Ever tried to explain something to a narcissist, and they pretended not to understand? It’s like speaking another language from behind a brick wall; in other words, incredibly frustrating, to put it mildly.
I should know. After all, despite what the narcissists in my life have claimed, I’ve become pretty successful in my communication skills – I literally communicate for a living. Some people say I’m pretty good at it!
And yet, even with a very simple concept, the narcissists in my life have always acted like they just couldn’t comprehend what I was trying to explain – no matter how many different ways I’d say it.
Narcissists choose to make you feel unheard and misunderstood.
Eventually, I would come to understand that they chose to misunderstand. It was a form of gaslighting, and it drove me insane!
After a while, I had to acknowledge that I was dealing with someone who was showing malignant narcissist traits.
The truth will set you free in narcissistic abuse recovery.
Once I finally figured out the truth – that I was dealing with a malignant narcissist, I felt devastated.
And yet, as painful as that was, it also relieved me beyond belief because it explained so much – and it proved that I was relatively sane despite the narcissist’s claim to the contrary.
Has the narcissist taken your identity away?
Before I discovered I’d been dealing with abusive narcissists in my life, I found myself feeling like I had nothing – like I had become a shell of the person I used to be.
I was so wrapped up in making the narcissist happy that I stopped feeling any desire for things and situations.
I lost myself and didn’t even know where to find myself! Nor did I want to be around other people.
I was overwhelmed by this person’s need for attention and narcissistic supply, not to mention his blatantly clear intention to misunderstand me and make me uncomfortable.
Whatever the reason, when I found myself at the point of being actively devalued, along with occasional silent treatment discards, I was fully focused on one goal: to fix this person and make it all okay again. It was all I could think about.
Of course, the only thing I had any control over was myself – and even though I was pretty sure that I couldn’t make the narcissist become something new, I was also someone who isn’t afraid to do a little work and fix the broken parts of ME.
So, I’d always focus on whatever was wrong with me and try to fix that (in hindsight, it was nothing but deaing with undiagnosed and unrecognized C-PTSD symptoms ).
I thought if I could fix ME, maybe the narcissist would naturally ease up. Of course, I was wrong there. I got a little mad at myself.
But then I did something SUPER dumb…
I tried to help the narcissist.
No matter how hard I tried, I never found a way to fix this person – at least none that worked.
Through the lens of my FOG (fear, obligation, guilt), I figured I’d try to fix the broken parts of “me,” thinking maybe he’d catch up – or that his behavior might change on its own if I was perfect.
Of course, the narcissist was pleased with this development. It offered plenty of chances to both love bomb and devalue in alternating rhythms, the intermittent nature of which is the very basis for trauma bonding.
But it also offered plenty of invalidation; I had zero support during this time, and I felt more alone than ever.
Narcissists don’t want your help unless they want it.
I couldn’t believe how clueless this supposedly intelligent man was able to act, but I must have believed his BS on some level.
After all, I would spend hours trying to figure out exactly how to explain something, I would even write down what I wanted to say and say it as calmly and carefully as possible.
But rather than trying to defend bad behavior, I’d shut my mouth and get lectured by the narcissist on my apparent lack of communication skills.
You can’t fix a narcissist.
For the narcissist, there was clearly no desire for change on his part, and his sense of entitlement blew my mind.
He reminded me often that he thought I was a total loser, someone who needed all this mental health help – and sometimes, he’d even convince me that I wasn’t as smart as I’d led him to believe. It got so bad that I literally started to believe him.
Narcissists do not change.
The fact is that narcissists simply do not change because, in layman’s terms, they don’t think they need to change. Their personality disorder essentially causes it to feel impossible.
Not only that, but their glaring lack of emotional or compassionate empathy for you or anyone else is exactly the reason why the narcissist has no remorse when they flip everything around and become angry with you.
You are NOT crazy!
I “needed help,” they’d say. So obviously, I felt like no one understood me, and I felt alone and completely insane – and the narcissist took advantage of my weakness at the moment and assured me that this might be the only time I’d ever been right.
(If you can relate to that, please know that you’re NOT crazy – and know that the narcissist behaved this way on purpose to add “mental health” issues to your plate.
That’s because when you don’t trust your own judgment thanks to their abuse, narcissists will actively try to disturb your peace and, yes, even your sanity. They can’t stand for you to be happy.
