This affiliation is part of an effort to provide more effective and useful solutions for healing from narcissistic abuse.
Who is Dr. Judy Rosenberg?
Dr. Judy Rosenberg is the founder of the Psychological Healing Center and the Be The Cause® Mind Map System to help “Heal Human Disconnect,” the cause of most psychopathology. By helping people identify their problem and dismantle it, Dr. Judy helps her patients to paradigm shift from the problem into the solution. She completed her undergraduate work in psychology at UCLA and her graduate work at CGI (California Graduate Institute).
Dr. Judy is currently in private practice in Sherman Oaks and Beverly Hills, CA, and continues to help people with various psychological issues. You may also know her from YouTube as Dr. Judy WTF?!, as she has a weekly call-in radio show titled Dr. Judy WTF (What The Freud?!). Her focus there is on healing the “hole in the soul” that results from Human Disconnect.
She is a consultant to the media and has appeared on several television shows and is often interviewed by high-profile publications. Her recent appearances include Huffington Post, MTV, E Entertainment, KCAL News, CBS News, CNN, and Animal Planet. She has been in private practice as a clinical psychologist since 1996.
What is QueenBeeing?
QueenBeeing is an online, comprehensive Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support System created by certified life coach Angie Atkinson and continuously supported by our team of fellow survivors, certified life coaches, and mental health professionals. QueenBeeing also features a strong, vibrant, supportive community for survivors of Narcissistic Abuse that offers support in the form of support groups, counseling, coaching, and a number of courses and tools available for low or no cost.
In addition to the mission of empowering survivors of narcissistic abuse to become thrivers and to create the lives they want, QueenBeeing.com has launched a movement to spread awareness and to help survivors create change in their own families and social circles to prevent enabling and creating toxic people in this world.
Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today
Are you tired of being the victim of narcissistic abuse? Fully over being drained by energy vampires? Are you done with feeling as if your confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth have been slashed to pieces by someone who was supposed to love you? Do you want to reclaim your power, heal from the pain, and gain the tools you need to move on into a healthier life?
Understanding the Trauma of Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissistic abuse is a traumatic experience that can leave you feeling like your life has been upended, to put it very mildly. You may feel alone, misunderstood, and like you’ll never be the same again. It can be very painful and it will feel nearly impossible to carry on.
It’s packed with simple tools and tips on how to recover from narcissistic abuse and take back your life. You’ll learn how to recognize the signs of narcissism, what it means to be gaslit, and how to move on once you’ve been gaslit by a narcissist.
Even better, I built an entire online narcissistic abuse recovery support system meant to help you heal from narcissistic abuse by giving you tools and techniques to overcome the damaging effects of neglect, abandonment, and/or abuse at the hands of someone you trusted to protect you. It offers a virtual roadmap to recovery from narcissistic abuse and you’ll have a guided experience at no cost to you when you simply sign up for email service.
Speed up your narcissistic recovery now.
One of the most effective, low-cost tools I’ve created has already helped hundreds of people just like you and me to take back their lives – and it comes with a free year of online (but OFF social media) support from a private support group and narcissistic abuse recovery coaches and experts.
I call it Positively Profound Personal Transformation After Narcissistic Abuse – and it will help you do exactly what it says: profoundly transform yourself into the person you truly want and deserve to be.
You’ll stop being a victim and start being a survivor. You’ll learn to fend off the “energy vampires” in your life, and you’ll find a way to rise above the negative, toxic people who have effectively destroyed you.
Plus: you’ll be able to become the most powerful version of yourself as you heal and learn to use new tools to deal with the narcissist in your life, however that looks for you.
SPANily Home is an independent online community that offers support to survivors through peer support, online workshops, and more. It does not rely on Facebook or any other social media site.
Plus: optional guided group coaching sessions and one-on-one mentoring with international experts in narcissistic abuse recovery and personal transformation, occasional guest experts in the field of narcissistic abuse, and educational materials such as books and videos that will aid in healing.
All of that being said, don’t feel pressured to purchase this particular deal. There are tons of free and cheap services and tools you can use at QueenBeeing.com – and if you’d prefer more personal or direct support, I invite you to check our Zoom group coaching and/or one-on-one coaching.
Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today
When you first recognize that you’ve been dealing with narcissistic abuse in a toxic relationship, you’re likely to feel two things. First, you’ll feel a bit validated when you recognize that maybe you aren’t as mentally ill as you previously suspected. Then, you might feel a little bit shocked, angry, or confused when you realize that you’ve been living with an abuser and that everything you knew to be true might have been a lie.
Are you trying to end a relationship with a narcissist?
