Rewrite Your Story After Narcissistic Abuse: This is where you begin (and pain ends)

Rewrite Your Story After Narcissistic Abuse: This is where you begin (and pain ends)

Travel deep inside yourself without the baggage of conditioning. Be an explorer, have patience and eventually your true nature will surface. You will return from your journey with fresh skin and you will approach each day with a wonderful sense of wonder and bliss. ~~Marco R. Capristo

Figure out who you are after narcissistic abuseWhether we recognize it or not, most everyone’s habits and behavior are a result of some form of conditioning – and for those who have experienced the painful and all-encompassing abuse that a narcissist is known for, the conditioning hasn’t always been in our best interest. 

Related: Are you in a relationship with a narcissist? Find out. 

It begins when we’re small children–our parents’ opinions of us begin to help us form our own perceptions of ourselves. If we’re cursed with narcissistic parents, our perceptions are skewed, twisted…often, plain wrong. 

That’s because children are sponges – they absorb everything in their environment, including and especially the opinions of their parents and other prominent people in their lives. 

If they tell us we’re beautiful, we believe that we are–but if they tell us we’re horrible and sick, we’ll believe that too.

And it doesn’t end there–add in the opinions of your teachers, siblings and friends…and later those of your spouse, your bosses and coworkers, neighbors and don’t forget that lady at the dry cleaner’s last week.

All of this “conditioning,” left unchecked, can sometimes add up to a very negative self image–especially if you don’t know that you don’t have to accept it.

And, we become what we perceive–we are what we believe we are.

Here’s the thing, friend. I’ve been saying this for years, and I don’t mean to nag. But please, take just a second and really focus on this next sentence. 

You don’t have to accept someone else’s judgment, perception or opinion of you.

You get to write your own story.

 You feel me? But seriously, go back and read it one more time if you need to – it’s that important. And, while you’re at it – tweet it out to your friends. 

Fact is, you can be whomever and whatever you choose. All you have to do is believe that you can–really believe it. I mean, feel it down to your bones. And then, believe that you’re receiving it, that you’ve already received it. Own it–because it’s yours if you want it.

Bliss Mission: Choose Your Own Story

9316349-77549111_23-s1-v1Today, I challenge you to take a look at the people around you–those you love, those you like and even those who present certain struggles. Remember your childhood, and the people you spent time with during that time.

Now, think of all the perceptions they had about you. Your parents? Your friends? Others?

Then, think about you. Have you adopted someone else’s opinion of who you are? Or have you constantly struggled against it? Do you feel guilty for being who you are, because you haven’t become what someone else wanted you to become?

Read also: Gaslighting, Love Bombing and Flying Monkeys

Most of us can identify with this feeling on some level, I suspect, but most especially those who have been negatively affected by a narcissist’s gaslighting and abuse in relationships. 

This next part is the hardest part of all, so I hope you’re sitting down.

It’s time to begin to release the negative self-perceptions you’ve held on to for years.

Related: Do you believe what you think you believe? Rediscover yourself after narcissistic abuse. 

BREATHE! This is going to FEEL very difficult, but once you realize how much better your life is going to be, you’re going to wonder why you’ve waited so long. Are you ready for this? 

It’s finally time to let go of every disapproving look, veiled insult and rude comment.

It’s time to wash away the well-intentioned but misguided attempts to save (read: change to fit someone else’s idea of perfect) your soul, your sense of fashion and your sense of justice.

I know what you’re thinking. Probably something along the lines of “Yeah, sure, and how would you propose I go about THAT?” Well, you know me – I’ve got an answer. 

And, if you know me well, you know that it works – because it’s how I survived my own narcissistic abuse situation. 

Try this.

Today, every time you have a negative thought about yourself, take notice and change your mind. 

Cancel the thought, and intentionally replace it with an affirmation of your true desires. So, if you t9316303-77549111_23-s1-v1hink to yourself, “I am always late,” notice it. Then, mentally cancel the thought and affirm, “I am always on time.”

Perception is everything, people. And you can change yours at will. 🙂 Good stuff, yes? I think so. I’ll leave you with a final thought to get your wheels turning as you begin to release any negative perceptions you’ve held about yourself.

“The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.”~ Carlos Castaneda

Do not allow the simplicity of this tip make you doubt its power – this is one of those things that WORKS – changing your perception intentionally, and with a little practice, not only will you see results fast, but you’ll soon realize how much control you really DO have over your own life. 

