Pokemon Go: Drug-Free Way to Combat Narcissistic Abuse-Related PTSD?

Pokemon Go: Drug-Free Way to Combat Narcissistic Abuse-Related PTSD?

Can a game help to make your narcissistic abuse recovery less difficult? Maybe so, and I’m about to tell you all about it. 

July 6, 2016, something kind of unexpected happened to me – I accidentally found a connection with a whole bunch of other people across the world, who, luckily, included my kids.

In fact, I was far from alone – and within 24 hours of the game hitting the US app stores, the game had more active users than freaking Tinder!

Yeah, I’m talking about Pokemon Go, the app that has taken over your Facebook news feed and has already changed the lives of millions. But this one’s different than Candy Crush and all kinds of other games I never managed to get addicted to – it’s a whole other thing.

See, the way the game is played, it almost forces you to go out and move your butt a little, and to do so in places in the community around you.

You’re a Poke trainer and you are tasked with a few different things – including collecting/catching/hunting these little Pokemon creatures (monsters?) who you can then train and use to battle other players at the Pokemon gym.

But here is the reason I’m talking about this today – I believe that this app could literally change our society.

I’ve met neighbors I didn’t know before. I’ve run into all kinds of people that I couldn’t have or wouldn’t have ever run into – and I’ve got a whole new way to connect with my kids.

And what’s better is the latest news: apparently, people are reporting lots of benefits – in addition to the obvious benefits (moving your ass and getting into the community more often), there’s the whole mental health factor.

(Not to mention that local landmarks and businesses are seeing more traffic than ever – our St. Louis Zoo seeems to find itself busier than ever since that date).

And, while I’m brimming with ideas on how this app could change the whole world, I’m even more excited about the mental health part.

Okay, so what do the experts say about the effects of Pokemon Go on your mental health?

“In terms of the phenomena of people expressing the benefits of playing the game to their real-world mental health status, I think that’s very unique and it’s the first time I’ve ever seen anything like that,” Dr. John Grohol, the founder of Psych Central, told Engadget. 

“The research is really, really clear on this, that the more you exercise, the more it would help decrease feelings of depression,” he told the tech news site. “It actually works as an anti-depressant and it has a really, pretty strong effect. It’s probably one of the most beneficial things a person with depression can do, especially if they’re not accessing other types of treatments, such as psychotherapy or medication.”

Dr. Greg Wadley, a computer science lecturer from the University of Melbourne told ABC Australia that there are definite mental health benefits to playing the game.

“That way of taking a break and letting the mind think about something different is better than smoking cigarettes or drinking alcohol, which is what a lot of people do to de-stress,” he said.

And, he added, in addition to making people less isolated, an augmented reality game like Pokemon Go does force people to go outside and exercise.

Maybe even better, if you’re hanging out at a Poke-stop and there are 10 or 20 other people there all catching Pokemon, guess what? You’ve got something to talk about.

Of course, it’s a well-documented fact that physical exercise is one of the best ways to combat depression, and almost every other mental health issue. And in addition, the social aspect and the whole changing your scene deal are also standard practice when it comes to getting through the tough times.

Some users say that the game has actually become a better treatment than anything their doctors could prescribe and anything their therapists recommended.

So that’s what I’ve got for today – how about you – are you playing? What do you think about this phenomenon? What other unique ways have you found to get through the hard times? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section and let’s discuss it.

Answered: Your Questions on Emphatic Validation in Narcissistic Abuse

Answered: Your Questions on Emphatic Validation in Narcissistic Abuse

Today, I’m answering a question from YouTuber iwish itwassnowing, who said:

“Hi Angie, thanks for your work.

However, l couldn’t help noticing the following things that seem contradictory to what you have been saying in your videos so far, at least among those l’ve watched.

1.The suggestion to use emphatic validation ( it shows on the slide at 15:57). From my experience, it doesn’t work. “Putting it nicely” doesn’t work. Even if we were to speak solely from a theoretical point of view, since they’re out to get supply, anything you say is going to be used against you, no matter how you phrase it.

2. Isn’t “healthy narcissist” (it shows on the slide at 16:35) an oxymoron?”

In the Go Ask Angie series, I respond “off the cuff” to questions, comments and concerns sent to me by my YouTube viewers, readers from my QueenBeeing.com site and those who reach out in other ways, such as by email.

