50 Red Flags That Should Make You Run the Other Direction: Narcissists and Toxic People

50 Red Flags That Should Make You Run the Other Direction: Narcissists and Toxic People

How can you avoid letting a narcissist (or other toxic person) get close to you? What are some things you can watch for when you meet someone new? And what if you’re already dealing with someone who makes you wonder? You start by learning the red flags and watching for them.

First: Trust Your Gut

Before we get to the list of some of the red flags to look for, one thing to learn about yourself is how to trust your gut. Your gut, your instinct, intuition, ability to discern will often guide you away from toxic situations if you learn to listen to it, even when what you may want is presenting itself to you. For example, the charm of a narcissist, in the beginning, may show you all the things you feel you want like attention, focus, even what feels like connection but under it all you may have a sense something is really not right. You may feel anxiety or drained around this person. When you are not with the person you may feel uneasy about them or like their energy is “stuck”  to you and it just feels wrong, depleting, or as some describe it “icky”. Learning to listen to your gut over being swept away by any person can help you not only to see the red flags but to listen to their warning and take action to stay away from the potentially toxic person. 

50 Red Flags That Mean You’re Dealing with a Narcissist

There are many lists of red flags to watch out for. This list includes a few less talked about things that may be useful to help keep you from toxic relationships. Red flags are only a part of the picture and many of them can exist without a person being entirely toxic in a relationship. It is the combination of many red flags as well as your gut feeling that can help you determine if a relationship is healthy and right for your life. What can be learned from watching for red flags might be areas in your life to learn to have less tolerance for so that you are not engaging in relationships that do not create a happy, healthy life.  After narcissistic abuse, learning to trust yourself and your own judgment of others is ultimately what keeps you safe, red flags are one piece of that awareness. 

  1. You just feel “off” or on edge around someone.
  2. Seduction and charm. A narcissist will often have an allure that also feels empty and without true vulnerability on their part.
  3. Idealization. The creation of a role you are to play being set up by the narcissist that idealizes you or themselves instead of seeing you as a whole and authentic person. 
  4. The feeling of this person is familiar as if you know how to “understand” it. If you are a survivor of narcissistic abuse and especially if you grew up with toxic parents there may be a familiarity you feel that gets you to overlook the uneasy feelings your gut may be trying to warn you of.
  5. Self-centered talk. The narcissist may listen to you in order to gain information but the conversation feels like it revolves around them. They may even make it seem like they are relating to you so they can mirror and groom you.
  6. You may feel anxious around them like you are seeking approval or walking on eggshells. Try setting a boundary not only to see how they respond, but to test how you feel as well. 
  7. Boundaries are pushed and disregarded.
  8. You may feel manipulated
  9. Arrogance 
  10. Love bombing and over the top attention is a big red flag. 
  11. What empathy you may see seems lacking or not genuine.
  12. The situation seems too good to be true. You are unable to see the flaws in a person or they are only allowing you to see their “good” side.
  13. They want to know everything about you.
  14. They are not long out of a relationship and/or no time between relationships. Someone that moves on very fast, if they are even really single, generally is not a safe choice for a potential partner. 
  15. Makes friends easily but has no real long term friends. The friends they do have are activity-based only and their personality changes around each different group of friends
  16. They show you off, you may feel like a trophy.
  17. Sexually forceful
  18. Job stability issues
  19. Makes excuses, everyone else is to blame.
  20. All of their exes are crazy.
  21. They claim to be the ones who have to hold everything together.
  22. Far fetched stories of glory.
  23. You can’t imagine the “bad” side or their shortcomings.
  24. May appear helpless or to  need you.
  25. Things feel out of balance such as you like them more than they do you.
  26. Overtly meeting all of your vulnerability “needs” rapidly and early on in a relationship.
  27. Future Faking
  28. They do  things to secure a position in your life. They may buy you things, fix things or otherwise set up a sort of dependency on them. 
  29. When the truth is revealed early on, the little warning words of truth are quickly glossed over or made to look like a joke.
  30. You find yourself doing more for them than seems or feels right to you.
  31. They make you feel uniquely special to the point of idealization.
  32. They set up situations or use words which make you feel insecure.
  33. Lies are explained away.
  34. Pet names when you first meet them.
  35.  You overlook a lot because you see their “potential” and feel like you could help them meet that potential.
  36. They want every second of your time.
  37. Constant texting.
  38. They make you feel bad about being with others.
  39. They take everything personally.
  40. They are jealous of your kids or family. 
  41. They lack accountability.
  42. They are judgemental and punitive.
  43. They treat others like possessions
  44. The relationship feels like a roller coaster.
  45.  They have sex addictions. Be cautious of fetishes and how they are with control.
  46. They ruin special occasions.
  47.  You are kept in limbo over events, time and other things that require commitment.
  48. You are isolated from friends and family.
  49. They need extreme amounts of praise.
  50. Your accomplishments and achievements are undermined.

