“In the ancient world, dancing Bees were special – the Queen Bee in particular, for she was the Mother Goddess – leader and ruler of the hive, and was often portrayed in the presence of adoring Bee Goddesses and Bee Priestesses.” ~Deborah DeLong, RomancingtheBee.com
Narcissists Are All the Same
I can’t tell you how many emails and phone calls I’ve received in support since I shared with you the story about how Sam Vaknin gaslighted me on Facebook.
For example, I got this message from a reader through the private messaging system on my Facebook page.
Hi Angela, did you know Sam reposted your article on his Facebook page titled “LESSON: Never tell a dumb person they are dumb.” I follow him on Facebook and read your article. I noticed all the comments were supporting Sam, which seemed weird. I wrote “I agree with her. Sam, way too harsh on someone who sincerely admired you and wanted an interview.” Ten minutes later, he removed my comment then blocked me. What the hell? Even though his insights on narcissism were helpful, he doesn’t get to decide what I say! LESSON: call out a narcissist on their Facebook page and get blocked! #noregrets. Plus, think of the free exposure he is giving you!
Each time someone reached out to me, I felt vindicated and supported at the same time. But, you had to know it: not everyone was so supportive.
The Attack of Vaknin’s Followers
Some of Vaknin’s followers are fellow narcissists. And narcissists? They can’t help themselves.
Despite the fact that they see nothing wrong with their less than human behavior, narcissists can’t help but take an opportunity to proverbially (or literally) “kick” someone while she’s down.
It’s like when a comedian’s on stage before a distracted crowd and some jerkoff starts heckling them from the back row. It’s enough to make anyone feel a little crazy.
But sometimes, the hecklers are so wrapped up in their own special kind of obliviousness that they fail to notice that they are, in fact, entirely predictable.
Your Standard Narcissist: This One is No Different.
Every now and then, one of them strikes out at me in a huff, probably as a direct result of some type of narcissistic injury, real or imagined, as a result of something I wrote.
See, I have written extensively on narcissism, including several books as well as a whole host of articles and blog posts.
My Theory on Narcissists and Insecurity
I have a theory about these folks, and it’s pretty much the same one I have about every narcissist: they are so insecure with themselves that they need to attempt to pull others down to their levels.
In the convoluted mind of a narcissist, this evens the playing field, allowing him to climb up on your proverbial back to reach the level just above yours – but in reality, this behavior simply exposes him for what he truly is – an insecure, sad and lonely little person.
Why We Shouldn’t Feel Angry at Narcissists
It’s really a handicap if you think about it – the crippling insecurity and lack of personal development that leads to narcissism. When it comes to the haters, the naysayers, the bullies, and the narcissists in general, there are things you’ve got to remember if you want to avoid going completely insane.
If you ask me, we should feel sorry for them, because they don’t even realize that they’re depriving themselves and everyone else they affect from a true human experience.
Being Underestimated: Take It for What It Is
Do you know what it feels like to be underestimated? It really used to bug me. A lot. But now, I recognize that people are actually not hurting me when they make stupid assumptions about me. They’re simply showing their true ASSumptive selves.
These days, I find it all rather amusing. And since I took back my life, I don’t let it bother me one bit.
Narcissist See, Narcissist Do: Vaknin’s Fan Fires a Shot
My favorite (absolute favorite) kind of heckler is the unprovoked one. For example, I got a comment on my Facebook wall from a “woman” who promptly blocked me after posting the comment, without even giving me an opportunity to reply.
Since she’s clearly a very insecure person, I thought I’d offer her the pleasure of being the subject of this article.
So, dear “Yuriko Unicorn” (AKA Yuriko Naradi Beniwal, if that’s your real name), this one’s for you.
Sam Vaknin’s Facebook Follower Offers Up Yet Another Display of Narcissism
Apparently, this “fan” of Dr. Sam Vaknin, who recently gaslighted me on Facebook, felt compelled to follow up on Vaknin’s original insults with a few of “her” own.
Now, to be fair, the thought has crossed my mind that this might actually be a Sam Vaknin alternate account, but for now, let’s assume that “Yuriko” is a real person.
In a blatant display of narcissism, this person posted the following on QueenBeeing’s Facebook page.
I find your use of the metaphor of being a queen bee fascinating…… here’s a biology lesson… there is only 1 queen per hive….. the drones ( the male bees) are born simply to impregnate a new queen when the hive either kills the old queen because she can no longer lay eggs (her only function), or because the hive is too large and it’s time to establish a new hive. The drones never eat… they are never fed by their sisters (the other bees) nor do they eat on their own… after one impregnates the queen, they are driven out of the hive to starve to death or outright killed if the won’t leave by their sister bees. The bees that kill the queen are all her own daughters. Dr. Sam Vaknin says that it is pointless to argue with the stupid…. let’s find out:) BTW, did u know that there are insects called wasps? Like bees, but they are mostly solitary, non hive living… they can sting repeatedly, unlike bees, who die when they sting you:) Buzz buzz buzz….
I honestly could not help but laugh when I read this again just now. I mean, really?
To be fair, I DO like the whole Queen Doing thing, so you can expect me to do something with that in the future. So to my new little block-happy friend, thanks for the thoughts – and thanks for the blog post material. Keep it coming. 🙂
Other than that, I don’t even want to justify this ridiculousness with a response. But I’ll tell you this: I use the Queen Bee in its symbolic form, not its literal one. It is, after all, a symbol.
So tell me: what do you think of this person’s attack? Am I wrong to call it rather narcissistic? Do you believe the person is as insecure as I do? Tell me your thoughts below. I can’t wait to hear your two cents.
Get help with narcissistic abuse recovery, right now.
- The QueenBeeing SPANily, Official – We consider this to be the best narcissistic abuse recovery support group on the web. Offers several subgroups and features a vigilant, compassionate admin team full of trained coaches and survivors, supporting more than 12k members. SPAN is an acronym created by Angie Atkinson that stands for Support for People Affected by Narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships.
- Other Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups – We also have separate groups for each stage in your narcissistic abuse recovery, as well as some for those who have moved past recovery and are evolving into the next stage of their own life. Survivors have unique and individual needs, even when they’ve moved on – so we’re still here for you.
- One-on-One Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching – If you prefer to get more personalized support in your recovery, you might like to schedule a session with one of our coaches to plan and execute your own narcissistic abuse recovery plan.
- Find a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapist – If you’re looking for a therapist for narcissistic abuse recovery, either because you cannot afford coaching and want to use your health insurance or because you have additional issues you need to address that do not fall within the realm of coaching, you will want to find the right therapist for you – and as far as we’re concerned, that therapist must understand what you’ve been through. This page offers assistance to help you do exactly that.
- Where Are You in Recovery? You might not be sure exactly where you fit in and what level of recovery you’ve achieved. If that’s the case, you’ll want to check out this self-assessment to help you determine exactly where you fall in the stages of recovery from narcissistic abuse. Once you finish and submit the assessment, you will be given resources for your own situation, along with recommendations of which groups to join.
- Which Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program is Right for You? If you aren’t sure which program you want to utilize to facilitate your recovery from narcissistic abuse, this self-assessment will help you decide.
Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy.
She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.