“Southern Belles never take pride in being ‘awkward’ or ‘adorkable.’ They are ladies who are proud of their social skills, and know how to put people at ease.” ~Candace Thompson
My family and I snuck away for a week during the kids’ spring break from school last year, and boy did I learn something cool. As you might expect, I came across plenty of hot women on my journey, but one in particular sticks out in my mind as a hottie–and probably not one you’d expect.
We left on a Monday night after my husband got off work and we planned to stay in a hotel once we got to Birmingham (just past the halfway point from our home in St. Louis to our rented condo in Panama City Beach, Florida). So we stopped at a (ridiculously overpriced but very nice) Hampton Inn.
Now, while I am still kind of pissed that it cost us nearly $200 to sleep for exactly 6 unsettling hours, this woman who checked us out was something else.
As we enjoyed our slightly-stale tasting (but “free”) continential breakfast, I saw her, behind the counter. She was probably around 60 years old, and she didn’t seem like much to look at–her skin wasn’t in the best shape and her nose had this odd cut-out looking spot on it. Still, she had a friendly face, I thought, so I went over to check out.
But the moment the woman opened her mouth, she suddenly became incredibly beautiful–and let’s be honest, super hot. And within the three-minute time period I dealt with her, she had a significant impact on me. So what did this southern belle to do win me over within the first two seconds she opened her mouth, aside from belting out that molasses-sweet accent?
5 Sexy Secrets We Can Learn From Southern Belles
1. It Ain’t a (Just) Man’s World, So Don’t Be Afraid of Your Femininity–In our society today, women are expected to be sexy, strong and capable, but only insomuch as it does not, in any way, threaten their men. And if she does take on a “traditionally male role,” such as a leadership position at work or a professor at a university, she may feel pressured to subdue her femininity in order to be taken seriously. Southern women are not afraid to be as girly as they wanna be, and they’ll do it all while running a company or heading up a presidential campaign. Bless their hearts!
2. The Art of Being a Lady Isn’t Lost, After All--My hotel clerk and many southern belles like her have this amazing ability to make people around them feel especially comfortable. It’s something about the way they talk, the softness in their voice and maybe even some kind of old-fashioned quality called class. Within the first moment I was talking to this lady, I felt completely at ease and like she was enjoying my conversation. Talk about HOT!
3. Standing By Your Family and Friends is Super Hot–Southern women are known for their ability to take care of and to stand by the people they love – it’s called “Southern Hospitality” for a reason, y’all. There is nothing in the world that says you HAVE to take care of folks (although, if you do, the healthy people in your life usually return the favor!), but I’m here to tell you that, when it comes to men, there are few in this world who don’t (secretly or otherwise) wish their woman would take care of them. Whether they admit it or not, they love it when you get all mommy on their asses–especially when they’re sick. Being a caring wife to a healthy, loving guy? Super hot.
4. Knowing that Looks DO Matter–Many Southern belles are known for their girly-girl style, but there are just as many gorgeous tomboys, fashionistas bohemians and other generally hot women in the south. The thing that Southern girls know that the rest of us forget sometimes is that taking care of your appearance DOES change the way the world perceives you (and how you perceive yourself). Not only will you be taken more seriously when you bother to care how you look, but you’ll just FEEL hotter–and that always adds up to BEING hotter.
5. Being Authentically, Really Yourself–I have said it before and I’ll say it again–being YOU is HOT! But in the case of the Southern Belle, I think that Candace Thompson said it best when she said, “Southern Belles don’t care if not every woman wants to be like them, or if they’re considered too “traditional” or “old-fashioned.” They are happy to live the life they have, and be who they are, without pleasing some feminist or businesswoman who wants them to be more “modern.” They know how much better life is when you live it in style.”
What can you learn from a Southern Belle about being a HOTTER version of yourself? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section, below!
If you had the chance, would you marry your wife all over again?
That’s one of the best compliments you can give her. Having a HOT marriage might seem like an insurmountable task, especially if you have regular tension in your relationship, but I’ve got great news for you.
It’s all about communication.
As a woman, I can call myself a bitch (occasionally), a lover, a (former) child, a mother, a sinner, and a saint. And you know what?
I really do not feel ashamed.