This video playlist offers more red flags you can watch for in various situations.

Get personal support in your narcissistic abuse recovery.

Are you an empath? Here are the top 10 signs you are an empath

Are you an empath? Here are the top 10 signs you are an empath

Are you an empath? Top 10 signs you are an empath.

In this video, I’ll fill you in on the top 10 traits of an empath, including but not limited to why so many empaths end up with narcissists and other energy vampires.

What is an empath?

Empaths are people who naturally feel the emotions of other people and act in accordance with that feeling. Considered to be the more sensitive, compassionate, and caring partner in relationships, empaths are often targets for narcissists and should take steps to protect themselves and their health.

How do you know if you’re an empath?

Empaths are extremely rare, making up less than one percent of the population. So, how do you know if you are an empath or not? The best way is to test how you feel when in the presence of other people, emotionally and physically even. If you feel drained in certain situations where there are many people in your vicinity, experiencing lots of physical symptoms when stressed out or when in stressful situations, then you are most likely an empath.

What are the top empath traits?

Here are 10 traits of an empath. Do you recognize any of these in yourself? (Watch the video for expansion on each point!)

1. Empaths are highly sensitive.

2. Empaths absorb the emotions of the people around them.

3. Empaths can seem introverted at times.

4. Empaths seem to “know” things.

5. Empaths need time to be alone each day.

6. Empaths don’t always want to be joined at the hip in a relationship.

7. Energy vampires LOVE empaths.

8. Nature can make an empath feel better.

9. Empaths are sometimes seen as oversensitive to noise, smells, or too much talking.

10. Empaths sometimes give too much and end up depleting themselves.

Sound familiar? Take this empath self-assessment.

Take this free online empath test and find out if you’re an empath right now.

Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today

Are you dealing with a narcissist who is playing mind games with you? Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.

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10 Things a Narcissist Won’t Do in a Relationship

10 Things a Narcissist Won’t Do in a Relationship

We are always talking about things narcissists do to us in toxic relationships, but today, we’re talking about 10 things narcissists would never do. (SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM TO GET YOUR FREE EBOOK) You’ve dealt with gaslighting and all kinds of manipulation in a toxic relationship with someone who has NPD, right?

Maybe engaging with someone who has a cluster b personality disorder has left you with a bit of PTSD or CPTSD, even? Today, I’m going to let you in on the psychology of a narcissist a little bit and explain how sometimes, the things that narcissists won’t do are the same reasons they can’t ever seem to have healthy relationships.

If you enjoyed this video, please subscribe to my channel! http://youtube.com/angieatkinson Schedule a coaching appointment with me at http://narcissisticabuserecovery.online

 Get my books at http://booksangiewrote.com, schedule a coaching appointment and/or pick up your free 5-day fear-busting email course (specially designed for narcissistic abuse survivors) at http://narcissismsupportcoach.com.

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Useful Links: Get the book: http://amzn.to/2smtEBM

Toxic Frontin’: Narcissists and the False Self (RED FLAG)

Toxic Frontin’: Narcissists and the False Self (RED FLAG)

“I was slowly losing hold of my original and better self, and becoming slowly incorporated with my second and worse.” ~Jekyll, highlighting his lack of control over Hyde

“Why do I still feel like I love him?”
“She is so awful; what makes me think she’s ever gonna change?”
“He abuses me constantly, but I still feel like I want to be with him.”

