Twin Flame Vs. Narcissist: What’s the Difference?

Twin Flame Vs. Narcissist: What’s the Difference?

Find Sydney V. Smith, Light Worker & Twin Flame Expert on Instagram!

So you’re wondering what the difference is between a twin flame and a narcissist? That’s understandable. A narcissist can masquerade as a twin flame, so it makes sense that you’d be wondering who you might be dealing with – especially when you’ve dealt with narcissistic abuse in a toxic relationship.

My name is Sydney V. Smith, and I’m a lightworker and a twin-flame expert. That’s how I can confidently tell you that if you are dealing with what seems like an overly-controlling partner, you aren’t dating someone who could be your twin flame. Check out the video below for an understanding of the difference between a narcissist and a twin flame.

 

What is a narcissist?

A narcissist is someone with a very specific personality disorder (NPD) that leads to an inflated sense of self-esteem and a diminished capacity for empathy and compassion. Narcissists are often manipulative and controlling, as well as emotionally abusive.

What is a twin flame?

Your twin flame is your true spiritual partner, the one you have been waiting for your entire life. A twin flame is an incredibly intense soul connection. When a soul is created, it is split into two parts. Mirrors of each other, constantly yearning to connect. Even when you least expect it, this can result in an instant, powerful connection when you meet your twin flame. There’s little scientific evidence for twin flame relationships, although some psychologists argue the phenomenon is real.

The purpose of a twin flame relationship is to awaken you to your untapped potential and ignite a fire deep inside you. This relationship pushes you to do and be better. Opening up a world of possibilities you never even dreamed of.

Please keep in mind that finding a twin flame isn’t easy. Some never even find their twin within this lifetime! With that being said, it’s really easy to label a new partner as a “twin flame,” just when you think things are going well. Before all the problems start showing.

Are twin flames the same as soulmates and twin souls?

Twin flames are often confused with “soul mates” and “twin souls.” These terms do not mean the same thing as “twin flame.” A soul mate might be someone that you have had many lifetimes with, but that does not mean you were meant to be together romantically in this lifetime. In fact, the majority of soul mates do not experience an intimate relationship together in this lifetime.

What’s the difference between soul mates and twin flames?

Unlike soul mates, twin flames are not necessarily romantic partners. They may be our parents or children, or they may be so young that we don’t yet recognize the relationship.

Twins are intense teachers, showing us what we need to work on in ourselves. You can bet that your twin flame will challenge you like no one else ever has!

The most important lesson twin flames teach us is unconditional love. Twins show us how to grow beyond our ego-based selves and into our higher selves. They’re here to help us remember who we are as spiritual beings having human experiences.

What is a true twin flame relationship like?

Twin flame relationships are intense, and it’s not unusual for them to start with a sudden and powerful connection. They’re also highly emotional, thanks to the deep spiritual connection between twins.

While twin flames can have close emotional bonds, they can also be quite distant from each other. Some of these relationships never become physical, and some end in heartbreak or betrayal. Twin flames don’t need words to communicate — their spirits are connected.

What are the signs of a twin flame relationship?

When things seem too good to be true they often are, but in this case, they’re not. However, a true twin flame relationship is not a relationship that is all roses and rainbows 24/7. It is a higher calling, and for it to work, both the twins need to be willing to do the inner work. The challenge is not with the other person but with oneself. Here are the defining traits of a true twin flame relationship:

The twin flame relationship is all-consuming.

The twin flame connection is instant and so strong that it can be overwhelming at times.  It is an instant, instinctive and undeniable soul connection that transcends the physical.

  • It starts with a sudden connection.
  • You feel like you have known them before
  • You feel like you can communicate without having to speak
  • This can be a tumultuous relationship at times but it will bring extreme joy and happiness as well.
  • A strong sense of spiritual connection is present from the start.

The twin flame mirrors you.

They mirror your own personality and issues back to you (which is why many people run from their true twin flame. They don’t want to face their own reflection!) Your soul starts awakening as soon as you meet your twin flame even if you never make contact with them in this lifetime.

  • You feel like you can see into each other’s souls
  • A deep, telepathic knowing of one another.
  • Intense emotions come with the territory.
  • The feeling that you’ve known each other for many lifetimes.
  • You have an intense desire to help each other evolve and grow spiritually.

