Rewrite Your Story After Narcissistic Abuse: This is where you begin (and pain ends)

Rewrite Your Story After Narcissistic Abuse: This is where you begin (and pain ends)

Travel deep inside yourself without the baggage of conditioning. Be an explorer, have patience and eventually your true nature will surface. You will return from your journey with fresh skin and you will approach each day with a wonderful sense of wonder and bliss. ~~Marco R. Capristo

Figure out who you are after narcissistic abuseWhether we recognize it or not, most everyone’s habits and behavior are a result of some form of conditioning – and for those who have experienced the painful and all-encompassing abuse that a narcissist is known for, the conditioning hasn’t always been in our best interest. 

Related: Are you in a relationship with a narcissist? Find out. 

It begins when we’re small children–our parents’ opinions of us begin to help us form our own perceptions of ourselves. If we’re cursed with narcissistic parents, our perceptions are skewed, twisted…often, plain wrong. 

That’s because children are sponges – they absorb everything in their environment, including and especially the opinions of their parents and other prominent people in their lives. 

If they tell us we’re beautiful, we believe that we are–but if they tell us we’re horrible and sick, we’ll believe that too.

And it doesn’t end there–add in the opinions of your teachers, siblings and friends…and later those of your spouse, your bosses and coworkers, neighbors and don’t forget that lady at the dry cleaner’s last week.

All of this “conditioning,” left unchecked, can sometimes add up to a very negative self image–especially if you don’t know that you don’t have to accept it.

And, we become what we perceive–we are what we believe we are.

Here’s the thing, friend. I’ve been saying this for years, and I don’t mean to nag. But please, take just a second and really focus on this next sentence. 

You don’t have to accept someone else’s judgment, perception or opinion of you.

You get to write your own story.

 You feel me? But seriously, go back and read it one more time if you need to – it’s that important. And, while you’re at it – tweet it out to your friends. 

Fact is, you can be whomever and whatever you choose. All you have to do is believe that you can–really believe it. I mean, feel it down to your bones. And then, believe that you’re receiving it, that you’ve already received it. Own it–because it’s yours if you want it.

Bliss Mission: Choose Your Own Story

9316349-77549111_23-s1-v1Today, I challenge you to take a look at the people around you–those you love, those you like and even those who present certain struggles. Remember your childhood, and the people you spent time with during that time.

Now, think of all the perceptions they had about you. Your parents? Your friends? Others?

Then, think about you. Have you adopted someone else’s opinion of who you are? Or have you constantly struggled against it? Do you feel guilty for being who you are, because you haven’t become what someone else wanted you to become?

Read also: Gaslighting, Love Bombing and Flying Monkeys

Most of us can identify with this feeling on some level, I suspect, but most especially those who have been negatively affected by a narcissist’s gaslighting and abuse in relationships. 

This next part is the hardest part of all, so I hope you’re sitting down.

It’s time to begin to release the negative self-perceptions you’ve held on to for years.

Related: Do you believe what you think you believe? Rediscover yourself after narcissistic abuse. 

BREATHE! This is going to FEEL very difficult, but once you realize how much better your life is going to be, you’re going to wonder why you’ve waited so long. Are you ready for this? 

It’s finally time to let go of every disapproving look, veiled insult and rude comment.

It’s time to wash away the well-intentioned but misguided attempts to save (read: change to fit someone else’s idea of perfect) your soul, your sense of fashion and your sense of justice.

I know what you’re thinking. Probably something along the lines of “Yeah, sure, and how would you propose I go about THAT?” Well, you know me – I’ve got an answer. 

And, if you know me well, you know that it works – because it’s how I survived my own narcissistic abuse situation. 

Try this.

Today, every time you have a negative thought about yourself, take notice and change your mind. 

Cancel the thought, and intentionally replace it with an affirmation of your true desires. So, if you t9316303-77549111_23-s1-v1hink to yourself, “I am always late,” notice it. Then, mentally cancel the thought and affirm, “I am always on time.”

Perception is everything, people. And you can change yours at will. 🙂 Good stuff, yes? I think so. I’ll leave you with a final thought to get your wheels turning as you begin to release any negative perceptions you’ve held about yourself.

“The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.”~ Carlos Castaneda

Do not allow the simplicity of this tip make you doubt its power – this is one of those things that WORKS – changing your perception intentionally, and with a little practice, not only will you see results fast, but you’ll soon realize how much control you really DO have over your own life. 

Are you ready to rewrite your story? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section, below! Let’s talk about this. 

 

Hot Monogamy: 7 Simple Ways to Feel Closer to Your Partner

Hot Monogamy: 7 Simple Ways to Feel Closer to Your Partner

“Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

Enhance Your Relationship: 7 Strategies to Show Love for Your Partner

Are you feeling bored in a monogamous relationship? Is it that you really aren’t attracted to your partner, or is it that you’ve both stopped dating each other? How would you like to feel closer to your him?

