RED FLAGS: 103 Shocking Signs You’re Dealing With a Narcissist

RED FLAGS: 103 Shocking Signs You’re Dealing With a Narcissist

So you think you might be involved with a narcissist? Whether you’re married to a narc, you’re employed by one or you’re otherwise related to one, any sort of involvement with a narcissist or a person with narcissistic personality disorder can become incredibly toxic and overwhelming for the people who are in the position of being a narcissistic supply.

In this video, I’ll spell it all out in detail – I’m sharing 103 red-flag warning signs that you’re involved with a narcissist. Take a look and tell me what you’d add – and tell me which points resonated with you.

Here’s the thing. You’re not alone in your addiction to a narcissist. In fact, the drug-like effect narcissists have on us can feel beyond our control – we crave their approval and love.

This video is meant to help you determine whether you’re involved with a narcissist or not, and may also help you to see your own situation from a new perspective – one that doesn’t make you feel like you’re “not good enough” or “out of control.”

Often when we have the opportunity to hear how similar our toxic relationships are to others, it allows us to see things from a whole new perspective – one in which you realize that you’re NOT the problem and that it’s NOT ALWAYS your fault.

Nobody’s perfect, but that includes the narcissist – despite what he’d have you believe – and it’s normal to feel the way you do. This video might just prove that to you. When you realize what you’re dealing with, you have taken the first step to solving the problem. 

Want it in writing? Here’s the list. 