The relationship feels like a homecoming.

There’s an instant feeling of familiarity. Twin flames complete each other on a soul level, which is why the relationship feels so comfortable and familiar, even though you may have never met before.

There is an unspoken understanding of one another on the deepest level that only your souls can truly describe. You’re able to be completely honest with each other and share anything without fear of judgment or being misunderstood.

Romantic twin flames are friends first and lovers second.

Twin flames have a strong sense of purpose to their lives individually and together, so they often have other priorities besides just being “the one” for each other romantically.

There is a camaraderie and friendship that builds over time as you go through life together as companions, partners in crime, best friends, and loves.

The relationship has ups and downs, but you’re always drawn back to each other.

You can’t stop thinking about them or missing them when they’re not around, even if it’s only been a few hours since you last saw each other, this is especially true of the twin flame runner dynamic where one person will run from the relationship due to the intensity of the connection and the need for personal growth before he/she can be with his/her twin in union (twin flames unite on a soul level first before they unite in a physical incarnation).

You feel an overwhelming sense of spiritual oneness with each other, as if your souls were merging together when you’re together and when you’re apart, you can still sense each other’s energy and presence in a way that feels both familiar and deeply nurturing to your soul.

What is a false twin flame?

There is something called a “false twin flame,” which is sadly more common than a true twin flame. These fake twin flame relationships can often be found in toxic narcissistic relationships.

In these cases, the narcissist will pretend to be your soulmate and they will project a false persona. They will pretend to be everything you’ve ever wanted in order to get what they want from you, which is typically status, sex, or money – also known as narcissistic supply.

Sometimes the narcissist won’t even realize that they’re doing this, as they may have been taught to act this way by their parents who were also toxic.

The narcissist will lure you in with compliments and love-bombing, but eventually, you’ll see that it was all an act. They want you to think they are your twin flame which is the very definition of the term.

How can you tell the difference between a twin flame and a malignant narcissist in a relationship?

The beginning of both twin flame and narcissist relationships can be beautiful. This is why it’s important to know the difference. A narcissist pretending to be your twin flame will say anything to keep you believing them. They’ll say they are exactly the person you are looking for, but you’ll notice their actions say otherwise.

While it is true that narcissism exists on the same spectrum of unhealthy attachments to spirit – and is often confused for a twin flame connection – it is not the same thing.

The Narcissist

The malignant narcissist is someone whose ego has become so inflated that they see their own reflection in everything around them, and everyone else as an inferior extension of themselves. They are constantly seeking validation from others and are unable to give it to themselves. They have boundless energy when they connect with someone they feel they can feed off, but they also have almost no empathy for others. As a result, they cannot form real connections with others because they are not bonding with another person, but instead are trying to fill up their own empty space by projecting themselves onto other people and getting what they want from them. A narcissist is someone who has a deep sense of insecurity and low self-esteem that uses grandiosity to cover their pain. Narcissists have a hard time empathizing with others, but even then their needs come first. They struggle to form real relationships and live in a fantasy world where they are above everyone else.

The Twin Flame

On the other hand, a twin flame partner reflects your greatest light back to you – but not in an egotistical way. A twin flame relationship can be intense because it forces us to look at ourselves and our patterns more deeply than we ever have before. It makes us feel vulnerable and exposed but also gives us the opportunity to heal.

A true twin flame will have no problem committing to you. Once you’ve reached the union phase of the twin flame journey. You’ll know exactly where you stand with them. With no game playing or confusion! A narcissist on the other hand will never fully commit to just one person.

A twin flame is someone who comes into our lives to help us evolve spiritually. With them, we experience deep love, passion, intimacy, companionship, unconditional love, and true friendship. They encourage us to become the best versions of ourselves and mirror our deepest desires.

What are the similarities between twin flame love and narcissistic love?

There are lots of similarities between twin flame love and narcissistic love, including the following.