No matter how they fit into your life, it can feel nearly impossible to move on when you’ve been in a relationship with someone who has narcissistic traits.
It’s difficult to understand that the person you thought you knew so well may not have been the person they seemed, and depending on the depth of your relationship, you might be rethinking everything you believed to be true.
Your Guide to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Online
If you’re here, we assume you have recently been the victim of narcissistic abuse, and it can be hard to know where to start when you’re looking for a guide to narcissistic abuse recovery online.
This guide will help you create your own personal narcissistic abuse recovery, including pointing you toward the information you need to understand and how to find the right kind of support, whether it’s a community, coach, or therapist.
Before we get into some of the resources available, let’s take a look at what narcissism actually is and how people experience narcissistic abuse.
They may also exhibit an absence of conscience, a psychological need for power, and an inflated sense of self-importance and entitlement. In general, we’re talking about someone with a high opinion of him/herself who is a toxic, verbally (and sometimes physically) abusive person.
What is narcissistic abuse?
Narcissistic abuse is a pervasive, covert type of abuse that involves the exploitation and psychological abuse of one partner in a toxic relationship.
Narcissistic abuse involves subtle manipulation, pervasive control tactics, gaslighting, and emotional and psychological abuse. This kind of abuse can affect a personal connection, such as marriage, partnership, friendship, or family relationships.
When you’re dealing with a narcissist in the family, they will often abuse everyone in the household and even affect the extended family members. Even professional relationships and acquaintanceships can be affected by narcissistic abuse.
What’s the first step in narcissistic abuse recovery?
It’s hard to know where to start when you want to heal from narcissistic abuse. You may have heard a friend use the term “narcissism,” but not know exactly what it meant or how it could apply to your situation.
Maybe you don’t know anyone who has been through what you have, and that makes it harder for you to know how to move on and find healing.
The first step is getting as much information as possible so that you can make an informed decision about your next steps.
How long does narcissistic abuse recovery take?
We know firsthand how hard it is to recover from an abusive relationship with a narcissist. It can take years, and some days it feels like you’ll never be free of the devastating impact they had on your life. We want you to know that it’s not true – you will get over this.
We’re here to help make sure that happens as quickly and easily as possible.
Narcissistic abuse isn’t your fault.
This is very important – you need to understand that what happened isn’t your fault, ok? It doesn’t matter if it was a relationship or an abusive experience at work or an ongoing situation with a toxic friend or relative – it’s not your fault.
That doesn’t mean you’re perfect, of course. Everyone makes mistakes, and it’s possible that you’ve made a few yourself.
But that doesn’t make you an intrinsically bad person.
Chances are if you found yourself in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, your flaws are highlighted and magnified by your abuser – but the qualities that led you to tolerate them were most likely born in childhood, thanks to some sort of trauma.
The narcissist in your life may have also been a victim of similar childhood trauma, but they just manifested their damage a little differently than you did.
Finding your way through the fog of narcissistic abuse can be a confusing and isolating experience, but you don’t have to go it alone. We’re here to help.
What are the effects of narcissistic abuse on victims?
While narcissistic abuse can result in profound emotional and psychological harm, as well as long-term physical effects, the covert nature can make it difficult to spot and even more challenging to manage.
Worse, if you find yourself involved in this kind of relationship, your self-confidence and self-worth are often so low by the time you realize it, you can’t or won’t leave. Learn more about the effects of narcissistic abuse.
Why are narcissists so likely to abuse the people close to them?
Not all abuse involves narcissists, but in a large percentage of abuse cases, a narcissist is involved. Malignant narcissists have little to no empathy for the people around them and who act from that perspective.
That is: they don’t care how you or anyone else feels, and you can tell because of the way they treat the people around them.
Many narcissistic abusers might be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder – if they actually go to a psychologist for diagnosis, but this rarely happens as narcissists don’t feel that there’s anything with them. They may be overtly narcissistic, or they may be more of a covert narcissist.
What are the stages of narcissistic abuse recovery?
Whether you know it or not, being here and reading this page could mean you’re already in narcissistic abuse recovery. Most people these days learn they’re dealing with a narcissist by Googling their behavior. Or maybe they took an online “Am I dealing with a narcissist?” test.
Either way, for most people, the first step in narcissistic abuse recovery is looking at the warning signs of a narcissist. The second step is learning about the effects that being in a relationship with a narcissist had on you, and what you can do about them.
As survivors ourselves, our goal is to help victims of narcissistic abuse find the support they need and deserve in this difficult time. We’ve built a powerful narcissistic abuse recovery system just for you, and we’re here to help you build and navigate your own path to recovery.