1. Love bombing.
2. Quickness: they sweep you off your feet early in the relationship.
3. Too good to be true.
4. Wants to know everything about you.
5. Has bad things to say about the ex. Lots of bad things – and you may even feel sorry for him because of it.
6. Claims to always be the one that has to “do all the work” in every relationship – romantic or otherwise.
7. May change jobs often.
8. Has a lot of amazing stories, though none that you witnessed first-hand.
9. Claims to be incedibly faithful to every woman he’s ever been with, but admits to a single indiscretion or error in judgment. Blames the ex, states she’s “insanely jealous” and says he feels really, really bad about it.
10. Nothing is ever his fault.
11. Makes you feel anxious or on-edge, but you still feel like you want to spend time with him/her.
12. Withholds attention/sex/love when you don’t please him.
13. Undermines your self-esteem.
14. Early in the relationship, blows up your phone and your Facebook timeline with comments, texts and “loves.”
15. Declares soulmate status too soon.
16. May compare you to exes, friends and family members. During the idealization phase, this could sound like “you’re so much better than all of these people.”
17. During the devalue and discard phases, the comparisons will be negative and used against you.
18. Lies, lies and more lies.
19. Always making excuses.
20. You can’t seem to scare them – unless you threaten to expose them.
21. Always seeking thrills or excitement – easily bored.
22. Expects to be entertained.
23. Will require you to stop whatever you’re doing to offer yourself up as supply, whenever necessary.
24. Is overly concerned with your well-being – excessively, even.
25. Controls or attempts to control you through controlling and monitoring your daily activities.
26. Tries to make you depenent on him/her by doing things for you (housework, cooking, etc.)
27. May also try to make you financially dependent.
28. May financially abuse you.
29. May expect/require you to fund his/her lifestyle
30. Wants every second of your time.
31. Constant texts and calls.
32. Can’t stand to be away from you and gets moody or distant if you deny him for LITERALLY ANY REASON.
33. Gets mad when you aren’t available “on demand”
34. Wants to be your “only” everything – meaning, friend, family member, etc.
35. Makes it hard for you to keep committments to others.
36. Eventually causes you to stop making plans or even attempting to contact others.
37. Overly and excessively critical of others in his/her life.
38. Treats his mom like crap – or like a saint.
39. Points out all the things about you that are “better than” his ex.
40. Tells you a big sob story about his life.
41. Claims to have been cheated on or abused by ex.
42. Never takes “the blame”
43. Lots of “special” accomplishments that require praise.
44. Gets testy if you aren’t overly appreciative of even the smallest things.
45. Seems to literally take everything personally.
46. Oddly and easily upset, often rude to waiters.
47. May blatantly flirt with members of the opposite sex in front of you
48. Makes lewd comments about other women/men in your presence.
49. Shows you off like a toy, or hides you away like a castoff.
50. Interrupts often.
51. Never seems to listen – always seems to be waiting until you stop talking so he can say the next thing in his head.
52. Is never on “your side.” Defends other people – even complete strangers he doesn’t even know over you. (Example, you complain about a new guy at work who is a jerk – and rather than being on your side, the narc offers up an excuse for the other guy – and explains why you’re wrong).
53. Expects 100 percent loyalty and confidentiality from you (but obviously believes he’s not required to reciprocate).
54. Always gives with “strings attached.” (Example: you’re broke and your narc dad pays your electric bill. But then he demands that you give him your firstborn’s soul, or whatever.)
55. Throws a fit or causes a scene if she’s not the center of attention at all times.
56. May be jealous of his/her own children, especially those of the same sex.
57. Will almost definitely be jealous of any step-kids and the attention their mother gives them.
58. Has an excessive need for admiration.
59. Is two-faced.
60. Can’t ever admit having done something wrong.
61. Considers himself “the punisher.” If someone agrees with a point of view opposite of his and tells him so, a narcissist will punish the messenger.
62. Treats spouse and/or children as staff or posessions.
63. Is offended by your attempt to get a little “me time.”
64. Will ask you to stop doing whatever you’re doing, regardless of its level of importance, to get your attention.
65. Will go ballistic if you’re unable to stop what you’re doing when he wants your attention.
66. May threaten to divore you or leave you if you won’t comply with his requirements.
67. Will find and poke your most sensitive areas. For example, if you are a person who feels insecure about the way you look, a narc finds subtle ways to let you know that he finds OTHERS attractive.
68. Will call you jealous and crazy every time you bring up anything at all about members of the opposite sex and uses this conditioning to make you doubt yourself when he actually does do something unacceptable.
69. Loves a good roller-coaster ride and his relationships are modeled after one. Expect a lot of highs and lows with a narcissist.
70. Might have weird sex issues or fetishes.
71. May ask you to go way outside of your comfort zome sexually and then emotionally abuse you if you refuse or become uncomfortable.
72. Acts like your thoughts and feelings aren’t real and don’t matter.
73. Makes you feel like you’re “not a real person” – especially in the case of parental narcissists.
74. Controls your money. May require you to “go without” stuff you need such as clothing and medicine in order to pay for his habits or toys.
75. May complain or act hurt when you give him or her gifts.
76. Ruins almost every weekend.
77. Ruins almost every hoiday and birthday.
78. May steal money from your family bank account in order to indulge his habits.
79. Likes to put you in a state of limbo when it comes to events you are invited to attend. Will refuse to commit either way and often won’t let you commit without his consent. (You end up looking rude and losing friends – all part of his plan.)
80. Isolates you and pushes you away from your friends.
81. Compares you to people you aren’t fond of – for example, if your mother-in-law is a hoarder and your husband is neat freak who doesn’t actually do any cleaning, he may accuse you of being a hoarder if you don’t do the laundry fast enough.
84. Yells or gets angry at you for the way you look at him/her sometimes.
85. Considers himself the supreme leader of your life. Gives you “consequences” for your “infractions” of his rules.
86. Tells you that “you need help.”
87. Holds you responsible for things you can’t control. For example, your kid didn’t make the cheerleading team and your narc blames your genetics and spends the next month treating you like crap over it.
88. Expects to be babied and coddled when he wants it.
89. Requires that you “ask no questions” and blindly trust him, often despite repeated incidents that prove that you have a reason to doubt him.
90. Will force you to be rude to (or flat-out lie to) friends and even family members at times in order to avoid having to deal with conflict due to his behaviors.
91. Always seems to be undermining literally everything you are working for.
92. Always offering up “constructive” criticism.
93. A few words or looking the wrong way for a second can cause a long and drawn out argument.
94. Admits on occasion to “fighting dirty” when he/she is “hurt” – this is an excuse for bad behavior and often thrown in with a bullshit apology during the hoovering phase.
95. Might publicly call you out for things he thinks you’re doing wrong. (Example: a Facebook post that says something rude about wives who “won’t have sex” with their husbands in which he tags you and publicy states that you’re not giving it up. Two purposes – to humiliate you and to make other women see that he’s not getting any at home so maybe they’ll feel sorry for him and secretly do him behind your back. Or whatever.)
96. May secretly or blatantly cheat on you and expect you to be okay with it. May get mad at you if you refuse and tear you apart.
97. May have inhuman-like standards for your appearance which you can never meet. May use this as an excuse to treat you like shit. (Hint: it won’t matter – if you became perfect, he’d treat you like crap because other people were too interested in you and that would take attention from HIM.)
98. Exploits people, even including his own children at times, without even considering the consequences.
99. May behave as though he’s embarrassed or ashamed of you when others are around.
100. May be insanely jealous of any and all attention you get from people of the opposite sex.
101. NEEDS you to be super-crazy-jealous and insecure in your relationship and constantly reminds you how much better he could have done.
102. Lies to you about stuff you actually witness and then calls you crazy if you call him on it.
103. Even faced with scientific proof that he/she is wrong, will continue to hang on to his POV, often accusing you of being the problem.

So that’s my list for today. What would you add? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section. Let’s discuss it!