  • The instant connection of a twin flame can feel similar to the euphoric love feeling of a narcissistic relationship feels during the love bomb phases. This is why it’s important to not ignore these red flags and know the difference – so that you don’t end up falling into the abusive cycle of a narcissist, thinking they are your twin flame. 
  • In both relationships, there will be moments when you feel more deeply connected than ever before.
  • There will also be times when you question your sanity.
  • Both relationships will lead you to incredible levels of personal development, in very different ways. 

How do you find your true twin flame?

If you are looking to draw in your true twin flame the best way is through inner work and self-love. After all, no union can be achieved unless the work is done first.

Twin flame love is all about self-improvement.

So if you need help with that, I suggest meditation, self-reflection, self-love, and manifestation tools.

With Valentine’s Day around the corner…some are looking for love and some already have it. Don’t be too discouraged If you don’t have a Valentine this year. It’s the perfect time to work on things like self-love, which is the most important kind of love. Also, a powerful tool that helps you to draw in more love. For a new partner or a twin flame. A term that’s picked up momentum the past few years. Different from a soul mate.

A useful tool I have for this is a twin flame candle I designed for drawing in your twin flame. Infused with special crystals to help you manifest more powerfully. With rose quartz crystals for friendship and love, along with Carnelian and red jasper for sexual energy and excitement. The way to use this candle is to set your intentions each time you use it. Recharging it each time. Even comes with a prayer for invoking and drawing in your twin flame. Candles in general are a very useful tool for manifesting.

Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today

Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.

Think Like a Scientist, Reduce Your Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Timeline

Think Like a Scientist, Reduce Your Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Timeline

“To be rendered powerless doesn’t destroy your humanity. Your resilience is your humanity. The only people who lose their humanity are those who believe they have the right to render another human being powerless. They are the weak. To yield and not break, that is incredible strength.”
~​Hannah Gadsby

See video on YouTube.

Have you lost yourself during an abusive, toxic relationship with a narcissist?

Going through a toxic relationship with a narcissist can tear you apart and make you feel so beaten down that it feels impossible to recover. At a minimum, you are left feeling devastated, frustrated, headachy, jittery, drained, straight-up exhausted…the list goes on. The pain can seem so bad that you feel cursed. And who could blame you?

It’s awful how someone you loved so deeply could walk away from you without so much as a backward glance. And as they rush around scooping up everything they own maybe including the clothes off your back, it’s almost like they are abusing you all over again! But it doesn’t have to be this way. There are techniques, tactics, coping mechanisms that allow you to feel in control again and to help you reclaim your life after narcissistic abuse.

What is narcissistic abuse? 

Narcissistic abuse is a pervasive, covert type of abuse that involves the exploitation and psychological abuse of one partner in a toxic relationship. This kind of abuse can affect a personal connection, such as marriage, partnership, friendship, or family relationships. When you’re dealing with a narcissist in the family, they will often abuse everyone in the household and even affect the extended family members. Even professional relationships and acquaintanceships can be affected by narcissistic abuse.

While narcissistic abuse can result in profound emotional and psychological harm, as well as long-term physical effects, the covert nature can make it difficult to spot and even more challenging to manage. Worse, if you find yourself involved in this kind of relationship, your self-confidence and self-worth are often so low by the time you realize it, you can’t or won’t leave.

Not all abuse involves narcissists, but in a large percentage of abuse cases, a narcissist is involved. Narcissists of the toxic nature are those who have little to no empathy for the people around them and who act from that perspective. That is: they don’t care how you or anyone else feels, and you can tell because of the way they treat the people around them. Narcissistic abuse involves subtle manipulation, pervasive control tactics, gaslighting, and emotional and psychological abuse.  Many narcissistic abusers might be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder – if they actually go to a psychologist for diagnosis, but this rarely happens as narcissists don’t feel that there’s anything with them. They may be overtly narcissistic, or they may be more of a covert narcissist. In either case, anyone in a close relationship with one of these toxic people will be used as a form of narcissistic supply and not treated like an actual person. Sadly, even the most intelligent and educated people can be manipulated and abused by a narcissist.

How do you recover from narcissistic abuse?

Once you’ve figured it all out, you’re in shock and disbelief for a while before anything else. The heartbreak will either feel immediately unbearable or, if you’re like I was, you might go into some sort of suspended state of animation – going through the motions of life, feeling numb and not present. That is, of course, until you start learning about the mind games and manipulation the narcissist used to control you.