I know, you probably think I’m home of those bra-burning feminist types, but no–I consider myself more of a humanist.
As the mother of two amazing and polar opposite but equally awesome, intelligent boys and one crazy-smart, strong and creative little girl (all three beautiful and healthy, I’m grateful to report), I can’t ever be anti-male. I’m all about equality among races, sexes and various other identifying factors.
I figure if what you’re doing doesn’t harm or unnecessarily (or unknowingly) increase or cause the risk of injury, then hey–do your thang, kid.When people are different from us in some way, we are inclined to note the differences and especially when we aren’t intimately familiar with them (and in some cases, their race in general).
The thing is, men, that you’re blowing it, this whole communication thing. I’m here to offer you a little insight into the female psyche that could really help you to strengthen the bond in your marriage.
Now go get your big boy shorts on and get ready to catch a whiff of the truth.
Please note: we are not always as complicated/impossible or otherwise unreasonably bitchy as you might think. Lucky for you, I’m taking pity on you and offering you the inside dirt on how women think and what women really want from you.
How to Get Your Point Across Without Pissing Off Your Wife
I’m going to make this easy for you, men. I know how you think. You’re logical. You’re a problem solver.
And probably, you think this is a bunch of crap, but you’re here because deep down, you really do love your wife and you really do want to do better–you want to make her happy.
So, let’s start with what not to do, shall we? Some men could drastically improve their relationships with one or more of these simple tips. (And listen, you will be shocked when you find out how very simple the changes are and how exponentially these tiny life tweaks can add value and positivity to your life.)
Don’t blow sunshine up our asses
When you misrepresent yourself in any way in order to gain ground with your girl, you’re not only wasting your time (not to mention ours); you’re also going to set us up for shock and disappointment somewhere down the line (or if we take longer to catch on, we might try to convince ourselves that you’ve changed). So tell us the truth, even if you think it means you’ll blow it. Do us both a favor and get your truth out up front-or risk losing us when it really hurts. (And hey, if we dump you over your truth? We probably did you a favor, because Miss Right could be right around the corner).
It hurts less if you just tear it off fast: the band-aid theory
Listen, if you meet a mew woman online, there are certain things you really need to be honest about before you ever meet in person, because these things can be deal breakers.
Your appearance. Not your edited profile pics, either, but the real you, warts and all. I promise you that when we meet you, we’ll notice that photo is really your younger brother or the selfie you took the day you graduated high school twenty years ago.
Your relationship status-and I do mean actual status, not some gloss over about how you’re in transition or how your babymamas are all fighting over you but you only want me (of course you’ll need to spend a few nights a week out, like, seeing your kids and stuff, or whatever.). Just tell me up front if you’re married, in a committed relationship or if you’re playing 3 other women. This way, you’ll have no guilt and we are empowered to choose to tolerate it–or not. (And don’t think it’ll always be ‘not’–women today aren’t always opposed to unconventional arrangements and commitment-free intimacy. But we aren’t all that way, so if you want that in a woman, you can choose to wait for a woman who is into it, or you can take alternative routes while you continue to find the one who will float your boat just the way you like it.
Your real “stuff.” Listen, I am here to tell you that while every girl would love to meet a guy who never disagrees with her, most of us are well-aware that he doesn’t exist in real life. That’s why it’s so important to just get your weirdness out there up front. So, if you’re going to freak out if I eat tacos in front of you, tell me that before we go to the Mexican restaurant, aight? And if you hate kids, don’t pretend you’re a different person when I tell you I’ve got three of my own. Put it out there and let me make an educated choice on whether or not I want to waste your time (and mine) trying to develop a relationship that may or may not be a real option for me.
The same goes for your day-to-day married life, by the way–just put your “stuff” out there and be real with your wife. That way, you never have to remember that you lied or covered something up–you just tell the truth. And in case you didn’t know, most intelligent women have built-in BS meters.
A little sugar helps the medicine go down.
Listen, I totally want you to be honest with me on every level. But I don’t like it when I think you don’t think I’m amazingly beautiful, sexy and intelligent. In fact, if I think that you in any way find me distasteful, unattractive or otherwise unsavory, I’m probably going to shut down and stop trying to please you. (Although there are women who will work harder to make you happy, they’re generally secretly very unhappy/unfulfilled and that trickle-down effect could potentially blow up in your face!)
