Editor’s Note: Please enjoy this retro post, written in 2008. It still rings true today. I hear a lot of married folks complaining because their spouses just aren’t as romantic or sweet as they used to be. In fact, I may have complained of the same thing once or twice in years past…but that was before.
Now, I’ve learned a few things. While my husband hardly ever comes home on his white horse, his arms overflowing with dozens of fragrant red roses, he’s not so bad. In fact, he’s pretty good.
The older I get, the more I’m able to recognize the romantic ways my husband tells me he loves me. Like, for example, because we have three kids and didn’t have a babysitter, we spent our anniversary at home, eating the dinner I’d cooked, with our kids.
Not exactly romantic, right? But then, the next day, my wonderful husband came home for lunch, surprising me with Chinese takeout. When he walked in the door, he handed me the bag and said, “Happy Anniversary, baby.” So, while I giggled when he made the gesture, it was still a genuinely sweet thing for him to do.
Another thing he does to tell me he loves me is spend time with our children. Yes, I know…that shows he loves THEM, right? Yep. But every mom, especially those of us blessed enough to stay home with our children, could use a break now and then. So when he notices that I could use one, he makes sure to entertain the kids so that I can have a few minutes to myself.
Yesterday, I went out to run some errands and took Bill’s car since it was behind mine in the driveway. While I was out, I filled up his gas tank. He didn’t ask me to do it, and certainly didn’t expect me to do it–but I thought, it would save him the time the next day and it would be a nice thing to do for him. Certainly, it was a small gesture, but it was one small way I let him know that I love him and care for him.
My point is this: happily married people have lives full of love and romance…but romance changes when you’re married with children. Roll with the changes and remember to show your spouse that you appreciate them. Doing so lets them know that you love them, in your own special way.
“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” ~ Helen Keller
Security is one of the most basic human needs, after all, and most people value security because feeling secure feels good.
But is it possible that your need for security is actually inhibiting your ability to have the life you truly want?
For inspiration, take a look at most of the successful self-made people in the world. You’ll notice that many of them had to endure a whole bunch of insecurity along the the way. Yep, even your everyday, average self-made millionaire probably went broke more than a few times on the way to success.
Most of us crave financial security, but how many of us would be willing to put ourselves in situations where we might end up broke, just to achieve that security? Do these successful people have less need to feel safe? Perhaps they simply see security differently.
Take me for example. I left the corporate world in 2005 to begin a freelance writing career–which, since then, has led me to a place where I’m doing what I love for a living and bringing in more income than I ever did in my corporate jobs.
I’m not a millionaire (yet!), but I’m comfortable, I have most of the things I want and I don’t struggle to pay the bills. And most of all, I’m really, really happy to be getting paid to do what I love.
Here’s the secret.
Most very successful people feel secure the majority of the time. They’re secure in themselves and in their abilities. They always have those two things available to them, regardless of their external events. Not having enough money is just a temporary nuisance. While not ideal, it’s nothing to get bent out of shape about–try focusing on abundance instead.
Risk vs. Reward
Many people would feel more secure with $250,000 in the bank, a house that’s paid off, a stable job, and health insurance–but only a small percentage of people actually have this kind of security at this moment in time.
And to achieve the things that make us feel secure, the fastest path is usually to take action that might create a feeling of insecurity in the short-term. Taking some risk may be necessary to create a life that’s full of security.
As with many things, security frequently comes down to risk vs. reward.
Starting your own business might be “risky.” You might go broke. You might have to sleep on your friend’s couch. But is that really the end of the world? Did you know that Sylvester Stallone was completely broke and his wife was pregnant when he was trying to sell his script for Rocky?
He even turned down $200,000 for the script because that particular film company wouldn’t let him star in the movie. He ultimately took less for the script, just to be able to be in the movie because he knew it was worth the risk. Stallone is now worth over $275 million.
Would you have taken the same chance? If your sense of security came from within you, then yes!
Inner vs. External Security
So, how can you change so that your feeling of security comes from inside you rather than from the outside? First, you need to simply decide that you’re going to perceive things differently. You also need to believe that you have the capacity to handle any bumps that occur along the way. That’s it! Just those two things are all you need.
Avoid letting your need for security undermine the achievement of your dreams.
If you feel the need to wait until all of your needs for security are met before you chase your dreams, you’re likely to run out of time first. Ask yourself if you really need all of those external things to feel secure. Then go get some real security.
Do you feel secure in yourself and your life? Tell me what you think.