Small group coaching program here – this costs $60/month, but the support is tremendous. In addition to ongoing chat support throughout the week, you will have access to three live Zoom sessions each week with one of our coaches. It’s a powerful and game-changing group experience with plenty of one-on-one attention when/if you want it.
And obviously, some part of you is well-aware that this abuse is wrong and that you should end the relationship, or at least be happy it ended.
But for some reason, you can’t stop thinking about the narcissist. You’re second-guessing yourself, feeling remorse and regret combined with self-doubt that ending is or was the right thing to do.
The more you miss them, the worse you want to see them – and the more you’re sure that you were overreacting and that you weren’t really abused at all.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, as they say, and you develop abuse amnesia – forgetting what the narcissist has done to you and beginning to believe that things really can get better this time.
What are the long-term effects of narcissistic abuse in a toxic relationship?
It’s hard to imagine that everything you thought was true about your relationship might have been a lie, and yet this is the very reality you might be dealing with if you’ve just recognized the narcissistic abuse in your life.
This is just one of many ways that narcissistic abuse in a toxic relationship can lead you to find yourself dealing with serious cognitive dissonance.
And don’t worry – you’re not alone here – in fact, you’re in good company. The effects of narcissistic abuse are all-encompassing – and something like this happens to nearly every narcissistic abuse survivor somewhere along the way.
Cognitive dissonance is the mental discomfort (disagreeing cognitions) we experience when we encounter information that contradicts our existing set of beliefs or knowledge.
In other words, when we experience cognitive dissonance, we feel anxious because part of us wants to reject new information because it is threatening to our established beliefs – but another part of us knows that the new information may be true and is demanding that we accept it as such.
How can you deal with triggers and feeling dissociated during narcissistic abuse recovery?
Understanding trauma bonding is vital to understanding why it’s often so difficult to leave a narcissist, as well as why you can be triggered by seemingly innocuous things if you were previously involved with one. And the good news is that knowing more about it can help you better cope with your experience. Take the information below and use it to better understand your trauma bond and how to get past it.
Try This Reality Anchoring Technique
Reality anchoring is one of the most powerful NLP Anchoring Techniques you can use during your day-to-day life – anywhere and at any time.
Many studies have been conducted on the effectiveness of reality anchoring using different methods to evaluate it, and all of them have come up with similar results in terms of the effectiveness of the reality anchoring technique to reduce negative emotions, increase positive ones and enhance perceived well-being.
A reality anchor is a mechanism that allows you to connect your current situation with an unrelated but positive place in the past.
In other words, you may want to consider looking toward the future while making an emotional connection to some positive experiences from the past.
Doing so can increase your sense of well-being and happiness. It can also decrease any amount of sadness and increase your ability to cope.
This can be achieved by creating a trigger that links one part of your body with a pleasant memory.
For example, you may believe that smelling fresh flowers will reassure you that you were happy on a particular day in the past.
The reality anchor technique is used to encourage a person to be able to adjust their current emotions by finding the source of those emotions in an event in the past or future.
Why should you care if you’re trauma-bonded with the narcissist?
Understanding trauma bonding is vital to understanding why it’s often so difficult to leave a narcissist, as well as why you can be triggered by seemingly innocuous things if you were previously involved with one.
And the good news is that knowing more about it can help you better cope with your experience.
Take the information below and use it to better understand your trauma bond and how to get past it.
How does trauma bonding from narcissistic abuse actively affect your brain and state of mind?
The chemicals oxytocin, which encourages bonding, endogenous opioids – responsible for pleasure, pain, withdrawal, and dependence; a corticotropin-releasing factor which involves withdrawal, and stress; and dopamine which is connected to the craving, seeking, wanting the narcissist back, even when they’ve caused you extreme emotional stress and pain.
Toxic relationships and narcissistic abuse lead your neurochemistry to fall into dysregulated states, which makes it really hard to leave a narcissist and even harder to finally get over a toxic relationship.
How can you re-wire your brain after narcissistic abuse?
Your brain is neuroplastic, meaning it can change and heal in some pretty amazing ways. When you’re dealing with the type of brain damage that is caused by narcissistic abuse, you can sort of re-wire your brain yourself.
(Of course, you should always check with your medical professional to ensure there’s not some other underlying reason for brain fog or being forgetful.)
Speaking of brain fog, let’s define it.
What is brain fog?
Brain Fog is the feeling of dissociation or disconnectedness often experienced during and after narcissistic abuse.
It’s a very common symptom of narcissistic abuse-induced C-PTSD.
Most survivors report feeling lost like they’re not really there, or like they’re sort of watching life happen through a screen or a bubble.
Use Mindfulness to Beat Brain Fog!