So, while a lot of people claim that they don’t want you to sugar-coat it for them, most women are lying when they say that. The truth is that we do want you to sugar-coat it for us, and if you have a problem with something we’re doing, you better add a little extra sugar before you start talking.
My point is that if you’re planning to tell your wife or girlfriend that you need her to change something about herself, her behavior or her habits, you need to do it carefully.
For example, if you wish she’d stop waking you up at 5 a.m. to have sex (ha! as IF you’d have a problem with that one!), you might remind her that she’s incredibly sexy and that you LOOOOVE being with her–but that you want to be your best for her all the time and that requires a couple more hours of shut-eye.
And don’t forget to remind her that you can’t resist her, and since you’d much rather have sex than sleep, you NEED HER HELP to get this thing done.
Men: what are your best tips for communicating with women? And women: what tips would you offer to the men in your lives, if you could?
“Life is like a roller coaster, live it, be happy, enjoy life.” ~Avril Lavigne
I don’t know about you, but sometimes, when I need to understand a concept, a concrete example helps a lot. So, if you’re struggling to understand the concept of learning to create the life of your dreams, I hope that you’ll be able to find some connection to it through my own personal experience with a roller coaster.
It’s no joke–the first time I ever intentionally chose to change my life and recognized that I’d succeeded, I was only 9 years old–and it involved a roller coaster.
Change Your Mind, Change Your life: My Philosophy
As you may or may not be aware, I have a philosophy that has served me quite well: I believe that anyone can choose the life she wants if she does so intentionally. I believe that you bring about what you think about, that you get back what you put out there–karma, the law of attraction, the Golden Rule–call it whatever you want.
It works pretty consistently. It turns out that the way you choose to perceive any situation can and will affect the outcome.
The fact that my first memory of a conscious attempt and success at using this concept to my advantage happened before my 10th birthday is proof enough for me–but if that weren’t enough, the result was certainly a confirmation.
How the Roller Coaster Comes Into Play
So there I was, 9 years old and at Six Flags with friends–and not a care in the world–except, that is, for one thing: a horrible fear of roller coasters, upside-down rides and anything with a reputation for making one vomit.
I was so terrified of them that I felt like a big baby (remember, I was 9!), and I remember thinking: “I don’t want to feel like this. I wish I wasn’t so afraid to go on these rides…”
That day, I made a choice.
I decided that I was going to FAKE IT. (At least until I made it!)
Faking It Til You Make It: A Concrete Exanple
When I say fake it til you make it, I mean to behave AS IF what you want has already happened.
So, in the case of the roller coaster, I decided that day that I would PRETEND to love the roller coaster, and that I would pretend SO HARD that I WOULD figure out how to learn to love it.
And guess what? I totally did it–I faked it (acted happy when I wanted to scream–smiled and threw my arms up in the air while I laughed and cheered when I wanted to hold on and beg them to stop the ride.)
And then–the crazy thing.
It happened. That day. I learned to love the roller coaster, and became a bit of a junkie after awhile (the thrill of the perceived risk was kind of awesome, it turned out!!).
I mean, sure, at first, I was totally faking it. But by the end of the day, I truly GOT IT–the reason people loved roller coasters. It was not about being excited to have yourself all flipped upside-down and inside out; it was about overcoming the fear by throwing yourself into the experience.
Your Perception Defines Your Life
As a result of that momentary and seemingly insignificant thing, my 9-year-old self learned something that I’d carry with me for the rest of my life: that not only could I choose my own reaction and thus my experience, but by doing so, I could positively influence the outcome of my day and even my life.
So tell me, do you believe that you have the power to change your own life? If not, tell me why. If so, tell me about your own experiences that “proved it” for you!
“I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.” ~Audrey Hepburn
I love that quote. I really do–it’s one of my favorites. But look, I’m going to be super honest here–and I hope you take this for what it’s worth, some days, I just don’t quite feel it.
If you’ve been reading my work long, you know I’m responsible for a variety of niche websites. As the creator of QueenBeeing and all of its current sub-sites (How to Be a Hot Wife, Project Blissful, #StyleBuzz Project Blissful Style, for example), I’m really pretty familiar with ME and how to be the best possible me I can be.
