Tune In: How to Deal When Online Drama Affects Your ‘Real Life’

Tune In: How to Deal When Online Drama Affects Your ‘Real Life’

“All of the biggest technological inventions created by man – the airplane, the automobile, the computer – says little about his intelligence, but speaks volumes about his laziness.” – Mark Kennedy

 

Technolgy affects happiness

Life is Different Than it Used to Be

We live in an online world more often than not. We have so much technology now that’s supposed to streamline our lives and make it easier to connect with the people that we care about.

It’s supposed to make it easier to do business and make good things happen for our careers. But strangely, the technology that was supposed to be the key to our happiness, comfort and success has the potential to backfire.

Instead of helping, in many cases, the use of technology has led people to deeper levels of stress, feelings of discontentment and lives so busy that they’re hardly living at all.

Related: Kissing Frogs – 27 things everyone should know about online dating

It’s Not JUST the Internet – Take Responsibility for Your Choices

Studies performed on the link between stress and time spend on the Internet or social media sites can be misleading when they claim that spending time online can lower stress.

The factors involved in the studies don’t take into consideration the offline lifestyles of those involved in the studies. Technology in itself is neither good nor bad. It’s how it’s used that can make it something that can negatively impact your life.

That’s it – the key to using technology and staying happy at the same time. 

The key is to use technology with mindfulness. You can incorporate what’s good and positive about being online and the various use of technology to connect with other people in a meaningful way.

For example, if you have family members that live a good distance away from you, it can make you feel happier when you connect with them instantly through a text message or through an online chat.

You can share updates about your life or send relatives photos of your kids instantly. When you use social media with mindfulness, it can help you to be able to better manage stress.

It can also lead to feelings of contentment and leave you with a more positive outlook. The dark side of being online is that there’s a great deal of negativity floating around in cyberspace.

The Trolls Online

We’ve all heard about online trolls, and some of us are even privileged enough to know one. Are all trolls narcissists? Maybe, maybe not. But there are numerous stories about people being hateful to each other, calling names, bullying, threatening or harassing. There are people who keep drama heightened through online fighting.

8374037-77549111_23-s1-v1Even if you’re just an online bystander to someone else’s drama, if you experience that, your mind will register the same type of anxious response as if you had been involved and your feelings will follow the lead of your thoughts.

When you see how wonderful someone else’s life appears to be online, it can lead you to become discontent and irritable. It can make you focus on the negative instead of looking at the positive.

Awareness of Your Thoughts is Key

Online interaction can also make you feed yourself negative self talk – especially when you see others who are better looking, richer, have nicer homes, easier looking lives and appear to be having more fun.

Not only will you feel bad about yourself, but your stress level will go up. When you practice mindfulness in associating with your technology use, you’ll discover that your happiness level will increase.

You can do this by setting limits on when you’ll be online and how much time you’ll spend online. Refuse to keep your cellphone with you 24/7. When you are on social media or online, find ways to use it to do something positive such as encourage someone else.

Let go of the things online that are irrelevant to your life or that make your negativity or stress level rise. When you do go online, make sure that you have a defined purpose and a time limit and stick to that.

What do you think? How does living “online” affect your “real life” these days? Could you benefit from being more mindful about your technology use? 

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Post-Recovery Dating Strategy: 7 Surefire ‘Get Setup’ Strategies for Singles

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“If you kiss on the first date and it’s not right, then there will be no second date. Sometimes it’s better to hold out and not kiss for a long time. I am a strong believer in kissing being very intimate, and the minute you kiss, the floodgates open for everything else.” ~Jennifer Lopez

So, you’ve recovered from narcissistic abuse and now you’re looking for love. Maybe you’re just looking for something fun for now – or, you’ve been single long enough and you want something more…permanent?

In any case, if you’re not dating online, there are lots of ways to go about finding new people to date – for example, maybe you’re meeting plenty of potential dates in clubs, stores, bars, church – aka “in-person” meetings.

But if not, maybe you’re looking for love elsewhere – at work, in the neighborhood?  Or maybe, you’re finally ready to get set up by a friend or a family member.

Should you let your friends or family members ‘fix you up’ with a date?

Even though we’re deluged with dating ads from companies like PlentyOfFish, Harmony, and Match.com, there are advantages to meeting people through family and friends.

Looking for Love? This one’s for you.

Like I said, online dating sites exist and they do work. They are capable of helping you find thousands of people you would be unlikely to come across in your daily life – I happen to know a lot of married couples who’ve met that way, and there’s not one thing wrong with it. You just have to be careful, and I mean REALLY careful.

Interesting fact: 1/3 of recently married couples met online.  My only other advice on that one is don’t spend too much money on it (but then you know me, I’m a cheap-skate!).  But if you’re looking for something a little more traditional, you might want to consider getting set up by your friends or family members – or maybe even a co-worker.

After all, the people closest to you might have some pretty valuable insight into who would be a compatible partner for you. Here are seven strategies to get your friends to set you up on a successful date (that really works!).

Get the Hookup: 7 Surefire Strategies to Get Your Friends to Set You Up on a Successful Date

Advertise your availability.

Taking out a billboard would be extreme, but it’s okay to let your loved ones know you want to meet new suitors. That way, they can be on the lookout for you.

Let go of expectations.

We’re often unclear about how to build a lasting relationship. Relax and enjoy each other’s company on a date. If you’re compatible, the chemistry may emerge gradually.

Talk face to face.

Getting together for a cup of coffee beats texting when it comes to forming a more accurate impression of someone. Focus on real-world interactions.

Be nice.

Etiquette matters. It’s even more important when you have mutual friends. Smile, make eye contact and speak kindly.

Decide on a second date.

The only thing you need to figure out on most first dates is whether you would like to see each other at least one more time. If you find someone appealing, let them know.

Hire a professional.

Get a dating coach who can help you avoid toxic partners. You may also want to try working with a paid matchmaking service. Browse for options online or in your neighborhood. Study contracts carefully before signing.

A happy relationship is worth searching for if that’s what you want. And who better than your friends to help you find the right person. Even if a date does not work out, let your friends know you’re grateful for the connection anyway and that you’re still looking so they’ll keep sharing their contacts. Read about relationships and communication skills so you’ll be ready for love wherever you encounter it.

If You’re Dating After the Narcissist 

If you’ve healed after a relationship with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder and you feel pretty comfortable in your codependency recovery, this video is for you.

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