Are you ready to rewrite your story? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section, below! Let’s talk about this. 

 

Hot Monogamy: 7 Simple Ways to Feel Closer to Your Partner

Hot Monogamy: 7 Simple Ways to Feel Closer to Your Partner

“Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

Enhance Your Relationship: 7 Strategies to Show Love for Your Partner

Are you feeling bored in a monogamous relationship? Is it that you really aren’t attracted to your partner, or is it that you’ve both stopped dating each other? How would you like to feel closer to your him?

When you open your mind to the idea of having a more meaningful love relationship, you can experience some amazing things together and build a love that’s strong and ever-lasting.

Imagine what it would mean to you to know you’re forging a solid base with the love of your life.

Follow these tips to show your love and strengthen your connection:

Listen well. When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you might tend toward occasionally tuning out your partner. So, staying focused and listening when your lover is sharing something is one of the best ways to enhance your closeness.

  • When your partner starts talking, stop what you’re doing, turn toward them, make eye contact, and listen.

Acknowledge. Show that you hear your partner by saying things like, “Uh-huh,” “yes,” “I didn’t know that,” or “I hear what you’re saying.”

Pay attention. From your partner’s facial expression, how do you think they might be feeling? Do their shoulders seem to be sagging a bit today? What things make your partner smile, or even laugh out loud? Simply by observing, you can learn a lot.

 Plan special time together each day. Let your partner know you love them by designating time daily to do something together. Eating dinner at the table is likely a common occurrence, but you could also play some cards after dinner for an hour or so or do some other activity together that you enjoy.

  • Maybe you share a love of the outdoors. Taking a walk is a great way to spend a half-hour or more talking and holding hands each day.
  • During these shared times, make an effort to talk about things you want to do and your dreams for the future.

 Make quick contact, even when you’re busy. Although you both may work a lot, making quick contacts through the day can be great for your relationship. There are a myriad of ways to stay in touch.

  • You can make a quick phone call, send a funny or sexy text, or send an e-mail just to say, “Hi,” during your breaks. Take care to follow your company’s rules regarding personal use of phones and e-mails when contacting your partner during the work day.

 Brag about your partner within earshot of them. Nothing enhances your connection more than hearing the love of your life telling others how you do something well. So, take the opportunity to share out loud your love’s strong points from time to time.

  • Talk about how they spiffed up your car or cooked your favorite meal. You can mention how your spouse has a knack for decorating your home or calming the kids, for example.
  • And don’t forget to tell your partner directly that he’s awesome, too–men love that (and so do women!).

 Plan a secret get-away. What if you were to plan an overnight trip to take your art-loving partner to see that new art museum that’s a couple of hours away? Or to stay at a beach cottage for an extended weekend to celebrate their birthday?

  • Have fun with your undercover planning. You can place “clues” of what your plans are by leaving little hints and notes around the house or send texts that pique their interest in what you’re planning.
  • Your partner will love the thought that went in to your elaborate “scheme” to have some alone-time together.

Here’s the bottom line: You hold the keys to creating the most intense and loving relationship you’ve ever had. Put these strategies into action now to help build an everlasting bond with the one you love.

 

 

Bliss Mission: 4 Creative Ways to Be More Romantic

Bliss Mission: 4 Creative Ways to Be More Romantic

English: Romance icon

“I love romance. I’m a sucker for it. I love it so much. It’s pathetic.” ~Drew Barrymore

Love it or hate it, romance almost always helps to keep the spark in a relationship!

You’ll likely agree, but maybe you feel like you lack an understanding of romance altogether. Have you tried your hand at romance, but still haven’t quite mastered it?

Romance is a topic that many people in a relationship feel uncertain about. So you’re definitely not alone with your insecurities.

It’s actually pretty easy to develop and refine your romantic streak. Romance takes nothing more than a little creativity and a genuine interest in treating your significant other in a special way.

Try these tips to spark your romance:

1.All-you-need-is-love-cover-300x111 Consider what makes you feel loved. Take a moment to think about what made you get those butterflies in the past. What special act caused the romance to bubble over?

  • Is there a special term of endearment your partner uses when speaking about you? Why not consider taking a similar approach?
  • Perhaps those “I’m in love with you” hugs that feel different from the others could be reciprocated more often.
  • Has your partner ever dedicated a song to the day you met and fell in love? That would surely make anyone melt!