Get more on narcissism and narcissistic abuse recovery:
Rewrite Your Story Udemy Course (this link has a 50% discount attached):

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Build Self-Esteem from the Depths of Hell

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Build Self-Esteem from the Depths of Hell

Everything seems easier when you’re brimming with self-confidence, and starting life over again after narcissistic abuse is no different. Sadly, for those of us who have experienced this kind of toxicity in our lives, the ability to believe in ourselves may be a bit out of our realm of reality – especially when we’re still actively engaged with the narcissist in any way. How to Build Self Confidence in the Depths of Hell

How to Build Self-Esteem After Narcissistic Abuse

Unfortunately, when you’re dealing with a toxic narcissist in your life, it can feel like the world is doing everything in its power to destroy whatever self-confidence you might have going on.

Even so, if you’re willing to beef up your self-image and your affinity for it, you can start building a brand new solid foundation for living a life of happiness and accomplishing great things – the life you truly deserve to live. Wanna give it a shot? Let’s do it.

Ask Yourself: What do you think of YOU?

Your opinion of yourself shapes your beliefs, behaviors, and outcomes – and as we all know, those beliefs can be seriously affected by the abuse put on you by a selfish narcissist.

With that being said, there’s another thing to consider here. If you ever want to find true happiness, you’re going to need a bit of self-confidence. You literally can’t succeed (at least not entirely) without it.

So, are you doomed? NO way. I’ve got you covered.

How to Power-Up Your Self-Esteem After Narcissistic Abuse

Try these power-up strategies to get yourself moving in the right direction after narcissistic abuse. 

Start small.

When your self-confidence is lacking, start small. There are many simple things you can do that make a difference.

Here are a few:

  • Take care of your appearance. Do your best to look your best as often as possible. It’s not shallow to want to look good – and the truth is that you also feel better when you look better. Own it!
    • Bored with your look? Get a new haircut or buy a new outfit. Switch it up!
  • Get your car washed and detailed. Or buy a new pair of thigh-high boots (or whatever your equivalent of that is).
  •  Smile. There’s a chemical reaction that actually makes you FEEL better – even if it’s a fake smile. Added bonus: people will wonder what you’re thinking. And most often, smile back.
  • Fix your home up a bit or redecorate your bedroom. Same deal as your appearance – it just makes you feel better.

Take control of your internal dialog.

Notice the negative things you say to yourself and quickly edit them into a more positive version. This requires time and energy, but the payoff is huge.


You’ll be proud of yourself if you get out of the house and do something for someone else. You might even make a new friend or two, which can also build your self-confidence. As an added bonus, volunteering is free of charge.

Be prepared.

Whether you have a presentation at work, a meeting with your divorce attorney, a date, or a party on the social horizon, be prepared. Wear clothes that fit the occasion. Who will be there? What do you need to know? How can you best prepare? You’ll feel much more confident when you’re fully prepared.

  • And, if you’re like me? You’ll feel better when you plan your look very carefully. Don’t be afraid to shine – inside and out.

Set a small goal and achieve it.

Make it HAPPEN! Nothing builds confidence like success, so make success easy. Choose a small, yet meaningful, goal and ensure you achieve it. Enjoy the success. You’ll have the confidence to go after a bigger goal next time.

  • A steady stream of victories is the surest way to boost your self-confidence. You’ll feel like there’s nothing you can’t do. Count EVERY success!

Surround yourself with those who support your happiness.

Does your sister still pick on you after 30 years? Tell her to stay away until she can be kind. Spend time with others who encourage you. You only need a few good friends to make life worthwhile. Consider trimming your social circle and keep the people that routinely treat you the best.

Make a list of your strengths, talents, and accomplishments.

Rather than focusing on the things you don’t do well, spend some time being positive. You get what you put out there, energy-wise, so put it out there carefully.

One-Minute Bliss Mission: Grab a pen and a piece of paper. As fast as you can, answer the following questions. 

  • What are your greatest achievements?
  • What do you do well?
  • What are your strengths?

Make a long list and keep writing until you’ve run out of ideas. And then, sit back and simply be amazed by how amazing you are. Seriously. Do it. 🙂

Avoid comparing yourself to anyone else.

Sure, your cousin makes more money. Your neighbor only wears designer clothes while you’re hitting up Walmart. Your boss drives a better car. It’s easy to find someone doing better in some small way – if you look for it. But that’s on you – it’s YOUR CHOICE what you focus on. So, if I’m you, I’d go a different way. Instead of comparing yourself to others, try comparing yourself to yourself. Have you gained or lost weight since last month? How has your bank account changed since last year? What can you do today, right now, to become a better version of you?

  • Focus on your personal progress and forget about making comparisons to others. A strong sense of self-confidence makes every part of life easier. I promise.

Bottom Line

If you want to get through the hard times you’ll go through during your narcissistic abuse recovery, you’ve got to create a strong foundation for achieving those big goals by taking the actions required to boost your confidence and self-esteem. Self-confidence gives you the power to change your life. You feel me?

Share your thoughts and experiences. Let’s talk about it. 

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