I learn lessons in love that help to make my relationship stronger.
I believe in love and the stirring emotions that I feel when I encounter someone whom I can call my soul mate. I realize that such a relationship is rare, so I carefully nurture it to allow those feelings to grow deeper and stronger, fortifying our bond of love.
I acknowledge that no relationship is perfect, yet everything that happens in my relationship has a lesson attached to it. I take advantage of these lessons in love to build a more positive relationship each day.
When I have an argument with my partner, I always endeavor to reach a point of forgiveness in a short time. I initiate discussions on the issue so we can find a resolution. This approach makes it easier for us to relate more positively going forward.
Whenever I make the mistake of doing or saying something hurtful to my partner, I immediately acknowledge the negative effect on their well-being.
I take a step back and revisit my actions. I put myself in my partner’s shoes and realize the impact. Then, I sincerely apologize.
Today, I take the time to learn from love so our love can keep growing. I commit to learning each day from my relationship and embrace the fact that every effort made to build a better relationship results in a stronger love.
Self-Reflection Questions:
1. Do I strive to strengthen my relationship?
2. How can I avoid saying or doing hurtful things to my partner?
3. Do I make it a point to apply the lessons learned in love to fortify our bond?
I’ve never claimed to be a poet, but every now and then, I run across a poem that stokes a fire in my soul.
I figure we could all use a little fuel for those burning fires in our souls.
You know the kind I’m talking about, right?
The ones that make us want to DO better, HAVE better, BE better.
That’s why I’ve decided to share a few of my favorite motivational poems with you today.
Enjoy!
The Victor By C.W. LongeneckerIf you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don’t
If you like to win but think you can’t,
It’s almost a cinch you won’t.If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost.
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow’s will
It’s all in the state of mind.If you think you are outclassed, you are.
You’ve got to think high to rise.
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win the prize.
Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man.
But sooner or later, the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.
The Road Not Taken
By Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I –
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Promise Yourself:The Optimist Creed
From The Optimist InternationalPromise yourself to be so strong that nothing can
disturb your peace of mind.To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to
every person you meet.To make all your friends feel like there is
something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your
optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best,
and expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on the
greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give
every living person you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, and too
strong for fear, and to happy to permit the
presence of trouble.
Do you have a favorite poem? What stokes your soul-fire? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section, below!
“When I first started I didn’t think I deserved [fan acclaim] — which is why I did things like refuse awards. I felt then that anybody who loved me must be mental and was not to be trusted… I didn’t believe in myself [before] and now I do, so I can accept other people believing in me or liking what I do.” ~Sinead O’Connor
I was checking Google Analytics the other day for this site, and found that someone had found it by typing in “I feel like I’m not good enough.”
It stopped me in my tracks. Suddenly, the numbers didn’t matter anymore.
I connected for a moment with the person who felt sad and alone, but hopeful enough to reach out for help. I hope that person found something here that helped her find peace, maybe some small phrase or idea that sticks with her and makes a difference in her perception.
I have been there. I have felt just like that–as I’m sure many of you have. In fact, one of the reasons I write this blog is because I have been there and because I want to help people who are there now. I have learned how to change my perception, how to change my life…and I’m creating the life I want.
Don’t get me wrong, there have been bumps along the way, and no one is perfect. But the difference today is that now, when I feel down, depressed or angry, I am able to move past it and go on with the business of being happy. I have programmed myself to notice when I’m headed down the wrong road, and to change my mind–which has me on the fast track to having the life I want.
How do you stop feeling ‘not good enough?’
So, how does it work? How do you move past feelings of inferiority? What do you do when you feel like you’re not good enough?
Identify the Source
Why do you feel that way? Something has happened in your life to cause you to take on the belief that you’re not good enough. Did a parent, teacher or friend constantly berate you as a child? Or maybe your parents wanted you to succeed so badly that they pushed you in a direction you didn’t want to go? Do you have a superstar sibling who was always in the spotlight, leaving you to wonder why no one noticed you? Maybe there was a lover or partner who rejected you or belittled you too often?
Take a moment to think about it. Who or what gave you the impression that you weren’t good enough or that you were somehow inferior to others?
Now that you’ve identified the event or situation that first caused feelings of inferiority in your life, it’s time to decide how you want to perceive it. Let’s say your parents were especially hard on you as a child. Maybe nothing you ever said or did seemed to be good enough–and all you ever wanted was their approval.
You could choose to feel like a broken, beaten down victim if you wanted. You could carry that feeling of sadness and desperation with you throughout your life, and you could attract more of it into your world.
Or, you could decide that you don’t accept their negativity, and you could change your perception. You can decide how to feel, and the more you focus on feeling good and being happy, the more reasons you’ll find to feel good and be happy.
How does changing your perception help?
Here’s the deal. When you feel inferior and you focus (intentionally or otherwise) on feeling sorry for yourself, and on thinking that you’re not good enough, then you create a reality in which those negative feelings and situations thrive. By always worrying about (AKA focusing on) the things you don’t want, you draw more of the things you don’t want into your life.
So, if you want to feel good about yourself and know that you deserve every good thing that comes your way, you have to first decide to change your mind. And then? You just fake it ’til you make it.
How do you fake it until you make it?
Begin by coming up with a simple mantra. For example, you might use “I am a beautiful person with amazing self-confidence” or “I am strong and intelligent and I deserve the best.”
Then, make a point of noticing when you have negative thoughts about yourself or other people or situations in your life. (It will seem forced at first, but quickly becomes second nature.)
When you notice those thoughts, mentally “cancel” them and recite your mantra (out loud or in your head.) The simple act of “changing your mind” might feel a little “fake” at first, but stick with it. Soon enough, you’ll find that it becomes natural, and then one day, you’ll truly realize that you are, in fact, good enough. Not only that, but you’ll realize that you’re pretty freaking awesome. You’ll realize that you like yourself, and before you know it, you’ll realize that other people like you too.
What does it mean to love yourself?
You have to love yourself! Don’t just say it. Do it – actually love yourself. No matter if you feel silly or self-indulgent. The only reason you’d feel that way is if you felt you didn’t deserve to have good things and people and situations in your life.
You must recognize that you DO deserve good things, you DO deserve to be happy. And by ACTUALLY loving yourself, you can begin to truly embrace the things and people and situations that you want in your life
“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” ~ Lucille Ball
Be nice to yourself. Treat yourself like someone who is treasured and deserving of everything you want. Treat yourself like someone you love–because if you can’t love yourself first, you won’t let anyone else love you either. Love begets love, my friends.
Buy yourself little gifts, allow yourself little luxuries and remember that you are just as important as every other person in the world. You matter. YOU are important. Treat yourself like someone who deserves the very best, and as your light begins to shine, watch as others begin to treat you that way too.
How do you remind yourself that you are completely amazing? How about reminding yourself that you deserve to have good things, people, and situations in your life?
“If you give your life as a wholehearted response to love, then love will wholeheartedly respond to you.” ~Marianne Williamson
Although it looks a lot like a poem, the brief prose I’m sharing from author and lecturer Marianne Williamson today (below) offers us a chance to take a hard look at ourselves and our perceptions.
And maybe, it will help us to find new ways to feel more confident and secure in ourselves–to learn to shine our own lights as we encourage others to shine their own.
Our Deepest Fear
By Marianne Williamson
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking So that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were all meant to shine, as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same As we are liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others.”
What I Think
As I see it, it’s not about being “full of ourselves” or “arrogant”–it’s about being confident and secure.
I believe that self-confidence and arrogance are two very different things.
True self-confidence gives you the ability to feel good about yourself, while still genuinely encouraging others to shine their brightest and celebrating their accomplishments and general awesomeness as you celebrate your own.
Arrogance, on the other hand, is based in insecurity, an often secret fear of not being good enough (or maybe, as Williamson believes, a fear of success). In either case, that fear makes you want to push others down in order to lift yourself up–and in the long run, you might find a little bit of superficial success, but you might end up feeling so empty or unfulfilled that you can’t really enjoy it.
That’s just my take, of course.
How do you see it? Please share your thoughts and feelings in the comments section, below. I’d love to know what you think!
I think that as we attempt to make changes physically, we also need to be focusing on the inside. We need to decide that we ARE worth it, and do whatever is necessary to help us learn to accept ourselves for who we are, for what we want to become. We need to learn to love ourselves. This is something I’ve worked hard to instill in my three children, and I think my boys are well on their way.
I feel a different sort of connection with my daughter, who is also on her way, than I do with my boys. Not any stronger, or more significant, but different.
I’ve always read to my kids, even as little babies, and during a discussion with my daughter, I read her this poem I’ve always loved, by Maya Angelou. I found the poem in a book of Ms. Angelou’s poetry that I bought on a women’s retreat several years ago, and it’s since been my very favorite one. I think that most women can relate to it, I am dedicating this particular blog to the women in my life.
I want to teach her how amazing and special she is, and I don’t want her to ever doubt it. I realize that is a lofty goal, and I also realize that it’s something I won’t always have control over. But I will tell you this: somehow, through all the years of self-doubt I had, I always knew that I didn’t have to put up with certain things in relationships–no man has ever hit me, I’ve never tolerated cheating, and I certainly wouldn’t put up with my husband hurting my kids.
I always knew that I deserved to be treated a certain way, even if I allowed myself to be treated otherwise briefly. I have to credit my parents with instilling some level of self confidence in me, and some level of understanding that I am worth more than I gave myself credit for in the past. I am re-learning that now, and I want to be sure to instill this in my daughter, as well as my sons.
Ladies, we have to realize how amazing we are. I know, I know it sounds like I’m just blowing sunshine up your butts (lol, that’s a term my dad used when I was a kid), but the truth is, we as women are truly unique and beautiful. I challenge you all to make a point to find something beautiful about yourselves today, and to look at the people and things around you, and notice their beauty. You will be surprised how this can change our attitudes.
I want to share the poem with you all, and I hope that you read it and REALLY feel it. It has always made me feel, well, phenomenal. I hope it does the same for you! Share it with your mother, your daughter, or any other woman you think needs to recognize how amazing she really is. And while you’re at it, recognize the same thing about yourself.
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I’m not cute or built to suit a model’s fashion size
But when I start to tell them
They think I’m telling lies.
I say
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips
The stride of my steps
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please
And to a man
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees
Then they swarm around me
A hive of honey bees.
I say It’s the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth
The swing of my waist
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say It’s in the arch of my back
The sun of my smile
The ride of my breasts
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud
When you see me passing It ought to make you proud.
I say It’s in the click of my heels
The bend of my hair
The palm of my hand
The need for my care.
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.
Today’s Affirmations
Dear Love Yourself Challengers,
“When I first started I didn’t think I deserved [fan acclaim] — which is why I did things like refuse awards. I felt then that anybody who loved me must be mental and was not to be trusted… I didn’t believe in myself [before] and now I do, so I can accept other people believing in me or liking what I do.” ~Sinead O’Connor 