2. Understand your partner’s likes. Being romantic can be as simple as doing things your partner likes. Create a bucket list of those things to make it easier to think of romantic gestures.

  • Does your partner love to dine at a specific restaurant? Why not set a dinner date and have the restaurant bring out a love token on cue?
  • Everybody loves massages! Offer a massage when your partner least expects it.
  • Is there a favorite dessert your special person loves? Instead of buying it at the bakery, try making it yourself. There are likely plenty of recipes for that dish on the internet.

3. Be yourself. It’s possible you haven’t exactly mastered romance because you aren’t being yourself. It’s pretty difficult to “play a role” that you’re obviously uncomfortable playing.

  • You’ve probably read that dressing in alluring lingerie is a surefire way to spark romance. But if you feel uncomfortable parading around in lingerie, you don’t need to. It will be blatantly clear to your partner that you’re not feeling it. And that’s the fastest way to kill romance!
  • It’s absolutely important to show that your gestures are genuine. Always choose things that you’re genuinely happy doing. One of the most significant victories comes when your partner realizes you’ve done it from the heart.
  • Sometimes all it takes is a little quality time. Show your partner that you’ve specially reserved time for just the two of you.

4. Create lasting memories. Make plans for an outing that you can reminisce on together years down the road. Being able to recall your romantic gestures helps to keep the spark alive!

  • Find ways to relive special moments.
  • If you’ve arranged a special occasion, why not get it videotaped? You and your loved one can watch it over and over.
  • Make a special event an annual occurrence. If it’s something that allowed the romance to spark, it’s a great idea to do it every year at the same time.

With these creative yet simple tips, you’re guaranteed to have ongoing romance in your relationship. Just remember that love and genuine desire to make your partner happy are key. Then it’s smooth sailing the rest of the way!

What are your favorite ways to get romantic? Share your thoughts in the comments section, below!

 

A Comprehensive Guide to the Perfect Last-Minute Holiday Gifts for the Fashionista In Your Life

A Comprehensive Guide to the Perfect Last-Minute Holiday Gifts for the Fashionista In Your Life

xmasr“My initial love for fashion was about hope and evolving to become the type of woman I wanted to be: strong, confident and feminine. I always loved the idea of dressing up–my wardrobe and how I present myself reflecting how I feel on the inside. That is what I do for other people now. I give women the means to express themselves and be who they are and who they aspire to be, and I think there is a real beauty in this.” ~Rachel Roy

If you are desperately seeking the perfect last-minute gift for the fashionista in your life, look no further. I’ve got you covered, right here. So let’s do this.

Women are weird. It’s ok.

We know, women are mysterious creatures. But one thing they have in common is liking gifts. But (yes, there is a caveat when it comes to giving women gifts), they don’t want blenders, self-help books, or mixing bowls.  If you want to make all of the ladies in your life happy, you need to follow a few easy rules.

Rules to Find the Perfect Last-Minute Holiday Gifts For The Women In Your Life

We know, women are mysterious creatures.  But one thing they have in common is liking gifts.  But (yes, there is a caveat when it comes to giving women gifts), they don’t want blenders, self-help books, or mixing bowls.

If you want to make all of the ladies in your life happy, you need to follow a few easy rules.

Joint-use gifts

If you’re in a relationship, never buy “joint-use” gifts unless previously discussed.  For example, buying your sweetie a 50″ plasma TV when you live together may send the message that the gifts is really for you.  And never buy her a kitchen appliance unless she tells you she really, no really, wants a Cuisinart juicer, do not, I repeat, do not buy your significant other an appliance for Christmas (unless you like sleeping on the couch).

Buy the right size

If you buy the women on your list an article of clothing (generally inadvisable), make sure you know her size.  You don’t want to buy something too big or too small.  And if you buy her lingerie, give it to her in private.  You don’t want to explain to her nieces and nephews what a lace negligee is.

Lavish gifts

When buying for colleagues, bosses, and acquaintances who you are not romantically involved with or dating for a significant time, don’t buy too lavish a gift.  Buying an expensive gift can send the wrong message.

Heads up! Additional 50% Off All Clearance: Get It or Regret It! Valid December 26 – 28.