These statements have all been made to me repeatedly by people who are involved with toxic narcissists in relationships.

So often, I hear my clients lament the loss of their narcissists – not the toxic person they currently know, but the person they thought they’d known – or the person they believed they were involved with.

This has become such a regular thing that I thought it was time to address the issue.

Why There’s So Much Confusion in Toxic Relationships

Essentially, because the narcissist hides behind a sort of “armor” that is his or her “false self,” he or she fools you from very early on.

Your first impression of the narcissist may have been a very good one; that’s because he or she showed you only the best parts of themselves when you met – they constructed a series of qualities and traits that are those they present to the outside world.

They make it very difficult to see who they truly are – you’re stuck deciding whether you’ve really got the sweet and charming love you signed up for, or whether the wool was pulled over your eyes and the real him or her is actually the toxic, abusive, insulting and manipulative narcissist you’re dealing with in real life.

Of course, this leads you to a serious kind of mental torture that causes you to literally be at odds with yourself – we call that cognitive dissonance. You’re trying to reconcile the illusion you were initially presented with the person you have now got to deal with.

In a lot of cases, in order to cope with this mess, you start trying to improve your SELF – to change for him/her. But in reality, you’ve done nothing wrong and you’re not the issue at all – you’re just subconsciously trying to uphold that initial impression you had of the narcissist – the image of his or her false self that is challenged during the inevitable devaluation phase.

By the time you get to the discard phase (also inevitable with a narcissistic person – the cycle, like the beat, goes on), you’ll be treated to glimpses of the truly ugly face of the narcissist – the one that spews out cruel and painful poison that causes you to lose all faith in yourself faster than you can say boo.

And you see the coldness, the callous indifference that leads to what feels like absolute torture to you.

While your first reaction is that everyone has a bad moment and this can’t be who they really are, the truth is that this is probably the closest you’ll come to actually seeing the narcissist’s REAL self.

This is about the time you recognize that the amazingly charming or engaging or otherwise awesome person you got involved with in the first place is gone – and suddenly you see this horrible contempt that he or she seems to have for you. And when you realize they felt that way all along, your heart breaks a little more, if that’s possible.

But what you have to realize here is that none of this is your fault. In reality, narcissists are not capable of feeling genuine love or empathy for anyone else – they just use people to meet their own selfish needs. Once they exhaust one source of supply, it’s on to the next.

Don’t let yourself believe in the magical connection you once thought you had – it was just a part of the whole narcissistic cycle – an illusion, just like the narcissist’s identity.

So now that you know all of this, what do you do with it?

You start picking up the pieces of yourself, and you begin the healing process. You go forward, and you go no contact (or low contact, if you’re forced to deal with him/her – say at work or as a co-parent). You aren’t to blame – you were simply used as a pawn in the narcissist’s game.

Okay, that’s all I’ve got for today. What have your experiences been when it comes to the narcissist in your life and his or her identity? Share your thoughts and experiences with me in the comments section. Let’s discuss it.

Narcissistic Abuse in Relationships: 10 Commonly Missed Signs of Gaslighting

Narcissistic Abuse in Relationships: 10 Commonly Missed Signs of Gaslighting

So, you’ve figured out that you’re involved in a toxic relationship with a narcissist. And you want to know exactly what you need to look for when it comes to being relentlessly mentally and emotionally tortured by the narcissist – you need to know the signs of gaslighting.

Why should you educate yourself on the signs of narcissistic manipulation?

You want to know because knowledge and understanding are the first step to changing your situation into something better. Once you know the signs of gaslighting, you can work toward putting an end to the behavior before it gets out of hand – or even toward going no contact (NC) with your narcissist if necessary.

You can read all about the top warning 10 signs of gaslighting, in detail right here, or you can right-click and download this free and easy-to-use chart of the top 10 warning signs.

Related: Inside a Toxic Gaslighting Attack

Top 10 Signs You Are Being Gaslighted

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