Even my friends didn’t get why my relationships were so toxic.
It floored them, they said, because I was so easy to get along with. After all the years of hearing about how awful I was to live with, you can imagine my surprise to hear otherwise.
But my friends weren’t alone in their confusion. In fact, I got plenty of feedback from anyone who had the nerve to offer it.
My toxic parent mystified them, but they’d say in a horrified voice that she was my MOTHER and I had better repair the relationship with her before it was too late. That last part, for the record, means they would shame me.
People would tell me to just get over it and move on.
Some suggested therapy – but that never works with a malignant narcissist.
When it came to my toxic marriage, it was even worse – they were annoyed and would ask, “why don’t you just leave already if it’s so bad?” (NOT helpful, btw!)
Does your life feel like some kind of cosmic joke that makes you dysfunctional?
I have gone through several existential crises during which everything I did felt wrong, off-balance, or just plain crazy. Here I was, living in what felt like a cosmic joke of a life, with narcissists everywhere I turned.
Even friends who weren’t intrinsically toxic were still unable to understand my issues.
I mean, after being so beaten down and being so conditioned to question myself – I really didn’t even know what I believed, much less understand how to figure all that out.
I knew I needed help.
But not just any help. I needed to feel seen and heard. I needed a way to share the times when I did not feel good enough or even like I was a “real” person.
I didn’t know how to find help. I wanted a very specific kind of help. Not from just anyone, but specifically with people who UNDERSTOOD where I was.
After searching and trying out therapists and various support groups and systems, I found no relief: no one could quite “get” what I’d been through.
But something in me told me that I couldn’t be the only one going through this.
So, I got busy and started doing my research, and right about 2012, I learned about narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse. And boy, am I glad I did – these little bits of information were life for me – as in they changed mine.
Back then, no one even really knew the term “gaslighting” – I had to go to the library to learn about it. There wasn’t much information on the internet that was easily digestible. As I began to post about this stuff on my blog, things turned interesting: many people came to me and asked for my help.
How could I help?
I was a journalist by trade, so research and writing were my bag. I knew how to write, I reasoned – and I I felt terrible when I learned how underserved this group of people was at that time. And after a lot of study and research, I took it upon myself, and I got to work creating that much-needed content.
It was a start anyway. But I had bigger plans. I wanted to build an app. And so I did.
Easier, less painful narcissistic abuse recovery is the goal.
My goal in building this new app was to make it easier – or at least far less painful – for our fellow survivors than I had it back then. I wanted to create content that made narcissistic abuse recovery easier to discover, understand, and get through.
I did this by sharing information and helping victims and survivors understand what they were dealing with and what they’d need to do to heal themselves. This led to an entire movement that would eventually be supported by a whole team of fellow survivors.
Over the years, we have really learned who we survivors are and exactly what we need to heal ourselves so we can evolve and thrive from here on out.
Not only do I do my best to be the person I needed in my own recovery for you, but I have simultaneously healed myself along the way.
So, I learned I wasn’t alone – and I hope I’ve helped you do the same. (If not, stick with me – we will get there!)
Because I’ve developed something BETTER to help you in your recovery.
Because after all these years, and after helping hundreds of thousands of survivors get through their recovery a little easier, I’ve created something that will intuitively help you heal and get (and stay) connected!
Narcissistic abuse recovery support that you can put in your pocket and take with you wherever you go.
That’s right! Even better, there are hundreds of narcissistic abuse survivors just like me – just like you– who have joined me, and they are finding (and giving) serious support in our new in-app tribes, not to mention the tools, tips, and helpful information that is designed to walk you through your recovery from wherever you are, right now.
Introducing the All-New Narcissistic Abuse Recovery App
Inside this amazingly intuitive and easy-to-navigate app and its private community, you’ll find a new (and more secure) way to connect with me, my fellow coaches, and our fellow survivors.
You will also find toolkits, trackers, helpful tips and ideas, and more from the QueenBeeeing team – all designed to make your recovery as painless as possible.
You can count on not having to deal with any more judgment. No more shame or worries about narcissists or flying monkeys finding your posts or anything about you.
The app offers you a safe space where survivors are free to share their thoughts, ask their questions, be scared, and stay vulnerable without any judgment or shame.
No longer will narcissistic abuse resemble a lonely, dark crawl out of hell and into the unknown.