When you open your mind to the idea of having a more meaningful love relationship, you can experience some amazing things together and build a love that’s strong and ever-lasting.

Imagine what it would mean to you to know you’re forging a solid base with the love of your life.

Follow these tips to show your love and strengthen your connection:

Listen well. When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you might tend toward occasionally tuning out your partner. So, staying focused and listening when your lover is sharing something is one of the best ways to enhance your closeness.

  • When your partner starts talking, stop what you’re doing, turn toward them, make eye contact, and listen.

Acknowledge. Show that you hear your partner by saying things like, “Uh-huh,” “yes,” “I didn’t know that,” or “I hear what you’re saying.”

Pay attention. From your partner’s facial expression, how do you think they might be feeling? Do their shoulders seem to be sagging a bit today? What things make your partner smile, or even laugh out loud? Simply by observing, you can learn a lot.

 Plan special time together each day. Let your partner know you love them by designating time daily to do something together. Eating dinner at the table is likely a common occurrence, but you could also play some cards after dinner for an hour or so or do some other activity together that you enjoy.

  • Maybe you share a love of the outdoors. Taking a walk is a great way to spend a half-hour or more talking and holding hands each day.
  • During these shared times, make an effort to talk about things you want to do and your dreams for the future.

 Make quick contact, even when you’re busy. Although you both may work a lot, making quick contacts through the day can be great for your relationship. There are a myriad of ways to stay in touch.

  • You can make a quick phone call, send a funny or sexy text, or send an e-mail just to say, “Hi,” during your breaks. Take care to follow your company’s rules regarding personal use of phones and e-mails when contacting your partner during the work day.

 Brag about your partner within earshot of them. Nothing enhances your connection more than hearing the love of your life telling others how you do something well. So, take the opportunity to share out loud your love’s strong points from time to time.

  • Talk about how they spiffed up your car or cooked your favorite meal. You can mention how your spouse has a knack for decorating your home or calming the kids, for example.
  • And don’t forget to tell your partner directly that he’s awesome, too–men love that (and so do women!).

 Plan a secret get-away. What if you were to plan an overnight trip to take your art-loving partner to see that new art museum that’s a couple of hours away? Or to stay at a beach cottage for an extended weekend to celebrate their birthday?

  • Have fun with your undercover planning. You can place “clues” of what your plans are by leaving little hints and notes around the house or send texts that pique their interest in what you’re planning.
  • Your partner will love the thought that went in to your elaborate “scheme” to have some alone-time together.

Here’s the bottom line: You hold the keys to creating the most intense and loving relationship you’ve ever had. Put these strategies into action now to help build an everlasting bond with the one you love.

 

 

Stepford Perfect: What a Hot Wife is Not

Stepford Perfect: What a Hot Wife is Not

to-me-you-are-perfect-Welcome to How to Be a Hot Wife. My name is Angie Atkinson, and I’m in the process of completing a book of the same title.

I can already hear the feminists bristling about the title of this site (and the forthcoming book), but ladies–hear me out.

“How to Be a Hot Wife” is not about becoming some plastic, cookie-cutter, Stepford-wife looking version of yourself.  There are no specific rules or regulations on what makes a wife hot–not here.

In fact, as far as I’m concerned, being a hot wife is not about having a certain kind of style, wearing a certain kind of clothing, being a certain kind of anything–it’s just about being yourself in the best possible iteration.

How to Be a Hot Wife will never ask you to:

  • Be anything you’re not.
  • Wear anything you don’t love.
  • Embrace any lifestyle choices you’re not comfortable with ethically or otherwise.
  • Accept less than you are worth, in any sense of the phrase.
  • Treat others with anything less than love and respect.
  • Tolerate anything less than love and respect for yourself from others.

What do you think makes a wife “hot?” Share your thoughts, feelings and experiences in the comments section, below.

A Hot Wife is an Independent Wife: Get There

A Hot Wife is an Independent Wife: Get There

Enhance Your Relationship With a Healthy Independence

If you’ve ever been in love, you’ve likely experienced the wonderful intimacy you can enjoy in such relationships. The very thought of your partner triggers the most marvelous feelings, and you’re on cloud nine when you catch a glimpse of them.

Yet, it’s perfectly okay and even healthy to also be your own person. The hobbies you enjoy, your friends, and the personal adventures you still want to pursue are all reminders that you want to keep your own identity.

