in short, stop believing what everyone else says about who you are.

The next part is the fun part.

Next, Decide What (and Who) Comes Next for You.

You get to decide who you want to be. Take the parts of you that you like, and focus on them. Then, think about who you want to be – and become that person.

As you take inspired action to fully express your new self to the world, you must believe that you are already your ideal version of yourself. As Robert Anthony once said, “You can have anything you want if you will give up the belief that you can’t have it.”

Toxic Relationships Make You Think You’re Not Good Enough

Do you feel bad about yourself? Do you feel like you’re not loveable or like you’re just not good enough? Watch How to Stop Feeling Like You’re Not Good Enough – Do This One Thing and Never Doubt Yourself Again: Codependency Recovery on YouTube.

Narcissists Exploit You in the Worst Possible Ways

You have more than one particular quality that narcissists use against you in toxic relationships – and you might be surprised when you learn exactly what it is (and how they use it against you!). Knowledge is power – and learning what the number one mind game narcissists play with you actually is can help you learn to outsmart the narcissist for good! This video will help you to understand the #1 way that narcissists will exploit you.

Be Aware of This Possible Complication in Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

If you’ve asked yourself why you’re still obsessed with the narcissist, and what you can do to STOP that, here are the answers you need. You might find that you get a little obsessed with researching and figuring out what you’ve been through when you finally discover that you’ve been dealing with narcissistic abuse. You’ll want to know everything you can about narcissists and narcissism. You’ll be digging into your own psychological issues and trying to figure yourself out too. All of that is normal and healthy. But at some point, you might get stuck and feel almost addicted to checking on the narcissist, what they’re doing, who they’re with, what they’re posting on social media.

That’s normal too, but only for a while. You’re going to want to let go of this a quickly as you can if you want to be able to heal and to move forward.

Here’s what you need to know about healing and letting go after a toxic relationship with a narcissist.

Why You’re Obsessed With the Truth About the Narcissist (And How to LET GO and Move Forward)

19 Quick & Dirty Ways to Unapologetic Self-Love

19 Quick & Dirty Ways to Unapologetic Self-Love

Are you struggling to find self-love after narcissistic abuse? Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional abuse that can leave you feeling worthless and without self-confidence. This can be very difficult to move past, especially if you’re left trying to figure out how to build self-esteem from scratch – which many survivors of narcissistic abuse are, thanks to having grown up in toxic homes before finding themselves in toxic relationships with narcissists as adults.

Why does narcissistic abuse cause you to lose yourself?

You probably already know that pathological narcissists will do everything in their power to keep you under their thumb, including playing on your insecurities. They know exactly how to make you feel like you’re not good enough.

The truth is, you are good enough; you deserve love, respect, and admiration. But the first step to finding that love for yourself is recognizing that you’ve been manipulated into feeling like you aren’t. Once you realize that the negative things your partner said about you were false, it’s easier to set them aside and move forward with self-love. So what can you do to help yourself feel more confident? Stick with me and I’ll show you.

How do you find your self-confidence and self-esteem after narcissistic abuse?

What does it mean to be rock-solid in your self-love and self-image? How can you become the person you truly want and deserve to be, during or after narcissistic relationships? What actionable steps can you take to truly and unapologetically LOVE YOURSELF to the point that literally no one – and especially not a narcissist – can affect your ability to feel good – your ability to feel happy and to have an unbreakable sense of self-esteem?

That’s what we’re talking about today – finding the part of yourself that lets you create and grow an unbreakable, unapologetic sense of self that will release you of the need to be validated from outside yourself.

There’s no shortage of information on how to strengthen your relationship with your family, boss, or coworkers. However, you never hear about how to have a more productive relationship with yourself.

Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you have! Most of the trouble you have with yourself is that you don’t know yourself well, because narcissistic abuse has a knack for causing you to sort of lose yourself.

You may have spent most of your life avoiding yourself. It can be difficult to address our shortcomings or deal with uncomfortable thoughts, especially when we’ve spent so long being torn down, manipulated, and abused by the narcissist in our lives. But as much as you’d love to some days, you can’t escape yourself, so you might as well make friends.

How can you develop a stronger relationship with yourself after narcissistic abuse?

After an intimate relationship with a narcissist, the sense of self can be totally lost. Discard, hate, and disregard from the abuser leave the victim with almost no sense of worth. It’s important to find your sense of self, as you move forward as a survivor who has lived through an abusive relationship.

Self-love after narcissistic abuse is possible, but it’s not easy. You’ve been manipulated by the narcissist. You’ve been abused mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. It’s hard to believe you’re worthy of love, or that you have the power to give yourself love.

Forgive yourself first.

The truth is that you cannot love yourself if you do not forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself will allow you to move forward without holding on to the past.

Remember you’re allowed to be angry.

You must also realize that it’s okay to be angry at the narcissist. You do not need to pretend that you are over it or that you have forgiven them. You can be angry and still love yourself. It’s okay to even hate someone for what they did and still love yourself at the same time.