Now, you can recover faster and with less pain with our new narcissistic recovery app and the full support of the QueenBeeing Narcissistic Abuse Recovery team and your fellow survivors!
You’ll get immediate access to our support tribes community.
You’ll be given toolkits and complete step-by-step blueprints to help you get and stay safe and healed, from discard to evolution and more.
You’ll be warmly welcomed as a member of this secure community by our amazingly supportive, empathy-filled survivors who truly understand where you’ve been – because they’ve been there too.
What does it cost?
While I usually price my apps at a reasonable $25 per month, this one is different. I want it to be more accessible – so I’m only charging $9.99 a month for now. And as long as you remain a subscriber, you’ll never pay more.
If you’ve used one of my previous apps, I am so excited to tell you this is the VERY BEST and most intuitive one we’ve ever built! You will be pleasantly surprised at how easy it is to customize for your own needs and the level of information, tools, and support you have at your fingertips!
Are you ready to get safe support and validation from your QueenBeeing team and your fellow survivors?
Then there’s only one thing left: get the app now!
When you first recognize that you’ve been dealing with narcissistic abuse in a toxic relationship, you’re likely to feel two things. First, you’ll feel a bit validated when you recognize that maybe you aren’t as mentally ill as you previously suspected. Then, you might feel a little bit shocked, angry, or confused when you realize that you’ve been living with an abuser and that everything you knew to be true might have been a lie.
Are you trying to end a relationship with a narcissist?
No matter how they fit into your life, it can feel nearly impossible to move on when you’ve been in a relationship with someone who has narcissistic traits.
It’s difficult to understand that the person you thought you knew so well may not have been the person they seemed, and depending on the depth of your relationship, you might be rethinking everything you believed to be true.
Your Guide to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Online
If you’re here, we assume you have recently been the victim of narcissistic abuse, and it can be hard to know where to start when you’re looking for a guide to narcissistic abuse recovery online.
This guide will help you create your own personal narcissistic abuse recovery, including pointing you toward the information you need to understand and how to find the right kind of support, whether it’s a community, coach, or therapist.
Before we get into some of the resources available, let’s take a look at what narcissism actually is and how people experience narcissistic abuse.
They may also exhibit an absence of conscience, a psychological need for power, and an inflated sense of self-importance and entitlement. In general, we’re talking about someone with a high opinion of him/herself who is a toxic, verbally (and sometimes physically) abusive person.
What is narcissistic abuse?
Narcissistic abuse is a pervasive, covert type of abuse that involves the exploitation and psychological abuse of one partner in a toxic relationship.
Narcissistic abuse involves subtle manipulation, pervasive control tactics, gaslighting, and emotional and psychological abuse. This kind of abuse can affect a personal connection, such as marriage, partnership, friendship, or family relationships.
When you’re dealing with a narcissist in the family, they will often abuse everyone in the household and even affect the extended family members. Even professional relationships and acquaintanceships can be affected by narcissistic abuse.
What’s the first step in narcissistic abuse recovery?
It’s hard to know where to start when you want to heal from narcissistic abuse. You may have heard a friend use the term “narcissism,” but not know exactly what it meant or how it could apply to your situation.
Maybe you don’t know anyone who has been through what you have, and that makes it harder for you to know how to move on and find healing.
The first step is getting as much information as possible so that you can make an informed decision about your next steps.
How long does narcissistic abuse recovery take?
We know firsthand how hard it is to recover from an abusive relationship with a narcissist. It can take years, and some days it feels like you’ll never be free of the devastating impact they had on your life. We want you to know that it’s not true – you will get over this.
We’re here to help make sure that happens as quickly and easily as possible.
Narcissistic abuse isn’t your fault.
This is very important – you need to understand that what happened isn’t your fault, ok? It doesn’t matter if it was a relationship or an abusive experience at work or an ongoing situation with a toxic friend or relative – it’s not your fault.
That doesn’t mean you’re perfect, of course. Everyone makes mistakes, and it’s possible that you’ve made a few yourself.
But that doesn’t make you an intrinsically bad person.
Chances are if you found yourself in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, your flaws are highlighted and magnified by your abuser – but the qualities that led you to tolerate them were most likely born in childhood, thanks to some sort of trauma.
The narcissist in your life may have also been a victim of similar childhood trauma, but they just manifested their damage a little differently than you did.