That’s about the time you’ll want to know how to recognize the narcissist’s abusive personal attacks, and how to defend yourself.

The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Process, Explained

You finally understand that these were textbook narcissistic abuse methods! You also learn how to recover from a narcissist because whether or not it’s a conscious and intentional choice or a cluster B personality disorder causing trouble in your life and your relationship, the narcissist is focused on hurting you.

First, take the time to mourn the relationship.

I’ve always felt that the best way to get through narcissistic abuse recovery begins with some time for a mourning period, with an end date in mind. Depending on the length and nature of your relationship, you may need a few days, a few weeks, or even a few months. If possible, take a little time off work to “launch” your period of mourning, and then maybe a few days at the end of your chosen mourning period.

Then, think like a scientist: research and notice the patterns.

I’ve often mentioned that you need to look at a situation logically before you can understand the emotions that go along with it. What I mean is that to really push through the most painful parts, you can sort of look at the details like a scientist. Think about the psychology of the narcissist, just a bit. Look at and notice the pattern in their behavior, and d some research. You’ll find that what they’re doing might look a lot like a playbook. And then you’re going to want to look at yourself and your own psychology in the same way. Figure out what led you to be vulnerable to the narcissist in your life and notice the patterns that allowed you to stick around as long as you did. Chances are that it might have begun in childhood.

Next, identify and name the narcissist’s behaviors.

For me, being able to identify and name the narcissist’s manipulation tactics sort of took the sting out of the situation a bit, on some level. When I was able to understand the psychology of a  toxic relationship, and to sort of look at it “like a scientist” – logically, as opposed to emotionally – I could connect my emotions to the facts.

Then, connect your past to your present.

Find the connection between your past trauma to your present circumstances. That was a big part of stopping the pain and the addiction to the narcissist for me, and I’ve found that my clients usually find it most effective to follow a similar path along their healing journies. It also helped me to learn everything I could about my own psychology (and about codependency, C-PTSD, and the related side-effects) and then to uncover and understand exactly which parts of my life were among the most traumatic and life-changing. Then, I needed to understand exactly how those events and circumstances might have led to my current understanding of both myself and my life. This helped me to work on understanding and learning how to have healthier self-esteem and to recognize that I deserve at least basic respect and that I could choose to set boundaries that make me feel comfortable and safe.

How do you get over the narcissist with the least amount of emotional pain?

When you step back and take a look at all of the things you need to do for narcissistic abuse recovery, it can be distressing to think about how long it will take. However, recovering from narcissistic abuse is not impossible! I believe that with the right mindset and the right tools, you can speed up your recovery time.

What’s the most important thing that you have to do AFTER your break up with the narcissist? There is no instant, painless quick-fix for narcissistic abuse. There is no magical undo button that will erase the effects of psychological manipulation and abuse, nor there is such a thing as an “easy way out” or a fast recovery time.

One of the (many) downfalls of relationships with narcissists is that they keep us hooked with intermittent reinforcement, which, combined with long-game gaslighting and manipulation of our realities, makes it extremely difficult to realize the severity of a situation and deny a painful reality.

Even though there is no magic pill to relieve ourselves of the after-effects of narcissistic abuse, and even though we can’t just snap our fingers and get recovery over with right away, it doesn’t mean we can’t make things better in the process.

The narcissist has hurt you deeply, carved out huge chunks of your soul, and left you absolutely spinning. You don’t even know who you are anymore. You want to scream out loud “Why ME?!”  You start to feel like you’re cursed. The pain is unbelievable, excruciating…and it lasts for months upon months. It’s like having shards of glass in your heart…

The only thing standing between you and the healthier, happier future you desire is the narcissist. So where do you begin?

Well, let’s get started by establishing where you are today, and then we can begin to figure out exactly what it will take for you to move forward. Take this test to find out where you are in the narcissistic abuse recovery process. 

Narcissistic abuse is a difficult thing to endure, but you’re not cursed. You’re a strong survivor and it won’t be long before the best parts of yourself emerge from the fog of manipulation and control. The pain will lessen with time…even if it feels like it will never end. But don’t give up – the journey to feeling whole again is more than worth the effort, I promise you. You can get help from a therapist or a coach, or you can join one of many online support groups for narcissistic abuse recovery.