Demonstrating independence in your love relationship brings you benefits. You can:

  1. Maintain your sense of self. When you have solitary pursuits, you’re able to engage with your uniqueness. Bringing out your individual qualities ensures you’re a worthy partner.
  2. Make the relationship more interesting. When you bring your own personal interests to the table, you have something to share and talk about with your partner. You can teach them about your hobbies and they can share their special interests with you.
  3. Keep the relationship fresh. Spending time together is nice, but too much togetherness can cause relationship burn-out.
  4. Do your own thing. You’ll be a better partner if you each have time to pursue individual interests. Too much of the same things can spoil the relationship.

Your relationship will flourish as you grow in your own personal way. Rest assured that you have plenty of valid reasons to want your independence, even as you foster your romantic relationship.

Follow these steps to show healthy independence in your relationship:

  1. Take part in your own activities and interests. Participate in desired activities at least a few times a month. Personal development ensures you’re well-rounded at home and in your career.
  2. Socialize with friends. Spend time with friends to ensure you stay grounded. Staying in touch helps you preserve the essence of the real you. Your friends know who you are and what you’ve been through. Connect with your inner self through your friends.
  3. Research topics that fascinate you as an individual. Let’s say you’ve just watched a movie filmed in Tuscany, Italy. Take it upon yourself to explore Tuscany through online websites, books, and other films. Ignite your mind by learning about a topic you’re passionate about.
  4. Share your feelings. Being an individual means staying in touch with your feelings and sharing them with others. You might even disagree with your partner and that’s okay. Acknowledging and sharing your feelings will encourage your partner to do the same.
  5. Keep your mind, emotions, and sense of self intact. A healthy relationship requires two healthy individuals. Continue to express your own opinions and avoid losing sight of who you are.

If you follow these suggestions, you’ll start to feel more in touch with who you are as an individual, even if you’re in a close relationship.

Your partner will be there to boost your confidence, as well as reinforce the commitment and connection in your relationship.

Strive to be the best individual you can be, while enhancing what you have with the love of your life!

Bliss Mission: 4 Creative Ways to Be More Romantic

Bliss Mission: 4 Creative Ways to Be More Romantic

English: Romance icon

“I love romance. I’m a sucker for it. I love it so much. It’s pathetic.” ~Drew Barrymore

Love it or hate it, romance almost always helps to keep the spark in a relationship!

You’ll likely agree, but maybe you feel like you lack an understanding of romance altogether. Have you tried your hand at romance, but still haven’t quite mastered it?

Romance is a topic that many people in a relationship feel uncertain about. So you’re definitely not alone with your insecurities.

It’s actually pretty easy to develop and refine your romantic streak. Romance takes nothing more than a little creativity and a genuine interest in treating your significant other in a special way.

Try these tips to spark your romance:

1.All-you-need-is-love-cover-300x111 Consider what makes you feel loved. Take a moment to think about what made you get those butterflies in the past. What special act caused the romance to bubble over?

  • Is there a special term of endearment your partner uses when speaking about you? Why not consider taking a similar approach?
  • Perhaps those “I’m in love with you” hugs that feel different from the others could be reciprocated more often.
  • Has your partner ever dedicated a song to the day you met and fell in love? That would surely make anyone melt!

2. Understand your partner’s likes. Being romantic can be as simple as doing things your partner likes. Create a bucket list of those things to make it easier to think of romantic gestures.

  • Does your partner love to dine at a specific restaurant? Why not set a dinner date and have the restaurant bring out a love token on cue?
  • Everybody loves massages! Offer a massage when your partner least expects it.
  • Is there a favorite dessert your special person loves? Instead of buying it at the bakery, try making it yourself. There are likely plenty of recipes for that dish on the internet.

3. Be yourself. It’s possible you haven’t exactly mastered romance because you aren’t being yourself. It’s pretty difficult to “play a role” that you’re obviously uncomfortable playing.

  • You’ve probably read that dressing in alluring lingerie is a surefire way to spark romance. But if you feel uncomfortable parading around in lingerie, you don’t need to. It will be blatantly clear to your partner that you’re not feeling it. And that’s the fastest way to kill romance!
  • It’s absolutely important to show that your gestures are genuine. Always choose things that you’re genuinely happy doing. One of the most significant victories comes when your partner realizes you’ve done it from the heart.
  • Sometimes all it takes is a little quality time. Show your partner that you’ve specially reserved time for just the two of you.

4. Create lasting memories. Make plans for an outing that you can reminisce on together years down the road. Being able to recall your romantic gestures helps to keep the spark alive!

  • Find ways to relive special moments.
  • If you’ve arranged a special occasion, why not get it videotaped? You and your loved one can watch it over and over.
  • Make a special event an annual occurrence. If it’s something that allowed the romance to spark, it’s a great idea to do it every year at the same time.

With these creative yet simple tips, you’re guaranteed to have ongoing romance in your relationship. Just remember that love and genuine desire to make your partner happy are key. Then it’s smooth sailing the rest of the way!

What are your favorite ways to get romantic? Share your thoughts in the comments section, below!

 

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