Learn more at https://queenbeeing.com. Get my books at http://booksangiewrote.com and pick up your free 5-day fear-busting email course (especially designed for narcissistic abuse survivors) at http://narcissismsupportcoach.com.

This answer is in response to this video:

Explained: Why You Keep Going Back to a Toxic Narcissist

Explained: Why You Keep Going Back to a Toxic Narcissist

So often, survivors of narcissistic abuse find themselves falling for the hoovering and love-bombing of narcissists who have nothing but their own interests (and “supply”) in mind.

And, when they do, they find themselves feeling like they’ve been fooled, taken – plain old lied-to. They realize they’re once again the victim of the narcissist’s standard one-two punch – the gaslighting/hoovering cycle.

It’s what causes us to keep going back to the toxic relationships in our lives – and it’s what causes us to waste our lives on people who just aren’t worth it. 

I’ll also identify the biggest fear we all have – and how toxic narcissists will use it against you to get what they want – including how they use it to suck you right back in – even when you know better. 

I’ve explained it all in detail in the video below. 

So what do you think? Did you recognize yourself in the video? Have you been sucked back in? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments. Let’s discuss it. 

53 Big Fat Lies Narcissists Tell When Love Bombing

53 Big Fat Lies Narcissists Tell When Love Bombing

Narcissists have a way of really reeling in their victims, and it usually begins the moment you meet them. They’ll work hard to create an intoxicating bubble around you, presenting only false selves. They will do whatever it takes to win you over – and you’ll fall for it, hook, line, and sinker – even and sometimes especially when you technically should “know better.”

But once you’ve committed to this person, it’s usually too late. You’re already found yourself caught in their web of lies that nearly eliminates any chance of you leaving them. Worse, the lies they tell during the “honeymoon” phase can be very strategic – or the narcissist could just be infatuated with you. Either way, they appear as if they care deeply about your welfare. In reality, this is what love bombing is all about.

What is love bombing?

Love bombing is an intense, overwhelming whirlwind experience of being romantically pursued by another that includes overtures of grandiose, idealized love and devotion. These displays may consist of poetry, flowers, cards, and gifts—even marriage proposals or fraudulent offers of “forever” love. Love bombing is also called idealization. It usually happens during the initial stages of a relationship with a narcissist, when they attribute exaggeratedly positive qualities to the self or others. It’s the first part of a larger cycle of abuse.

What is the cycle of narcissistic abuse?

The cycle of narcissistic abuse is a pattern used by a narcissistic personality disorder, psychopathic, or sociopathic person to entrap their victims into giving them narcissistic supply. Unfortunately, the more they are given, the more narcissistic supply they feel they need. And the more intensely they are loved (or hate), the more shame is exposed, triggering greater and greater fears of destruction that ultimately result in narcissistic rage. For the most part, victims will experience four main phases, including the idealization phase, also known as love bombing, followed by the devaluation and discard phases. Thus, this cycle of abuse is a pervasive pattern of alternating idealization and devaluation.

How can I tell if I’m being love-bombed?

Why is it so hard to tell the difference between a love bomber and someone interested in you on a healthy level? The fact is that on the outside, a love bomber and a healthy person who has fallen in love might appear to be pretty similar. But some subtle differences are often overlooked when we are under the spell of new love.

What kinds of things do narcissists say during love bombing?

I asked my SPAN online support group this question: What are some things your narcissist said to you during the “love bombing” phase of your relationship? As we discussed the topic, several group members felt shocked about the similarities between their stories. It was in black and white: the plain pattern that seems to flow throughout nearly every toxic relationship with a narcissist – at least in some iteration.

Below are their answers – as you look through this list, I want you to think back to the beginning of your relationship – do you see a pattern, too?.