Finding your way through the fog of narcissistic abuse can be a confusing and isolating experience, but you don’t have to go it alone. We’re here to help.
What are the effects of narcissistic abuse on victims?
While narcissistic abuse can result in profound emotional and psychological harm, as well as long-term physical effects, the covert nature can make it difficult to spot and even more challenging to manage.
Worse, if you find yourself involved in this kind of relationship, your self-confidence and self-worth are often so low by the time you realize it, you can’t or won’t leave. Learn more about the effects of narcissistic abuse.
Why are narcissists so likely to abuse the people close to them?
Not all abuse involves narcissists, but in a large percentage of abuse cases, a narcissist is involved. Malignant narcissists have little to no empathy for the people around them and who act from that perspective.
That is: they don’t care how you or anyone else feels, and you can tell because of the way they treat the people around them.
Many narcissistic abusers might be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder – if they actually go to a psychologist for diagnosis, but this rarely happens as narcissists don’t feel that there’s anything with them. They may be overtly narcissistic, or they may be more of a covert narcissist.
What are the stages of narcissistic abuse recovery?
Whether you know it or not, being here and reading this page could mean you’re already in narcissistic abuse recovery. Most people these days learn they’re dealing with a narcissist by Googling their behavior. Or maybe they took an online “Am I dealing with a narcissist?” test.
Either way, for most people, the first step in narcissistic abuse recovery is looking at the warning signs of a narcissist. The second step is learning about the effects that being in a relationship with a narcissist had on you, and what you can do about them.
As survivors ourselves, our goal is to help victims of narcissistic abuse find the support they need and deserve in this difficult time. We’ve built a powerful narcissistic abuse recovery system just for you, and we’re here to help you build and navigate your own path to recovery.
Small group coaching program here – this costs $60/month, but the support is tremendous. In addition to ongoing chat support throughout the week, you will have access to three live Zoom sessions each week with one of our coaches. It’s a powerful and game-changing group experience with plenty of one-on-one attention when/if you want it.
Are you an INFJ who has been traumatized by a narcissist and you don’t know how to recover from the abuse? INFJs are highly intuitive and empathetic creatures which makes them prime targets for narcissistic abuse. INFJs have a tendency to ignore their own feelings as well as put other people’s needs above their own. We live in a world that praises selflessness and can make you feel bad if you place your needs first, and INFJs are especially sensitive to this.
What is an INFJ Personality?
The INFJ personality is known to be a compassionate, intuitive leader and is considered one of the rarest Myers-Briggs personality types. But when this highly sensitive and creative personality becomes a victim of narcissistic abuse, the devastation can be enormous.
According to 16Personalities.com, “An Advocate (INFJ) is someone with the Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging personality traits. They tend to approach life with deep thoughtfulness and imagination. Their inner vision, personal values, and a quiet, principled version of humanism guide them in all things.”
Quick Facts on the INFJ Personality
They are genuinely good-hearted people who connect quickly with others.
They often find interest and support in helping other people more than themselves.
They want to help and make a difference, which makes them an ideal target for manipulation.
INFJs value deep, heartfelt relationships.
They focus on a few special people in their lives and are intensely loyal and protective of them.
INFJs great strength lies in the intensity of their feelings, which they use intuitively to understand other people.
Their unique combination of traits makes INFJs natural advisors or counselors.
People value their insight and willingness to listen to others.
Why are INFJs the majority of narcissistic abuse survivors?
While every single personality type is susceptible to being a victim of narcissistic abuse, the most common profile of narcissistic abuse victims is INFJ. But why? For one, INFJs are givers by their very nature, and when they fall in love with someone (or are infatuated), their first instinct is to give everything they have to make that person happy.
They will bend over backward to ensure the emotional safety of anyone they love. This makes them prime targets for narcissistic abusers, who are known to lack empathy and only concern themselves with their own emotions and needs. Plus, many INFJs may have develoed this particular personality type due to their own childhood trauma.
INFJs are sensitive and intuitive.
INFJs are highly intuitive, which is an asset in many situations. It’s often the quality that leads them to choose counseling as a career. But it’s also the quality that’s most likely to lead them into abusive relationships. INFJs are so attuned to other people’s feelings that they’re often taken advantage of by narcissists and sociopaths.