Avoiding the dog house

10% Off US Army Bags & Shoes - Use Code USARMYCJAlso consider the type of gift. Is a satin robe really a good choice for a female boss?  While she may love it, she probably doesn’t want her subordinates knowing what she wears to bed.  Think about how the recipient will interpret the gift.
Make Him Addicted To You – 9 Magic Words You Must Say To Make Him Fall Deeply In Love.

For example, would your sister appreciate the sentiment behind your choice of anti-cellulite cream or a book on how to lose weight? Or maybe you should let her get her own free Analysis from Diet-to-Go! (Click here to get started)

Or, do you want the girl you’ve gone on two dates with to read into your gift of $3,000 diamond earrings?  Lookout, she may expect an even bigger diamond in the near future!

In general, try to find out something about the recipient, so that you can purchase a thoughtful gift that she’ll love.  And whatever you do, don’t name a constellation after her.

In the event that you’re completely clueless, pick something from this list and you’ll avoid the bad gift blacklist for another year.  The best part is that you can buy all of theses gifts without leaving your living room.

Top Gifts for Her:

Makeup–When buying cosmetics, stay way from items like foundation, powder, and blush.  These things are extremely individual and women like to pick the beauty staples out themselves.  Eyeshadow and lip gloss palettes that include a wide variety of colors make wonderful gifts for women.  There is always a color she will like. FREE SHIPPING worldwide on skincare and makeup products at StrawberryNET.com

Pretty Makeup Bags–Most women like products and pretty makeup bags to keep them in, like hand painted makeup bags. Here’s a deal for you:  $24 OFF $240 Sitewide Coupon with code: LQR24OFF,Valid from: 2013.12.1-2013.12.31 OR  $12 OFF $120 Sitewide Coupon with code: LQR12OFF,Valid from: 2013.12.1-2013.12.31

Jewelry Storage–If the lady on your list already has a solid collection of jewelry, get her a stylish wy to organize it that will fit into any decor with a jewelry wardrobe. For the woman on-the-go, give her the gift of tangle-free jewelry.  The metallic leather jewelry roll lets her travel in style.  It is also made out of Moroccan genuine full-grain goatskin, so it is luxury all the way. Sweet deal: Save 49% on A Cute Jewelry Hanging Organizer at LightInTheBox.

ringJewelry–The recycled glass bottle necklace is earth friendly and perfect for a niece, daughter, or teenager on your list. A few of my favorites:

Great Smelling Candles–Women love candles, and it is an appropriate gift for virtually every women on your list. A classic choice: Diptyque-Limited Edition Parfumee Encens Candle.

Reed Diffusers–The hottest trend in home fragrance is reed diffusers, and the women on your list will appreciate your foresight.  The Voluspa Fragrant Oil Reed Diffuser in Santiago Huckleberry is a fail-safe gift.

Bath Gift Sets–You can always pick up a set from Bath & Body Works but if you want to go the extra mile, show her you know a thing or two about luxury.  The Potter & Moore- Sheer Luxury in Spiced Tuberose & Orchid 4 piece set includes a beautiful black leather cosmetic bag embossed with the Potter & Moore print filled with full sizes of Eau de Toilette, Bathing Milk and Triple Milled Soap duo.

Journals–Show her you care about her feelings with a journal or luxury notebook for jotting notes or even shopping lists.  Perfect stocking stuffer for sisters, nieces, and acquaintances.

Clothes–If you know her style and size AND you feel comfortable buying her clothes, you are sure to melt a fashionista’s heart. For some really great ideas, check out the Zalora Gift Guide.

A few other deals you might like:

Romwe.com
Cashmere Robe–A luxurious and well-received gift for girlfriends, wives, sisters, and moms (as in your mom). 50% Discount on Cashmere Coats, Robes, Sweaters & Scarves.

Slip Into Comfort–Slippers make great stocking stuffers.  Slip Amy Jo Gladstone Bam Bam slippers into her stocking Shop the Daily Deal for Up to 70% Off Shoes and Apparel at JoesNewBalanceOutlet.com!

scialle throwLuxuriously Comfy Throw–Picture her curled up on the couch with a good book and a soft blanket on a cold winter night.  If she’s your girlfriend or wife, maybe she’ll even share.

Super Soft Towels–It’s such a wonderful feeling emerging from the shower and enveloping yourself in a luxurious, oversized bath towel.  Surprisingly, many women don’t buy these for themselves.  Step up to the plate and dazzle her with Super Pile Towels, they are seriously the thickest, most luxurious towels you will find.  Made from 100% Egyptian cotton ina super hefty 700 grams available inn 55 colors.

