Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Taking Action to Be You Again

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Taking Action to Be You Again

“Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.” ~Judy Garland

Your version of yourself or a narcissistsYou might already know that I’m both a certified life coach and a survivor of narcissistic abuse – and if you do, you know that’s why I do the work that I do – because I want to help people get through, survive and thrive similar situations.

I keep doing this because so often, readers tell me that I have helped them to make their life better – and that’s exactly what I set out to do.

So many of my readers and clients have asked me how they can find themselves again after they leave a narcissist.

Why? Because when you’re involved in a relationship with a narcissist, you literally lose part of yourself. You spend so much time focusing on making the narcissist happy (AKA, avoiding the inevitable narcissistic rage/narcissistic injury and gaslighting episodes) that you almost forget who you are.

Then, when you leave (or when the narcissist leaves you), you are left reeling, not really sure who you are. You may even be dissociating or struggling with other symptoms of PTSD or C-PTSD.

Change Still Starts in Your Own Head

Regardless of what you’re going through now or of what you’ve been through before, I stand by my statement that change begins in your head–you must believe that it is possible (and that you can and will achieve your goals) in order to create the changes you desire in your life.

As a survivor of narcissistic abuse in a relationship, you need to recognize that the change in perspective which begins to move you toward your goals must be followed by inspired action.

Tip: Make your life feel better immediately. You can start by making positive changes in your environment. And, while the success of this endeavor certainly depends on your perception of your ability to complete this task–the fact is, one cannot effect environmental change without a little elbow grease (or, at the very least, the ability to call for help, and enough money to pay someone else to do it for you.)

What is inspired action and how do you know if you’ve got it?

Inspired action, while it may be hard work, shouldn’t make you feel bad.
Dr. Joe Vitale, one of the experts who worked with Rhonda Byrne in writing The Secret, said it best when he addressed this very issue in his own blog. Following is an enlightening excerpt from Dr. Vitale’s post.

“Many fans of the law of attraction think you don’t take any action. You simply sit like a good magnet and wait for your vibes to slide the thing you want over to your chair.

I believe that you usually if not always have to take action of some sort, but that your action isn’t effort if it comes from your heart. That’s the key difference.

People run marathons, lift weights, climb mountains, write books, travel on horseback, jump out of planes, make hundreds of sales calls a day, and much more. It’s all action.

But if they do it because they want to do it, because it bubbles out of their passion to do it, then it’s not effort. Again, the law of attraction doesn’t mean you don’t do anything; it means what you do is effort-free.

For example, I write an astonishing amount of books, articles and blog posts. If you didn’t like writing, you’d think what I’m doing is gruelling. But I love what I do. So my action isn’t effort. It’s simply right action for me. If you think running up a mountain is insane, you won’t take that action because if you did, it would require enormous effort.

When you practice what you learn from the movie The Secret, things do begin to come to you without much effort or action on your part. But that doesn’t mean you won’t have anything to do.

I was able to attract a new car — namely Francine — by knowing what I wanted and then taking action when prompted from the inside to drive over to San Antonio one day.

To me, the law of attraction works to make life easier, but not because you don’t take action, but because the action you take is natural for you.

My challenge to you today is to take one small step toward becoming the YOU of your dreams. Knit a scarf, write a poem, open a savings account–whatever you do, do it with your goal in mind. Don’t worry about anything but feeling YOURSELF today.

Feel it, be it, do it, have it. Believe that your desires are yours, and then take inspired action toward attaining them. You with me?

Let me know your thoughts and ideas in the comments section.

 
For Paraliminal Lovers! (And those who want great change)

For Paraliminal Lovers! (And those who want great change)

 
Big news for QueenBeeing readers!
You Get to Listen to 8 Paraliminal sessions
Absolutely Free!
Along with the seven coaching sessions from Paul Scheele, you will have free access to eight Paraliminal sessions in the Ultimate You Mindfest.Get Your Free Pass Today!
Get your Free Pass today so that on Monday, October 26 you can begin listening to these sessions:
October 26 – Make More Money
Clear away blocks to having plenty of money
(Each day includes one new coaching session and one Paraliminal session.)
October 27 – Sharpen Your Memory
Vaporize uncertainty and forgetfulness
October 28 – Attract What You Want
Turn the Law of Attraction toward your success
October 29 – Be Free of Anxiety
Be fearless, strong, and successful
October 30 – Kick-up Your Instincts
Use your intuition like a psychic
October 31 – Improve Your Health
Reduce stress and eradicate sickness
Bonus – Get to Your Ideal Weight
Use your inner mind to drop those pounds
(Two Paraliminal sessions here!)
Get Your Free Pass Today!
These six days can have a massive impact on what you get out of life, and it will cost you nothing. No strings. No obligation. You will have two new programs every day that you can stream from your computer or mobile device. It’s our gift to you and your friends. All you have to do is get your Free Pass today.
We know you’re busy. So we’re bringing you the Ultimate You Mindfest: Mind Tools to Maximize Your Potential.
 
Get Your Free Pass Today!
 
For Paraliminal Lovers! (And those who want great change)

The ‘Ultimate You’ Mindfest Begins Oct. 26: Get Your Free Pass Today!

Ultimate You Mindfest
Make effort-free changes
with Paul Scheele’s 7 recordings
Yours Free!
Dear QB Family,
 
How about a free life-changing event? Here’s something just for you.
 
