Editor’s Note: Today’s post comes from a dear friend and a long-time weight loss buddy I’ve been connected with for nearly eight years. She’s one of my “Fit and Fabulous” girls. You’ll meet others in the coming days and weeks. This post is one she shared in our private group, and with her permission, I’m sharing it with you. Get ready to get motivated!
By Stacey Celaya
I met a woman who just went through a rough divorce after 17 years of marriage and decided she wasn’t going to live life afraid to do things anymore. So she signed up for a bikini fitness competition and has spent the last year training for that.
She talked about how she is so focused on her goals that when invited to dinner by friends and family she generally takes her own food because she wants to stick to plan.
And she talked about how she gets a lot of shit for that. (By the way, this woman is the best friend of Jacqueline from Real Housewives of New Jersey – since they were teenagers, which is just a really cool thing.)
Anyway, what was so amazing about that conversation was that I had just become obsessed with a blog from a woman that started at 230 lbs and is now ALSO training for her first fitness competition. And you KNOW I don’t believe in coincidences.
At the same time as all this I had a conversation with my hubby in which I mentioned that I was afraid that he wouldn’t want me at some point if I could never get skinny. (Left over shiz from my first marriage.)
And he literally stopped short and couldn’t understand what being skinny had to do with him wanting me or anything else for that matter.
He actually SAID that.
I was stunned.
How could he not understand that? But apparently I am the one that didn’t understand. WHAT AN EYE OPENING EVENT! How skewed my perception of my worth was!
So I literally couldn’t stop thinking about these ladies or the conversation with my husband – I went to bed thinking about it all and I woke up thinking about it all – for DAYS.
I started thinking about my own life and what I was afraid of. I started thinking about what I really wanted out of my life and this journey that I am on. I started thinking about how much I have struggled this past year with weight loss.
And here is what I realized.
Part of what has been holding me back in the weight loss department was a sort of dare for my husband.
An “I dare you to leave me” or a test maybe. In my warped mind – no matter how wonderful a wife I was, the weight thing would eventually make or break the relationship.
When he was stunned and confused by my linking my weight with his wanting me or valuing me as a wife, that made me realize how ridiculous my thought process was.
Another part was that I bought into the bullshit about being 40 and over.
It’s harder, I am middle aged, I am too old to expect too much from my body. Well BULLSHIT. I realized this about 6 months ago and I called bullshit on myself then – but I don’t think I REALLY believed it was nonsense until now. And trust me – that IS nonsense!
But here are the BIG ones!
I spent the last year working towards average results. I am not average. I have NEVER been average.
Quite frankly, I want to be better than anyone else when I am doing something.
And when I say better than anyone – I mean anyone…random people, strangers, TV folk…ANYONE.
So by working towards average results I was actually working AGAINST my nature.
Plus I spent the year TRYING to lose weight. TRYING leaves the door open for the possibility of failure. So NO WONDER I couldn’t get it together.
And finally here is the MOST amazing realization I had:
I have given my EVERYTHING to being a Mom for the last 21 years of my life and I am good at it. I gave my EVERYTHING to my first husband for 10 years. I have given EVERYTHING to my husband now for the last 13 years and I know I am a great wife. I give EVERYTHING to school everyday and I have rocked a 4.0 or close to for most of my academic career.
So what would happen if I GAVE EVERYTHING to MYSELF and what I want?
I TRULY believe that in a former life I was a fit athlete – that feels familiar to me even though I have never completed achieved that yet.
So what if I GAVE myself the gift of this year. This year to give EVERYTHING to ME?
What can I do with ONE YEAR for me?
So that’s what I have done. I GAVE myself the gift on 2013.
This is MY year. I am not going to try to become fit – I WILL be fit. I am not going to settle for average results. I am going to not only lose weight but I am going to lean out and build muscle. I am going to be my dream girl. And THAT’S IT. There is no other possibility.
And I am going to do it bigger and better than anyone else…because that is who I am and what I have ALWAYS done.
So stay tuned, because you ain’t NEVER seen the like of me or what is going to go down this year. It’s going to be EPIC.
Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy.
She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.