They can be easy targets for emotional predators because INFJs tend to trust people too easily and believe that everyone has good intentions. This tendency toward being trusting and giving isn’t a character flaw — it’s just part of being an INFJ personality type. And it can be a trap if you don’t learn how to navigate relationships more effectively.
INFJs struggle with seeing their own value.
INFJs are not always good at taking care of themselves. They can be overwhelmed by their own pain and are so used to putting other people first that they have a hard time letting themselves take a front seat in their own lives. So when an INFJ endures narcissistic abuse, it can really knock them down hard. The self esteem of an INFJ can take a real hit after being treated so poorly.
Many INFJs describe narcissistic abuse as having the rug pulled out from under them in some way. The dream they had for their life is shattered and they find themselves lost and confused with no idea where to turn next. Even if you’re familiar with personality disorders, the effects of narcissistic abuse on an INFJ can still be devastating because it attacks their very core being – everything that makes them who they are as a person. It’s like a parasite that burrows into your brain and takes over your mind, convincing you that you will never, ever be enough.
As outlined in my DUO Method, the first step in treatment is to recognize that there is a problem. There may be some denial involved because the INFJ has been subjected to constant criticism and manipulation by this person. When the INFJ realizees that they are being abused and that the abuser has no regard for their feelings or their needs, they’ve already taken the first step toward narcissistic abuse recovery.
The next step involves learning how the abuser thinks and operates so that they can spot the red flags before they get into another toxic relationship, as well as learning how you got into the relationship in the first place and what you can do in the future to protect yourself from similar situations.
It is important for INFJs to develop a strong support system during this time and seek out other people who understand what they are going through. Therapy and narcissistic abuse recovery coaching can also be helpful in teaching them how to set boundaries without feeling guilty or ashamed of themselves.
Recovery from narcissistic abuse really sort of begins when you stop blaming yourself for what happened. You may feel that the narcissist was right about you all along, but when you’ve finished the second phase in recovery, you’ll understand the psychlogy of what happened and you’ll see the patterns around them.
Finally, the INFJ will overcome narcissistic abuse by ending or minimizing the relationship in their lives before evolving into the best possible version of themselves.
INFJs: Questions to Ask Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse
What are your personality strengths and how do they relate to narcissism?
When you were being abused by a narcissist did you get caught up in the narcissist’s web of lies and manipulation? If so, what did it feel like?
How did you deal with the narcissist’s flow of constant criticism during the relationship and now that it is over?
How do you handle working through your feelings of self-blame, guilt, shame, and not feeling good enough?
Can an INFJ be a narcissist?
Can an INFJ be a narcissist? It’s possible, though unlikely, that an INFJ personality type can be a narcissist. First, we have to consider this: Since Narcissists really haven’t manifested any original, true identity (and since they tend to lie to even themselves), any Myers-Briggs Personality Test result would (or at the very least) could be false. Narcissists won’t or can’t see any true insight into their false selves.
The truth is that their actual identity is comprised of “borrowed” personality traits, hobbies, choices, and frustrations from other people in their lives. There’s not a lot of substance. Narcissists usually aren’t capable of self-reflection – and don’t forget: they lie – to themselves and everyone else. With all of that being said, here is what you’d see if narcissism manifested in each of the 16 personality types – watch this video.
Communication Struggles for INFJs After Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
Many INFJs find themselves struggling with communication folloing narcissistic abuse. Part of this is because they might be (or have become) more introverted due to their abuse. Some of the issues that introverts have when communicating with others are due to the very definition of being an introvert.
INFJs are silent perfectionists.
Due to perfectionistic tendencies, introverts frequently don’t speak up, even when they have something to say because they fear it won’t be insightful enough or it will come out all wrong.
INFJs might neglect phone calls.
You much prefer to text or email because you can skip the small talk and it’s socially acceptable with those forms of communication. But phone calls… shudder! You find yourself procrastinating making important phone calls or returning calls, even to those you love. You have to feel energized enough to be an enthusiastic participant in the conversation, which can cause you to put off making calls, even if they are vital.
INFJs prefer to fly solo.
Because you need to think before you speak and because you need to have silence while you ponder, you find it challenging to participate in the conversation when there are comments and ideas flying everywhere. You may feel like you can’t gather your thoughts well enough to contribute to the conversation.
INFJs are overwhelmed and exhausted by large groups.