See, all of these sites have one thing in common: they’re focused on becoming BETTER—a better version of myself.
In fact, all of those sites led to this one; that’s why QueenBeeing exists—it is the whole enchilada—everything that, for me, represents being the best possible version of myself and of creating and living the life I desire, all collected in one beautiful, ever-evolving place.
Each site was representative of a certain part of myself that I was working to improve or otherwise more fully embrace in my life—my marriage, my physical and mental health, my fashion sense—just to name a few.
And as you may or may not know, I’ve had some pretty tremendous results thanks to this commitment—but it doesn’t mean I’m perfect.
I am my brand and I try to always follow my own advice.
I actively and diligently practice what I preach here, too—no joke. Everything I personally write about, unless otherwise noted and/or quoted, is something that I have personally experienced, attempted or personally discovered/realized through my studies and research of people and sociology. And, just like my readers, I’m ever-evolving, always trying to be and do better, for myself, my family and the world around me.
With all of that being said, I would love to sit here and tell you that because I am actively attempting to live my own message and to truly BE my personal brand, I have no issues and am always totally 100 percent on point with my whole inner peace/happiness/personal fulfillment deal. I really would.
But I’ve vowed to be myself, to be brutally honest with my readers, so here’s my real truth: I’m totally human. So. Not. Perfect.
And sometimes? The world pisses me off a little bit.
For example, last week, my husband turned on some discussion on Fox News channel (which I do not normally watch).
(I’m so not going to comment on the political crap there, because that’s not why I’m mentioning it. Please understand that the following is not in any way a political commentary, it’s just a personal one that is referencing a random comment made about a random person in the world!)
Anyway, in that moment, when I happened to be feeling a little bit surly about the world, I got it.
Sometimes, to be honest, the world disappoints me, too.
So for a minute, I let myself stew on that feeling. About two seconds later, I noticed that particular feeling sucked. I didn’t want to feel like that one second longer—it felt awful. Who wants to be disappointed by the world?
And here, my friends, is where I tell you the good news: I’m not completely full of shit, after all.
I truly do live my message.
Here’s what I did to stop feeling all that negativity and get my head back in the right place.
I just changed my mind.
Yeah, I know, that sounds WAY too simple—and it kinda is—but hear me out. What I mean by change my mind is to change the way I saw the situation–to change my perception.
The very first thing I did was to allow myself to refocus – to literally become distracted from the negative thoughts, but in a super-productive way. I use an internal distraction/redirection technique that involves a simple memorized affirmation phrase. Mine is:
“I now cancel that thought and replace it with this affirmation of my true divine desire: (insert your own better, more positive thought here).”
I do this because making myself think OR say those exact words takes exactly the amount of time that seems to be required to distract myself from the negative thoughts.
That offers me enough time to recognize what I’m doing to myself: the more negatively I allow myself to react, the more of that kind of stuff I’ll be drawing into my life. But if I can stay mostly positive, life will reflect the same kind of mostly awesome. I know this to be true, because I’ve experienced it personally, again and again. I’m constantly amazed by it and always, always grateful. <3
How do you get over it when the world disappoints you? Share your thoughts in the comments section, below.
“I was about half in love with her by the time we sat down. That’s the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty… you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are..” ~ J D Salinger
This post might also be entitled “how to make a whole room full of people fall in love with you” or “how to be incredibly irresistible to everyone you meet.”
We’ve all seen her. You know the one–the woman who can walk into any room and instantly have all eyes on her.
She doesn’t miss a beat and pretends not to notice the gazes of both approval and thinly veiled jealousy as she gracefully glides in and inserts herself into the most attractive group in the room, taking center stage as naturally as the rest of us breathe.
She makes it look effortless, being this amazing creature that captures the attention of everyone within a 50-foot radius–and you might wonder exactly how she does it.
Here’s the thing–she’s no different than you or me. In fact, if you look at her really closely, she is probably no more physically attractive either. The reason she seems so much brighter and sparklier than everyone else in the room actually has nothing to do with her perfectly styled look, hair or even the fact that her purple lipstick somehow makes her eyes seem much brighter blue.