53 Lies Narcissists Tell When Love Bombing

Narcissists in love-bombing mode seem to tell some pretty common lies meant to throw us off the scent of what’s happening in the relationship. By learning to spot these red flags, you can better protect yourself from falling victim to their manipulations and behaviors. **Trigger warning: These are actual statements from toxic narcissists shared with me by real survivors of narcissistic abuse.**

  1. “You seem like the type of person I would want to marry someday.”
  2. I never wanted children until I met you.
  3. I’m divorced.
  4. It’s all you – all the time. (Because I have no friends.)
  5. My exes are all crazy bitches. (The same narc asked at the end of the relationship: “Is it okay to still visit for sex after our divorce?”)
  6. Your mother/sister/father/brother is messed up! I hid out in the other room while they were here because they gave me a bad vibe.
  7. How dare you put your kids before me?
  8. You don’t love me! Only your children.
  9. The day after, he had been drunk the night before. There was never an apology for his bad behavior, but he would always ask, “do you still love me?” And, of course, I would shower him with the reassurance of how much I loved him.
  10. “I just want to be with someone who wants to be with me for the same reasons I want to be with them.”
  11. You’ve never met anyone like me.
  12. “I love you” (a few days to a few months).
  13. “I will die without you.”
  14. “I will do anything to get you back. Please tell me you love me.”
  15. “Can I take the condom off?  You know I will take care of you.”  (3 days before, he discarded me for his new victim. Probably because I said no and wasn’t going to take him back without him becoming a decent human being.)
  16. “You remind me of my mother.”
  17. “The only way I’ll ever leave you is in a pine box.” (And left three days later, for a month, before coming back.)
  18. You’re all mine now, and I’m not letting you get away!
  19. “God sent you to me.” (a couple of days in)
  20. Oh, I never used to yell this much before my ex-wife… (and other irrational or jealous statements/accusations)
  21. I’ve never loved anyone as much as you before.  I couldn’t live without you now.
  22. How much do you love me? (I was asked this almost daily ).
  23. Will, you always love me  (again almost daily when he wasn’t giving silent treatment ).
  24. Why do you love me?
  25. You love me more than I do you!
  26. I think you’re a good investment!
  27. I wish I met you 30 years ago. We’d have been so successful.
  28. So, when’s the wedding? (2 weeks in)
  29. I just suddenly fell in love with you  (the day after seeing my new house ).
  30. You’re perfect for me.
  31. No one will ever love you as much as me.
  32. I don’t need anyone but you.
  33. You’ve made me happy.
  34. My wife was cold and hated sex.
  35. My wife didn’t talk to me.
  36. My wife has issues.
  37. “I did everything to save my marriage”  (I didn’t know about his 2-year affair, which he was still in when he forced himself into my home, saying he’d left his wife for me, and I couldn’t refuse him and make him homeless. So we weren’t even going out together. He was just a friend through work!)
  38. “I know how wonderful it can be when two people truly love each other share the same goals.”
  39. The narcissist made various graphic statements regarding my anatomy.
  40. It could have been anyone, but no, it was me and no one else who was the perfect one for him.
  41. He knew I was his soulmate.
  42. He knew from the first time he saw me that I was the one for him.
  43. He never had as intimate a relationship with anyone before me.
  44. Sex has never been this good with others
  45. “I’ve never been love like this”
  46. “You’re my dream girl!”
  47. “I don’t know what hit me.”
  48. That was the first time I called a woman on my phone. It has been so long.” (7 months to be exact, but with hookers in between that and meeting me.)
  49. “When I went out with my friends, I would not talk to any other women… Until I met you. You’re amazing.”
  50. “I don’t do violence.”
  51. “We are like soul mates, aren’t we “
  52. “Where would I be without you?”
  53. “I’ve never been with a girl as pretty as you.”

Okay, now it’s your turn. How many of these phrases sound familiar to you? What would you add to our list? 

Need more help? You might like to read Your Love is My Drug: How to Shut Down a Narcissist, Detoxify Your Relationships & Live the Awesome Life You Really Deserve, Starting Right Now.

Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today

Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.

Additional Resources for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: A Free Online Support Group for Survivors

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: A Free Online Support Group for Survivors

SPAN is an acronym for Support for People Affected by Narcissism (in relationships). It’s an online support group I host for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse – in an easy-to-access and convenient (yet private) forum – hosted on Facebook.

Given the volatile nature of narcissists, the SPAN group on Facebook is a private group – so no one can see what you post there except other members – and it won’t show up in your public or friends’ newsfeeds.

If you’d like to join the group, please join here and you’ll be added within 48 hours. 

In this video, I’ll tell you a little more about the group – and I’ll share the members’ rights and responsibilities. 

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