Closure After Narcissistic Abuse

Closure After Narcissistic Abuse

Is there any way to find closure after narcissistic abuse?

It seems that so many survivors of narcissistic abuse really struggle with fully healing trauma bonds and moving on with life because of the lack of a sense of closure. In this video I talk about this as well as several ideas and tips for finding closure for yourself without the need to contact, reach to to or even include the abusive narcissist. Struggling to let go and move on so that you can thrive is something most of us face while understanding and healing from  toxic emotional abuse. You are not alone if you feel the need for closure but can’t seem to find it.

What is it you need so that you will have a sense of closure? Is it really necessary to find that closure? If a narcissist can’t take accountability, can that closure be had? Would breaking no contact help? Do you need to forgive? Why is it so hard to let go and move on in life? These and many other questions were asked and replied to in the following video. What questions do you have and how are you finding closure for yourself?

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery by QueenBeeing.com offers free video coaching each week on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays along with videos and help on recovery from toxic relationships. Featuring certified life coach Lise Colucci and supported by QueenBeeing founder and certified life coach Angie Atkinson.

Lise Colucci is a certified life coach, as well as a certified narcissistic abuse recovery coach. She is a long-time admin and mentor for the SPAN Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Group, actively helping survivors of narcissistic abuse in the expansive community to learn and heal.  Lise is passionate about providing coaching services that help her clients feel heard and validated as she guides them along their healing journey. For information on coaching, group coaching or to contact Lise check out the links below.

Join our private coaching group https://lifemakeoveracademy.teachable…

Get one-on-one coaching with Lise Colucci at https://queenbeeing.com/lise-colucci-…

Get notified free for free video coaching sessions by texting LISELIVE to 33222. Find Lise on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lise.colucci… Email Lise at [email protected]

Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive Dissonance

Maybe you’ve heard the term ‘cognitive dissonance’ before, maybe you haven’t. Regardless of where you are in your healing journey, if you’re just discovering the term cognitive dissonance now, it will help shed some light on why you feel like the crazy one for believing that something is wrong in the relationship – and that something is not within yourself.

Are they really a narcissist? What if I was wrong? It wasn’t so bad, was it?

How often have you asked yourself these questions? Be honest.

Ever find yourself wondering if your love will be enough to heal the toxic person? You may be experiencing cognitive dissonance and abuse amnesia. 

Cognitive Dissonance, Feeling Conflicted, and Trauma Bonds 

Do you know the feeling of really not wanting to be with the narcissist ever again but then feeling the urge to contact them? That is just one example of cognitive dissonance. But let’s get a little more specific.

What is cognitive dissonance? 

Officially, cognitive dissonance is a form of psychological stress or discomfort that happens when you simultaneously hold two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values.

Ironically, cognitive dissionance often affects narcissists as well as their victims at different times and for very different reasons.

In layman’s terms, cognitive dissonance is the holding of two conflicting beliefs or values at the same time.

Examples of Cognitive Dissonance 

Though inconsistent thinking is common in those who have been subjected to narcissistic abuse, it may not necessarily be a sign of cognitive dissonance. There are other factors that can bring about this tendency to have conflicting thoughts and feelings.

For example, when a person is experiencing intense emotions, they are more likely to be unable to process new information.

The goal here isn’t to assign blame or suggest some kind of thought disorder with regard to cognitive dissonance but rather to better understand why these sorts of internal conflicts happen in the first place.

Though inconsistent thinking is common in those who have been subjected to narcissistic abuse, it may not necessarily be a sign of cognitive dissonance. There are other factors that can bring about this tendency to have conflicting thoughts and feelings.

For example, when a person is experiencing intense emotions, they are more likely to be unable to process new information.

The goal here isn’t to assign blame or suggest some kind of thought disorder with regard to cognitive dissonance but rather to better understand why these sorts of internal conflicts happen in the first place.

Cognitive dissonance is exactly why you don’t hear many narcissists admitting their behaviors aren’t normal and it’s the reason why you keep blaming yourself for something that wasn’t your fault.

How does it feel to have cognitive dissonance?

When experiencing cognitive dissonance, your thoughts and emotions feel conflicted and can cause you to experience self-doubt, as well as self-blame and shame.  

The trauma bonds we feel after narcissistic abuse are amplified by this state of cognitive dissonance making it really difficult to move on.

Why is cognitive dissonance a concern for narcissistic abuse survivors?

Here’s the thing. cognitive dissonance is deeply uncomfortable on a neurological level, so when it happens, our brains sort of get to work to try to fix the problem. Our brains are actually attempting to protect us by “helping” us to understand law enforcement

The natural urge to reduce and resolve this dissonance pushes us to change our attitudes, or justify our behavior and we usually do this by changing our thoughts so that they are not in conflict.

For many survivors, it can be very difficult to get to the point of acceptance of who the narcissist really is when feeling cognitive dissonance.

In other words, you might be holding on to or even fooling yourself into seeing the idealized version of the narcissist that you first fell for, or the one they’ve been selling you their whole life. 