Question of the Day: What have been your biggest hurdles in narcissistic abuse recovery, and how did you overcome them? Or, if you’re currently struggling, what’s slowing you down? Let me know – maybe I can help! Share your thoughts, share your ideas and your experiences in the comments section below this video, and let’s talk about it. 

Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today

Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.

How to Safely Leave the Narcissist: A Checklist of Things to Do

How to Safely Leave the Narcissist: A Checklist of Things to Do

If you think you might be dealing with a narcissist, you might feel very alone. Narcissists often use charm and flattery to manipulate others into doing things for them.

Leaving a narcissist at any point in the relationship can be difficult, especially when you’ve spent a long time under their control.

Although it’s certainly not easy to break free from someone who has had a hand in controlling every aspect of your life, there are ways to minimize your damage and stress.

How to End an Abusive Relationship With Someone Who Is Narcissistic 

Is there a way to create a safety plan when you are going to leave the narcissist? How can you get out of a controlling relationship safely and successfully?

Here’s everything you need to know to start planning your escape from the narcissist in your life. 

Are you planning to leave an abusive narcissist? 

Your narcissistic partner is abusing you, and you are finally ready to leave. But, unfortunately, it took you way too long to this point, and the idea of leaving the narcissist is quite scary.

Not only do you have no idea what consequences you will face when the narcissist realizes you are trying to escape, but the idea of going it alone in the future could have you feeling stuck and alone.

These are just a couple of the reasons that it’s so very essential to create a safety plan, and you have to make some considerations.

Your Guide to Leaving a Narcissist

When you are finally ready to leave the narcissist, there are several things you need to put in place before pulling the proverbial trigger. If you have kids, it’s even more complicated.

How can you tell you’re dealing with a narcissist?

If you think you might be dealing with a narcissist, here’s how to tell if you’re in a toxic relationship with a narcissistic abuser.

First, ask yourself these questions:

  • Do you feel like you’re being used?
  • Are you constantly feeling bad about yourself?
  • Does he/she make you feel inadequate?
  • Is he/she jealous of you?
  • Does he/she put you down?
  • Does he/she blame you when things go wrong?
  • Does he/she demand total loyalty?
  • Does he/she expect you to do anything without question?
  • Does he/she treat you as though you’re inferior? Does he/she act entitled?
  • Does he/she show off his/her possessions?
  • Does he/she lie?
  • Does he/she take credit for everything you do?
  • Does he/she refuse to accept responsibility for his/her actions?
  • Does he/she need constant reassurance?
  • Does he/she have an inflated sense of self-importance?
  • Does he/she exploit others?
  • Does he/she lack empathy?
  • Does he/she crave admiration?
  • Does he/she believe he/she’s superior?

If you said yes to more than a few of those questions, you could safely assume you’re dealing with a toxic person – and possibly a narcissist. You can also take this test to determine if you appear to be in a relationship with a narcissist

10 Red Flags to Identify a Narcissist

If you think you might be in a relationship with a narcissist, there are some warning signs you should watch out for. For example:

1) They talk down to you.
2) They make you feel bad about yourself.
3) They put you down.
4) They lie to you.
5) They use you.
6) They control you.
7) They manipulate you.
8) They try to isolate you.
9) They blame others for their own mistakes.
10) They expect you to fix them.

Why do people become narcissists? 

There are several reasons why people become narcissistic.

How do you know you have to leave?

What if they’re not really a narcissist? What if you’ve just been worrying and overthinking too much?

What if they suddenly become a human in their next relationship, using all the good stuff you taught them for someone who won’t even appreciate it? 

Leaving a narcissist can be difficult, especially when you’re used to being controlled and abused.

However, if you decide to end things, here are some tips to help you get it right. 

What’s the PLAN?

If you haven’t already, you might like to download my free PLAN (Planning to Leave a Narcissist) Toolkit to help you plan your escape.

PLAN is a free, comprehensive toolkit designed specifically to help you safely leave a narcissistic abuse situation in an emotionally, physically, and/or psychologically abusive relationship, with or without kids involved.