When you have to be around a lot of people, especially if you don’t know them, you feel exhausted fast. One reason for this is because it involves a lot of small-talk, which doesn’t come naturally to introverts. Putting out that much effort wears you out.
In fact, working in groups can be even worse for an introvert than small-talk. When you must rely on others to communicate in ways that aren’t comfortable or understandable to you, it’s a real challenge to complete the project. There’s also the issue of your perfectionism too. Because of your practice of thinking through every possible issue and solution, you are committed to only turning out perfection… but others in the group don’t often care as much about this as completion, or they have a very different perception of what “perfection” is.
INFJs can feel lonely in a crowded room.
Introverts often feel left out of a rapid conversation, whether it’s at a party or a work conference. This often occurs because, by the time you determine what you want to say and the best way to say it, the group has moved onto a new topic. You can easily feel left out and lonely during these discussions – more so than if you were actually alone.
INFJs CAN Recover From Narcissistic Abuse
Many INFJs are able to rebound from abuse and go on to have happy and fulfilling lives; however, there is no “road map” for recovery. Abuse is difficult for everyone, and for INFJs it can be especially hard because of their tendency to overlook their personal needs in favor of being selfless and accommodating.
The key to understanding the process for INFJs is realizing that we are dealing with an abuse of power. It is because of immature, unfulfilled expectations of what romantic relationships should be that the narcissist tries to take control. Whether it’s because they were not treated with the love they expected when they were younger, or whether they are simply incapable of truly loving anyone else, the narcissist is only capable of meeting their own needs.
Get help with narcissistic abuse recovery right now.
The QueenBeeing SPANily, Official – We consider this the best narcissistic abuse recovery support group on the web. It offers several subgroups and features a vigilant, compassionate admin team full of trained coaches and survivors, supporting more than 12k members. SPAN is an acronym created by Angie Atkinson that stands for Support for People Affected by Narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships.
Other Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups– We also have separate groups for each stage in your narcissistic abuse recovery and some for those who have moved past recovery and are evolving into the next stage of their own life. Survivors have unique and individual needs, even when they’ve moved on – so we’re still here for you.
One-on-One Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching – If you prefer to get more personalized support in your recovery, you might like to schedule a session with one of our coaches to plan and execute your own narcissistic abuse recovery plan.
1) They talk down to you.
2) They make you feel bad about yourself.
3) They put you down.
4) They lie to you.
5) They use you.
6) They control you.
7) They manipulate you.
8) They try to isolate you.
9) They blame others for their own mistakes.
10) They expect you to fix them.
PLAN is a free, comprehensive toolkit designed specifically to help you safely leave a narcissistic abuse situation in an emotionally, physically, and/or psychologically abusive relationship, with or without kids involved.
Leaving a Narcissist is Harder Than People Think
In many cases, leaving the narcissist will be a tough decision for you. Even though you’ve heard people tell you to “just leave if it’s so bad,” you’re still scared to leave.
Maybe it isn’t THAT bad, you’ll reason. I am probably just overdramatizing it, you’ll tell yourself.
But change is hard, even when it’s for the best.
And, assuming you’ve been codependent in the relationship and are struggling with trauma bonding (as most survivors of narcissistic abuse will), leaving the narcissist will be even more difficult.
Plus, whether or not the narcissist can return your feelings, chances are you do or did love them with all of your heart. And that doesn’t make it easier.
In fact, leaving a relationship is not easy under any circumstances, and doing so can lead to a lot of pain, confusion, and suffering. But when a narcissistic person is involved, things are far more complicated.
You might be planning how to leave the narcissist already, so this article, along with your PLAN, will ensure that your plan is as effective as it can get.
However, whether you decided that enough is enough or they have decided to leave you, it can be highly stressful and chaotic.
What do you need to consider when creating a safety plan to leave the narcissist?
You can also apply to work part-time at a coffee shop or supermarket to start saving some extra cash.
Finally, you will want to look into financial aid and other options to help until you get back on your feet.
Plan for a place to land
Tell your friends and trusted family members what you are enduring and your plan to leave the narcissist.
Perhaps someone can give you and your kids, if you have any, a place to stay temporarily when you escape. Of course, you will want to look into shelters as well.
If you need additional help and support in your narcissistic abuse recovery, look for a trauma-informed professional trained in helping people who are dealing with overcoming narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships.