“Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.” ~Tim Allen
Can you tell when someone’s lying to you? It’s a power many women possess–a strong sense of intuition to let us know when something’s not right. But that intuition might do no good if you can’t tell exactly WHAT the truth actually is, though, right?
How Can You Get the Truth Out of Someone?
Good news! I’m about to teach you three basic techniques that will help you get the truth out of anyone who isn’t a pathological liar.
1. Use The “Good Cop, Bad Cop” Tactic.
This is one of the most popular lie-detecting techniques in the world. Cops have been using it for centuries or something. So how does good cop, bad cop work exactly? Simple.
Two of you will question, so to speak, the person under scrutiny. One of you will play the good cop while the other one takes on the role of the bad cop. The good cop tells the “suspect” that they are in good hands, that they can get out of the trouble if only they told the truth. And then the bad cop comes in to scare the person into complying.
In this kind of situation, the good cop commonly gets the confession. The good cop gives the person some reassurance that all will be well at last. The bad cop is just a means to an end.
2. Look Them In The Eye.
Another technique you can use to get the truth out of someone is to ask the person to “look you in the eyes.” This is very effective when used on people who are very close to you. Chances are that anyone you’re close to, say those you consider to be friends or part of the family, will feel terrible for keeping something from you and spill the beans–or you’ll be able to see it in his eyes, at least.
Ask them to look you straight in the eye when you ask an answer, whether verbally or by just meeting their eyes. When the person at issue can’t even meet your gaze, something is up. Get them talking–they’ll slip up eventually.
3. Stay Calm.
Telling a person that you don’t want any drama or that you won’t cause any problems is another option that might help you get the truth out of someone.
People usually lie or hide the truth because they’re afraid of what our reactions will be. If you assure them that you won’t get angry or won’t “punish” them, they’ll be more likely to open up to you.
(Queen Bee QT: Staying calm and promising a peaceful reaction works quite well on most men, but you have to follow through with the promise if you want it to work more than once. But if you “promise not to be mad” and then explode when he admits he watched p*rn or whatever, you can fully expect him to zip his lip next time!))
Knowing how to get the truth out of someone is a very powerful tool–so use it wisely!
What are your best lie-detecting tips? Share them in the comments section, below.
A lucky rabbit foot. A glass of wine. A pill. What do these things all have in common? Their effects – whether we do well on a test, whether we mingle at the cocktail party, whether we feel better – all depend on the power of suggestion.
Over their research careers, Garry and Kirsch have both studied the effects of suggestion on cognition and behavior. Kirsch focused mostly on suggestion in clinical psychology, while Garry, whose work is supported by the Marsden Fund of New Zealand, was interested in the effects of suggestion on human memory. When the two got to talking, “we realized that the effects of suggestion are wider and often more surprising than many people might otherwise think,” says Garry.
Across many studies, research has shown that deliberate suggestion can influence how people perform on learning and memory tasks, which products they prefer, and how they respond to supplements and medicines, which accounts for the well-known placebo effect.
But what can explain the powerful and pervasive effect that suggestion has in our lives? The answer lies in our ‘response expectancies,’ or the ways in which we anticipate our responses in various situations. These expectancies set us up for automatic responses that actively influence how we get to the outcome we expect. Once we anticipate a specific outcome will occur, our subsequent thoughts and behaviors will actually help to bring that outcome to fruition.
So, if a normally shy person expects that a glass of wine or two will help him loosen up at a cocktail party, he will probably feel less inhibited, approach more people, and get involved in more conversations over the course of the party. Even though he may give credit to the wine, it is clear that his expectations of how the wine would make him feel played a major role.
But it’s not just deliberate suggestion that influences our thoughts and behaviors – suggestions that are not deliberate can have the very same effects. As the authors point out, “simply observing people or otherwise making them feel special can be suggestive,” a phenomenon termed the Hawthorne effect. As a result, people might work harder, or stick to a task for longer. And this case is more worrying, says Garry, “because although we might then give credit to some new drug or treatment, we don’t realize that we are the ones who are actually wielding the influence.”
It is for precisely this reason that the issue of unintentional suggestion has important implications for academic researchers. “In the scientific community, we need to be aware of – and control for – the suggestions we communicate to subjects,” says Garry. The authors note that some recent failures to replicate previous research findings may ultimately be explained by such unintentional suggestion. “Recent research suggests that some of psychological science’s most intriguing findings may be driven, at least in part, by suggestion and expectancies,” Garry observes. “For example, a scientist who knows what the hypothesis of an experiment is might unwittingly lead subjects to produce the hypothesized effect—for reasons that have nothing to do with the experiment itself.”
And the unintended effects of suggestion aren’t just restricted to the laboratory – they cut across many real world domains, including the fields of medicine, education, and criminal justice. For example, converging evidence on eyewitness identification procedures demonstrates that the rate of false identifications is significantly higher when lineups are conducted by people who know who the suspect is than when the lineups are conducted by people who don’t.
While research has provided clear evidence for the phenomenon of suggestion, there is still much more to learn about the underlying relationship between suggestion, cognition, and behavior. As the authors point out, researchers still don’t know where the boundaries and limitations of these effects lie. “And, if a ‘real’ treatment and a ‘suggestion’ lead to a similar outcome, what differentiates between the two?” says Garry. Understanding these issues has important real world implications. “If we can harness the power of suggestion, we can improve people’s lives.”