Mindfulness is a powerful way to beat brain fog. Learn to live mindfully by practicing the following.
There is no wrong way to do this – just do it and know that everyone has wandering thoughts.
Begin your mindfulness practice by focusing on your breath, it will help ground you for the session.
Some people find it useful to use a mantra to focus on – that is a word or phrase that you say aloud and/or chant. It can be ‘Om’, something like ‘Peace’ ‘Love’ ‘Calm’ or anything you want.
You can use an audio or video of guided meditation if that helps you stay focused.
When you find your mind wandering, and you will, simply return to observing your breath for a minute or so to get back into your practice. You might say aloud ‘thinking’ to label what occurred (your mind wandering to other things) without judging it as bad or good.
Observe – your thoughts, feelings, and sensations – this is the objective of mindfulness (though Buddhists would say there is no goal).
Release – any thoughts, feelings, or sensations without judgment – this is critical to get the benefits of mindfulness.
Label – your thoughts, feelings, and sensations, even the errant ones that occur when the mind wanders; this can be helpful in the ‘observing and letting go’ process.
The more you do this, the easier it becomes.
There are active forms of mindfulness for those who can benefit from something more involved, ie. mindful movement and mindful walking.
Begin by setting aside 5 minutes to practice mindfulness the first week, then increase it to 10 minutes and continue to increase your time every week or so until you are practicing 20 minutes. If you can’t manage 20 minutes, do what works for you. Even 5 minutes each day (or twice a day) will help you.
Supplements That May Help With Your Healing
Did you know that there are certain supplements designed to help with healing your brain?
Calm My Brain: Quell your worried mind with this highly effective formula for the relief of anxiousness, featuring the ultimate calming mineral magnesium, the powerful stress-busting herb KSM-66® ashwagandha, and the fast-acting amino acid L-theanine.*
Attention Support: Trouble concentrating? Can’t sit still? Attention Support contains natural ingredients selected for their clinically proven benefits to help you relax, stay calm, and increase your attention span.
Betaine TMG: Provides the nutrient betaine (trimethylglycine, TMG), which enhances SAMe for healthy mood; provides crucial methyl for DNA, brain neurotransmitters, melatonin, and myelin production; and helps cells regulate their water content.
Brain & Body Power: The easiest way to get your daily mind and body essentials – parceled into convenient packets including a brain optimizing multi-vitamin-mineral, and pure omega-3 fish oil capsules.
Brain & Body Power Max: The most advanced memory-directed formula – perfectly portioned into convenient daily packets including a multi-vitamin-mineral, maximum memory-boosting nutrients, and omega-3 fish oil for complete daily nutrition.
Brain & Memory Power Boost: Our most advanced, best-selling memory formula with a lineup of powerful nutrients clinically proven to help protect circulation in your brain, boost mental connectivity, sharpness, and sustained focus.
Brain Boost On-The-Go: Fight brain fatigue and tackle your day with the zero-calorie, caffeine-free, and sugar-free, effervescent berry blend that’s perfect anytime, anywhere. Quick natural energy and hydration to help promote mental clarity. Simply add to water and enjoy.
Craving Control: Anyone who has ever tried to make better choices knows all too well how cravings can sabotage the best intentions. Craving Control contains all-natural ingredients that help to calm the craving centers in our brain, balance blood sugar and promotes a positive mood.
NeuroLink: Feeling irritable or sad for no reason? NeuroLink helps to balance our emotional ups and downs by delivering an exclusive blend of key nutrients to neurotransmitters in our brain helping us to feel tranquil and clear.
BrainMD’s GABA Calming Support: Calm your mind naturally with GABA Calming Support, an exclusive formula that contains clinically studied nutrients that help to calm your brain waves and help act as the biochemical “brakes” your brain needs to slow down your anxious or fretful thoughts.
Serotonin Mood Support: Does your mind race with negative thoughts? Try our customer favorite Serotonin Mood Support, which contains a patented form of saffron along with other key nutrients that help to promote calmness, positive mood, serotonin balance, and even healthy weight management.
SAMe Mood and Movement 400: SAMe Mood & Movement 400 provides SAMe (S-AdenosylMethionine), a nutrient with very high energy that helps power numerous enzymes important for the brain, joints, liver, muscles, and other organs. SAMe is fundamental to the body’s renewal, repair, and overall well-being.
Trauma therapy is often focused on the past but will also guide you toward future goals and dreams while teaching you how to deal with various triggers.
Awareness of cognitive dissonance, trauma bonding & emotional flashbacks can be instrumental in understanding what your inner experience of the relationship was so you can work through it & begin letting go. Find a therapist here.