You have seven coaching sessions from Paul Scheele, master of the genius mind, to help you make immediate and dramatic changes in your life.
 
Get your Free Pass today so that on Monday, October 26 you will have free access to these sessions:
 
Day 1 – Make More Money
Clear away blocks to having plenty of money
(Each day includes two powerful recordings.)
Day 2 – Sharpen Your Memory
Vaporize uncertainty and forgetfulness
Day 3 – Attract What You Want
Turn the Law of Attraction toward your success
Day 4 – Be Free of Anxiety
Be fearless, strong, and successful
Day 5 – Kick-up Your Instincts
Use your intuition like a psychic
Day 6 – Improve Your Health
Reduce stress and eradicate sickness
Bonus – Get to Your Ideal Weight
Use your inner mind to drop those pounds
Get Your Free Pass Today!
 
These six days can have a massive impact on what you get out of life, and it will cost you nothing. No strings. No obligation. You will have two new programs every day that you can stream from your computer or mobile device. It’s our gift to you and your friends. All you have to do is get your Free Pass today.
 
We know you’re busy. So we’re bringing you the Ultimate You Mindfest: Mind Tools to Maximize Your Potential.
Best regards,
Angela Atkinson
QueenBeeing.com
 
Get Your Free Pass Today!
 
The Love-Yourself Action Plan: Start This Now

The Love-Yourself Action Plan: Start This Now

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

lucille ball love yourself quotesDo you accept yourself for who you are, or are you the type of person who doesn’t feel comfortable in their own skin?

Does it kind of feel like you’re always in self-improvement mode? Like you are always trying to be someone else?

Feeling comfortable and accepting yourself is important if you want to lead a fulfilling and happy life.  More than that, if you constantly focus on what’s wrong with you, you’re definitely going to find more things to complain about.

Try loving yourself instead – that makes it much easier to be happy as well as to manifest the good things you want in your life.

Here’s the thing – you might be ready to quit reading this post about now, ready to chalk me up to being another one of those quacks. But hold up! Not so fast.

It can happen. You can learn to make things go your way. And it all starts with one simple thing: the ability to fall madly in love with your very own self. No joke.

I promise you, you’ve got to love yourself before anything is ever going to change in your life. You might have to fake it a little at first. That’s okay. Just do it – because it’s totally worth your effort.

Ready to start changing your life?

Let’s take a look at how you can learn to know and love yourself like never before.

Self-Assessment: What Do I Want?

Start by reading over the following questions. Take a few minutes to jot down the answers in a notebook or document.

  1. Who is the person that you want to become? Describe the ideal you in detail.
  2. What are the things that you really care about?
  3. Is there anything or anyone who you may lose if you start to live the life you truly want?
  4. What one step can you take today to get closer to becoming the best possible version of yourself?

Write your answers out in detail. This way you have a full description of the person you want to become and why.

What to Expect When You’re Accepting (Yourself)

During this journey you also need to understand and accept that nobody is perfect – and that means all of us. We’ve all got our faults, and we’ve all gotta learn to live with them.

So, now that you’ve made the decision, it’s time. You’re finally ready to begin living your life the way you want to, and the way you deserve to!

Learn to Love Yourself

Sure, it sounds like it’s easier said than done, but what would the world be like for you if you were totally, madly, head-over-heels in love with yourself?

Maybe there are parts of yourself that you are extremely happy with, and of course, there might also be those that you hate.

Love Your Quirks

You have to stop hating on yourself and get busy changing your perception.

If you have habits that can be changed, great! That means you’ve got a place to start.

If you just have quirks, they’re just part of your personality. They identify what is unique about you, as a person. You need to accept and love your quirks!

I always say they’re just part of my charm.

In daily practice, the best place to start is to do the things that you can do – and to focus on the things that really make you feel awesome. Those are also the things that kind of show the world who you really are.

So if you’re itching to speak on something – then speak on! Never let the approval or disapproval of others stand in the way of your speaking your mind. You’ve got to be true to yourself if you’re ever going to be really happy.

Bedtime Bolstering

Each night before you go to bed, ask yourself the following questions.

  1. Was I the best possible version of myself today?
  2. Did I make the right choices?
  3. What could I have done better?
  4. What was the brightest moment of my day?
  5. What is the perfect vision of my perfect tomorrow.

Fall asleep with your perfect tomorrow in your mind’s eye. It’ll help you to begin to manifest the life you really want, because you’ll be drawing that beautiful, positive energy toward yourself.

Remember to be brave – don’t let fear prevent you from speaking your truth or doing what you need to do to be happy.

But that doesn’t mean you have to be rude about it – and you should always speak in love, whenever possible. Hate doesn’t foster the kind of change any of us really want.

Like I said, you might have to fake the whole “OMG I’M SO IN LOVE WITH MYSELF!!” thing for a minute – and that’s okay. Because once you master the art of “faking it,” you’ll be on the way to MAKING IT.

Maybe you won’t do the whole screaming it to yourself thing, either. But you’ve got to find a way to realize that YOU are a person who is worth that kind of love, and you’ve got to give it to yourself before you can get it or give it to anyone else.

I promise you, it won’t be boring, and it’ll be worth it when you see your life begin to resemble the one you really want. Don’t you think?

What do you say? 

Check out Angela Atkinson’s books at BooksAngieWrote.com

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