Leaving a Narcissist is Harder Than People Think

In many cases, leaving the narcissist will be a tough decision for you. Even though you’ve heard people tell you to “just leave if it’s so bad,” you’re still scared to leave.

Maybe it isn’t THAT bad, you’ll reason. I am probably just overdramatizing it, you’ll tell yourself.

But change is hard, even when it’s for the best.

And, assuming you’ve been codependent in the relationship and are struggling with trauma bonding (as most survivors of narcissistic abuse will), leaving the narcissist will be even more difficult.

Plus, whether or not the narcissist can return your feelings, chances are you do or did love them with all of your heart. And that doesn’t make it easier.

In fact, leaving a relationship is not easy under any circumstances, and doing so can lead to a lot of pain, confusion, and suffering. But when a narcissistic person is involved, things are far more complicated.

You might be planning how to leave the narcissist already, so this article, along with your PLAN, will ensure that your plan is as effective as it can get.

However, whether you decided that enough is enough or they have decided to leave you, it can be highly stressful and chaotic.

What do you need to consider when creating a safety plan to leave the narcissist? 

Get your checklist here.

Planning to Leave a Narcissist? Quick, Practical Advice and Checklist for How to End a Toxic Relationship with a Narcissist.

Get support where you can

When creating a safety plan to leave a narcissist, be aware that you may need outside help.

  • Especially if you are enduring another episode of abuse and want to leave, it can help to talk to a trusted neighbor or friend and tell them what you’re dealing with in detail.
  • Then, fill them in on your plan to leave.

Create a code word or a signal together that you can use to get help.

  • For example, if you’re dealing with an episode of narcissistic abuse and you need the police, you could text your code word to the neighbor or put something in the window that faces their home.

Or, if you’re planning to leave, you could have your go-bag at a friend’s house so you can get in the car and go when you have the opportunity.

Keep your car full of gas.

When you make your escape plan, you want to ensure that your car is fully fueled at all times so that you can go when the opportunity presents itself.

  • You also want to keep your vehicle parked forward in the driveway or on the street and avoid keeping it in the garage.
  • This way, the narcissist cannot block your way when you make your escape.

Keep an extra set of keys on you. 

Make a copy of your car and house keys to keep them in your pocket whenever possible. 

Remember that the narcissist could quickly grab your car keys and keep them hidden from you, and they will absolutely do so if they think it’ll keep you around.

Plan for income

When you plan to leave the narcissist, you’ll need to figure out how to survive, so try learning some skills by taking an online class.

  • There are tons of ways you can make money online – whether you do so independently or you get a work-at-home job.
  • You can also apply to work part-time at a coffee shop or supermarket to start saving some extra cash.
  • Finally, you will want to look into financial aid and other options to help until you get back on your feet.

Plan for a place to land

  • Tell your friends and trusted family members what you are enduring and your plan to leave the narcissist.
  • Perhaps someone can give you and your kids, if you have any, a place to stay temporarily when you escape. Of course, you will want to look into shelters as well.
  • If you need additional help and support in your narcissistic abuse recovery, look for a trauma-informed professional trained in helping people who are dealing with overcoming narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships.
  • Depending on your particular situation, you might benefit from Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching, or perhaps you’d prefer a therapist.

But, first, you have to decide what to do from here – if you’re unsure, start with my free Narcissistic Abuse Recovery quiz. With your results will come recommended resources for your situation.

Takeaway

The most important thing to remember is that no one deserves to be abused or mistreated.

No matter what they’ve done, you shouldn’t have to feel guilty because you’re leaving.

It’s not going to be easy.

Narcissists have a way of wreaking havoc on their significant others, so it can take a long time before you’re truly healthy and happy again.

But that’s the best part about getting out: once you do, your life will be better than it has ever been!

It might not show right away, but give yourself time—and focus on maintaining your well-being above all else (i.e., don’t try to go from zero to sixty and expect that things will be perfect).

Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today

If you haven’t already picked it up, head over and download your free PLANning Tool Kit (Planning to Leave a Narcissist). Then, when you’re safe and ready to move forward, remember that online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.

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