 Tea Time–If the woman on your list loves tea, she’ll love a pretty tea set.  A perfect choice would be Teaposy Snow Dance Gift Set.

Say It With Chocolate–Sure, you can always buy her Godiva, but why not fill her stocking with more exotic chocolates?  The Grand Collection from Chocolate Celeste features heavenly flavors like amaretto, key lime, chili pepper, coconut, dulce de leche, golden cinnamon, red raspberry, champagne, chai, milk chocolate parfait, need I say more?

Sleek Point and Shoot Camera–Women love to take pictures.  The Casio – EXILIM 7.2MP & FUJIFILM – FinePix 7.2MP cameras fit nicely into a handbag, so she can snap away any time she wants.

Perfume–Perfume is a tricky gift.  Unless you know the person really well, I suggest a different gift.  However, if she’s asked for perfume or you know she’s open to trying new things, the following scents are, in my opinion, unanimously coveted:

  • Cleopatra EDP Tocca Beauty
  • Pure Poison by Dior
  • Vera Wang The Fragrance

shawlA Cashmere Shawl–Cashmere shawls are an easy choice but definitely shows your thoughtfulness.  Choose from a variety of colors, fabrics, and sizes, so she can wrap up in style and luxury any time she chooses.

Gifts For Pets--If the women on your list has a pooch, chances are the little fur ball is like a child to her.  Giving her a gift for the dog will show how sensitive (and thoughtful) you are.

Gift Certificate To A Spa–This is one gift certificate that’s far from impersonal.  Go to Google, type in “day spas” along with your city name, and most of the time you can order a gift certificate online.

Gift Certificate for Her Favorite Stuff (Or Stuff She Just NEEDS!)–A Gift Certificate – $100,
First Base Regent Gift Certificate
, or you know–whatever she’s into! Maybe you want to give her one for something she needs? No problem. This year, give the gift of sight, with 50% OFF gift vouchers at EyeBuyDirect.com. Send a $100 voucher for great prescription eyeglasses, for just $50!

Visit Fashion58 for designer handbagsGift Certificate To Department Stores–When you’re buying for women you don’t know well, like a second cousin or your 14 year old niece who lives in Idaho, a gift certificate to a large department store is great because she can shop for whatever she wants.  Women and girls like clothes and since they are so hard to buy for someone else, a gift certificate covers your bases.  It also gives her something to look forward to after all of  the other presents are opened.

Flower Delivery–When all else fails, just have flowers delivered! My pick: the
FTD Stunning Beauty Bouquet
, which offers a stunning vased bouquet in regal red and purple hues with velvety roses, Stargazer lilies, asters, carnations, lisianthus, or similar fresh and fancy favorites. Great for an anniversary, birthday, Valentines, or any loving occasion. Gorgeous! FTD florist delivery in the USA and Canada.

What’s your best idea for picking up the perfect last-minute gift for your favorite fashionista?

Bliss Mission: 4 Creative Ways to Be More Romantic

Bliss Mission: Strengthen Your Relationships

Chris Pirillo and Ponzi @ Gnomedex 2005Today’s Affirmations

I learn lessons in love that help to make my relationship stronger.

I believe in love and the stirring emotions that I feel when I encounter someone whom I can call my soul mate. I realize that such a relationship is rare, so I carefully nurture it to allow those feelings to grow deeper and stronger, fortifying our bond of love.

I acknowledge that no relationship is perfect, yet everything that happens in my relationship has a lesson attached to it. I take advantage of these lessons in love to build a more positive relationship each day.

When I have an argument with my partner, I always endeavor to reach a point of forgiveness in a short time. I initiate discussions on the issue so we can find a resolution. This approach makes it easier for us to relate more positively going forward.

Whenever I make the mistake of doing or saying something hurtful to my partner, I immediately acknowledge the negative effect on their well-being.

I take a step back and revisit my actions. I put myself in my partner’s shoes and realize the impact. Then, I sincerely apologize.

Today, I take the time to learn from love so our love can keep growing. I commit to learning each day from my relationship and embrace the fact that every effort made to build a better relationship results in a stronger love.

Self-Reflection Questions:

1. Do I strive to strengthen my relationship?
2. How can I avoid saying or doing hurtful things to my partner?
3. Do I make it a point to apply the lessons learned in love to fortify our bond?

Pin It on Pinterest