Not only does this mean you’re lying to yourself about the person you’re with, but your own needs and wants and even beliefs are switched out and the narcissist’s needs, wants and beliefs replace them. Or else. 

I say this with absolutely no snark, and from a place of love, deep emathy, and commiseration: It might be time to take off those rose-colored glasses and see what you’re really dealing with in regard to the narcissist in your life.

Understanding Cognitive Dissonance As It Relates to Narcisisstic Abuse

This video explains cognitive dissonance as it relates to narcissistic abuse and includes ideas and tips to help you with understanding what is happening to you as well as to make changes to get past the cognitive dissonance.

What is cognitive dissonance as it relates to narcissistic abuse?

In the case of narcissistic abuse, cognitive dissonance can be used to describe the internal battle that survivors go through when they start to unravel the lies and deception they were subjected to.

Cognitive dissonance can also be used to describe the way your brain tries to reconcile what happened to you with what you know about yourself and the world around you.

You question everything you know to be true

Imagine being told something over and over again until it becomes ingrained in your mind as fact.

Then one day, someone comes along and tells you that what you believed was actually false.

You begin to question everything you previously believed was true, but because it has become so engrained in your mind, it causes an internal struggle between your old beliefs and new ones.

This creates cognitive dissonance as your brain struggles to process this new information.

If this sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone; it’s estimated that around 90% of survivors have gone through this experience at some point during their recovery process.

20 Signs of Covert Narcissism

20 Signs of Covert Narcissism

What are the signs of COVERT NARCISSISM?

Some times survivors are confused by the abuse they faced because some of the things experienced do not line up with other stories they hear about narcissistic behaviors. Maybe things seem a bit “less bad” compared to what you hear others say or perhaps you really can’t tell because the abuse is so well hidden and subtle. Are you finding it hard to know if you are really dealing with abuse because you can’t even explain what it is that feels so abusive? Do you never know what you are even arguing about yet are made to feel somehow it is all your fault? Do you find ways to justify what the narcissist did because the blame has been shifted or they cleverly play the victim? Has the narcissist in your life never used words that sound abusive but the intent and delivery of those words felt like clear attacks?

In the following video I talk about 20 signs of covert narcissism and give descriptions to help shine some light on covert and deceptive  behaviors as well as give you a bit of validation that what you are or did experience is indeed what happened. Many people experience the abuse of a covert narcissist for years without understanding what it is they are facing. The hidden manipulations can be twisted up and so subtle that even to explain it can sound to some people like “no big deal”. If you have ever had the misfortune to be in a relationship of any kind with a covert narcissist you know it is indeed a very big deal that can really play games with your mind and self-worth.

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery by QueenBeeing.com offers free video coaching each week on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays along with videos and help on recovery from toxic relationships. Featuring certified life coach Lise Colucci and supported by QueenBeeing founder and certified life coach Angie Atkinson.

Join our private coaching group https://lifemakeoveracademy.teachable… Get one-on-one coaching with Lise Colucci at https://queenbeeing.com/lise-colucci-… Get notified free for free video coaching sessions by texting LISELIVE to 33222. Find Lise on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lise.colucci… Email Lise at [email protected]

Save 35% On Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching with Lise Through Jan. 1, 2020

Save 35% On Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching with Lise Through Jan. 1, 2020

Special Holiday Rate for One-Hour Coaching Sessions With Lise Colucci

As the holidays approach, we want to make narcissistic abuse recovery support coaching as accessible as possible without breaking your budget. We know firsthand how tough the holidays can be for survivors of narcissistic abuse. That’s why we’ve decided to offer extremely discounted, personal one-on-one coaching starting today.

From now through January 1, 2020 coaching is available with Lise at 35% off the regular one hour session rate. Click here to book your appointment right now!

Learn more about Lise here, read her narcissistic abuse recovery survivor story here – and for free video coaching on YouTube, you can find Lise at Narcissistic Abuse Recovery by QueenBeeing.

 

 

Coach Lise Tells Her Story

Coach Lise Tells Her Story

One of the things you may not know about the QueenBeeing coaches is that each of us is also a survivor of narcissistic abuse herself. A few months back, I shared the truth about my own abuse, and after receiving many supportive comments from our community, I asked my fellow coaches to do the same. The next in this series was published just now, and I wanted to be sure to share it with you here so you didn’t miss it.

This is the story of how Coach Lise Colucci came to be part of our amazing team.

All I knew that day was that I was so deeply in love with him and utterly convinced he was good for my life. I thought he had my best interests at heart and so I thought everything he did and said was just to improve our relationship and make us better people, both individually and as a couple.  

I couldn’t see why this was happening. As the argument began and the twisted confusion of what I know now was gaslighting then silent treatment commenced, I didn’t understand that he wanted me to be unable to speak or think intelligently. 

Click here to read Lise’s powerful full story.

Would you like to share your story with our community? If so, you can learn more about how you can do that, right here.

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