Sometimes, she shows up in jeans and a pseudo-broken-in t-shirt, no makeup and her hair piled on top of her head–and still look completely freaking amazing. That bitch! No, no, I kid.
Then there are the times she appears as a plus-sized woman who somehow gets the attention of every hot guy who walks in her path–or as a 60-something southern girl who blows you away with her charm.
The point is that there are certain women who just happen to be the center of attention at every party. The bottom line is this: we all want to know how she does it, but not many of us are willing to walk up to her and ask her. But lucky for you, you’ve got ME, and I happen to be really into the whole sharing information thing.
Now to the meat of this post! I hope you’re sitting down–the secrets are about to spill.
Wear the right outfit. The right outfit will vary from woman to woman and party to party, but generally, consider the following tips when choosing your look.
The kind of occasion. If it’s a formal event or a back-yard BBQ, there is a certain type of attire that is most likely appropriate. Unless you’re into negative attention, try to keep your outfit reasonably appropriate to the occasion.
Coordination of color. If you’re going to be in a darkened room, then you’ll want to wear a brighter color if you hope to be seen, provided the occasion allows it. If you’re going to be in a well-lit room, you might still consider brighter color(s), but you might add patterns or other small details to the look. And as always, be sure the colors you choose are the ones that make you look the best.
The hotness factor. Look, sometimes it’s not okay to walk around with your boobs hanging out. And sometimes, the whole “more is less” thing is legit. The fact is that you can be SUPER HOT without being a SUPER HO. No kidding. So again, appropriately hot.
Your personal brand of hot. As important as being appropriate for any occasion is the fact that you need to do what works best for you personally. That is, find the right look for your body, your personality and your overall preferred image. This will obviously vary from person to person based on individual factors, and there’s really no wrong brand of hot–it’s all about what makes you feel confident, beautiful and comfortable. Don’t be afraid to try on several outfits and take photos to see which looks the best.
Get the Attention
Here’s where it gets interesting. The thing is that a confident woman will always grab the attention of a less confident one, eventually, regardless of which of the two is more physically attractive by societal standards. Like the southern belle I recently met proves, a woman’s personality is at least 80 percent of her hotness.
Ask any guy what’s the sexiest quality about a woman that you can’t see in a photo, and he’ll tell you it’s her ability to be self-confident, to be herself or to be “real” with him. So how do you get the attention of a whole roomful of people? Try these tips.
Work the Room
When you enter a room, be sure to make your way around the room and greet everyone you see (or at least those you know) before settling into any particular crowd. That’ll give you the lay of the land and give you an idea of where you want to spend the most time—or you might choose to keep floating all evening. There’s nothing wrong with mingling–or even bringing together groups of people who didn’t know each other before!
You’re Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile
You probably don’t realize how significantly a smile can change your world, but try something for me. Tomorrow, or the next time you’re out in public, make an effort to meet the eyes and smile at everyone you pass. If that’s too much for you, then try smiling at 10 people throughout the day. You’ll be pleasantly surprised when you discover the amazing effect it has on you (and those around you!).
Be Quick With a Joke and to Light Up a Smoke
You don’t really have to light anyone’s cigarette, but the idea is that you show up at every party with a few key tricks up your sleeve.
A couple of (appropriately) funny stories and/or jokes—if you come prepared to be funny, you’ll find that people just flock to you. This may seem a bit “calculated,” but the truth is that most attention-grabbing women are way more calculated than they appear.
A catchphrase or schtick—this one is optional, but tends to make people remember you. Come up with a cute little phrase, expression or idea that you can share throughout the evening to sort of “brand” yourself,. You’ll be unforgettable.
Make a Grand Entrance
Maybe this seems old-fashioned, but show up a few minutes after everyone else and don’t enter quietly (when it’s appropriate!). When you employ the outfit and confidence tips outlined above, the grand entrance is easy to accomplish.
Listen Like Your Life Depends On It
Here’s the biggest secret to being absolutely irresistable: nearly ALL people, male and female love someone who is genuinely interested in THEM—so the best way to get attention is to be genuinely interested in the people you’re partying with! Find out what makes them tick, what makes them smile—anything they’re willing to share, and hang on every word. When you speak to them again, use the material they shared to spark up a new conversation.
What are your best tips for how to be the center of attention at every party? Share them in the comments section, below!