You are not to blame for your traumatic relationship with a narcissist. By understanding what happened to you and having the right support on your healing journey, you can go on to live a happy and meaningful life.
After overcoming narcissistic abuse, you may find yourself feeling like a whole new person. If you have found yourself in that stage, take comfort knowing you’re not alone.
It is a journey that is as exhilarating as it is exhausting, but the end result is well worth all the effort.
You can recover. You just have to take your time, and you have to trust the process.
Give yourself permission to rebuild your life from the ground up. It’s going to be a long and difficult road, but it will be worth it in the end.
Get Help With Your Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
The QueenBeeing SPANily, Official – We consider this to be the best narcissistic abuse recovery support group on the web. Offers several subgroups and features a vigilant, compassionate admin team full of trained coaches and survivors, supporting more than 12k members. SPAN is an acronym created by Angie Atkinson that stands for Support for People Affected by Narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships.
Other Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups– We also have separate groups for each stage in your narcissistic abuse recovery, as well as some for those who have moved past recovery and are evolving into the next stage of their own life. Survivors have unique and individual needs, even when they’ve moved on – so we’re still here for you.
One-on-One Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching – If you prefer to get more personalized support in your recovery, you might like to schedule a session with one of our coaches to plan and execute your own narcissistic abuse recovery plan.
Find a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapist – If you’re looking for a therapist for narcissistic abuse recovery, either because you cannot afford coaching and want to use your health insurance or because you have additional issues you need to address that do not fall within the realm of coaching, you will want to find the right therapist for you – and as far as we’re concerned, that therapist must understand what you’ve been through. This page offers assistance to help you do exactly that.
You’ve probably wondered what a narcissist thinks about – and, if you’re anything like me, who told them they could TREAT PEOPLE THIS WAY! You might wonder if it hurts their feelings when someone corrects them or “bests” them.
They will take extreme measures to tell you exactly what they want you to hear without any regard for the truth. Their main concern is only getting their desperate need for narcissistic supply met.
What is Narcissistic Abuse?
Narcissistic abuse is a way of relating to others involving the exploitation, blatant manipulation, and control of others in order to meet the abuser’s own needs. It can exist in a relationship between any two people, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or type of relationship.
Narcissistic abusers are often difficult to spot and even harder to leave. Whether or not they have been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder isn’t as important as whether or not they have narcissistic traits and behaviors.
For example, a narcissistic abuser can be charming, charismatic, and fun at times – and they can turn on a dime and become your worst nightmare. However, thanks to their powerful ability to project, deflect and play the victim, narcissists are rarely confronted about their behavior.
Of course, this is possibly due to the fact that they frequently surround themselves with enablers (AKA flying monkeys) who don’t want to believe that anything is wrong.
The effects of narcissistic abuse can last for years after the relationship has ended and may lead the survivor to develop complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD). C-PTSD from narcissistic abuse differs from PTSD caused by experiences such as car accidents or military combat in that it involves re-living or re-experiencing rather than avoidance or numbing of memories.
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic narcissists use to control someone and make them feel crazy. It doesn’t matter how great a relationship you have with your partner or spouse; as long as there’s abuse and manipulation, your relationship isn’t healthy.
Gaslighting occurs when someone tells you that what you’re experiencing isn’t authentic or not genuine, in other words causing the victim to question their feelings, instincts, and sanity.
First and foremost, you need to know that nothing you do will force the narcissist to change. They will only change if it benefits them.
You must understand that this person does not have the same morals, emotions, or feelings as ordinary people. These people cannot be around a good and decent person or have friends who care about them.
They are only after one thing in life, and that is control. They can never be satisfied with what they have accomplished because there will always be someone out there that they think has more than whatever they have at the moment.
Listen, if you were ever to feel like you want revenge on the narcissist in your life, trust me when I tell you that you are FAR from alone. But is it worth the trouble?
The truth is that whether or not you’re a narcissist’s target, interacting with them can be exhausting (to put it mildly). That’s why it’s essential to keep the upper hand and ensure that they are the ones chasing you – not the other way around.
It doesn’t even have to be anything drastic – act interested in their lives, but not to the extent that they think they can manipulate you.
Toxic relationships have a huge effect on survivors’ lives. They affect every aspect of the survivor’s life and can destroy the survivor’s self-esteem, sense of self-worth, confidence, and trust in their own judgment – as well as their ability to relate to other people.
Trust Your Gut
Trust your instincts, always. When it comes to the narcissist, you, unfortunately, need to be on guard at all times. If you have a gut feeling that something is wrong, it probably is.
Take action: confront the narcissist (if safe to do so), call the authorities, alert family members, tell other people about what’s going on – do whatever it takes to get out.