Go no contact if you can.

Let go of your ex-partner and cut off all contact with them completely. This is very important since they will try their best to get back into your life so you can continue taking care of them and putting their needs before your own.

Express yourself creatively!

Express your feelings through art, music, poetry, or any other form of expression that makes you feel better. This will help you release some of the negative emotions that are inside of you and will make it easier for you to let go of the past.

Plan for your new future.

Take back control of your life by setting goals for yourself, make plans for what you want in life, decide how much money you want to make and work on a roadmap to get you where you want to be, one step at a time. And while you’re at it, work on developing a stronger relationship with your Self.

How do you build your self-confidence after narcissistic abuse?

Start your day with gratitude and positive thoughts.

Instead of reaching over for your cell phone to check the weather or to see if your Clash of Clans village was raided overnight, spend the time on yourself. Mentally list a few things that make you grateful to be alive. Tell yourself something positive.

  • Give yourself the intention of having a good day.
  • List your positive qualities.
  • Get your day off to a good start with yourself.

Write in a journal.

Your thoughts and life are worth recording. Take time each evening to write for a few minutes. You’ll gain a lot of insight and appreciation for your life. Show yourself that your life matters.

Let go of your avoidance behaviors.

What do you do when you’re feeling emotionally under the weather? Shop? Eat? Get online? Instead of avoiding yourself, sit with yourself.

Just breathe and notice your feelings and body sensations.

Avoiding them just prolongs the cycle. In time, your negative emotions will dissipate without your attempts to hide from them.

Think of meditation as spending quality time with yourself.

Begin with just a few minutes and extend the time as you feel more comfortable. You’ll learn how your mind works by meditating.

Spend time on your personal development.

What do you feel the need to learn?

  • Social skills?
  • Relaxation skills?
  • Networking?
  • Spiritual development?

You spend so much time doing things for your boss, home, and family. Take a break and spend some time dealing with your own needs.

Have some fun.

Plan some fun in your life. Get a monthly massage or meet a friend for ballroom dance lessons. It’s your life. Enjoy it.

Forgive yourself.

You’ve made a few mistakes and missed out on a few sure-fire opportunities. That’s no reason to beat yourself up for the rest of your life. It’s time to let go of your past and forge ahead.

Groom yourself to a high standard.

Take the time to shower each day and pay a regular visit to the barber or salon. Keep your grooming at a higher standard than others in your environment. Take good care of yourself and show the world how much you mean to yourself.

Spend some time each day being good to yourself.

Have some fun and spend some time on your personal development. Strengthen the most important relationship of all – the one with yourself.

Understand that you are relevant.

You matter to the world. Your opinions matter. Your work matters. Your mere presence matters. You’ve already touched numerous lives in a positive way.

Understand that your greatest mistakes don’t define you.

Your mistakes may have influenced your life, but they’ve only changed who you are if you’ve permitted it. It doesn’t matter how many mistakes you’ve made. Tomorrow is a new day.

Forgive someone that has wronged you.

Forgiving doesn’t mean that you have to let them back into your life or give them another chance. It just means that you’re not going to spend any more time or mental energy holding onto your anger. Be good to yourself and let it go. You’ll impress yourself with your inner strength and enjoy the relief that forgiveness brings.

Think about the best compliments you’ve ever received.

Bask in them. The most meaningful compliments are those that ring true in the depth of your soul. It’s exciting when someone else recognizes the best that we have to offer the world.

Take a stand for something you believe in.

Be bold in your opinion of what’s right and wrong. Be willing to share your interests and hobbies with others. When you love yourself, you can do what interests you without the need for approval from others. Be proud of what’s most important to you.

Be kind to yourself.

The world will be harsh enough on you. Make an effort to be kind to yourself. Remember your good qualities and your strengths.

Be of service to others.

We admire those that give of themselves. You can admire yourself by spending some time each week helping to make someone else’s life a little easier or more pleasant. Find a charity or social organization that addresses a cause that’s near and dear to your heart.

Take care of yourself.

See the doctor and dentist. Pay for a good haircut. Avoid dressing like a slob. Avoid being obsessed with your appearance, but give it the attention it deserves. Make an effort to look your best because you’re worth the time and effort.

Do something nice for yourself.

Take the trip you’ve been putting off. Buy yourself a book. Take a class on a topic that interests you. Buy those expensive sheets for the bed. Don’t do it as a reward. Do it just because you’re wonderful.

Get help if you need it.

No one can handle everything all of the time, and narcissistic abuse recovery isn’t something you want to go alone. Sooner or later, we all need help. That help may come in the form of a trusted friend or professional help. Get the help you need. Remember, you’re worth it.

How well do you know yourself? How well do you manage yourself? Both could always use a little enhancement. It’s not always easy to live with yourself, but remember that you have a lot to offer yourself!

Remember your greatest successes. Remember how amazing you are. You’ve done lots of great things. Remind yourself of them.

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Resources

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